You're A Senior Living Alone and You Start Having Trouble Due to Failing Health....

Great posts Di, and timely for me. .. I like your insight.
I'm at the crossroads of sorting treasures, memories, clutter and junk !! . .. not moving, but doing a big 2-day yard sale with multi-family groups this weekend. (if weather permits). I've put it off as long as I could, so now I need to get serious and make a dent in years and years of possessions. My daughters have helped to force my hand .. or I probably wouldn't be doing it, at least not now.

It's really hard to tear yourself away from things you don't need, don't use .. but there they sit collecting dust or taking up space in closets, etc. .. Have donated some items and will do more after the yard sale. What doesn't sell, will go to a school organization collecting items, or the Salvation Army. It won't come back into the house or garage ..lol
And the worst is getting rid of large, heavy exercise machines that weigh a ton ...hELP!! SIL is the mover and shaker of that stuff.

I'll be glad when it's all over .....
 

Jilly and Di...I sympathize with your situations, and can easily see myself there in the not too distant future. You both have such brilliant minds, it's a shame when the body is no longer willing to co-operate with the brain. I can imagine it's a horrible feeling to be feel helpless and alone, needing medical care and being unable to get it because there's no one to care for you. My hubby and I are alone also, as far as family is concerned. No kids or relative, except my brother who lives in another state to occasionally to help out.

When I had my knee replacement, I would lay there wondering what would happen to me if it weren't for my husband to care for me. My doctor arranged for an in home health nurse to visit a couple of times a week, but all she did was ask me questions about how I felt and take my temp. After the third visit of this nonsense I dismissed her. I can take my own temp and know if I'm feeling bad enough to call a doctor. I am not yet feeble minded.

Living remotely as we do and having a large property and animals to care for, it is easy to envision the day when we will no longer be able to do this. There are days when I think that time is close, with my back issues and hubby's lung problem. We have to take one day at a time and do the things we are capable of doing on any given day. Some days are good, some not so much. One thing I know for sure is that I will not be warehoused in a nursing home, waiting to die, if I am in my right mind when that time comes.

Jilly and Di, I wish you the best of luck in managing your living situation, sounds like you have it sorted out Di, and Jilly I hope you somehow are able to get the help you need to get medical attention you require. Maybe that fairy godmother is just around the corner.
 
Di, you've made some very good points. I guess I've been lucky in that respect, as since we've moved so much over the years, I've kept the clutter down quite a bit. Each time I've asked myself "Do I need this or will I use it later"?, and usually out it goes. Yes, I've missed some things we've gotten rid of, but not to the degree that it makes a difference. I have a few things; but our daughter knows they will be hers, and she knows she can sell them or use them, whichever works for her, is ok with me.

Jilly; I'm sorry you are having to go through this...is there anyone you could stay with temporarily while you recover from the surgery you need?? Your daughter; or even a neighbor or friend, maybe?? Do you have siblings nearby??

Ozarkgal, that's how we feel. One day at a time, and we don't want to be dependent on anyone any more than we have to. We have our family trust, and advance directives to take over when that time comes, and hopefully, everyone will respect our wishes. We've discussed it, and I do believe they will.
 

OMG i am in the same boat Di, i have been trying to declutter for ages but my ailments won't let me, i have sold a few items on Gumtree but i still have heaps to plough through, my backroom is chockers full and i have enough Tupperware to open a shop plus i can hardly get in that room, again where's the good fairy when you need her.


Well, I was kidding earlier about us in our bikinis, but I truly wish I could help you. I am a neat freak and used to have a wk-end job organizing closets, and I wasn't cheap either! I kept raising my prices and people kept paying it. Then I became involved in a 5 yr relationship and wanted my wk-ends. Wish I could get some new customers as mine have either passed on, gone into assisted living or moved away, as I can't locate any of them.

Admittedly OCD, I get a thrill out of having everything in order and only wish I could help you out...and there would be no charge. I am concerned for you. This is a huge problem, but you remain so cheerful and upbeat. How hard that must be!
 
Yes, Di, you described it well..good idea on taking pictures before you get rid of it.

I've spent the last three years decluttering and sizing down, trying to fix up the house to eliminate as much maintenance as possible...I had a barn full of years of accumulation, I called the kids and told them to take what they wanted, tried to sell some of it, ended up giving a lot of it away after I discovered no one would buy it..lol. My son is into antiques and family memorabilia, so that helped...but it is hard to let it all go as it brings back all the memories behind each piece. I've started writing notes about different items...the story behind it and putting the note with the item, hoping the kids will take care of it. I'm still in fairly good health, but its always in the back of my mind that there will come a day soon when I will have to ask for help.
 
