Why the confrontations in this forum?

Status
Not open for further replies.
seadoug

seadoug

Well-known Member
Location
Texas
I've been in this forum more years than I'll care to admit. The nastiness was brutal during the Covid pandemic, but that was a controversial topic and it calmed down afterward. Then we all became cordial and realized we were working toward the same goal... getting older comfortably. Now it seems in a number of threads some type of confrontation happens. I've seen a couple recently where something as minor as a Laugh emoji was a catalyst. Why not just ignore it and move on? And some members seem to reply with snarky comments just to get attention.

Yes, I'll call out people, but I try to do it politely. Is everyone just uptight because of the bleak state of the world? Why these confrontations? Just calling it as I see it.
 
If this topic is referring to specific topics where confrontations have unfolded
well then there have been many over the years here, I've been a member.
Some have been disgustingly confrontational, others lightly so, all levels of
nastiness.

Generally, I pass those topics by, unless I have something to add or contribute
I chose to just view and read. More so, I look to enjoy the topics I participate in
and just stay cool about it all I guess. If though I have something to say, you
can bet I will take time to comment.

As to why there are confrontations. Can't say for sure. Many possibilities.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
If this topic is referring to specific topics where confrontations have unfolded
well then there have been many over the years here, I've been a member.
Some have been disgustingly confrontational, others lightly so, all levels of
nastiness.

Generally, I pass those topics by, unless I have something to add or contribute
I chose to just view and read. More so, I look to enjoy the topics I participate in
and just stay cool about it all I guess. If though I have something to say, you
can bet I will take time to comment.

As to why there are confrontations. Can't say for sure. Many possibilities.
Click to expand...
And I respect you for that!
 
I am so sorry to this post from you @seadoug , but you are spot on — there is a lot of dissension and confrontation on this forum.

It is why I have stopped logging in and commenting. I have tried to avoid confrontational threads, but it seems the negativism is spreading everywhere, and I don’t want to be part of it.

Hopefully people will rein in their mean spiritedness and act a little more civilized. Or maybe they can’t see themselves and will continue to do the bobbing dog head to acknowledge the matter but not do anything to change.

I am new to this forum, so won’t be missed. I thought this would be a forum to enjoy being a part of, but that isn’t the case.
 
seadoug said:
I've been in this forum more years than I'll care to admit. The nastiness was brutal during the Covid pandemic, but that was a controversial topic and it calmed down afterward. Then we all became cordial and realized we were working toward the same goal... getting older comfortably. Now it seems in a number of threads some type of confrontation happens. I've seen a couple recently where something as minor as a Laugh emoji was a catalyst. Why not just ignore it and move on? And some members seem to reply with snarky comments just to get attention.

Yes, I'll call out people, but I try to do it politely. Is everyone just uptight because of the bleak state of the world? Why these confrontations? Just calling it as I see it.
Click to expand...
If you're referring to me, I don't consider asking an individual what the reason was for a 'LOL' to be 'snarky.'
An emoji is meant to show an individual commenting on something thinks it's funny- and when it's used on a comment that was straightforward and, actually, was a compliment, it comes off as ridicule.
 
Well, here goes.

I apologize for the way I came across with my less than polite comment.

Honestly my intent was to bash the so called experts that made what seemed to me a ridiculous conclusion.

I was surprised to see seadoug's responses (both of them;)) and after the fact went back to read the original post several times. I missed what seems to be an actual direct involvement in writing the article up in some other format? If so that would give a good reason for taking offense.

I didn't want to make matters worse, so I deleted my response.

I'm sorry seadoug, hopefully you can forgive my misguided and possibly misinterperated comment.
 
Last edited:
Coconut said:
I am new here, give me a break. :LOL:
I am sorry if any one is upset with me.
I do not intend to insult or upset anyone.
Seems to me I have
.
Sometimes a little humor is good for the sole.
Sometimes I am misunderstood.

