Why I'm Terrified of Santa Claus

S

SifuPhil

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
As far back as I can remember I've been terrified of Santa Claus.

I mean, here's this 400-pound bearded guy in a red suit, black jack-boots and a bondage belt chasing after you going "HO-HO-HO!". You notice how he wears gloves, so that no fingerprints or DNA are left behind at the scene of the crime?

And WHY does he have to break into your house on Christmas Eve? Why can't he just ring the doorbell like anyone else, or even leave the loot on the front porch?

Now yes, I enjoyed getting toys and stuff as much as anyone else. But what was the price you paid for that stuff? Santa WATCHED YOU ALL YEAR!!! He knew when you were sleeping and he knew when you were awake! This guy was a full-time stalker!

And if he watched me all the time, that means he was watching as I took a bath or changed my clothes in gym class at school - a pervert!

My older brother once told me that he had received coal in his stocking for being a bad boy one day. ONE DAY! What kind of sicko would treat a child like that?!?

I had many a nightmare of waking up and finding him standing over my bed, leering at me, his voice rumbling "Have you been GOOD, Philip?"

I always understood the implicit good=get toys and bad=get nothing, but what was his criteria? It was never spelled out anywhere that I could find. Was "good" feeding the cat and picking up my clothes? What if I forgot to do either = was that "bad"? What was his measuring stick?

And only EIGHT tiny reindeer to pull his bulk plus all those heavy sacks around the world? That's animal abuse, plain and simple!

No, I'll never understand why people love Santa Claus.
 
I remember my mother making sit on Santa's lap once at a public gathering, I started crying until I could go back to my mother, which was pretty quickly. I was scared of that Santa Claus too. :eek:
 
Phil, just for a chuckle you'd enjoy " Hohoho, (Who'd Be a Turkey at Christmas?) by Elton John, of course there are more demented ones...but just a little cocktail celebration where they get so bombed that the Claus is cooking in the fireplace. Delightful tune.


My youngest used to be so scared of the mall Santa. All I had to do was say Santa is walking in the mall. She didn't leave my side for a second.
 
And let's not forget all those fake Santas.! There are almost as many of them as Elvis impersonators.

Do Santas EVER leave the building? I'm really beginning to lose faith. :rolleyes:
 
They even made a SONG about this guy - that's like making a song about Son of Sam!


You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

(In other words, the authorities KNOW he's coming to town, and their best advice is that you better not pout or cry? Lovely.

He's making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

Okay, so he's OCD as well, and notice they don't tell you how he'll find out if you're naughty or nice ...

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

So once again, instead of putting multiple restraining orders on this maniac they just tell you to be "good"!
 
So once again, instead of putting multiple restraining orders on this maniac they just tell you to be "good"!

It might be time to say something, does Homeland Security know about this guy?
 
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But from what I understand there are still more of them at large. Now how are they going to ID the "real" one? There might be cells of them all over:eek:
 
We call him Father Christmas here, and originally he was pictured in a green velvet robe, which was fur trimmed, but now he looks like your Santa ( the Coca Cola ad one). I think that most children are both excited and a bit scared that he will be coming into their room with toys on Christmas Eve, and a bit worried that if they have been naughty there may not be any!I once found our eldest daughter hanging around on the landing at around 6 a.m.she didn't want to go downstairs in case " he hadn't left her anything" and I felt a bit guilty , I must have said recently that she was naughty ( she was only 5) so I gave her a hug and said that of course he would have left her toys and to go and look.We always said that Father Christmas saved time by leaving presents downstairs, so they didn't worry about him coming into their room.:christmas1:

You must have had an early and traumatic Santa encounter Phil!
 
fureverywhere said:
So once again, instead of putting multiple restraining orders on this maniac they just tell you to be "good"!

It might be time to say something, does Homeland Security know about this guy?
Click to expand...

I think they claimed he was not a "creditable threat at this time", but that might change in a few weeks.
 
Shalimar said:
I am concerned about the alias--does anyone know who this guy really is? What is his end game? What is in the big red bag anyway? He says it's toys, how do we know?
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It's an ugly affair, true. Scuttlebutt says his real name is James Moriarty. His end game - world domination? Global enslavement of children? Production of a Master Race of elves?

I shudder to think about what's in the bag ... :cower:
 
oakapple said:
We call him Father Christmas here, and originally he was pictured in a green velvet robe, which was fur trimmed, but now he looks like your Santa ( the Coca Cola ad one).
Click to expand...

Obviously an attempt to cull favor with children ("Father") and a poor camouflage job.


You must have had an early and traumatic Santa encounter Phil!
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Every year ... every bloody year. :(
 
Agree, the whole idea of some old guy called Santa in his red suit, beard and boots is a bit bizarre, like some kind of space alien. Then there's the reindeer and sleigh thing, kind of makes you wonder what people have been drinking (or smoking). Do kids really need this fantasy? I think not.
 
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