Diwundrin... A wonderful talent for putting your wisdom into words. Should be mandatory reading for everyone... not that it will apply to all, but because it serves as a starting point for thinking through the years ahead.
Here in the US, we call "treasures", hoarding and have a top rated TV series that glamorize the dealing with sentimentality.
I am the worst of all... accumulating electronic toys and mechanical instruments and tools of all kinds, and filling sheds, garages and closets in three different locations. It's a hobby of sorts, and I DO periodically sort through and "play with" my toys. My bride has been patient and accepting of this fetish, :angel: else I should be alone and living in a cave.

I would conservatively estimate the value of my 'treasures' at $20K+... but have signed a mental pact with my conscience to not consider the value at all... and to resolve the decluttering by ordering in a large dumpster, opening the doors of my home for a free "take what you want" day, and hiring help to oversee the giveaway and dispose of the balance. I shall take that time to vacation... and not be there. A psychogical ploy balanced by having based our finances on excluding all personal belongings (except for the house) from our net worth. It works for me.

The issue of "stuff" seems to be simple, but after living in senior communities for 23 years, it's my belief that this is one of, if not the worst cause of stress... (next to health)... and even exceeding money. That's a humble opinion.
 
Anne my daughter has just moved into a unit that has about 20 steps to climb to get in and there is only 2 bedrooms and they are full, so i will just have to put up with it or try and find out if there is a respite home or similar i could stay in while recuperating, there is very limited info on things for us elderly folks.
About 3 yrs ago i had an arthroscopy on my right knee and also my ankle was operated on at the same time, he discovered i had no cartilage between the 3 bones, why he didn't just fuse my ankle then i can't understand, i suppose it's all about money for surgeons. Pffft my daughter stayed the night then i was on my own which was hard but i got through it, it's time like that i really miss my beautiful husband, you were lucky OZ.
That's very sweet Katy but i would love to be able to wear a bikini ho hum.
As far as decluttering i think i need to get tougher with myself and put all the things i don't use in boxes for the op shop as people aren't prepared to pay what you want on Gumtree
 
Three years ago when we retired and downsized our house by half I parted with at least half of the "stuff", and two thirds of the furniture. Now as I look around at all the knick knacks, cabinets stuffed with dishes, pans, bowls, utensils, a large shed half filled with plastic containers stacked three deep with stuff I haven't seen in three years, Christmas items collected over the decades, and I haven't really decorated for Christmas for several years, hubby's three cabinets of tools collected over the decades from his job, some left over tack from horse years, and odds and ends of every thing imaginable, I wonder what the hell to do with it.
Oh, I almost forgot the storage cubbyholes that run the full length of both sides of the loft in the cabin, yup, stuffed!

The though of being able to clean house without dusting all these knick knacks is becoming more appealing by the day. My problem is not so much having trouble parting with it as it is what to do with it. I keep telling myself I could sell it on eBay or Etsy, and have even thought of renting a booth in one of the many antique/collectable stores around here. Hells bells, I could probably fill a small store.

I have no prospect of having a yard sale as no one would travel down our road to get here, plus being so secluded I don't want or encourage strangers to come here. I do have a large trailer that I have thought of loading and pulling up to a Salvation Army and telling them to unload it. Also, once a year the town has a community garage sale in town where you can bring your stuff to sell. I don't know if loading all this stuff up, driving to town and setting it up would be worth the effort, as I would make pennies on the dollar.

I know I have to do something while I still have any energy left and can sort this stuff out and dispose of it.


Yes Jilly, I am very fortunate to have my hubby. I count every day that I have him as a gift and don't know what I would do without him. I am so sorry you lost yours and you are left to face things alone.


Why is it the minute you buy something, and decide to sell it, it becomes virtually worthless?
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Yes, Di, you described it well..good idea on taking pictures before you get rid of it.

I've spent the last three years decluttering and sizing down, trying to fix up the house to eliminate as much maintenance as possible...I had a barn full of years of accumulation, I called the kids and told them to take what they wanted, tried to sell some of it, ended up giving a lot of it away after I discovered no one would buy it..lol. My son is into antiques and family memorabilia, so that helped...but it is hard to let it all go as it brings back all the memories behind each piece. I've started writing notes about different items...the story behind it and putting the note with the item, hoping the kids will take care of it. I'm still in fairly good health, but its always in the back of my mind that there will come a day soon when I will have to ask for help.

