When people you aren't close to comment on your weight loss

K

kc5610

New Member
For health reasons I lost 50 lbs with the help of a nutritionist and medical doctor. This has been over a 7 month period. It's been hard work.

I rent an apartment and one of the other renters said to me "wow you have lost alot of weight". This is someone who is a bit unstable. The first time I met her in the alcove of the apartment building, she immediately started to tell me how her son used to beat her up. I was shocked she was telling me this as it was our first time meeting and I didn't even know her name. After that, she one time started to yell angrily at me for something that was of a very minor consequence. When she said she noticed I have lost alot of weight and commented on it, I smiled politely and proceeded to my car. She followed me over to my car, got real close about an inch from my ear and said into my ear quite angrily "well you have!". I was startled by this as I didn't even know she had come up from behind.

There is another person who sits in front of the building when the weather is nice with about 5 people all together. People from other buildings here come and sit (there are over 100 apartments here) and so it can be anyone sitting with the group. This person that sits with this group always comments on my life. "Were you just swimming?". "How much was your new car and what year is it". A loved one was dying and I was taking a walk with them and this person said 'Are you going for a walk?". It was our last walk together and I was really focused on my loved one. Having this person asking questions was very bad timing for me. None of these are a crisis but her questions and comments into my life makes me feel not happy since her interest seems more likes she is curious vs. someone who is interested in my well being. Perhaps she is lonely. But even if that is the case, I would still like to have some privacy when coming and going from my apartment.

What's the best way to handle questions and or comments about your weight loss when you are not close to the person at all and secondly, if they say something in front of a group of people?

I want to both be friendly but maintain boundaries. Thank you.
 

Hi Kc and welcome to the forum. The first person you mention does seem like someone to avoid. A little too much information she gave you at first meeting.

As for the second person, could be the group just wants a little more people to kibbitz with and would like you to join in.

You could either join in or find another entrance/exit from the building when you want your alone time.
 
I know things can throw me off too and change my mood quickly, but I consider it my problem to deal with as to how I relate to things. The neighbor who asked if you are taking a walk certainly did not know of it's 'last walk' status and it's meaning for you. Just suck it up and go your way. EVERYONE on the planet discusses losing weight. Just deal with it and try not to let inconveniences upset you so much. As I said, it's sometimes too easy to distract me too.
 

Welcome to our forum!

I live in apartment building also though not as large as your building. What I do if I do not want to engage in a conversation is give one word answers and keep going to where I was headed. Usually that will end the questions. Now that I know everyone here, I will say I am in a hurry or something like that.
 
Comments on weight loss are usually welcomed, and if people want to talk about it, I'd be willing to share all my knowledge and experience about it. But I can see that some people can approach the subject in ways that could make it uncomfortable. They probably approach most people in ways that are uncomfortable about anything. First impressions with a stranger may not always be accurate, but they are what they are and often telling about whether you should want to get involved.

If you lost 50 lbs and no one noticed, I think that would be odd.
 
Sorry, I'm not seeing a problem here. Someone notices you lost weight, why not just say something like "Yes, I have... thank you for noticing that!" ❓ It's not like a stranger is saying they saw someone sneaking into your apartment at midnight or they saw something illegal you did. Losing weight is a very good thing, and I'd *want* people to notice. I'd be more concerned with the opposite... "I've lost 50 pounds and my neighbors didn't even notice!"

But all that aside, huge congrats on the weight loss! (y)
 
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In many senior complexes a group will sit in the lobby or outside and watch everyone coming and going and gossip. They have nothing better to do. My mom and aunt lasted one year in one because of this and then moved back to an all age apartment building.
 
You have done very well with the weight loss. I know how hard it is as I'm overweight.

Do you mind if I ask what kind of complex you live in? Is it subsidized seniors and disabled? I live in a regular apartment. No one gets busy body. People say hello or ignore you. That's fine.

That first woman, there is something off there. I'd keep it really short with that one. If she realizes you aren't going to engage, she will probably lose interest.

The concept of "grey rocking" might work with her.

What is the Grey Rock Method? (mywellbeing.com)
 
As someone who has lost weight, I've come to dread such comments. Even if the comments are innocent or complimentary, there lurks the possibility that intrusive comments, questions, and advice could be next. (You've lost too much weight. That diet is unhealthy. You should....) I've had to learn to say as little as possible about it, e.g., "Thank you."

If they persist, I say, "I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone, because too many people have opinions and advice." Then they back off, because they don't want to be seen as one of the annoying people.

I agree that the first person has a problem and you needn't get too upset. As for the others, I'm sorry they interrupted your private moment, but next time you will know, and perhaps walk elsewhere.

I was the kind of person who would get sucked into explaining myself, etc. Then I learned some skills from observing community leaders and others. I noticed that they would smile, wave, or say something positive and noncommital like, "Yes, right," break eye contact, and move on.

The people who hang out aren't important to you, and you don't have to engage. Smile, say "Lovely day," and keep walking. Or, if you're already in a conversation and they ask a nosy question, smile and change the subject.
 
Remy said:
What is the Grey Rock Method? (mywellbeing.com)
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Thanks for this link. I have found myself in a couple of situations in the past where I Grey Rocked, although I didn't know there was a name for it. I guess it's just nice to see it offered as an acceptable way of reacting. However, I didn't find it satisfying nor was I pretending to be uninterested. I just felt that I had no other way of dealing with the situation. It terminated the encounter with no one having closure. Maybe it wasn't grey rocking, but I think it was similar.
 
A polite line; "I'll talk to you about it later, ok?" And then maybe I will, and maybe I won't.

Not as polite; "You writing a book about me, or what?"

I lost about 40 pounds last year and it wasn't intentional. I'm not a big man. I'm very average-sized, so the loss was not only noticeable, it was pretty shocking. We lived in an apartment complex, and everyone asked about it. Mostly they asked if I was ok, and that got tiresome but I just said I was and left it at that.
 
NorthernLight said:
If they persist, I say, "I don't discuss my weight loss with anyone, because too many people have opinions and advice." Then they back off, because they don't want to be seen as one of the annoying people.
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Good reply.

I avoid commenting on a weight loss because I think people might not want to talk about. If they’re ill, it would be really upsetting, IMO. Sometimes, someone may look so radically different that I might accidentally blurt it out.
 
JustDave said:
Thanks for this link. I have found myself in a couple of situations in the past where I Grey Rocked, although I didn't know there was a name for it. I guess it's just nice to see it offered as an acceptable way of reacting. However, I didn't find it satisfying nor was I pretending to be uninterested. I just felt that I had no other way of dealing with the situation. It terminated the encounter with no one having closure. Maybe it wasn't grey rocking, but I think it was similar.
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I was just thinking the same, @JustDave ... that I've had to do it but didn't know it was "a thing" or that it had a name. I have to say that when I had to do it, it did not work out the way it was supposed to... some people do *not* react well to being grey rocked and things can turn ugly fast if they think you're not interested, not paying attention, or trying to teach them a lesson. :(
 
debodun said:
I'd be more offended if someone pointed out that I gained a lot of weight since last they saw me.
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If someone says “you’re looking healthy”, you should be hearing “you’ve gained weight.”
 

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