I know what you mean Nozzle. My first marriage was a traditional one.. .only lasted 3 months. My second one a little more than 2 decades later was not traditional...he didn't live here "full time". Good thing because that probably wouldn't have lasted a year as much as I loved him when we married. I'm very independent and never believed in the "obey" part of traditional vows since I'm not a child and not a pet. I am Muslim and you'd be surprised at what Muslim husbands are advised to do regarding their marriages....that many, maybe most don't adhere to. Muslim husbands are advised to help their wives around the house (unless his working hours are just too long), help with the children, make sure she's pleased in bed before he finishes (in fact ask her permission to leave the marital bed). The men are also supposed to ask their wives' opinions before making important decisions. We are advised to be "blankets" or protection for one another.
Religious books of most faiths include quite a few rules, but I've never seen any issue the rules in an effective manner.
By that I mean the "what's in it for me" factor.
A promise of a reward after death is a little weak.
If the rule said, "here is a list of ways that your life as a man will be happy if you just do these duties with / for your wife"
then perhaps it would carry more weight.
It may be unfair, but many men feel that providing the bulk of the money and security is more
than enough to give.
Many men discover that if they do things like housework or help with the children, all they get
is criticism about how they do it from their wives.
Many men care a lot less about whether their clothes are clean or the kitchen floor is swept than women do.
It isnt' just that they don't want to help. They just don't care as much as you do.
It may shock you to discover that most men have no control whatsoever as to when they sexually "finish" as you put it.
Think of it as sneezing. Can you decide when to sneeze, or when to stop sneezing?
Most women make men work really hard to get them to have sex or get married.
Is it really surprising that some men are just burnt out after that?
Many men are tempted into marriage by sex and good looks.
Is it surprising that they quit trying when their wives get fat and quit being sexual?
I presume you were married in some kind of religious ceremony with a religious leader conducting it?
Before he agreed to perform the ceremony, did that person sit the two of you down?
Did he read out loud these rules, one by one?
Okay, prospective husband, do you agree to do this specific thing?
Do you understand that I personally
am going to bring a gang of men to literally beat you with sticks until you're dead if you break this rule?
And so on, one by one......?
Before you were married, did you clearly, directly, proactively tell your husbands,
"Here are the parts of the vows I don't believe in"?