What a great idea, Jackie, writing notes and I know they will be treasured down the road. Same as you, I'm still in good health, no prescribed meds needed. As with most reading this, I'm just far more limited in stamina...and extremely grateful that's my only complaint. But living alone, going forward is always on my mind. I'm sure it is for all of us. I know there are other members who have heavy challenges, I'm just more familiar with those of Di and Jill and hope that I have the chutzpah to carry on as bravely as they do. My hat is off to both you ladies, you take your limitations face on and do yourselves proud.
 
Anne my daughter has just moved into a unit that has about 20 steps to climb to get in and there is only 2 bedrooms and they are full, so i will just have to put up with it or try and find out if there is a respite home or similar i could stay in while recuperating, there is very limited info on things for us elderly folks.

Jill, very sorry to hear of your circumstances and I really feel for you and your health situation.:( I just did a Google search for "respite in Coffs Harbour area", I presume you are somewhere close, and there were a few links, but I only looked at this one.
http://www.waratahrespite.org/

I don't know if this is any help to you but as I said, there are others. May be worth a search.
 
I did a very big declutter over several months, during December last year and through to September this year. I very purposefully had four boxes. That which I actually needed to keep, ie bed linen, various pots and pans, that which I wanted to keep, then that which I could sell, and that which I could donate. I went through the needed to keep, and the wanted to keep several times. I found it easier to approach each room, and indeed, each cupboard as a separate project. That's why it took so long. It's not really something you can rush through in a week or two. Of course, some things I regret having parted with, but I now have a home that I live with, rather comfortably. I remember having to clear out my Mum's home after she passed away. She'd lived there for over 40 years. There was so much "junk", that only meant something to her. We really don't need as much as we tend to keep. Most of it is want, rather than need.
 
Thanks for doing that search for me Casper that's very nice of you, i will bookmark that and contact them later, i feel i will need a rehab place as they will have to help me to keep mobile and to exercise the leg so i will look into that avenue as well
 
Thanks for doing that search for me Casper that's very nice of you, i will bookmark that and contact them later, i feel i will need a rehab place as they will have to help me to keep mobile and to exercise the leg so i will look into that avenue as well

You're very welcome Jill.....sounds like you will definitely need rehab....we've got some excellent rehab facilities for pensioners down here, so should be similar in your area....I hope so, for your sake......good luck with the searching.:)
 
Thanks for the trouble of finding that Cas, I've bookmarked it too.
I've been coerced into choosing the convertible night/day sofa instead of my preferred lounge when moving to accommodate a rel who has offered to stay over if I need her to, after some yet unforeseen op or similar, but knowing there is another option is a comfort.

OzarkGal:... One thing I know for sure is that I will not be warehoused in a nursing home, waiting to die, if I am in my right mind when that time comes.

Strangely enough that doesn't hold the fears for me that it once did. If I'm gaga it won't matter where I am, but if I still have my marbles then the internet has opened a world to those in Nursing Home condition to continue to live, if only vicariously, in their minds. That awful pit of loneliness and boredom of people plopped in armchairs like bundles of rags to stare at each other or the walls is largely a thing of the past.
Or it least is has been in the facilities I've seen over the last decade. Those bed-ridden even, can summon the energy to look at and press a button or two on a laptop. It's better than watching ads on a TV all day. Our parents generation couldn't be expected to adapt to using computers at that late stage of their life, but it is all too accessible to ours to utilize. It offers a connection to the world and to relatives through emails or even... yuk... Facebook. It has funnies to be found and hobbies to research, and gives us the global circus to watch.

The ceiling and wall staring days can be over if we choose to see out our last days still 'enjoying the ride.'
Thank you Tim Berners Lee, bet you didn't see that aspect of your invention.
Bet you didn't envisage we doddering old has-beens croaking our last opinions and dribbling on our keyboards did ya?

Anne: Jilly; I'm sorry you are having to go through this...is there anyone you could stay with temporarily while you recover from the surgery you need?? Your daughter; or even a neighbor or friend, maybe?? Do you have siblings nearby??

I've offered her a spare bed but she wouldn't get far from it if she was relying on me to care for her physically. All it would accomplish would be doubling the number of old crocks in the house.


Jackie22: I've started writing notes about different items...the story behind it and putting the note with the item, hoping the kids will take care of it. I'm still in fairly good health, but its always in the back of my mind that there will come a day soon when I will have to ask for help.

