When betrayed after a long relation, who do you talk to?

Johanna said:
I feel I have no one to talk to. I can not bring it up with my kids, I dont want them to judge and be involved in my problems. I dont want to talk to our local pastor either because he knows us both. Who do I talk to! I need to get it out!
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Talk to anyone and everyone who's supportive of you. Conversations with people on forums like this one can be a good start.

My dad was extremely abusive to me in many different ways as a child. My Mom was his enabler, constantly in denial and never stuck up for me, though she was a good person otherwise, smart and a good person to talk with about things in general. I hated him from the earliest days because of the things that he did, but my Mom always said what would she and my younger brother do if he weren't around any longer? So I was extremely angry at him but buried it deep, deep inside of me for most of my life for their sakes.

Finally after joining some speaking clubs 20+ years ago I got more used to expressing myself with different people, including after he passed with my Mom, and with one or two people quite close to me. I have constantly wondered through the years what I could have done differently as a child, or if I had it to live again, looking back from my present perspective. The thing is that keeping it buried kept the worst things from my consciousness, which was not a good thing because it's always better to see the complete reality.
 
Johanna said:
Ok, he take spyphotos and spymovies of me without my knowledge and you mean he may have the right to do it?
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What a creepo your X was, you are lucky this wierdo is gone. He tricked you, betrayed you, it is not fair. Go on with your life and make it a good wholesome healthy life. Listen to lofi chill pop or Jazz tunes, very relaxing. Watch animal videos and old comedy series. Drink hot tea and sit in a comfy chair. It is good you are reaching out to others. No matter what anyone thinks you have to enjoy yo'self, cause you will be spending the rest of this earthly trail with you! 🌸💜💚💛😊💛💚💜🌸
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I think not involving the children in this situation is the best thing to do. I have no idea about Swedish divorces. Do you need an attorney? You seem to be lost, and overwhelmed. If you had a divorce attorney, he should be able to direct you how to get some help.
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I'm not sure that I agree with your first sentence. Obviously the daughter is an adult, is she not entitled to know exactly the cause of the break up. Because of the nature of the situation who's to say that it might not happen again, is honesty not the best policy or does it not apply to this situation. Interested to hear others opinion.
 
It feels very nice to have someone to write to here. I appreciate if you pm me so I can explain my feelings and get your advice. Thank you

Regards
Johanna
 
> Johanna

I think the past is unalterable and the future is unknown. All any of us really have is this moment. I have the power to choose what I do and how I feel in this moment. I try very hard to live in the solution and not in the problem. Sometimes that is a moment to moment battle. I had to practice positive thinking. Training myself to think positive has been a never ending endeavor. I started out leaning recognize when my mind started going down a negative path. Then I would try to turn that thought into something positive. It did not really make a difference what the thought was it just needed to be positive.

Somehow with a lot of practice and patience my mind learned how to think positive without much conscious thought. Most of the time anyway. To be brutally honest and as crazy as it may sound sometimes dwelling in the mire of regret and self pity can be a comfortable place for me to hide out. I do not know why. Maybe it is negativity in me trying hold me back? The reality is I have to make myself stand up, step out of the mire and get on with my life. The only thing I can really do with the things that happened to me in my past is to learn from them and try not to make the same mistakes twice. This is about all I have to offer you and I sincerely hope it will help you.....:)
 
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oldpop said:
> Johanna

I think the past is unalterable and the future is unknown. All any of us really have is this moment. I have the power to choose what I do and how I feel in this moment. I try very hard to live in the solution and not in the problem. Sometimes that is a moment to moment battle. I had to practice positive thinking. Training myself to think positive has been a never ending endeavor. I started out leaning recognize when my mind started going down a negative path. Then I would try to turn that thought into something positive. It did not really make a difference what the thought was it just needed to be positive.

Somehow with a lot of practice and patience my mind learned how to think positive without much conscious thought. Most of the time anyway. To be brutally honest and as crazy as it may sound sometimes dwelling in the mire of regret and self pity can be a comfortable place for me to hide out. I do not know why. Maybe it is negativity in me trying hold me back? The reality is I have to make myself stand up, step out of the mire and get on with my life. The only thing I can really do with the things that happened to me in my past is to learn from them and try not to make the same mistakes twice. This is about all I have to offer you and I sincerely hope it will help you.....:)
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Very good advice, we can all take something away from this.
 

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