Would you miss folks

nwlady said:
Anyway, I must have some sort of "fear of loss" too because I didn't want to be involved with people because I know they may not always be around. But that just tells me to enjoy them while they are here, or there, or everywhere:cool:
Click to expand...

To fear separation is to fear change; to fear change is to go against the Tao.

Like you said, enjoy them while they're here. ;)
 

I think it was Mickey Mouse who played Bob Cratchet in the Disney version of "The Christmas Carol",who said following Tiny Tim's departure...."Life is full of greetings and partings".....or it may have been Goofy!:)
 
nwlady said:
Wow, so much excellent input. I know everyone has their own feelings about online socializing, I'm just really grateful for it, but that's only because of the folks I've met. The longer I stay, and communicate with people, the better I know them. I admire folks who get together more in person because I am a bit gun-shy of that. I am alone, no children, no hubby, and like others I've been hurt. But I know I did some hurting too in my life, and everyone else has been hurt or disappointed.

I am learning not to put expectations on people, I mean like expect others to make my life better, or solve my problems. I guess I'm saying the best thing I've learned in my life (but don't always practice it) is to "give" friendship, love, and not be expecting anything in return.

Anyway, I must have some sort of "fear of loss" too because I didn't want to be involved with people because I know they may not always be around. But that just tells me to enjoy them while they are here, or there, or everywhere:cool:
Click to expand...

What a great post, I very much relate to your circumstances and much of what you've said. I don't place expectations either; I let things flow, I'll take a chance, but, I'm guarded to a point as I've lost a lot as well and just have to be ready to let go of anyone or anything without too much fuss, it may scar, but, the pain is short. I've never lost my need to be connected to others, within limits of course. And I know all the mumbo jumbo as to why this isn't good to do, but it kind of has worked for me more often than not or maybe less often than not. I dont care, I'm getting too old to worry about it.:eek:ld: However Denise you, have been a breath of fresh air and caused me to take pause. I'll probably keep the shield for a while longer though. :D
 
SifuPhil said:
To fear separation is to fear change; to fear change is to go against the Tao.

Like you said, enjoy them while they're here. ;)
Click to expand...

Some change I love, that's why I was such a gypsy most of my life;) but I know what you are saying. I'm really not sure if I truly fear "loss of" people in my life, or, fear being hurt by. I suppose it can be both because I know there are wonderful people in the world, but we are all human, and at some point, we are going to let someone down, even if it's to die. I've heard it said "why did they leave me" when a person close to them dies. There's an anger, or can be.

I just know that separating myself too much from folks, brings on a horrible lonliness. I need friends, and I learned to have a friend I need to be a friend. That's a risk, because I have to remember not to "expect" from them. I know that pushes people away when we try to "get" our happiness from them. Anyway, it's something I have looked at, and even studied over the years. I still can't figure me out, lol! or anyone else;) Just accept people and variety "is" the spice of life:playful:
 
nwlady said:
Some change I love, that's why I was such a gypsy most of my life;) but I know what you are saying. I'm really not sure if I truly fear "loss of" people in my life, or, fear being hurt by. I suppose it can be both because I know there are wonderful people in the world, but we are all human, and at some point, we are going to let someone down, even if it's to die. I've heard it said "why did they leave me" when a person close to them dies. There's an anger, or can be.

I just know that separating myself too much from folks, brings on a horrible lonliness. I need friends, and I learned to have a friend I need to be a friend. That's a risk, because I have to remember not to "expect" from them. I know that pushes people away when we try to "get" our happiness from them. Anyway, it's something I have looked at, and even studied over the years. I still can't figure me out, lol! or anyone else;) Just accept people and variety "is" the spice of life:playful:
Click to expand...

I do understand what you're saying. We all need people but we also fear rejection.
 
Yeah, kind of a rock and a hardspot. We could do a whole, psychological discussion on this one hey:)
 
I do miss friends on here, but at the moment with so much going on with dear daughter in law and other family members, it is a bit hard to put my mind to things, but i do think about you all.
 
That's ok, lots will still be here, that's what I like about it when I do take a time out, chosen or not, people I know are still here holding down the fort;)
 
As Barbara sings it, "People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world...."
 
I joined a free online diet forum 3 years ago when I got motivated to get fitter and healthier and a healthy weight before I turned 60. It was such a supportive and friendly group that after a while I considered some of them my friends as well. I don't belong to the group anymore but am friends with a few of them on Facebook. One of them made a comment about sending her postcards when I traveled since she couldn't afford to go anywhere, so I got her address and have sent her 2 or 3 postcards. She lives in Florida. And she's my friend.
 
Justme said:
Back in the days when I made 'friends' on-line, a BIG mistake,:mad: I met several of them in real life. With one exception, they were nothing like they appeared to be on the NET and were certainly not the sort of people I would ever have anything to do with in reality.
Click to expand...

I should have heeded your warning, at least in taking some at first glance in thinking good souls are abound. You were wiser than I gave credit, many are only as friendly as you are their mirror in thought and in many other ways that have come to light.
 
I had a bad experience with befriending an online forum person in real life. I shared information regarding family in the forum.. Someone who was very supportive and friendly on the forum wanted to be FB friends. I accepted and she proceeded to tell my family everything discussed on the forum. Very bad experience and it almost tore apart my family..... so I learned two things

1. NEVER share sensitive personal information

2. NEVER extend online friendships to real life..

Lesson learned at a high price.
 
I've made some fantastic friends from forums. I was on one several years ago that just sort of petered out, but I am still friends both on-line and in person with three of the people. They lived all over the country and I have visited and been visited by all of them. With a couple of exceptions, I'm sure I'd love to be friends with all of you guys.
 
jujube said:
I've made some fantastic friends from forums. I was on one several years ago that just sort of petered out, but I am still friends both on-line and in person with three of the people. They lived all over the country and I have visited and been visited by all of them. With a couple of exceptions, I'm sure I'd love to be friends with all of you guys.
Click to expand...

Don't get me wrong, there are several people, I am very good friends with that I've met via forums and several from here that I still think are terrific, just many more that have greatly turned out to be not as I thought on earlier impressions. I truly believed them to be quite nice and wise to boot. Not a big deal, just momentarily felt stupid for caring too much and giving more credit than some deserved once again I always want to believe the best in people, as old as I am, seems it's a hard habit to break.
 
AprilT said:
Don't get me wrong, there are several people, I am very good friends with that I've met via forums and several from here that I still think are terrific, just many more that have greatly turned out to be not as I thought on earlier impressions. I truly believed them to be quite nice and wise to boot. Not a big deal, just momentarily felt stupid for caring too much and giving more credit than some deserved once again I always want to believe the best in people, as old as I am, seems it's a hard habit to break.
Click to expand...

yes me too, I've made some really nice friends online over the years and been to forum meets where some of the people have been a lot different to how the ''appear' online, and not in a good way..I can't ever understand that.
 
I'm a hit and miss poster on most boards. So no, I probably wouldn't miss or notice that someone left unless it was mentioned by another member. And I have never met anyone from a message board or any other way online. Just not for me.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top