Why Do We Keep Secrets From Our Partners?

Why Do We Keep Secrets From Our Partners?​


Gotta love 'studies' and what they come to determine

Anybody that lets everything and anything fall outa their face
ain't the brightest crayon in the box

Its why the word discretion came to be
 

Well, no, I'm NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON but i don't believe in keeping secrets from your partner. This openness in communicatin, IMO, brings two people closer together. Again, i may be wrong, but IMO, keeping secrets and lying keeps all these muddled thoughts from the lower mental lfunction in your mind and keeps you from enjoying the fullness of life!
(told you I'm weird!).
 
Last edited:
Gaer said:
Well, no, I'm NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON but i don't believe in keeping secrets from your partner. This openness in communicatin, IMO, brings two people closer together. Again, i may be wrong, but IMO, keeping secrets and lying keeps all these muddled thoughts from the lower menta lfunction in your mind and keeps you from enjoying the fullness of life!
(told you I'm weird!).
Click to expand...
No, you are not weird. You always speak your truth and let the chips fall where they may. That could be difficult for many people.
 
I think the idea of two people sharing secrets together is a myth created by hallmark books & movies. Not everyone wants or needs to disclose everything in a relationship. Not everyone wants to know or hear about everything in a relationship hence the reason why when on a first date, itā€™s said to keep info about yourself to a minimum. Not too many guys want to hear about all your past failed relationships or the ones that were great but yadda yadda yadda.

I think the only reason past things need discussing is if they interfere with the relationship in the present moment.
Clearly if someone is married and you are looking for a permanent sexual relationship then this would be something that needs to be discussed.
 
Gaer said:
Well, no, I'm NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON but i don't believe in keeping secrets from your partner. This openness in communicatin, IMO, brings two people closer together. Again, i may be wrong, but IMO, keeping secrets and lying keeps all these muddled thoughts from the lower mental lfunction in your mind and keeps you from enjoying the fullness of life!
(told you I'm weird!).
Click to expand...
Yer not weird
Gaer said:
keeping secrets and lying
Click to expand...
They're not secrets
Just personal things 'tween God 'n you

There's no lying
(I'm not all that virtuous.....jus' don't care to try to keep track)
If asked, I'm layin' it down...partner wise
If its an acquaintance asking......none of yer freakin' business
 
Most psychologists tell us that when we are in a relationship having or keeping secrets are not a good idea. We are all entitled to our privacy and thatā€™s OK, but we should not keep secrets. We just have to understand the difference between a secret and privacy.
 
After being married 28 yr to my last hubby, I have learned to keep some secrets. Revealing some of these same secrets in the past just caused a rift or argument between us and to me; it is not worth it. I also doubt I really have any secrets with hubby; it's just he hasn't yet learned to keep some 'usual' comments to himself. I am always of the mind that it won't hurt him not knowing and it will if I do tell him and none of my secrets are mind-blowing stuff that would end a relationship.
 
Gaer said:
Well, no, I'm NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON but i don't believe in keeping secrets from your partner. This openness in communicatin, IMO, brings two people closer together. Again, i may be wrong, but IMO, keeping secrets and lying keeps all these muddled thoughts from the lower mental lfunction in your mind and keeps you from enjoying the fullness of life!
(told you I'm weird!).
Click to expand...
So you are saying you don't have one single secret kept?
 
Tommy said:
My grandfather always said "Before you speak, ask yourself three questions: 'Is it kind?' 'Is it true?' 'Is it necessary?' If you can't honestly answer yes to at least two of the three, then remain silent."
Click to expand...
What sound advice. Many years ago I worked with someone who decided that he would come clean about committing adultery some years previously. It cost him his beloved relationship, his home, which had to be sold and he became estranged from his two adolescent children. And for what? What was done previously couldn't be undone and as this was pre-internet days, there was little chance of his being found out.
 
I donā€™t know that I agree with the various takes on discretion versus a lie, how some things should be private, whether or not some secrets are worth keeping etc.

I donā€™t have any secrets from my husband. I donā€™t believe itā€™s healthy in a relationship to keep, or have secrets, between partners.

My own take on whether itā€™s a secret or not is how youā€™d feel if it were revealed. I consider something aā€œsecretā€ only if itā€™s something you would be uncomfortable or mortified if your partner knew.

I want Ron to know all of me, not just the good or acceptable parts. So I donā€™t keep secrets from him, and I deal with the consequences head on when thereā€™s something I do that I think maybe he wouldnā€™t like so much. I guess that makes me a bit weird, but thatā€™s less stressful for me than trying to hide stuff from him that he might disapprove of or be disappointed by.
 
I can't speak for all people, but I know for myself in the past, I didn't necessarily think of something as a "secret" but something that happened to me, or I did, or someone told me that I did not share with my spouse or anyone else. If it came up in a conversation, I might mention it unless it was another person's secret. Sometimes, a spouse may cause you to have to watch what you say around him and it is not a secret but not mentioning something that will set him off and having a fight. I really never felt the need to tell another person my every thought or shared whatever I did or talked to. I think it depends on what exactly the secret is.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top