I was part of a conversation very simular to this video, I did not throw them out of the house, but have often thought how difficult it must have been for my children to come to the person that had always been strong and never needed advise. .............The person who coined the phrase, "The Golden Years" should be made to, walk the plank. lol :drinking:
What are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?
- Thread starter fuzzybuddy
- Start date
JustBonee
SF VIP
My senior community is the same, only independent living. Many I've talked to say they hire a housekeeper to come in a few days a week to clean and/or make meals for them.
C'est Moi
Dishin' it out.
- Location
- Houston Y'all
Ditto. My soon-to-be 85 year old MIL is still living alone in her own home. She has Visiting Angels checking on her daily and my husband and his siblings also check on her every day.
Retirement homes are too pricey. Assisted living or the medical wings are even more expensive. I'd rather pay extra insurance or weekly cash for an in home care giver. Sometime home care is covered including some light cleaning if recommended by a doctor. I hear just for non medical treatment home care is about $25$ an hour.
Insurers want people out of long term care facilities and investors are starting view them as a dead end because of the push for more home care.
Insurers want people out of long term care facilities and investors are starting view them as a dead end because of the push for more home care.
fuzzybuddy
SF VIP
Well, I'm leaving the Senior Home for two reasons. First it's damn expensive. Sooner or later, I'm going to run out of money. Secondly, I'm just vegetating here. I sleep most of the day. I can take care of all of my needs. They do give me my medication, but there's nothing they do for me that I can't do for myself. I want to get back in control of my own life again.
RR. I have a problem. I am too poor to be rich, and too rich to be poor. So I'm caught in the middle. And you noticed that I mentioned only female relatives, who might take me in. Daughters take in dads & moms. Sons visit them at the home. I'm a nurse. I don't remember 1 case where a son took in a parent. I guess it's a male thing.
RR. I have a problem. I am too poor to be rich, and too rich to be poor. So I'm caught in the middle. And you noticed that I mentioned only female relatives, who might take me in. Daughters take in dads & moms. Sons visit them at the home. I'm a nurse. I don't remember 1 case where a son took in a parent. I guess it's a male thing.
Leann
Traveler
My response will hit a number of the topics on this site.
My house does have stairs to the basement which is where the washer and dryer are located but other than that, all of the other rooms are on the same floor. So I do have to use the stairs to do laundry which isn't an issue right now but will likely become one as I get older.
When I purchased my home 5 years ago, it was in dire need of updating. I've invested a lot of money (I guess saying "a lot" is relative to one's financial picture and since I'm not wealthy, it seemed like a substantial amount to me) in repairs and updates with more work needed at some point in the future. I did this because I love the community in which I live and I hope to stay in my house for at least another decade (I'm 63 now).
I have taken out a long-term care policy in the event I need such.
I'm divorced and the prospects of meeting anyone where I live are almost non-existent. I live in a small town that has so much to offer in every other way but not so much in terms of dating. So, I accept that I'll probably be single for the remainder of my life.
This all adds up to what I hope my future will be which is living independently into my 70s (maybe 75) then moving to an apartment in a retirement community then to assisted living if I need that for the remaining years.
I have wonderful family but I made myself a silent promise a long time ago not to become their responsibility.
My house does have stairs to the basement which is where the washer and dryer are located but other than that, all of the other rooms are on the same floor. So I do have to use the stairs to do laundry which isn't an issue right now but will likely become one as I get older.
When I purchased my home 5 years ago, it was in dire need of updating. I've invested a lot of money (I guess saying "a lot" is relative to one's financial picture and since I'm not wealthy, it seemed like a substantial amount to me) in repairs and updates with more work needed at some point in the future. I did this because I love the community in which I live and I hope to stay in my house for at least another decade (I'm 63 now).
I have taken out a long-term care policy in the event I need such.
I'm divorced and the prospects of meeting anyone where I live are almost non-existent. I live in a small town that has so much to offer in every other way but not so much in terms of dating. So, I accept that I'll probably be single for the remainder of my life.
This all adds up to what I hope my future will be which is living independently into my 70s (maybe 75) then moving to an apartment in a retirement community then to assisted living if I need that for the remaining years.
I have wonderful family but I made myself a silent promise a long time ago not to become their responsibility.
