Today feels like the last straw

Lewkat said:
Terrible experience Shalimar, but you seem to be strong and holding up well. Just take it one day at a time and get the rest you need. Only you can know how awful this was and how sad and tragic as well. Prayers for you dear lady and speedy recovery from this nightmare.
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I so appreciate your kind words.
 

Shalimar......I'm so sorry for what you were subjected to.
I could not even begin to know how horrific this was for you.
Is there not a safe place in this world where we can feel safe.
My concerns and well wishes for you on your recovery.....both physical and mentally.....what you must be going through in your mind...So SORRY.
Take your time to heal.....ANGELS are watching over you to help heal.
 
Shalimar said:
Well, after a brief rest, I am back. Still shaky of course, but this too shall pass. I am on paid leave from work for three months, will reevaluate at that time. One of my colleagues is less than impressed. My new boss verbally

toasted his toes online for behaving like a spoiled brat. Yikes. He is an excellent therapist, but he hails from an Uber wealthy family in southeast Asia. Growing up, he actually had servants who would help him dress every morning etc.

Anyway, he does tend to overstate his own importance. Lol. I have covered for him many times. Again, I wish to thank everyone for all your support. ♥️♥️
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I'm so glad you are back. More than glad actually. Relieved. I think most of us here would have no idea how to handle all you've been through. Just know that you are a high soul, a person of honor and integrity. May your inner light, light your way back to wholeness. That light is there, even if it is not always apparent.
 
So very happy to see you again Shalimar. I have thought of you so often since this happened and prayed for you more often than that.

Releved you are taking the time to try and mend your mind, heart, and soul. Always here if you want to talk or rant or whatever it is you need. Weirdly I find it easier to talk to strangers than I do friends and family about a lot of things.

❤️
 
MickaC said:
Shalimar......I'm so sorry for what you were subjected to.
I could not even begin to know how horrific this was for you.
Is there not a safe place in this world where we can feel safe.
My concerns and well wishes for you on your recovery.....both physical and mentally.....what you must be going through in your mind...So SORRY.
Take your time to heal.....ANGELS are watching over you to help heal.
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Oh, thank you, your words are balm to my soul.
 
Phoenix said:
I'm so glad you are back. More than glad actually. Relieved. I think most of us here would have no idea how to handle all you've been through. Just know that you are a high soul, a person of honor and integrity. May your inner light, light your way back to wholeness. That light is there, even if it is not always apparent.
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Thankyou Phoenix. The only way out is through.
 
Kathleen’s Place said:
So very happy to see you again Shalimar. I have thought of you so often since this happened and prayed for you more often than that.

Releved you are taking the time to try and mend your mind, heart, and soul. Always here if you want to talk or rant or whatever it is you need. Weirdly I find it easier to talk to strangers than I do friends and family about a lot of things.

❤️
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Thank you so much. I may need to take you up on that. It is quite common to feel more comfortable sharing painful things with strangers rather than friends or family. 🥰
 
Like others I missed this, Please add my hugs to the list. I can truly relate to feeling the last straw....
Not sure what you do, but the same compassion that makes someone a great provider, also can make you
more prone to taking it personal... I have told new medics you must have the compassion to risk your live to help a
total stranger, and then not care if they dont make it.
Please take care of you...
 
old medic said:
Like others I missed this, Please add my hugs to the list. I can truly relate to feeling the last straw....
Not sure what you do, but the same compassion that makes someone a great provider, also can make you
more prone to taking it personal... I have told new medics you must have the compassion to risk your live to help a
total stranger, and then not care if they dont make it.
Please take care of you...
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Thank you so much. I am doing my best to work my way through this. As for what I do, I am a psychologist, most of my clients are trauma survivors. I specialise in PTSD, and work with vets and survivors of abuse. I have chronic PTSD

myself. Childhood related. Helpful in my work, because it gives me a greater understanding of what my clients endure, but it does leave me vulnerable. At the moment, I am taking three months off work while I process the death

of my vet. I was providing online and phone emotional support to frontline and essential workers, and saying phone goodbyes to vets dying of Covid. Sadly, I can no longer do that until I can find my balance once again.
 
Slowly, the shock begins to wear off, a good/bad thing. I am still existing from one breath to the next, trying to keep my footing amongst a roller coaster of emotions which periodically careen about, gradually demolishing the

numbness which was my first reaction to the death of my vet. Every skill set I own is out in full force as I attempt to forestall a crash landing should my defences not hold. For those of us who have Complex PTSD, our sanity depends

on keeping dragons in boxes. Should I dissociate, the boxes crumble, and the monsters come out to wreak havoc. Time and space have no meaning, flashbacks become my reality, and I lose my identity in a whirlwind of terror and

sensory overload. I return to the killing fields of my childhood, subsumed by the horror of the memories of that experience. So much anguish and death. Of fifteen children, only I remain. I am well aware that my continued survival is predicated on my capacity

to disarm the emotional mines of my youth should they be triggered. (Of course, my vocation is not the best job for someone with my vulnerabilities. I love it though, and it gives my life purpose.) I have set all the “helpers” in place,

therapy, meditation, T’ai Chi, medication, for the first time in years, respite from work, and any other stressors which can be lessened or removed. However, there is no magic to do list, or collection of distractions which will offer any immediate healing.

The human psyche is fragile, I know full well that my life will never be the same. I must learn a new normal, the old one is gone forever. I must be patient with myself, not be swayed by

those well meaning souls who push me to be Uber proactive and push myself to heal ASAP. Realistically, I will never be healed, but I can learn to live with it, most of the time. We slay the dragons we can, live with the rest. 🙏
 
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Shalimar said:
Slowly, the shock begins to wear off, a good/bad thing. I am still existing from one breath to the next, trying to keep my footing amongst a roller coaster of emotions which periodically careen about, gradually demolishing the

numbness which was my first reaction to the death of my vet. Every skill set I own is out in full force as I attempt to forestall a crash landing should my defences not hold. For those of us who have Complex PTSD, our sanity depends

on keeping dragons in boxes. Should I dissociate, the boxes crumble, and the monsters come out to wreak havoc. Time and space have no meaning, flashbacks become my reality, and I lose my identity in a whirlwind of terror and

sensory overload. I return to the killing fields of my childhood, subsumed by the horror of the memories of that experience. So much anguish and death. Of fifteen children, only I remain. I am well aware that my continued survival is predicated on my ability

to disarm the emotional mines of my youth should they be triggered. (Of course, my vocation is not the best job for someone with my vulnerabilities. I love it though, and it gives my life purpose.) I have set all the “helpers”in place,

therapy, meditation, T’ai Chi, medication, for the first time in years, respite from work, and any other stressors which can be lessened or removed. However, there is no magic to do list, or collection of distractions which will offer any immediate healing.

The human psyche is fragile, I know full well that my life will never be the same. I must learn a new normal, the old one is gone forever. I must be patient with myself, not be swayed by

those well meaning souls who push me to be Uber proactive and push myself to heal ASAP. Realistically, I will never be healed, but I can learn to live with it, most of the time. We slay the dragons we can, live with the rest. 🙏
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One day at a time, Shal. 🤗
 

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