I bought some stickers but that's as far as I've gone, in putting rough valuations on my collection of antique crumb trays. I know the eBay queen of the family will sell them off with glee, but as similar ones can vary by big$$$ in value a 'guide' may be helpful in setting an opening price. I got a couple of mindblowing bargains from people who didn't know what they had, no reason she should miss out on a few bucks for that reason though. They're all I have that matters , the rest is 'get what can for it' junk.

THE NOTES: I did a post on the SHS forum about that. About how we are the generation now that holds all the family stories, relationships, scandals, and history. We don't usually acquire a thirst for knowledge of genealogy until late in life and by that time the ones who knew where the skeletons were, and who they were, have long gone. No records can beat a family story, handed down, for detail and context. I've seen so many who have merrily charted out their ancestry without even realising that it isn't even theirs. They only need get one fact wrong, which causes them to choose the wrong person as a forebear to throw the whole thing into a farce of sheer imagination.

Contrary to popular belief we aren't all descended from Kings, and heroes, with the possible exception of Asian members who have to take into account that a mindblowing percentage of Asian DNA can be traced back to Genghis.


It's overlooked that those stories of the 'oldies' aren't told over, or after dinner these days. Too much other stuff happening now. What we were able to glean as kids eavesdropping on evening conversations isn't available to younger generations. I'm aghast that a cousin had to phone me because she didn't have a clue what her own Grandmother's name was!. "Dad just called her Mum." and she'd died long before the cousin was born. .. a point to think about?

I've been doing 'stories' on family people in Ancestry to put them into the context of what, and who they were to make them more real to anyone who wants to chase it further in the future. I've only gone back as far as people I 'know' from memory of conversations about them in my youth over the dining table or mentioned in passing. It is truly amazing that a single sentence, uttered by a Grandmother 60 years ago and remembered for God knows what reason can make all the difference in choosing the correct John,Joseph,Thomas or William to ensure the record is of the right family.
e.g.
Given names in the 1800s weren't all that imaginative and in my case I ran into a situation where 3 different men, with exactly the same Given and Surnames all lived in the same town at the same time. They were not related in any way, they just had rather ordinary, common names. To make it harder two of their wives were Sarah, and 2 each of their children were William and Joseph! No imagination!

Only that I remembered mentioned "when they ran the bakery in Maitland" allowed me to trace any further. The census of that time listed the 3 as 'Farm Labourer' 'Butcher' 'indecipherable'... easy! I knew he was never down at heel enough to be a labourer, nor was he a butcher so... further research turned up other evidence that coincided with what we knew of his history so it was the right choice. My GtGM was 'married' to the right man in the chart.

Think about the family stuff you know that you never bothered to mention to your kids, write down any little bits of trivia about the long gone rels. If no one cares then it's no loss, but if someone does, it can be pure gold to a future researcher.
 
Re Phil's Collyer Bros... we're not quite at that level yet.

and Tom's reference to Hoarders. I watched those studiously I can tell ya. Learned a few tricks of how to get around the mind traps from them too.
But now one of my favourite shows is American Pickers so the 'mental condition' is still there.
 
Great thread everyone .....

Our problem at the moment is that our house needs re-carpeting and, while we don't have huge clutter, we will have to empty bookshelves, china cabinets, TV unit, etc so the movers and carpet layers can do their job.

Pros:
The emptying gives us a chance to donate some of our 'valuable' stuff to Op Shops, thus reducing the clutter for our next move.
Cons:
We have to do it if we want the carpet replaced. :(

Maybe it will be easier to sell up? ;)

I would like to donate a lot of our stuff to the Philippines Typhoon Appeal but logistics preclude that. The aid agencies need cash, not goods ... for now. BTW, anyone can donate via various agencies, Australian Red Cross: http://www.redcross.org.au/typhoon-haiyan-2013.aspx




 
...yes, I agree, a very good thread, with lots of good advice.

dbeyat45, I've just recently done what you're thinking of....took out the carpet and replaced with laminated floors...a lot of work but I was able to eliminated a lot of 'stuff' going back in...it is a good feeling to finally be rid of it.

di, a few years back I gave my mother a recorder to record her memories, don't know if she's actually doing it... maybe I should get my own..also, I agree, about the computer for the elderly.

I for one would be interested in Tom expanding his views on the retirement community...maybe a new thread..??
 