The people I've known who went in to one of those places wound up waiting to pass to the point where their personality changed. Too many have been groomed, brainwashed or actually taught to accept their final days should be in a senior home like it's their duty or something. Regardless of what these 'homes' or 'communities' as many call themselves now say they wind up warehousing seniors not delivering or motivating for all those activities they promised would help keep them going.
I've seen adult children take in or live with their senior parents but again certain families or circles that's a no no. Some parents don't want to bog down their children and others had such a poor relationship they'll never get the offer. Some kids don't want anything medical or sanitary to do. Most are in between, an adult child senior parent relationship takes work needs regular attention. I know people now suffering the consequences of either a poor child-parent relationship and definitely strained adult child senior relationship. One person an adult child told them they didn't even want them moving near them-said/excuse was the area isn't senior friendly which in reality it is but wouldn't be until they leave the grounds of the facility. They then decided to move into a distant senior home making it more difficult for visits from most. Very grumpy and chippy since but not a surprise to outsiders.
The Maricopa county Sheriff's office has what is called the R.U.O.K. program. They phone you every day at the time you specify to make sure you are all right. If you don't answer someone will be dispatched to check on you.
We are making those future plans now. It seems to be a race to see which of us wins death first, leaving the other alone. For so long we thought it would be me, but now he is in the “running”. We will sell our new house of three years near the end of summer and move into an apartment. We have chosen which one.
When one of us dies, the other will downsize to a smaller apartment in the same complex, or at least I will for financial reasons. Our oldest son will help us as much as possible, and once we are gone he will keep tract of our disabled sons. Assisted living will be too expensive for me, but my husband could afford it for him. I will limp along as best I can.
When it becomes necessary, my oldest son will help. I will never live in a nursing home. Assisted living would be ok if I had the money. But, honestly, I take prednisone. I would die without it; so easy way if push comes to shove.
fuzzybuddy, my brother had our mother live with him and his wife for a while, but she prefers her own place. She lives in a senior complex, not assisted living and is 94 years old. My son has offered to let me move in with him should I need to, and, lol, my youngest son would like me to live in his group home.
My daughter prefers I live with my son since her daughter and her granddaughter live with her.
When one of us dies, the other will downsize to a smaller apartment in the same complex, or at least I will for financial reasons. Our oldest son will help us as much as possible, and once we are gone he will keep tract of our disabled sons. Assisted living will be too expensive for me, but my husband could afford it for him. I will limp along as best I can.
When it becomes necessary, my oldest son will help. I will never live in a nursing home. Assisted living would be ok if I had the money. But, honestly, I take prednisone. I would die without it; so easy way if push comes to shove.
fuzzybuddy, my brother had our mother live with him and his wife for a while, but she prefers her own place. She lives in a senior complex, not assisted living and is 94 years old. My son has offered to let me move in with him should I need to, and, lol, my youngest son would like me to live in his group home.
My daughter prefers I live with my son since her daughter and her granddaughter live with her.
fmdog44
Well-known Member
- Location
- Houston, Texas
Having witnessed my dad living in a "place" for seniors with Alzheimer's was a wake up call. Now everything with me is fine. Keep in mind moving in to assisted living means you will be forever surrounded by strangers and death as the residents die off. I have lived a happy life and will never die off gradually in a place I don't want to be and with people I don't know. If I live a long life I (we) face not being able to drive among a list of other things. I don't believe suicide is still viewed as a cheap way out. Living only to maintain a functioning body is not living. Life without joy, laughter and happiness is not life in my mind and soul. I imagine most of us have been in hospitals and for me it is not a pleasant experience as it is full of people suffering from one thing or another. Life has been good to me and so I can choose for death to be good to me as well.
fmdog44
Well-known Member
- Location
- Houston, Texas
That is a great idea.
Marie5656
Well-known Member
- Location
- Batavia, NY
Was discussing this with my brother this morning. My niece, who lives about 50 miles from me, has a home with a MIL apartment attached, and she has said I am always welcome. Not sure I want to move out there. My plan is to stay here as long as I can, and then move to some sort of senior living. Assisted living or something. I just do not want my niece feeling obligated to take care of me.
debbie in seattle
Senior Member
- Location
- Seattle
I am going to move in with my daughter who lives in Scottsdale, Az., and living the single life and lovin’ it. Seriously, I don’t have a clue. Good to dream though.
