What are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?

After being the caregiver for my sister, my mother and now my father, I've realized that I never planned for my senior years and what potentially could or would come my way. I now know that Medicare or health insurance will be of no help if it comes to a Memory Care facility for my father. And, should I have to put him on Medicaid (IF I could get him on medicaid), then my inheritance will be used up so that would leave me where? I don't want to depend or burden my children or relatives (I know what a tough job it is to be a caregiver). There are, of course, some ropes I could jump through to maybe have something left to help me should I need it in the future, but that would be taking away assets that would make my father more comfortable now.

I am at the point now where I just hope I can survive my father. Once he's gone I'll just have to do the best I can with what our government wants to provide to this country's seniors.
 

Keesha said:
I think most of us here are talking about stages where you need your diapers changed, need feeding, need to be bathed , no longer understand what’s going on or even who is who.🙁
Not so fun. 😏
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Guess those poor folks do provide jobs for people. Used to think about that when we'd visit my MIL. She lived in one for years, flat on her back, in her right mind. Don't call that living, huh. Kept trying to get her to exercise. Her DNA was golden, nice if she could have kept her body strong.
 
Suzy, I don’t understand why Medicare n his insurance wouldn’t help with your dad? Have you thought about Hospice, I had to call them when my hubby was dying last year, I really needed help because I was going to keep him home with me. Medicare n his insurance paid for everything n not once did they ask about my financial affairs.
 
treeguy64 said:
If I ever need assisted living, and I mean NEED it, I will opt out of this existence. Due to my scary good memory, I remember being a child, very well. I remember depending on my parents. I didn't like it, the first time around, and I sure as hell am not going to even consider going through that type of living situation, again, as I head on down the tube. That's it, for me, plain and simple.

As I always write, in here, I am unable to understand those who actively PLAN on needing assistance in their final years. For me, that would be experiencing Hell on Earth.
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There are a lot of valid opinions in this thread, but one thing that troubles me a bit is that "needing assistance" has largely been painted as a black and white issue, when the truth is that there are many shades of gray. Needing a little assistance is vastly different than being at that point where you have to go into a nursery home or memory care facility.

I think it is wise to plan for the event of needing assistance at some point in your later years. I know three men who have used an assisted living facility for short term stays following surgeries. In my opinion, the real reason they were there was because they were obese and way too heavy for their wives to help them get in and out of bed. They had all planned for this possibility and they all had adequate insurance to cover the expense. They are doing just fine today.

I have also known two older gentlemen who moved into an independent living facility after they lost their wives and were having trouble driving, cooking, and cleaning. Having meal service made a huge difference, and while the quality of their lives were obviously less than when they were in their 60's, they none-the-less continued to enjoy life for many years. One of them had a nurse come in and check on him twice a week. He lived successfully until he was 99. The other wound up getting married when he was 85.

I do not personally know anyone who has lived in a nursing home, but I have visited a couple with our therapy dogs. Some people were doing fine and expected to leave the facility, others were not so lucky. It all just "depends."

But count me among those who look down the pike and realize that at some point my wife and I are going to need some level of assistance after we lose the ability to drive or do yardwork or heavy housework. We do not want to live with our adult children and we have done the financial planning that will enable us to continue enjoying life as long as we can.
 
Pecos said:
There are a lot of valid opinions in this thread, but one thing that troubles me a bit is that "needing assistance" has largely been painted as a black and white issue, when the truth is that there are many shades of gray. Needing a little assistance is vastly different than being at that point where you have to go into a nursery home or memory care facility.
SNIP!
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I respect your opinion.

The thing is, in a few of the cases you cited, the individuals brought their misfortunes on themselves by being obese. So many share that same problem. I have always weighed 152-158 lbs. since I was fifteen. I don't anticipate that I'll lose the ability to not be a gluttonous pig.

