Would you go to a funeral....

I don't like funerals. Maybe your cousin's spouse doesn't either. If you simply want to pay your respects, set the animosity aside.
 

I wouldn't do anything out of spite for someone's actions in the past. If I wanted to pay my respects to the family, I'd attend the funeral and hold no petty grudges.
 
I dunno, I still hold it against my cousins. We were never close but I remember my Mom's funeral. I was three months pregnant with my first daughter and Mom went suddenly. You think they could manage a bit more than a wave and Hey how ya doin' there?
Even a stranger you could manage a hug. I have never done funerals for that side of the family and that's okay.
 
Before my family gave up on funerals and moved over to the "let's incinerate him and have a big party afterwards" school of thought, we had more than one dysfunctional funeral.

There was the great-uncle's second wife that arranged for someone to come to the cemetery right after the funeral and buy back all the flowers from her. That didn't go over very well.

There was the funeral where a mentally-ill niece ran down the aisle of the funeral home and dived head-first into the coffin yelling, "______, _______, don't go! I'm coming with you!"

There was a great-aunt's funeral where a portion of the family was screaming accusations at each other in the parking lot outside the funeral home. Before AND after the funeral, no less.

But the best one was my father's cousin's funeral. "Bud" had been messing around with the wife of a jealous man and had received a fatal dose of lead as a result. Of course, the family story was that it was just a case of mistaken identity. Sure. Anyway, the funeral is about to start in a small country church. The widow, "Beulah" (Big Beulah, as she was known in the family for very good cause), had just been seated when the girlfriend slithers in, dressed in black from head to toe, heavily veiled. She sits down halfway down the church and starts in. "Oh, Bud, you were too good for this world! <SOB, SOB, SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF> Bud, what am I going to do without you? <SOB, SOB, SNIFF, SNIFF, SNIFF> Oh, Bud, why did you have to leave us. < More sobbing and sniffing>"

Beulah gets up, steps out into the aisle, arranges her veil back, walks down the aisle and snatches the sobbing girlfriend out of the pew and proceeds to mop the floor with her. I was not quite six, but I can remember the scene like I was looking at it on Facebook. All I could see was Beulah's huge, yellowed-girdled-covered butt (her dress had ridden up) as she kneeled on the girlfriend and banged her head on the floor. My mother was trying to get me to get down from the pew but no way was I going to miss THAT. The men get Beulah off the girlfriend, hustle the girlfriend out, and get Beulah brushed off, properly covered and back in her pew. The funeral proceeds. Luckily there were no more fireworks at the gravesite.

See why I don't like "funerals"?
 
Underock1 said:
I'm not a big believer in funerals, but I certainly wouldn't base my decision whether to go or not on that.
Tit for tat is why we have a Mid East crisis.
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I agree -- what somebody did or didn't do a while ago shouldn't influence a decision to go to a different person's funeral. At a funeral, you are supposed to be showing respect for the deceased, NOT what members of his/her family did or didn't do in the past.

Having said that, I do not like funerals, and don't go if I can find a decent way out.
 
jujube said:
Before my family gave up on funerals and moved over to the "let's incinerate him and have a big party afterwards" school of thought, we had more than one dysfunctional funeral.

There was the great-uncle's second wife that arranged for someone to come to the cemetery right after the funeral and buy back all the flowers from her. That didn't go over very well.

Sounds like there's a best seller in those funeral stories. :)

There was the funeral where a mentally-ill niece ran down the aisle of the funeral home and dived head-first into the coffin yelling, "______, _______, don't go! I'm coming with you!"

There was a great-aunt's funeral where a portion of the family was screaming accusations at each other in the parking lot outside the funeral home. Before AND after the funeral, no less.

But the best one was my father's cousin's funeral. "Bud" had been messing around with the wife of a jealous man and had received a fatal dose of lead as a result. Of course, the family story was that it was just a case of mistaken identity. Sure. Anyway, the funeral is about to start in a small country church. The widow, "Beulah" (Big Beulah, as she was known in the family for very good cause), had just been seated when the girlfriend slithers in, dressed in black from head to toe, heavily veiled. She sits down halfway down the church and starts in. "Oh, Bud, you were too good for this world! <SOB, SOB, SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF> Bud, what am I going to do without you? <SOB, SOB, SNIFF, SNIFF, SNIFF> Oh, Bud, why did you have to leave us. < More sobbing and sniffing>"

Beulah gets up, steps out into the aisle, arranges her veil back, walks down the aisle and snatches the sobbing girlfriend out of the pew and proceeds to mop the floor with her. I was not quite six, but I can remember the scene like I was looking at it on Facebook. All I could see was Beulah's huge, yellowed-girdled-covered butt (her dress had ridden up) as she kneeled on the girlfriend and banged her head on the floor. My mother was trying to get me to get down from the pew but no way was I going to miss THAT. The men get Beulah off the girlfriend, hustle the girlfriend out, and get Beulah brushed off, properly covered and back in her pew. The funeral proceeds. Luckily there were no more fireworks at the gravesite.

See why I don't like "funerals"?
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Sounds like there's a best seller in those funeral stories jujube. :)
 
Funerals really are for the living more than the dead in my opinion and I go to very few funerals now days. Having said that, I will say this too...I would never not go to someone's funeral just because someone didn't show up for someone's elses.
 
I would go to the funeral if I felt I wanted to, but if I didn't really want to go and it was inconvenient, then at least I would feel free of any obligation to do so.
 
Ooooo! Does it include recipes for funeral food? I swear that Southern funerals have the very best funeral food. My all-time favorite is Hot Pineapple Casserole.
 
I'm facing a similar situation tomorrow. My Dad's younger brothers wife passed away 2 days ago. She was 90 yrs old. Her daughters don't bother with me because I am friendly with their brother who they have turned against. I found out my Aunt had passed away through a mutual friend. The Funeral is tomorrow and even though it will be very
uncomfortable for me ,since I know no one will speak to me,I will still go.
 
jujube said:
You'll be glad you did, Sassy. You're going to honor your aunt and to heck with it if her daughters don't like it. Go in, do the "pleasantry shuffle" and talk to whom you want. Don't get drawn into any unpleasantness and then go out and have a nice stiff drink and dedicate it to your aunt.
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I

Thank you for the good advice,that is exactly what I will do. :)
 
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