Where were you when your parents passed?

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
Both my parents passed away at home. I was not literally at their bedside, but was in the house.

When my dad went (April 1983), it was during the night, but other relatives were keeping a vigil knowing he was going fast. At 3 am my uncle (my mother's youngest brother) knocked on my bedroom door and said, "Your daddy just died."

My mom went (November 2006) sometime between 6 and 9 am on a Saturday, so I was home. She had come upstairs to have me test her blood sugar since she could never stick herself. She went back down to her bedroom. Around 9 am I decided to do the laundry and went downstairs to ask if she had any. I stood by her bedroom door and asked several times without a response. I went in and turned on the light. She was in her bed and turned to the wall. I went right over and spoke very loudly and she didn't respond. I felt for a pulse and there was none. I called the ambulance, but despite their efforts, the crew couldn't revive her. When I went in the kitchen, she had things laid out like she had stated to make breakfast. She may have felt ill and went back to bed where she passed quietly.
 

My Dad went, or started to go, at home one night in 1970. He had just had an insurance company physical the night before (when they still came out to your house) and the doc said he was fine.

Several hours later my father was writhing in pain. They took him to the hospital while I stayed home, and within an hour he was gone from peritonitis.

My Mom had a series of strokes while I was living in California in 1981. I took a red-eye back to NY and got to the hospital just in time to say our goodbyes. I went to her house to sleep that night. At 4:21 in the morning I woke up in her bedroom and saw her standing in front of me - not doing anything, just standing. Then she was gone.

We got a phone call at 6am that Mom had passed at 4:21.
 
I woke up one morning and hubby was in tears. I thought it was from us bickering the night before, but my Mom had passed in the hospital the night before. I still hold the doctor or hospital at fault. She had a history of blood pressure off the charts even with medication. She went into the hospital with pneumonia but wasn't being continuously monitored. It wasn't like nowadays where they wire you up while your being admitted. She should have never been left alone. Might or might not have made a difference but who knows.
 

My "Father" who I met for the first time when I was 24 ,was shot and killed shortly after by a 14 year old child that was 1970. ( I found out by reading the story in the news paper)

My step father passed at 61years in 1973. .My mother passed at 62 ,in 1977 in in a mental health hospital called Glenside ( In Adelaide) where she was placed after SF passed away ,she had a form of memory loss due to alcohol abuse, ( Both were alcoholics')
She had passed some three weeks before we were notified ,the excuse was the coroners dept thought Glenside had informed us and Glenside said it was the coroners dept to notify us ( 8 of us living then)
anyway I was living in what we called the Riverland ( it is known by that beacuse the Murray river runs through a series of small towns ,that are known for fruit / and wine grape growing) ...I had been living there since leaving BH in 1970 where I was born, left there Riverland when I met hubby in 1986.... And NO I have NEVER drank Alcohol
 
Ahh, This Still Hurts.....

My Dad's passing was expected after 5 years of increasing disability. My Mother was much different. She lived alone in an apartment just a few blocks from my sister's house in Brookfield, Illinois. I lived in Phoenix, Arizona. We knew she felt out of sorts, as I had spoken to her by 'phone.

Mid-morning, next day, my sister called to tell me our Mother had died. My niece, 16, was staying the night with her grandmother, and about 5AM she called my sister to explain she had called 911, her grandmother was seriously sick. My sister failed to go over there because she was in reality too drunk. Her excuse was "it was still dark outside". Internal bleeding, cause unknown.

I spoke to the doctor who explained she had bled to death on the way to the hospital. She was 79, and in good health, seemingly. Got around well, was independent. I held this event against my sister until her death in 1995 at age 65, lungs burned up from lifetime smoking.

The truly painful part for last: my Mother had been in Phoenix visiting us in late Fall, 1985. My nephew Mike and I drove her to the airport for her flight back to Chicago. Mike went on in to the erminal with her, carrying her bag, while I parked the car. Upon heading to the assigned gate, Mike was there alone. They had already closed the plane ready to back out, but reluvtantly allowed her to board. We arrived over an hour early; we were not late. How could this happen?