In addition, I am a great cook, a guy who enjoys cooking for myself and others. If I lose the ability to cook, an important part of my joy in living will be gone. I like cleaning, sewing, working my land, playing my bass guitar, etc. Take those things away, and another part of my happiness is gone.

Yeah, it's different for different people. To me, life is about living to do things one likes to do. That being the case, take away from me the things I like doing, and you're taking away my reasons to live.

Again, I understand this is truly a matter of "different strokes for different folks." I'm sure many in here will be perfectly fine sleeping twenty hours a day, being helped to the bathroom, having their meals prepared for them, their rooms cleaned, their bodies bathed. Some won't mind being planted in front of the TV to sleep and drool on themselves for hours on end. Their prime directive, their motivating theme, is, apparently, stay alive for as long as possible, no matter if the life being lived has zero quality to it. For me, I'd truly rather be dead.
 
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I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me.. The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!! I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!! So I got the phone call
today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
what meds I have!!!! I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
the report the old Medicare were changing....I had to take it or else it would be more expensive if I dropped my old Medicare....So I googled some of this stuff....This new Medicare in my State (Medicare for Teacher's and Staff) can't change or else we would be getting a new Medicare system from a different source.....And much more money....

So to make this a little short.....It seems people were having adults or children in their home that didn't have Medicare...
They would bring kids to the doctor and put it on their Medicare....So this Medicare cracked down on those losers....
I won't say what Medicare company it is....But it really is OK for them to see our home and who lives in the house....Who
it's me and hubby....I have a neat lovely home....And they know what Meds and my husband's med are....So this is what
we have to do when people cheat...…
This is not saying I don't like Nurses....My husband had 2 weeks of Nurses when he came home from the Hospital...
They were lovely ladies....
I'm just asking if anyone ever had nurses/doctor's come to your home when you didn't call for....When I have my Doctor in our town for many, many years.....
 
peppermint said:
I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me.. The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!! I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!! So I got the phone call
today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
what meds I have!!!! I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
the report the old Medicare were changing....I had to take it or else it would be more expensive if I dropped my old Medicare....So I googled some of this stuff....This new Medicare in my State (Medicare for Teacher's and Staff) can't change or else we would be getting a new Medicare system from a different source.....And much more money....

So to make this a little short.....It seems people were having adults or children in their home that didn't have Medicare...
They would bring kids to the doctor and put it on their Medicare....So this Medicare cracked down on those losers....
I won't say what Medicare company it is....But it really is OK for them to see our home and who lives in the house....Who
it's me and hubby....I have a neat lovely home....And they know what Meds and my husband's med are....So this is what
we have to do when people cheat...…
This is not saying I don't like Nurses....My husband had 2 weeks of Nurses when he came home from the Hospital...
They were lovely ladies....
I'm just asking if anyone ever had nurses/doctor's come to your home when you didn't call for....When I have my Doctor in our town for many, many years.....
Click to expand...
Was it mandatory that they come by? If not, I would not have allowed them in my home.
 
peppermint said:
I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me.. The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!! I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!! So I got the phone call
today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
what meds I have!!!! I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
the report the old Medicare were changing....I had to take it or else it would be more expensive if I dropped my old Medicare....So I googled some of this stuff....This new Medicare in my State (Medicare for Teacher's and Staff) can't change or else we would be getting a new Medicare system from a different source.....And much more money....

So to make this a little short.....It seems people were having adults or children in their home that didn't have Medicare...
They would bring kids to the doctor and put it on their Medicare....So this Medicare cracked down on those losers....
I won't say what Medicare company it is....But it really is OK for them to see our home and who lives in the house....Who
it's me and hubby....I have a neat lovely home....And they know what Meds and my husband's med are....So this is what
we have to do when people cheat...…
This is not saying I don't like Nurses....My husband had 2 weeks of Nurses when he came home from the Hospital...
They were lovely ladies....
I'm just asking if anyone ever had nurses/doctor's come to your home when you didn't call for....When I have my Doctor in our town for many, many years.....
Click to expand...
Sorry, you can count me as one who doesn't understand much of anything you're detailing in your post. I read it to the gf. All she could say is, "Huh?"
Are you confusing Medicare, the government program, with some sort of private insurance you have?
 
