We don't wish to have a funeral

sarnialass

sarnialass

New Member
Location
UK
My husband and I don't wish to have a funeral when we are dead, we regard them as morbid events. We want all the useful bits from our bodies removed then have them burnt up in the crem. Our ashes can be scattered to the four winds. I haven't been to a funeral since my father died in 2005, he was a senior politician and as the eldest child, my presence was required, even Her Majesty sent a representative. I didn't attend my mother's funeral in 2013, as it would have been most inconvenient to catch a flight to my home island. Besides which, the old girl would have sat up in her coffin and berated me for wearing trousers in church!;)
 

I have, in my will, that no funeral be held, and no notice of my death be posted. My body goes to a med school. I never go to any funerals. The whole concept of "closure," I find nonsensical: Just because someone dies, and you attend a service/ritual with their body present/absent, does nothing for putting the person out of your thoughts. In fact, for me, I like to think of the deceased as still being around, albeit in a different way. Open casket funerals I find ghastly, beyond belief. The funeral business makes billions, each year, and so funerals are always pushed. Not for me. Life goes on: We stop by, we do whatever, we make our exit, no big deal.
 

I feel very similar but I also know to honour and respect those who do wish to have such a service.

Yesterday I was at such a service and to be honest it was beautiful. The only thing I couldn’t do was pay my respects to the dead body in the open casket. It’s not something I’m able to do.

Ill donate body parts for the benefit of others or for the advancement of medical science and have the rest cremated.

I’m also of the belief that our body is all that dies. Our soul energy or consciousness is eternal so we will always be around our loved ones and I won’t ever waver from this belief.
 
I am in a different place on this matter, right now. Of course. I did a memorial for my husband, as it was something he wanted. I have no children, but my niece is my "appointed person" to do what I want. I have told her no memorial for me. A few weeks ago a cousin died, and had arrainged to donate his body to a medical school. I had my husband cremated, and that is what I want done too. There are places that will make a portion of your remains into a diamond.
I would suggest, though, NOT putting your wishes in a will, as sometimes it is not read until too late. You should do a separate thing in writing..Living Trust or something. And make sure appropriate people are aware of its existance.
 
Funerals seem to be becoming a thing of the past. Most people of my acquaintance now seem to be having private burials/cremations, followed after a few weeks or months by a memorial event of some sort. It's usually much lighter in mood, sometimes accompanied by music, laughter, anecdotes, etc. It's certainly the way I'd prefer to be remembered!
 
I prefer to remember a person as they were in life not in death, I have no wish to see the body of any relative of mine who has died. Here in the UK funerals with open coffins are very rare, and more people are cremated than buried. Our eldest girl is an Anglican Priest, when she was first ordained at the turn of this century most funerals were burials, now most are cremations. Burial space is in short supply these days.
 
I don't want a traditional funeral at all! I'd better make that more clear to DD & DS. CREMATION. I joke with them to tell the undertaker to salvage those 3 titanium joints of mine for themselves before he sells them for high priced scrap & take or send the ashes someplace, anyplace out of state because I don't like NM well enough to want to spend eternity here. In the local obits I see more & more of non traditional "celebrations".
 
My husband, along with most his siblings, wanted his ashes put in a river closest to the home he grew up in. He got his wish. He wanted his organs and skin donated but was rejected due to his cancer.
 
Geezerette said:
I don't want a traditional funeral at all! I'd better make that more clear to DD & DS. CREMATION. I joke with them to tell the undertaker to salvage those 3 titanium joints of mine for themselves before he sells them for high priced scrap & take or send the ashes someplace, anyplace out of state because I don't like NM well enough to want to spend eternity here. In the local obits I see more & more of non traditional "celebrations".
Click to expand...

Any metal bits in a body have to be retrieved before it is cremated as it can be dangerous if they aren't.
 
I held my wifes hand as she passed. We had a long standing agreement that we would be cremated and no funeral would be held. She left and I kept my promise. I miss her terribly and will always.....
 
AZ Jim said:
I held my wifes hand as she passed. We had a long standing agreement that we would be cremated and no funeral would be held. She left and I kept my promise. I miss her terribly and will always.....
Click to expand...

My husband was cremated also...his urn is still on the armoire in my bedroom.

He was a mason so a couple months after he died, we went back to Illinois and had a Masonic memorial for him at his old lodge.

He died a year after we moved to Fresno...knew nobody here anyway....all his friends and lots of our family were in Illinois then.
 
I agree for the most part, but for myself I do want to be buried in the family plot as soon as possible but with absolutely no fanfare. I wouldn't like my body going to a med school. I know it is a wonderful thing to do but don't like the idea of me being dismembered or floating in a vat of preservative. I've seen this in the county hospital where I worked. Also speaking for myself, I noticed when I didn't attend a funeral I had much better memories of the person than the last memory being of the person laying in the casket.
treeguy64 said:
I have, in my will, that no funeral be held, and no notice of my death be posted. My body goes to a med school. I never go to any funerals. The whole concept of "closure," I find nonsensical: Just because someone dies, and you attend a service/ritual with their body present/absent, does nothing for putting the person out of your thoughts. In fact, for me, I like to think of the deceased as still being around, albeit in a different way. Open casket funerals I find ghastly, beyond belief. The funeral business makes billions, each year, and so funerals are always pushed. Not for me. Life goes on: We stop by, we do whatever, we make our exit, no big deal.
Click to expand...
 
I hope I never have to see the dead body of any of my close relatives, like my husband or children. I would avoid that at all costs if it were possible. I would hate that to be my last memory of them.
 
Sarnialass thanks for the reminder about the metal. Seems to me I knew that & wanted the kids to get the tin joints if they wanted to sell them, but forgot about that rod & screws holding my right leg together.
 
Geezerette said:
Sarnialass thanks for the reminder about the metal. Seems to me I knew that & wanted the kids to get the tin joints if they wanted to sell them, but forgot about that rod & screws holding my right leg together.
Click to expand...

I was curious after this was mentioned, as I have two artificial hips. So I looked it up on the internet and it says that, except for pacemakers, they just cremate you whole and then get the metal out of the cremains with a magnet after the cremation has taken place. Pacemakers, it said, can explode and damage the crematory's apparatus. Weird -- I never thought about this before.
 
treeguy64 said:
What difference should that make? I have a daughter whom I'm close to. She knows my wishes.
Click to expand...

In our case the issue is whether our ashes should be unceremoniously scattered on the rose garden at the crematorium like my parents or placed in a niche with a small plaque memorialising us as per my husband's parents. Our daughter would like the latter but my husband has been declaring that we will go with the former. I am ambivalent I would want a Christian service but don't really care what happens to my body as long as it is treated with dignity. I am of the opinion that if our daughter would like to have somewhere to leave a flower then I am happy for the niche option.

My Mum always said that funerals are for the living, not the dead, and I tend to agree with her. Her funeral service was a loving tribute and 4 generations of her family were there to celebrate her long life. If I outlive my husband I will probably buy a couple of niches, or at least a small marker in the rose garden with room beside it for my own marker, . for the sake of our daughter and our grandchildren.

Our son couldn't care less about which option is taken up but he might plant a couple of trees in his backyard in our honour. That is what I did for my father.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top