What are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?

fuzzybuddy

fuzzybuddy

SF VIP
Location
Northeast PA. 3 miles from the Pocono race track
I am going back to live in my home on Wednesday. I'm 73 and in a wheelchair. Right now, I live in a "Senior Home". The question is how long can I continue to live at home. Sooner or later, the day is coming when I can't be by myself. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not rich, nor do I have scads of nieces, grand daughters, who will take me in , and care for me. As unpleasant as it is, what are you going to do when you can no longer live alone?
 

Assisted living for us. We're planning on leaving our house in the next 5 years to transition to a regular apartment (assuming we're both in reasonable health). If our health deteriorates, there are lots of assisted living places in the Chicago area.
 
If I can last 3-4 years, the plan is to move.

My daughter and SIL plan on downsizing and maybe even moving out of CA once the youngest finishes high school. They are looking at homes with a casita or mother in law dwelling on the property and that’s where I plan to move.

If for whatever reason I don’t last 3-4 years I’ll move into the room I use at their house now when I visit. It has a bathroom and a small balcony that overlooks the front courtyard.

Its very nice but it’s still in their house and I prefer being separate...but I’m grateful for whatever they provide.
 
If DH and I can no longer manage our house we'll likely do what RetiredTraveler outlined. Move to a senior apartment complex and eventually to an assisted living facility.

CeeCee, I think you've got a terrific solution in the making!
 
Fuzzy, there are Medicare and health care and if you can't afford it, social/state services who can provide homemaking/personal care services for several hours per day, for free!

You can also look into hiring your own daily, part-time carer who can be subsidized by social services if he or she is qualified and you can't afford it.

I noticed you said you had no (female) family who could help you (grandaughters, nieces).... don't discount male assistance. Caring is not relegated only to women.

If you get to the point where you have to really worry, contact your local Dept. of Ageing.
You're going to be ok.
 
I'm hoping that I can just drift away but I'm preparing to go to assisted living and beyond.

hot-air-balloon-sunset_1048-7522.jpg


Why are you leaving the home, it sounds like the perfect solution to me.

Good luck, fb.
 
I'll worry about that when the time comes.
I live in a Senior's residence, in my own
apartment, independently (so far). There is
a care floor for those needing more help with
meals, meds, etc. Is it for me? Time will tell.
 
If I should out live my hubby I'd love to stay in my own home for awhile. My son comes often and takes care of the maintenance of our home. I don't want to depend on him to do that forever. My daughter has mentioned many times that I will be welcome in their home but I'm leery of that because my son in law is in the military and could be moved at any time. I'd like to live on my own near them but could be left stranded in an area I no little about. I try not to stress about it because I know they will care for me.
 
Well....that's why DH and I are beginning to visit the senior living facilities around our area. There are a lot to choose from - the upside of living in a thriving urban area. Costs are high and services vary, so a lot to consider/compare.

We did a lot of retirement planning in our late 40's and 50's. MIL helped us a lot - she lived with us for seven years - so when she passed away unexpectedly, her assets doubled our modest portfolio which gave us the "breathing room" we needed to feel more secure against inflation. We like to travel a regular "circuit" around Northern CA and in 10 yrs of retirement we've seen travel/food costs rise at least 35-45%.

We have very generous LTCi policies so we have the option of just moving to a condo rental for a while. We could use home healthcare services to assist since the policies pay for 50% of the cost (they are older policies; new LTCi policies pay 100% of daily benefit). We have friends who can be trusted to be good tenants for our current SFH so renting it out would be no problem. Our home is paid off but with the so-called 'tax reform' changes ending in 3 yrs, would rather wait to see what Congress does before deciding whether to sell.

We got the LTCi policies because after doing a budget and starting our retirement planning, it was obvious that a serious disability/illness to one of us, even with our very good retiree health insurance, could easily cause financial distress to the other spouse.

With no kids we felt it best to have a solid "back-up plan". I do have family nearby but the next generation is stressed with the "sandwich" issue of small kids/aging parents who didn't plan well. Didn't want to add to their issues!

BTW, I don't think it's accurate to say "Medicare will help". Medicare does very little in regards to senior living. If you are thinking of Skilled Care, aka Nursing/Convalescent, Medicare pays only 120 days IF you go straight from the hospital under doctor's orders.

Medicare will NOT pay if you are in the hospital "Under Observation" before being transferred to a SC facility, no matter how many days you spend in the hospital. You must actually be admitted to the hospital as a patient.

If you need Skilled Care long-term, that is what state Medicaid programs pay, not Medicare. Thus you are reliant upon what your state of domicile's program will pay for, not Medicare.

Neither Medicare nor Medicaid generally pays for Assisted Living, only Skilled Care/Convalescent.
 
This is a real concern, I think about it quite often. My daughter who always handled all my businness and legal issues moved away to be close to her daughter. I still drive, mow my own yard and get along very well, but that could change in a second. We decided that we would never send our parents to a nursing home and it damn near killed us taking care of them. Having visited many nursing homes I think I would rather just sew a cyanide capsule in my lip and just choose my own exit time. With my luck I would probably be enjoying a pepperoni pizza at Pizza Hut and crunch down on the damn thing. Strange as it may sound I have never discussed my final exit with my daughter. :yoda:
 
Aww...hugs Jim. I don't even want to think about it. My children all say I have nothing to worry about and that they want to take care of me but I don't want to burden them. I want pancreatic cancer like my 93 yr old mother had. She was healthy and independent until she got it and only lasted 5 months. Hospice stepped in as soon as she got it and helped as well as her 3 daughters until the end. It was a fast cancer and she refused treatment for it due to age.
 
Lara said:
Aww...hugs Jim. I don't even want to think about it. My children all say I have nothing to worry about and that they want to take care of me but I don't want to burden them. I want pancreatic cancer like my 93 yr old mother had. She was healthy and independent until she got it and only lasted 5 months. Hospice stepped in as soon as she got it and helped as well as her 3 daughters until the end. It was a fast cancer and she refused treatment for it due to age.
Click to expand...

Ooooh, Lara, I'd never ask for cancer. How 'bout a nice quick fatal heart attack or, even better, just dying in your sleep?

My mother lived only about 5 months after her cancer diagnosis, but it was a HARD five months.
 
Thank you Butterfly. I figure I'm never lucky enough to get my first choice. I want to put a laughing emoji next to that but the thread is just too sad. But don't get me wrong...it's a good thread and needed...just uncomfortable to face the thought of pain.
 
If my husband passed and I lived alone, I'd want to stay in my own home until the end if possible. I would hire someone to come in and help with house or yard work, or assist with any personal things I needed to take care of. If bringing someone in was no longer an option, then I would seek a reasonably priced assisted living apartment. But I'd exhaust all avenues to help remain in my own home.
 
I love the seniors-only community I live in, the only problem being that it's independent living only. Those who need assistance usually either end up moving to an assisted living facility (we have many around here, some of them pretty nice), or hiring a caregiver, usually for a few hours a day. I suppose when the time comes, I'll do one of those things.

Another solution is the time-honored one of turning to your children. One friend of mine and her husband, living independently but not being able to afford retirement, solved their problem by buying a duplex home with one of their daughters. The daughter and her family live upstairs, the parents live in the downstairs apartment. But they had to move to a completely strange community to do this. They're still adjusting.

No easy answers here for anyone; nobody really likes the thought of being old and helpless.
 


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