Malika
New Member
I am going to will myself to always be able to care for myself. I have NO ONE who will care for me if something happens. I pray The Good Lord will call me home before I become dependent on others. There is no others
Lethe200
Senior Member
- Location
- San Francisco Bay Area
>> Regardless of what these 'homes' or 'communities' as many call themselves now say they wind up warehousing seniors not delivering or motivating for all those activities they promised would help keep them going. >>
How sad that some of you have not had some of the good experiences my DH and I have had with senior facilities. I suppose it's one of the advantages of living in a major metropolitan area, the good places are really good. But they are costly, so one needs to be able to afford them.
The full-care senior facility we chose for my MIL was wonderful. Beautiful 5-acre secure campus, amazing staff, great food and lots of good activities. MIL had her choice: view of the San Francisco Bay and GG Bridge, or view of the East Bay hills (all apts had views and tons of light). She chose the hills; she could see the church nearby our home where she had lived with us for 7 years; we were only 10 minutes away driving time on the streets.
She was happier living there than either by herself (she did that for 6 yrs after husband died) or with us. She made several new friends and became a bocce ball whiz at the age of 85! The staff adored her; four years after her death one of them still keeps a photo of MIL and the staffer posing together, on the wall in her office.
She was social but didn't make many close friendships except with a few. But she enjoyed just casually chatting with people in the elevator, or in exercise class or bingo games. We were touched and surprised how many residents we didn't know, came up to us afterwards to tell us how much they missed seeing her cheerful greetings and smiles.
We picked this facility after much research and multiple visits, to be sure the culture was right for her. She had mild dementia so we made sure to visit all aspects of the facility. We attended group events at the in-house senior center, dined there three times, visited both the Skilled Care unit and Memory Care unit, and even sat in on one of the Memory Care activity classes.
We were satisfied it was the right facility for MIL, and it was. She was mostly independent but needed assistance bathing and with medications. She loved living there and after a while, got so busy that we needed to make appointments in advance to see her!
In fact we still visit and financially support this facility with annual donations (it's a non-profit). They are in the process of a long-term upgrade and remodel - two years ago, they asked us to participate in an independent survey to determine what kinds of services Boomers would be looking for.
We plan to take our time investigating to find the right place for us. But it was very useful to have done so much research on behalf of MIL. We visited eight facilities and each one was different. Since there's no real standardization, you need to decide what are the "must haves" and what are the "nice to have but not a dealbreaker" items.
Just as no house is really "perfect" until you spend the time to make it into your home, no one facility can satisfy everyone. There are always trade-offs, whether you stay in your own home or move elsewhere.
How sad that some of you have not had some of the good experiences my DH and I have had with senior facilities. I suppose it's one of the advantages of living in a major metropolitan area, the good places are really good. But they are costly, so one needs to be able to afford them.
The full-care senior facility we chose for my MIL was wonderful. Beautiful 5-acre secure campus, amazing staff, great food and lots of good activities. MIL had her choice: view of the San Francisco Bay and GG Bridge, or view of the East Bay hills (all apts had views and tons of light). She chose the hills; she could see the church nearby our home where she had lived with us for 7 years; we were only 10 minutes away driving time on the streets.
She was happier living there than either by herself (she did that for 6 yrs after husband died) or with us. She made several new friends and became a bocce ball whiz at the age of 85! The staff adored her; four years after her death one of them still keeps a photo of MIL and the staffer posing together, on the wall in her office.
She was social but didn't make many close friendships except with a few. But she enjoyed just casually chatting with people in the elevator, or in exercise class or bingo games. We were touched and surprised how many residents we didn't know, came up to us afterwards to tell us how much they missed seeing her cheerful greetings and smiles.
We picked this facility after much research and multiple visits, to be sure the culture was right for her. She had mild dementia so we made sure to visit all aspects of the facility. We attended group events at the in-house senior center, dined there three times, visited both the Skilled Care unit and Memory Care unit, and even sat in on one of the Memory Care activity classes.
We were satisfied it was the right facility for MIL, and it was. She was mostly independent but needed assistance bathing and with medications. She loved living there and after a while, got so busy that we needed to make appointments in advance to see her!
