What's over that hill? I want to go see!

Part 2: Going to go off roading here with my current thoughts.

This brings me to my Mothers generation of my family.
I would say my Grandfather had higher hopes for me in a career than my Mom did.
She never worked when we were young and she really stressed to me that working even part time
would ease things and give me more purpose in life. This was her way of changing how she was raised.
My Grandfather was well informed and knew how financial security was most likely going to achieved
was but working for a company in a career I could grow in, invest in something and put money into a
savings account just like paying a bill each month. This was his way of changing my future for the better.
His top advice was "Don't you dare marry a brain lazy man!" He never explained in detail on that.
In our family, the same as many others, we were taught to respect others, don't excuse their faults just
accept them and work around them, help them if you can but don't cut off an arm for them.

The main thing I changed or tired desperately was to allow my children to talk, share their thoughts, make them
think and not to just give orders until they grew up.
Was this the next crack in the foundation leading to where we are today? It seemed the right thing to do, seemed
fair as I always hated the "Seen and not Heard" mentality of my growing years. It was my biggest frustration and reason
for crying out of anger.
Another thing I changed was teaching my (oh My!") boys how to do laundry, houseclean and cook. The reason for
that was actually not due to my family experience, it was talking with the girls going to school with my sons and their
comments such as : "No, I don't know how to cook, Mom says she isn't raising me to be a man's slave"
Not just One girl, nearly all of them and I realized where this was headed and taught my sons the rigors of keeping
a home livable. I have had 5 DIL's and none of them cooks and 3 of them helped with other chores.
The one thing I know was very different I changed was to work out your problems by yourself, if at all possible.
Don't rely on others coming to your aid, chances are if they do, they are now invested in your life and will try to
own it. I can say I burned this deep I guess because my sons have always told me when they got into a tight spot
and I offered help: "Mom, I got myself into this, I will get myself out, but I will keep your offer in my mind."
This seems like a good thing, it has it's good and bad parts. My sons are self reliant but with that comes the
big ego in the end.

What did my sons change from my parenting? To be continued
 

Part 3: Going to go off roading here with my current thoughts.

The biggest changes I noticed in parenting styles with my sons was
the slowly increasing drive to "keep their children entertained".
When they were young due to financial reasons we weren't able to go
away from home for a day out very often. I guess this made a big impact
on them.

Soon as their children reached the age of enjoying amusement parks and
movies in theaters it became nearly an every week thing. I saw how the kids
changed and began getting bored if they weren't running someplace.
Then came the video games and phones so if they had to stay home they
had those to entertain them self.

Then came the lack of open communication, you know what I mean. If you
did get them to speak with you it had to be about what they wanted and they
rarely if ever asked us things or was interested in hearing it.

I look back and see how slowly all this got to where we are now as a society.
I grew up knowing I was not always going to get what I wanted or hoped for.
When I did get something special; a dinner out, a movie trip or even that once
a year Disneyland visit, I knew it was special and savored it.

My sons must have taken a different view of it and decided their kids would have
more of what they felt they didn't get enough of maybe? Or is it easier to get kids
to behave, not fight when you have them away from home. I can't make up my mind.

Did this lead us to the entitled generations? So used to getting what they wanted
without communicating about it. Not showing very much true caring about others
hopes and wishes unless it fits with theirs?
We always express concern about how certain generations act so "entitled". We older
ones notice it and don't understand it. I think I am beginning to see how we got there.

I had a conversation with my now 20 year old grandson in college when he was 15 about
his constantly being in trouble for not at least making his bed each day when their house
was being shown to possible clients. He sat whining to me about it.
Me: Why do you fight making your bed?
Him: I just don't want to do it. Sometimes people are not even coming to see the house.
Me: Could it maybe be you don't want to be told what to do sometimes?
Him: Yes!
Me: Tell me which feels better. When you are tired and wanting to go to bed and you have
to spend time cleaning your bed off, straightening your covers and wasting 20 more minutes
of sleep. Or, wanting to go to sleep, pulling back covers down off a clean neat bed with sheets
and blanket all straight. Which feels better to you?
Him: (smiling sheepishly) The clean one
Me: Then try doing something nice for yourself and make your bed for you and I bet you won't
get nagged again.

He never got in trouble again over it once he could see he could do it for himself. Once he began
college he called me to tell me he was the only one in his dorm with a neat bed and said Thanks Nonnie.

When children reach a certain age they really do desire to be independent. They want to make
their own choices and show they are maturing. I don't see where being entitled can give them
that feeling in an appropriate healthy way.
Sure letting them choose to go to a movie or an amusement park is a choice but is it the type of
choices that truly help produce true maturity?

My final thoughts on this is I think each of us contributed in some way to lead us to where this is today.
Our lifestyles changed, our relationships changed, society changed and we got pulled along with it.
The changes happened slowly and began gathering more and more until it overflowed and the population
of those changes became quite large and so noticeable.