Help, I am under attach.
That is how I feel.
☮️
Click to expand...
I would encourage you to stay a while longer. When I first joined senior forums I managed to get under the skin of a few people at first. As an outsider (Australian) whenever I expressed my opinion on controversial topics such as gun control it was considered by some to indicate that I was anti American, which I am not, and never have been.

It took me some time to be able to post without being very wary of hostile responses, but eventually I was able to find my place here and I am glad that I stayed. I joined on Jul 11, 2013 and I've put down deep roots since then.

You have offered an apology. I did the same a few times. It does help, even if you feel that you have written nothing that calls for one.
 
As much as I'm on the forum, it seems I miss some of the confrontations I've seen members refer to. Same with the one you mentioned Doug. However, I have been a victim of uncalled for rude, disrespectful comments by one particular member, who I didn't even address personally in the comment that set them off. Some people can't accept and respect that opinions can differ and should be discussed without getting nasty and disrespectful. I've also been exposed to racist and Islamophobic comments, but I believe those members are gone.

Unfortunately, several months ago, a very nice member reached out to me to say that they were leaving the forum because they had been a victim of such nastiness. Turns out it was by the same member as me. Sadly, I couldn't convince that person to stay. I'm not going to let anyone chase me off this forum. I try to maintain my demeanor, act like a lady and hold on to my religion. There's a song that goes: "I can be as good as the best and as bad as the worst....so don't test me." Hell, I don't even like myself when I'm angry! :LOL:
 
I have learned "the not so easy way" that if 2 or more members butt heads over a subject, take a deep breath, agree to disagree then move on. If that doesn't satisfy one or the other or both members then PM each other to work it out. IMHO you can always use the ignore feature. Constantly attacking who you consider your adversary is a TOS violation which could get you banned. Bottom line, take a deep breath, it's just a forum not a shooting gallery, I hoped this helped. Take care.
 
I don't want to say 'confrontation' but here and other places some just seem intent on getting the last word to declare. victory. This is why the same two posters can kill one page with frivolous banter. Sometimes it's like kids saying things like ' I'm double right ' followed by 'I'm triple right' , Oh yeah , uh-uh etc

Peace
 
Sunkist said:
If you're referring to me, I don't consider asking an individual what the reason was for a 'LOL' to be 'snarky.'
An emoji is meant to show an individual commenting on something thinks it's funny- and when it's used on a comment that was straightforward and, actually, was a compliment, it comes off as ridicule.
Click to expand...
Not at all. This wasn't directed at you at all! Am I allowed to say your are one of my faves in this forum?😄
 
Last edited:
January said:
I am not sure which thread or topic brought this on or just a general perceived change of tone??

This forum seems pretty good on keeping name calling out of it - but I guess we are all human and sometimes post bit too hastily - or conversely sometimes perceive snarkiness where it wasn't intended.
Click to expand...
There were particular threads, but I'm certainly not going to point them out. I haven't noticed any name-calling. That would be banned in any forum.
 
seadoug said:
I've been in this forum more years than I'll care to admit. The nastiness was brutal during the Covid pandemic, but that was a controversial topic and it calmed down afterward. Then we all became cordial and realized we were working toward the same goal... getting older comfortably. Now it seems in a number of threads some type of confrontation happens. I've seen a couple recently where something as minor as a Laugh emoji was a catalyst. Why not just ignore it and move on? And some members seem to reply with snarky comments just to get attention.

Yes, I'll call out people, but I try to do it politely. Is everyone just uptight because of the bleak state of the world? Why these confrontations? Just calling it as I see it.
Click to expand...
Some people enjoy tearing certain people down for whatever reason. But sometimes I think they just get hateful when they don't have a good reply. Or they tell you they don't care what you think and get all puffed up. It seems difficult to have a civilized discussion with people.

They take literally everything the wrong way. And frankly I don't think we should hafta worry about what emoji we use. It's getting to the point I rarely leave my diary page cuz I get sick of people getting all worked up and ranting at me like they know everything and I should just go along with it. It's ok for them to voice an opinion and anyone who is voicing the opposite is either stupid or shouldn't even be talking.

