Why get remarried?

fancicoffee13

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Location
Texas
I haven't been widowed very long, 4 years, but I have had the option to marry again twice. Once almost did happen. I decided to not marry and stay friends only because of money, and my ways went against his ways. I am satisfied to live alone and go places like friends houses and play cards, go to church events, and the sort. I have many, many friends and am very active. I just cannot live together and do the married thing outside of marriage. The same issues come up even inside of marriage. If I don't want to be alone, I go to a senior center, volunteer, line dance, serve at my church, etc. And when I am sick, I have people that check on me, call me. So, I just don't want the caregiver title anymore. Lots of hard work, stress, and I don't need that in my later years. Plus, if I want to go on a trip, or anything, no one to consider but myself.
 

AZ Jim

Old, alone and tired...
Joined
Nov 28, 2014
Location
SURPRISE, ARIZONA
I haven't been widowed very long, 4 years, but I have had the option to marry again twice. Once almost did happen. I decided to not marry and stay friends only because of money, and my ways went against his ways. I am satisfied to live alone and go places like friends houses and play cards, go to church events, and the sort. I have many, many friends and am very active. I just cannot live together and do the married thing outside of marriage. The same issues come up even inside of marriage. If I don't want to be alone, I go to a senior center, volunteer, line dance, serve at my church, etc. And when I am sick, I have people that check on me, call me. So, I just don't want the caregiver title anymore. Lots of hard work, stress, and I don't need that in my later years. Plus, if I want to go on a trip, or anything, no one to consider but myself.
OK! That's it! I was gonna beg for your hand but you are now outta luck!!
 

treeguy64

Hari Om, y'all!
Joined
Aug 11, 2017
Location
Austin, TX.
Only reason I married was to have kids. After that, and two divorces, no way, Jose! The gf and I have been together for fourteen years. She has her stuff, I have mine. Never, again, going to let the State tell me how I have to live my life in a relationship, or distribute things, if the relationship ends!
 

fancicoffee13

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Location
Texas
Two paychecks better than one, well what about the debts? Two loads of debt instead of just one. Yep, I had that last time. I know that there is an easier time with more money and not being alone. Just some people like to blow it too. I am not a penny pincher, but I have known people who do. Haven't met a responsible person yet. Sorry if I sound bitter, but I still, I guess, feel the pain. I don't like being alone, so...…. Anyway, I have two dogs.
 

fancicoffee13

Member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Location
Texas
I have found being friends is great. When you get older, and wiser, there are those that are just great to be around and share parts of life with. And to know that there is someone out there that wants to share with you, be there for you, is wonderful. But, then you go home to your life and your bills, and the other does too. You can still learn things from each other, and have something to look forward to. Well, that is the lighter side of being alone, part of the time.
 

Leann

Active member
Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Only reason I married was to have kids. After that, and two divorces, no way, Jose! The gf and I have been together for fourteen years. She has her stuff, I have mine. Never, again, going to let the State tell me how I have to live my life in a relationship, or distribute things, if the relationship ends!
My ex-husband was fired from most jobs he ever held and he would take his sweet time looking for a job after he was fired. In one case, he was voluntarily unemployed for nearly five years. In other words, he stayed home watching TV most days. I was steadily employed during this time and often worked long hours to keep a roof over our heads, food in the refrigerator, the utilities on and our kids in good schools. During the divorce process, my ex-husband wanted far more than he was entitled to because he said he had a hard time finding work and so he was less secure in terms of future employment than I was. It wasn't that. He would only accept certain types of jobs, if offered, and turned his nose up at work he felt was beneath him. We sought the advice of a mediator during our divorce and she empathized with him. My ex and I argued and negotiated for three months until I finally threw in the towel and agreed to most of his demands. In the divorce, he got 75% of our things (TVs, furniture, kitchen things, household stuff).

I never want to go through anything like that again so I doubt getting married again is in my future.
 

OneEyedDiva

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 4, 2016
Location
Nrw Jersey
There’s nothing wrong with that. You do what works for ‘you.’ I know an elderly couple that married ( 2nd marriage for both ) yet each kept their own houses. That’s how they wanted it and they seem happier than the average couple.
You never know. 🤷
We’ll send Cupid down your way. :hatlaugh:
LOL Keesha! :D I know this response is late but don't visit here that regularly and have trouble keeping up with who replies to me when I do.
 

