Why get remarried?

debbie in seattle

debbie in seattle

Senior Member
Location
Seattle
Being a newish widow, a question....why get remarried? Was married for 45+ years, an ok marriage, am able to live comfortably with the money I have, so why remarry again, why not just live together? I’m truly curious. I get the companionship, etc etc, but cant you just live together and achieve all the same goals without the paperwork? One statement my money manager told me was that if I ever choose to get married again, keep our monies seperate esp if my partner had children.
 

Due to a husband or wife's death, either has to wait so many years to remarry, in order to get their deceased spouses SS. My wife found this out two years ago when she applied for her Full SS and talked to SS Admin about her late husbands SS. When she told them the date we married, they told her she couldn't get his SS, because she had to stay unmarried for a certain amount of years after his death.

But, in answer to your question, "living together", even though wife and I did it for a year before we married, isn't accepted in the Christian faith. Fortunately, my wife's family accepted us living together, but my wife was wearing an engagement ring during the entire year. So, to them, we weren't simply "living together".
There are Christian men out there, even at our age, that will refuse to "live together". There are those that won't "live together" or get married.
 
We've been married 42+ years, and if something happened to my husband I would not remarry. I don't think I'd be interested in another romantic relationship, but if I was I don't even think I'd want to live with someone, would just want to meet for outings or 'dates'. Can't say that for sure though, have to really experience loss and being alone to make that decision. But, I see no real reason to officially remarry.
 

i do so agree with you --why i ask myself --no need as you said ' yes it can become a real problem in families soon
as you sign the paper , keep your new life easy without the ugly word ££££££££ or $$$$$$$$$$ to interrupt or upset the flow of 2 people having a good relationship '
I would never marry again if I become a widow; but not to say I would live alone ---sounds like your new friend wants to marry or you would not have asked !
stick to what u believe .
 
I wouldn't get married or live with anyone at this point in my life.

It would be nice to have a sort of committed companion to travel with or socialize with but not someone that I need to clean up after.:):playful::eek:nthego:
 
ClassicRockr said:
Due to a husband or wife's death, either has to wait so many years to remarry, in order to get their deceased spouses SS. My wife found this out two years ago when she applied for her Full SS and talked to SS Admin about her late husbands SS. When she told them the date we married, they told her she couldn't get his SS, because she had to stay unmarried for a certain amount of years after his death.

.
Click to expand...

At full retirement age, a spouse can collect her deceased husband's full SS benefits immediately. You have the choice of keeping your own benefits or switching over. There is no waiting period in that situation.
 
Bonnie said:
At full retirement age, a spouse can collect her deceased husband's full SS benefits immediately. You have the choice of keeping your own benefits or switching over. There is no waiting period in that situation.
Click to expand...

If the surviving spouse remarries before the age of 60 (50, if disabled), he/she cannot claim the dead spouse's SS benefits.

I know of a couple of widows who didn't remarry until after 60 because of that stipulation. One of my friends got married the day after her 60th birthday.
 
Without planning to have children, I don't see any reason. However, I understand some people feel very good about the romance aspect and want to share their happiness about finding each other with a celebration of some sort.
 
i was married the first time for 21 years---met the second man and lived together for 6 years we got married and the marriage only lasted 6 years--i think it is better just to live with them
 
Falcon said:
Marriage is just a lot of paper work. If ya want to share living quarters with somebody then DO IT !!! It's nobody's
freakin' bizzness!
Click to expand...

Sorry, but it is the family's business, especially if the family is a Christian family and definitely don't believe in living together. Actually, anyone has to respect both sides of the issue...…..the ones that don't like it and wouldn't think of doing it and those that plainly don't care and do it.
 
Bonnie said:
At full retirement age, a spouse can collect her deceased husband's full SS benefits immediately. You have the choice of keeping your own benefits or switching over. There is no waiting period in that situation.
Click to expand...

Read what jujube wrote. This is what the SS told my wife.​
 
I totally believe in marriage, but if something did happen, I would never marry again or live with someone. Be a roommate possibly, but have my own room. Sounds weird don't it??? LOL
 
I currently live common law so have never officially been married and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my husband.
I’d have to play it by ear. I’m not opposed to company of the opposite sex but like the others have mentioned, he would need to be self contained. I’m not cleaning up after anyone else again.:eek:nthego:
 
debbie in seattle said:
Being a newish widow, a question....why get remarried? Was married for 45+ years, an ok marriage, am able to live comfortably with the money I have, so why remarry again, why not just live together? I’m truly curious. I get the companionship, etc etc, but cant you just live together and achieve all the same goals without the paperwork? One statement my money manager told me was that if I ever choose to get married again, keep our monies seperate esp if my partner had children.
Click to expand...
I feel as you do. Sometimes for we seniors the best thing is money security. Two friends can better each others lot in life assuming they like one another. Two "paychecks" beat one...trust me, I know...
 
SeaBreeze said:
We've been married 42+ years, and if something happened to my husband I would not remarry. I don't think I'd be interested in another romantic relationship, but if I was I don't even think I'd want to live with someone, would just want to meet for outings or 'dates'. Can't say that for sure though, have to really experience loss and being alone to make that decision. But, I see no real reason to officially remarry.
Click to expand...


Same..be 43 years in June...

I would not remarry. I would however have to hire a "handy man"...:eek:nthego:
 
Thanks all! I do not have a special person in my life currently, but would like one for companionship, etc etc. it is lonely at times, awfully quiet around here, you get the jist. The one thing for certain I’ve learned from what I have gone through, never know what’s around the next bend in life. All the friends/folks who claim what they would and wouldn’t do, my siblings, friends, etc., don’t have a clue until they’re in the middle of such loss, heartbreak and an entirely new life unwillingly thrown into.
 
You don't need to get married. And yes, you want to make sure you keep your finances separate. Keep in mind that the courts do not handle property disputes for couples that are not married. So, if you really wanted to protect yourself, you and your partner would have to do the dirty, unromantic, 'paperwork' (signed agreements) that state who owns what property, assuming you're both bringing property in to share. If you start sharing expensive furniture, a car, or home/condo etc., it has to be clear who owns what, and signed, notarized documentation to follow.
I personally knew a couple that lived together for awhile, then talked of marriage. As soon as the marriage talk got serious, the man (in this case) talked about a will that would combine the monies that both parties had and include the children getting an inheritance from the combined incomes.
That ended the relationship. The female had no children, the 'children' of the man were grown (this was an older couple). She was not going to leave money to his children................
 
debbie in seattle said:
Thanks all! I do not have a special person in my life currently, but would like one for companionship, etc etc. it is lonely at times, awfully quiet around here, you get the jist. The one thing for certain I’ve learned from what I have gone through, never know what’s around the next bend in life. All the friends/folks who claim what they would and wouldn’t do, my siblings, friends, etc., don’t have a clue until they’re in the middle of such loss, heartbreak and an entirely new life unwillingly thrown into.
Click to expand...
I too am alone and lonely Debbie. It's hard to carry on alone.
 
Was it in the movie "Roots" where the marriage ceremony consisted of the couple holding hands and together

jumping over a broom which laid on the ground?. We should simplify our lives and go back to those days (In many respects.)

Ya think ?
 
If I were ever left alone, that's how I'd stay. I don't want to learn another person's quirks at this stage of life. I'd sell this house and move closer to the kids, but have no interest in another relationship. That "ship" has sailed.
 


Back
Top