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treeguy64 said:
I respect your opinion.

The thing is, in a few of the cases you cited, the individuals brought their misfortunes on themselves by being obese. So many share that same problem. I have always weighed 152-158 lbs. since I was fifteen. I don't anticipate that I'll lose the ability to not be a gluttonous pig.

In addition, I am a great cook, a guy who enjoys cooking for myself and others. If I lose the ability to cook, an important part of my joy in living will be gone. I like cleaning, sewing, working my land, playing my bass guitar, etc. Take those things away, and another part of my happiness is gone.

Yeah, it's different for different people. To me, life is about living to do things one likes to do. That being the case, take away from me the things I like doing, and you're taking away my reasons to live.

Again, I understand this is truly a matter of "different strokes for different folks." I'm sure many in here will be perfectly fine sleeping twenty hours a day, being helped to the bathroom, having their meals prepared for them, their rooms cleaned, their bodies bathed. Some won't mind being planted in front of the TV to sleep and drool on themselves for hours on end. For me, I'd truly rather be dead.
Click to expand...
I agree, different strokes for different folks and both are right.
 
peppermint said:
I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me.. The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!! I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!! So I got the phone call
today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
what meds I have!!!! I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
the report the old Medicare were changing....I had to take it or else it would be more expensive if I dropped my old Medicare....So I googled some of this stuff....This new Medicare in my State (Medicare for Teacher's and Staff) can't change or else we would be getting a new Medicare system from a different source.....And much more money....

So to make this a little short.....It seems people were having adults or children in their home that didn't have Medicare...
They would bring kids to the doctor and put it on their Medicare....So this Medicare cracked down on those losers....
I won't say what Medicare company it is....But it really is OK for them to see our home and who lives in the house....Who
it's me and hubby....I have a neat lovely home....And they know what Meds and my husband's med are....So this is what
we have to do when people cheat...…
This is not saying I don't like Nurses....My husband had 2 weeks of Nurses when he came home from the Hospital...
They were lovely ladies....
I'm just asking if anyone ever had nurses/doctor's come to your home when you didn't call for....When I have my Doctor in our town for many, many years.....
Click to expand...


I would absolutely not permit this.

1. "Medicare" never calls people. It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.

2. There is no NEW Medicare or OLD Medicare, there is just one Medicare. It is a federal government program. There is no
teachers' Medicare. People cannot bring children or others to put on their Medicare. Medicare is only for qualifying persons over 65, or certain disabled persons. There is no "medicare company." Medicare is a federal program.

Perhaps you are talking about your health insurance, or your Medicare Advantage program.

First off, figure out WHO called you. Call your doctor and tell his office about this and ask them if they know who these people are. Some insurance companies tried to start this sort of thing, but people were not accepting of it. Many people, including myself, simply said "no."

Do not let these people in your home or give them any information if you are not comfortable with it. I certainly would not do it.

I would discuss it with my doctor's office before it went any further.

I strongly urge you to find out who these people are -- as I said, they could be from your insurance company (they are certainly NOT from Medicare), in which case you can just refer them to your treating physician., or they could be someone trying to get your personal information in some sort of scam.

Your personal medical treatment is between you and your doctor and not any outside company.
 
Butterfly said:
I would absolutely not permit this.

1. "Medicare" never calls people. It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.

2. There is no NEW Medicare or OLD Medicare, there is just one Medicare. It is a federal government program. There is no
teachers' Medicare. People cannot bring children or others to put on their Medicare. Medicare is only for qualifying persons over 65, or certain disabled persons. There is no "medicare company." Medicare is a federal program.

Perhaps you are talking about your health insurance, or your Medicare Advantage program.