We didn't plan it nor did we see what the future was going to be 3 generations later. Be it good or bad,
who knows for sure. Maybe those types we see that we don't understand has a reason, a purpose so
that the future will continue as is or the crack will crumble
and begin to reverse again.

We all did what EVERY parent in the world wanted to do : Make life better for my children.
 
Today, I have the kids from my Day Care years on my mind.
I am lucky to have parents that still share their growing years with me on FB.
It's more because of them I haven't closed it yet.

I chose pre-school for a reason, I had very little patience with kids talking back rudely
so I chose those younger years mainly for that reason.
Went to college, got my degree and began with a Home Day Care due to lack of regulated
licensed care in my rural area.

I filled up pretty fast also and my licensing rep and I got along terrific. I was her only one who
had formal education in Childhood Development and Education. She loved that.

My first children to enroll were 2 sisters Megan 6, and her sister Amanda 2.
They both have 2 children each now. Amanda was the one that always surprised me with
things she said or did.

I was doing an experiment with Marshmallows one day. I put one on a plate and sat her down
then told her "Here is ONE but I have to go into the other room just for a minute. If you can
wait until I get back without biting it I will give you another".
I came back and there sat the marshmallow and her smiling. She was the only one out of 6 others
who didn't have a bite in it. I applauded her and was putting the other on the plate and saw when
she picked it up, a huge bite off the bottom.
She basically was lying to me but to think to bite the bottom and then put it down on the bite mark!
That was sneaky but talk about prediction, cause & effect and planning ahead!
Yes, I gave her the 2nd one with stern words that now I know and don't try to be tricking me again.
She said " Ms. Sharon, I won't do that again, here you can have this one back" and handed me the bit one.
That little girl is a lawyer now.

I don't recall the report on that test in college had a single child who did what she did and hundreds
of children were tested with that.
 

Very interesting.

In my grade school years,,, somehow my mother took the kids my age & few older ones for doing Summer stuff .
Long walks with bits of information tossed in.Turtle & snakes were seen & talked about,.
Same for flowers & weeds.

Weeny roasts became a treat beside.
Walking through. the pasture trying to Not step in cow poop.
Trying to gather fire wood & the right stick to roast the weenies on.
Tales were told over the fire ,, along with a ghost story once in awhile.

Walking back out with out a light was a treat as by then the curious cows were checking us out.

I don't think she got do that with my sons.
 
Sliverfox said:
Very interesting.

In my grade school years,,, somehow my mother took the kids my age & few older ones for doing Summer stuff .
Long walks with bits of information tossed in.Turtle & snakes were seen & talked about,.
Same for flowers & weeds.

Weeny roasts became a treat beside.
Walking through. the pasture trying to Not step in cow poop.
Trying to gather fire wood & the right stick to roast the weenies on.
Tales were told over the fire ,, along with a ghost story once in awhile.

Walking back out with out a light was a treat as by then the curious cows were checking us out.

I don't think she got do that with my sons.
Click to expand...
That's the kind of stuff that rounds out a child in many ways. Plus, they fight less when they are exploring
and sharing things they find more easily. Beautiful job your Mom did.
 
Comparing Home Day Care with School Environment Day Care.

I have done both over a 32 year span.
Finding a really good Home Day is not easy and the right questions need to be asked right off.
the main question is "What is your Discipline Policy"

Choosing a school type facility needs questions too: The main one is
"What is your record for turnover in staff?"

Having a classroom of 10 or more children under the age of 3 is not humanly natural for a child.
That is why the majority of families have one child at a time usually no less than a year apart.
We don't have litters for a reason.
I experienced the unsettling nerves, tempers, emotions that a class of 14 -3 years go through.
They do not develop empathy until around age 4. That is why sharing toys, friends and yes, the teacher
is so hard for them. Many go home and misbehave from the full day of having to do things unnatural
for their life stages. Many teachers do not understand this reality.

The children get used to a teacher then are whisked away from them as soon as they are settling in
to a new teacher because they had a birthday. It's cruel to me. No matter how you try and prepare
them for it, it's heartbreaking. The younger ones need a stable relationship with a dedicated caregiver.

That is why I left the school environment and went back to Home Care.
They have one trusted adult their stay there. An Adult with one regimen of
schedules, discipline and history of that child up close and personal.
Plus all different ages, all different stages. They not only learn from the adult
they learn from the other children older than them, and help teach the younger ones
and care for them, thus heightening that much needed empathy deeper.

It is hard for a child where there can be as many as 25 adults with different discipline policies,
personalities, depth of interest in ALL children present all in a span of at minimum 3 years
(from age 2 to 5). Twenty Five adults on the average, how could you handle that?

I loved my years with all these children. I only had one family I had concerns over and then
when they told me they were divorcing and she and the child were moving out of state, I realized
why I was feeling something off with them.

When I hear grandparents talk about their grandkids and how selfish they are, I often ask
"Did your grandchild attend a Day Care School or Home Day Care?"
Bet you can figure out what 80% of them answer.
 

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