It's to the point where I almost hate posting anything anymore. And then there's the ones that won't engage because I guess they don't think you're worth having a discussion with. It gets old after a while. I guess I figured at our age we'd be able to talk like grown ups.
 
I try to consider the who before the why.

There are some members that mean a great deal to me and I would be crushed to think that I offended or upset them, then there is the rest of the world…

My best advice is to just let it go and not take the bait or engage the offended member.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always take my own advice but that doesn’t mean that it’s not good advice. 😉🤭😂

1777530328616.jpeg
 
OneEyedDiva said:
As much as I'm on the forum, it seems I miss some of the confrontations I've seen members refer to. Same with the one you mentioned Doug. However, I have been a victim of uncalled for rude, disrespectful comments by one particular member, who I didn't even address personally in the comment that set them off. Some people can't accept and respect that opinions can differ and should be discussed without getting nasty and disrespectful. I've also been exposed to racist and Islamophobic comments, but I believe those members are gone.

Unfortunately, several months ago, a very nice member reached out to me to say that they were leaving the forum because they had been a victim of such nastiness. Turns out it was by the same member as me. Sadly, I couldn't convince that person to stay. I'm not going to let anyone chase me off this forum. I try to maintain my demeanor, act like a lady and hold on to my religion. There's a song that goes: "I can be as good as the best and as bad as the worst....so don't test me." Hell, I don't even like myself when I'm angry! :LOL:
Click to expand...

@OneEyedDiva, I know who you're talking about. I witnessed the exchange between you and that individual. It's not the first time that person has taken offense when there was nothing to be offended about. After insulting multiple members, that person has often deleted their offensive comments; they may be able to remove their words from the page, but they cannot erase them from my memories. Despite that person being reported numerous times, nothing has been done to address their repeated bad behavior.

Because of all the infighting, I don't post as frequently as I used to. It's disturbing. I especially avoid controversial topics because you never know what's going to set someone off.

A little more compassion, tolerance, and understanding for others goes a long way in fostering civilized communication and community well-being.
 
Then there are those who are nasty behind the scenes while pretending to be sweetness and light on the forum ...

Just very recently.. a person who is a forum friend received 2 pm's on the same day from 2 members here.... whose names I was given , and will not mention here.. warning them off from being friendly and supportive to me telling this member that Hollydolly is a nasty person...

Well over 100 folllowers.. over a quarter of a million ''likes'' says something conpletely different , and in fact told my forum friend a lot more about the people who PM'd them... than it ever could about me !

So those people sitting on their high horse .. acting like their decent people on the forum, are actually showing their true colours behind the scenes !
 
Warrigal said:
I would encourage you to stay a while longer. When I first joined senior forums I managed to get under the skin of a few people at first. As an outsider (Australian) whenever I expressed my opinion on controversial topics such as gun control it was considered by some to indicate that I was anti American, which I am not, and never have been.

It took me some time to be able to post without being very wary of hostile responses, but eventually I was able to find my place here and I am glad that I stayed. I joined on Jul 11, 2013 and I've put down deep roots since then.

You have offered an apology. I did the same a few times. It does help, even if you feel that you have written nothing that calls for one.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the encouragement @Warrigal.
I will get over it. I am just not going to be posting as much.
However:
I am not going to be attacked for no reason by people I do not even know.
 
I feel so clueless right now! I have seen the division, of course, but in my mind it's a couple of individual pot stirrers who know darn well that the words they [most likely] purposely choose will start trouble. So that would be my answer to "why the confrontations?: Fortunately it's fairly easy to spot them and I *try* to keep quiet in those instances, but it doesn't always work. :sneaky:

Gotta say that reading through this thread is giving me quite an education. Gossip in PMs? Our @OneEyedDiva getting rude and disrespectful comments? People leaving because of same rudeness?! I'll say right here that I'm trying real hard to determine which of our members this would describe and I'm coming up blank. And I thought I was fairly observant... maybe it's better being oblivious. 🤷‍♀️
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top