Night before the world went off Daylight Saving Time, including Chicago, but not Arizona. We had no idea the flight would leave ONE HOUR EARLY to meet the arrival time expected in Chicago! If only the airline had let folks know this could happen.

The last time I saw her alive was as she and Mike went into the terminal. Good old DST. imp
 
Mom died Feb 1989, four months before my wife. She died at Long Beach California and I was in Fresno, California.

Dad died 2002 in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and I was in Christchurch, New Zealand.
 
I was a military dependent in Germany in 1977 when my dad died suddenly. I had taken one of my girls to sick call and when I got back to quarters there was a staff car and a chaplain outside. You just KNOW that can't be good news. I thought something had happened to my husband, since he worked with explosives, but the Red Cross had called his unit and told them my father had died. I remember that I found I suddenly couldn't stand up very well and was glad there was a bench outside. I got a flight out as soon as I could (can of worms in itself), and barely got home in time for the funeral. The airlines had lost my suitcase, so I had to borrow clothes for the funeral. My mother was a complete wreck, I was exhausted and also a wreck. The whole thing was absolutely awful.

My mother died in 1981 of cancer. I had come home to care for her from Alabama where we were stationed at the time. She wanted to die at home, and I was taking care of her I had gotten up out of bed to give her her required pain medication (she could no longer swallow pills) and then went back up to the front of the house to go to the bathroom. When I got back to her bedside, she was dead. That was absolutely awful, too, more so because not only did I have to deal with the shock and grief, but had to deal with all the people that have to come to your house when someone dies at home -- police, ME, etc., and the multitude of questions. Her oncologist had called the ME and told them she had been terminally ill, but they've still gotta ask you a million questions. I doubt I was very coherent.

I still miss them every day. I'd give anything if I could just talk to my mother one more time.
 
My mom died in a hospital 11 days before xmas 1998. She had mutliple illnesses for decades and lived much longer than expected. I lived in another state and only saw her at xmas. I missed seeing her one last time by about a week.

My dad died in a nice facility after 10 years of dementia. I was living in Uganda at the time. 2008.
 
My Dad passed away in 1993. He was 79 yrs old and had surgery on his leg. Things didn't go well after the surgery and the entire family including grandchildren were by his side when he passed.My Mom passed away in 2004. She was 91 yrs old and in a nursing home. She passed away in her sleep at 91yrs old. I hate thinking about those sad sad days.
 
My Dad, still with us at 99 years old. Mom died with breathing problems. I had visited her, in the hospital, the day before. We were about 60 miles away and when I got the call, wife and I went down to be with my step-dad. Her doctor had never put her on oxygen, which to this day, I'll never understand.
 
I live in the UK, but my late parents lived in the island of my birth. I did visit my father a couple of weeks before he died in 2005, as I knew he was on his way out, but was not there when he died., however one of my sisters who still lives on the island was there. I preferred to remember him in life rather than death, and didn't view his body when I went over for the funeral. Closed coffins are the norm in the UK and my home island, thank goodness.

As for my mother, it would not have been convenient for me to have visited her before she died in 2013, as by then my husband had become disabled, neither did I attend the funeral.
 
Mom and dad lived about 3 hours away. Two days after Mother's Day, in 2013, my dad had a stroke and was admitted into the hospital. My husband and I drove to be with my mom, (who was at the time in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's). Obviously dad was not going to 'come back', he was being artificially kept alive so we told them to go ahead and take him off of life support. It was bad enough going thru that but my poor mom was so confused and didn't understand dad was gone. Every time we explained it to her, she'd cry again. I hate thinking about that time. Its almost 3 years later and mom seems to accept dad's passing, but she continues to deteriorate mentally. She is 'still there', but a fragment of the woman she was before. I just hope when she goes she is reunited with dad and at peace. I think to myself what a lousy last few years on earth for her. But it is what it is...we love her and make her as comfortable as possible.
 
Oh greeneyes....so sorry to hear about your mums worsening condition. Often it's the family who suffer the most watching the deterioration in their loved ones The best you can ever hope for with Alzheimers and dementia is that the person isn't aware they're suffering...
 

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