Dropping back in to post a link to a new article (November 2013) from the AARP magazine, that covers familly caregivers. While it's a bit simplistic, it does have some suggestions that may help. In particular, on page 2... Some suggestions and legal considerations for paying or getting paid for eldercare, that could also apply to non-family members.
http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/info-11-2013/caregiving-duties-parents-work-goyer.html

With so little information about the world's plans for dealing with an aging population, home care seems to be pushed aside, as governments tend to emphasize grand solutions. This leaves most families with limited guidance, and bootstrap, trial and error means of developing a comprehensive plan.

While I am not in favor of massive regulation, here in the US, there are no safety nets that cover seniors living alone. At the very least, there should be a means of voluntary registration with a 911 free phone, for daily check in... even if the followup comes from a volunteer organization. Hopefully, future governments might subsidize some aid, in the way of the Peace Corps, devoted to addressing senior welfare for those who are living alone.

Jackie22...
Re: your comment on retirement community.
My own experience is with CCRC's (Continue Care Retirement Communities)... While there are millions of Google links, references cover all sorts of "communities" with costs that range from $15K/year to $150K/year... and up front costs of from Zero, to a half million dollars. We've lived in three different types, catering to three different age/needs groups. For what it may be worth, I'm trying to put together an overview, with positives and negatives, and typical costs, (in our case, current maximum of about $35k/yr for two persons, all inclusive).
YMMV...
 
Wow, Sifu...I thought I was the only one who remembers the Collyer Brothers!

Anyway, apropos to the subject at hand, when DH and I decided to sell our house we knew we had to clear out the Stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. We had three yard sales! Why three? We thought we were being ruthless with things to put in the first one (we weren't). It was painfully obvious that we needed to have another and be even more ruthless. Um. That didn't seem to do the trick, either, so we moved into the apartment that we'd rented, then had the last yard sale with everything (we thought) that didn't fit into the apartment or the storage spaced that was provided. Um, again! We finally emptied out the storage space by calling the St. Vincent's thrift shop. They were only too happy to come and get that stuff and we were only too happy for it to be gone.

Funny thing, as hard as it was to part with so many of those Things, so much of that Stuff, we never missed any of it! Truly never missed it:) even though we were pained to see it go and were convinced that nothing would ever be the same again.
 
I have given most everything that has any sentimental family value to my children, and have more or less been cutting down on the rest of what I have, so there will hopefully not be a problem if I end up having to move to some kind of senior living home.
After being healthy all my life, walking several miles a day with my dog, riding horses, living an active life; and then suddenly, my heart just went on the fritz, and within a short period of time, I couldnt even walk to the mailbox without huffing and puffing, and needing a rest. So, I am now aware that you can be fine one day, and very much NOT fine the next; and have tried to prepare in case it gets worse, and I cant deal with having a home anymore.
I think I would opt for having someone to come in and help, or a roommate/caretaker if that were necessary, so I would not have to move. My husband has liver cirrhosis, so his health is not good at all either, and we are now living where he can get VA treatment, and dont have as much to take care of as we did where we lived before, so that should help out , too.
 
I realy don't know. I guess, I would "play by ear" in the new situation.
Luckily, in Australia, the Health Dept sends you a career and a nurse, a few times a week if one is disabled.
 
Hi, SeaBreeze! Let me just say that I am still a few years away from having to worry about your situation. However, I have had a bit of experience with the topic when my grandfather was considering moving into a facility. Admittedly, it is very different because he had us to call on when needed. But similarly, he didn't want to leave home. He also didn't want to "be a burden" to us by having us help with the payment for hiring an aide.

Anyway, Have you considered an assisted living facility (ALF) instead of a nursing home? It sounds to me like you're still quite mobile but needed help with daily living activities. An ALF might be a better fit for you.

Personally, I don't like the idea of getting part-time help. What if you needed help at night and the aide isn't there? Or another option is to go ahead with hiring help and maybe get an alarm system as well. That way you can still call for help if you're alone. You can have it programmed to dial 911 or the nearest hospital.

Just some thoughts. I hope it helps.

Gianna
 
Thanks for your thoughts and advice Gianna. You misunderstood, as I'm not in that situation yet either, just pondering about the possible distant future in my case. The assisted living facilities, from what I understand, can be quite costly for the average person in the USA. Something like a medical alert button that you wear on your person is a possibility for emergencies.

I'm not very trusting of people, so I'm wary about having anyone in my home, especially if I didn't have all my strength and wits about me. My mother had someone coming into her apartment to help with light cleaning several times a week, and soon discovered that some of her jewelry was missing from her drawers. It wasn't very expensive, but it had sentimental value that you can't put a price on. :(
 


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