Nozzle36

New member
Joined
May 5, 2017
Location
West Caost
If I had known at 20 what I now know about marriage, I would never have married in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, the traditional marriage is a form of indentured servitude and the more conservative the man and the community, the more the restrictions on the woman. It varies among various cultural and religious groups, so the degree varies from severe to mild. I discovered the hard way, that it just wasn't my cup of tea. I could be wrong,, but I suspect that to be true for lot of woman stuck in that situation. I made the best of it but my heart just wasn't in it. I've now been single for over 30 years and I've never been happier. I don't even date - but that's a whole 'nother story!
 

win231

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Location
CA
I've been divorced for 36 years. I considered marriage again, but my ex-wife and 3 fiancées after her taught me important lessons about trust & "Love."
 

StarSong

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 26, 2017
Location
Los Angeles
Marriage works well for some people, not so well for others. I've been very fortunate to have had a good, supportive, easy marriage with very few rough patches.

Indentured servitude? What a drag your marriage must have been, Nozzle. Sorry for that. Glad you learned that being single works best for you.
 
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Sunny

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Location
Maryland
Just wanted to say, this is one of the best discussions I've ever seen onlne. I have nothing much to add, except to say that fair number of couples here in my retirement community are not married. Most have been married before, and are either widowed or divorced. Many do not even share living quarters; they keep their own homes and have privacy, and presumably, all their "stuff" will go to their own kids, including their home, car, etc. But they spend at least part of every day together, travel together, attend all social occasions together, and pretty much act like a married couple. Seems like the best of both words to me.
 

StarSong

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 26, 2017
Location
Los Angeles
Just wanted to say, this is one of the best discussions I've ever seen onlne. I have nothing much to add, except to say that fair number of couples here in my retirement community are not married. Most have been married before, and are either widowed or divorced. Many do not even share living quarters; they keep their own homes and have privacy, and presumably, all their "stuff" will go to their own kids, including their home, car, etc. But they spend at least part of every day together, travel together, attend all social occasions together, and pretty much act like a married couple. Seems like the best of both words to me.
I could see how that would work well, Sunny. While I've learned to never say never, I cannot imagine a situation in which I would agree to live with or marry again if something happened to my sweetie.
 

Nozzle36

New member
Joined
May 5, 2017
Location
West Caost
Marriage works well for some people, not so well for others. I've been very fortunate to have had a good, supportive, easy marriage with very few rough patches.

Indentured servitude? What a drag your marriage must have been, Nozzle. Sorry for that. Glad you learned that being single works best for you.
Part of the problem was me and the very poor choices I made. I did elect to go through some short term therapy after the divorce and as my therapist said - my picker was broke" (had a very dysfunctional childhood - spent most of it in foster homes)
 

Judycat

Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2019
Location
Pennsylvania
Nope, was married 31 years. Don't want to do that again. I am freeeeeeee from the bonds of marriage. Been six years and don't even miss the companionship anymore. Husband was a decent guy but the set up was lousy. He was divorced twice already when I took the chance. Blah he was soured on women. We raised our children and then he died. The end.
 

OneEyedDiva

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 4, 2016
Location
Nrw Jersey
If I had known at 20 what I now know about marriage, I would never have married in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, the traditional marriage is a form of indentured servitude and the more conservative the man and the community, the more the restrictions on the woman. It varies among various cultural and religious groups, so the degree varies from severe to mild. I discovered the hard way, that it just wasn't my cup of tea. I could be wrong,, but I suspect that to be true for lot of woman stuck in that situation. I made the best of it but my heart just wasn't in it. I've now been single for over 30 years and I've never been happier. I don't even date - but that's a whole 'nother story!
I know what you mean Nozzle. My first marriage was a traditional one.. .only lasted 3 months. My second one a little more than 2 decades later was not traditional...he didn't live here "full time". Good thing because that probably wouldn't have lasted a year as much as I loved him when we married. I'm very independent and never believed in the "obey" part of traditional vows since I'm not a child and not a pet. I am Muslim and you'd be surprised at what Muslim husbands are advised to do regarding their marriages....that many, maybe most don't adhere to. Muslim husbands are advised to help their wives around the house (unless his working hours are just too long), help with the children, make sure she's pleased in bed before he finishes (in fact ask her permission to leave the marital bed). The men are also supposed to ask their wives' opinions before making important decisions. We are advised to be "blankets" or protection for one another.
 


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