First off, figure out WHO called you. Call your doctor and tell his office about this and ask them if they know who these people are. Some insurance companies tried to start this sort of thing, but people were not accepting of it. Many people, including myself, simply said "no."

Do not let these people in your home or give them any information if you are not comfortable with it. I certainly would not do it.

I would discuss it with my doctor's office before it went any further.

I strongly urge you to find out who these people are -- as I said, they could be from your insurance company (they are certainly NOT from Medicare), in which case you can just refer them to your treating physician., or they could be someone trying to get your personal information in some sort of scam.

Your personal medical treatment is between you and your doctor and not any outside company.
Click to expand...
VERY GOOD POINT!!!! I agree. Great info.
 
peppermint said:
I hope some can understand what I will write....I got a phone call from my Medicare....Very lovely lady....It wasn't the first time they called me.. The 2 times they called we were going out of town....So this time I gave in and told them yes....
A nurse will be coming to my home...Really!!!! I was just to my Doctor last week and I am fine!!!! So I got the phone call
today to tell me what time the Nurse is coming to my home....I will have to show her my meds....Now come on, they know
what meds I have!!!! I only went to the Doctor this year and not that I was sick...This new Medicare just came out this year....It seems our other Medicare shipped out....I was a Secretary for a School System....I did my 25 years....Then we get
the report the old Medicare were changing....I had to take it or else it would be more expensive if I dropped my old Medicare....So I googled some of this stuff....This new Medicare in my State (Medicare for Teacher's and Staff) can't change or else we would be getting a new Medicare system from a different source.....And much more money....

So to make this a little short.....It seems people were having adults or children in their home that didn't have Medicare...
They would bring kids to the doctor and put it on their Medicare....So this Medicare cracked down on those losers....
I won't say what Medicare company it is....But it really is OK for them to see our home and who lives in the house....Who
it's me and hubby....I have a neat lovely home....And they know what Meds and my husband's med are....So this is what
we have to do when people cheat...…
This is not saying I don't like Nurses....My husband had 2 weeks of Nurses when he came home from the Hospital...
They were lovely ladies....
I'm just asking if anyone ever had nurses/doctor's come to your home when you didn't call for....When I have my Doctor in our town for many, many years.....
Click to expand...

I would not allow this to happen. It sounds like a scam or your insurance company trying to trick you into letting them make house calls. My insurance company kept calling me wanting to come into my home for visits even though I'm seeing my doctor regularly. I wouldn't let them. They are still calling today but I have their number blocked so it doesn't ring here. The reason I know they're trying is because I check the caller id on my machine and it shows they called but were blocked. You need to be very cautious about this. If I wasn't comfortable with letting them in my home, I wouldn't do it. Be careful.
 
Good summary of Medicare, Butterfly! That whole "mandatory nurse" thing sounds hokey to me. And from some of the answers in this thread, I think some people are confused as to the difference between Medicare and private insurance.
 
All these crazy advantage ads on TV present themselves as "zero" cost Medicare. On one of them they said
you may even qualify to get some of your money back from Medicare. Year in year out sometimes I explain to the same people I did last year that its not official "Medicare", that its "managed care."

Think it should be illegal to do that.

Nice when Dec. 7 comes and goes, of course there will just be more drug ads on...lol.
 
Medicare" never calls people. It is a government agency and NEVER calls people about their medical care.

I don't agree with this statement....I am on Medicare...They called me a while ago to see If they can
have a Nurse to come to my house....She came today....A lovely Nurse....She said they are doing this for
Medicare patients to keep up with their Prescriptions and I do have a Doctor.....Which I was at the Doctor last week....
She also talked to my husband that has the same Medicare....She told us she is not with our medicare,
the medicare have Nurse's to help or just talk to Medicare patients....She asked for my identifications...
To make sure I was the person on the Medicare....Everything was in order....She told me if I would like
to have a Nurse to come next year at this time....Of course I laughed and said," of course" "If I'm still alive" She gave us very good suggestions.....
 

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