In fact we still visit and financially support this facility with annual donations (it's a non-profit). They are in the process of a long-term upgrade and remodel - two years ago, they asked us to participate in an independent survey to determine what kinds of services Boomers would be looking for.
We plan to take our time investigating to find the right place for us. But it was very useful to have done so much research on behalf of MIL. We visited eight facilities and each one was different. Since there's no real standardization, you need to decide what are the "must haves" and what are the "nice to have but not a dealbreaker" items.
Just as no house is really "perfect" until you spend the time to make it into your home, no one facility can satisfy everyone. There are always trade-offs, whether you stay in your own home or move elsewhere.
treeguy64
Hari Om, y'all!
- Location
- Austin, TX.
I'll live in my house, with the gf. If I'm alone, in the future, I may downsize to a condo. If I can't live independently, I will opt out of this existence. I don't believe in prolonging a life spent depending on others.
Whether hook or crook ( what ever that means ) I am positive I will never live in a nursing home.
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
Assisted living, to me, sounds ideal, but I doubt I would be able to afford it for more than a few years. Plus, I have a lot of cats and a tortoise, I would never want to ''get rid of them". So, my plan is to age at home and hire some help and see if I can get some freebie help for seniors, and hope I die fast without a long illness. If things become unbearable I am not religious and have no problem with committing suicide, I just want a quick and non-violent way to go.
What happens when your loved one can’t manage on their own any more and needs 24/7 healthcare assistance and you don’t but aren’t able to care for him/her?
1/.Would you hire 24/7 hour help and stay home?
2/.Hire in as much healthcare as you can afford and hope for the best so you can stay home?
3/. Put him/her in LTC and stay at home yourself?
4/. Put him/her in LTC and sign up to be with them?
1/.Would you hire 24/7 hour help and stay home?
2/.Hire in as much healthcare as you can afford and hope for the best so you can stay home?
3/. Put him/her in LTC and stay at home yourself?
4/. Put him/her in LTC and sign up to be with them?
If I should outlive my husband...not my choice, its in the hands of the "higher power", believe I would stay in this big house and do a "golden girls", if possible. So many senior folks need economical living conditions. That would be "purposeful", you know? Its important for me to try to be purposeful.
Repondering
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nebraska, USA
I'm 66 and live alone in a 3 bedroom house on 12 rural acres. I'm planning on at least 10 more years here and then move into an apartment in town. I ought to last another 10 years....If at the end of my journey the choice is accept a joyless compromise in a nursing home or make my own quick but tidy exit, I think I already know what I'd prefer. Well, that's what I say now......I might have a different perspective later on.
Gotta tell you guys this, been keeping tabs on my oldest and best friend, who now has "brittle bone" and wound up in a skilled nursing home facility due to several fractured vertebra. They were "cemented", but she can't do much on her own. Her daughter, who is a wonderful gal, had to scramble around to get her eligible for Medicaid; paid up her utilities and taxes and whatever else she could on her house to get her qualified. She's so hoping she will be able to come back home.
Talked to her last night. Well, after the last "cement job" seems her mom maybe just gave up and is now getting involved with the bingo games, card games, other activities and people in the "hotel" like facility. She doesn't even want to go back home to "visit". You never know, do you. Hub's grandfather was in a nursing home for around 10 years and loved giving the nurse's "fits". He seemed to blossom.
Kimwhiz
Member
I’m so sorry Jim. I can’t imagine losing my husband of 33 years. I would be scared too. Sounds like you’re in the right support group here. I have no answers or suggestions but I hear you and empathize.
I’ve heard of several people who venomously refused to go into a nursing home but ended up going anyway and surprisingly loved it.
Apparently nobody can force you to go into one though. It has to be your own choice to do so.
My parents go back and forth with how they feel about it and I don’t blame them. Unfortunately I’m not in a position to care for them at our house or theirs and my mom needs 24 hour care. It’s a horrible thing to go through.
Apparently nobody can force you to go into one though. It has to be your own choice to do so.
My parents go back and forth with how they feel about it and I don’t blame them. Unfortunately I’m not in a position to care for them at our house or theirs and my mom needs 24 hour care. It’s a horrible thing to go through.