Mother raised six children...now estranged from 5....

Babycakes said:
I have made no excuses...just stated from my heart what my thoughts are. This is a Senior Forum to express your feeling...RIGHT...some people can dish it out but not receive it. I find this to be your case. What is Toxic....you don’t know me or what I’ve been through. Every response was a direct feeling from your statements..Right... I made no judgements about you other than what you said. On the other hand you have judged me from no facts. I have been called a lot of thing but Toxic is not not one even from my worse enemies. I suggest you don’t post if you don’t want honest feedback unless it is favorable to you. Good night and good life.
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Oh by the way nature didn’t not feed you....
 

Babycakes said:
I have made no excuses...just stated from my heart what my thoughts are. This is a Senior Forum to express your feeling...RIGHT...some people can dish it out but not receive it. I find this to be your case. What is Toxic....you don’t know me or what I’ve been through. Every response was a direct feeling from your statements..Right... I made no judgements about you other than what you said. On the other hand you have judged me from no facts. I have been called a lot of thing but Toxic is not not one even from my worse enemies. I suggest you don’t post if you don’t want honest feedback unless it is favorable to you. Good night and good life.
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Oooh, aren't we touchy tonight?
Saying "I am so bitter" is a judgment. And an unqualified one, at that.
 
win231 said:
I'm not bitter; I'm proud that I kept my promise to my dad.
Nature kept me alive for 9 months; not her.
My siblings wanted nothing to do with her. In fact my sister didn't speak to her for the last 7 years of her life. In spite of everything, I just couldn't do that. The State would have put her in the cheapest convalescent home they could find, where she would have been much more miserable.

Without her, I would have probably been raised in a foster home - which might have been as bad, or better....I'll never know.

One thing I've learned: No one makes more excuses for toxic parents - than other toxic parents.
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Its wrong to argue too much, but please dont take offence when I say "abortion" could have thwarted nature couldn't it, so far as your own existence on this planet.

However, your feelings towards your mum are of course completely your affair, and no one will ever know whether there is/was another side to it, (such as your mum couldn't help her behaviour, as I now know my mum couldn't, when its too late).

I must say though, "I make excuses for toxic parents", and yet feel I wasn't toxic, and the success of my child in her life, is a form of testament to that fact (ditto our OP on this thread). It is obviously an oversimplification to say "toxic parents make more excuses for other toxic parents", but I'd suggest those believing this kind of thing add to the situation where in the UK at least, there are "no parental rights in our statute" (only "obligations", something that may contravene human rights legislation according to Clem Henricson of the NCPR).

Respect for older people, as socially required in some cultures, has been more or less obliterated in the west too.

Please dont take offence though, good friends and some relatives of mine have said similar things about there parents, (especially where the parent abandoned the children altogether).
 
bearcat said:
Going into any interaction with anyone with any expectations is setting yourself up for bitter disappointment.

Because things so often go smoothly, when someone does frustrate or disappoint us, we get upset.

The only way to ensure you get what you want is to only make in the moment deals.
You give me this now, and I give you that now.

There is no tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.
Investments are risks, usually stupid ones that don't pay off.
Just quit being invested.
Your kids cheated you of what you think they owe you.
So, you can feel bad, but it was YOUR mistake.
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My mistake was to decide to give them life because it was my choice and my choice alone. Live and learn.
 
Babycakes said:
No excuse to disrespect their mother.
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Thank you.
Babycakes said:
No excuse to disrespect their mother.
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In my case, I know that my daughter would not treat her worst enemy the way she treated me. I was actually intimidated by her. I did nothing to deserve that. This is fact. All that I wanted was an apology. I guess that is not in her repertoire of reactions. She did reach out about a month ago, acting as if there was never any problem - asking if I was okay, given the corona virus situation. I was devastated by her outbursts - and I went online looking for ideas on how to cope with an alienated child. All I found was sites that defended children, as if it was always the parent's fault. That's just not true.
 
Empty said:
Thank you.

In my case, I know that my daughter would not treat her worst enemy the way she treated me. I was actually intimidated by her. I did nothing to deserve that. This is fact. All that I wanted was an apology. I guess that is not in her repertoire of reactions. She did reach out about a month ago, acting as if there was never any problem - asking if I was okay, given the corona virus situation. I was devastated by her outbursts - and I went online looking for ideas on how to cope with an alienated child. All I found was sites that defended children, as if it was always the parent's fault. That's just not true.
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I am a mother like you.. I know right from wrong just as we all do. My children know better than to disrespect me then call up some time later as if all is forgotten. When your daughter called back you should of let her call go to voicemail so you could screen the call and decide if you wanted to call her back. We have to teach people how to treat us. It could be a child, adult children or even a friend. By screening the call you would have the peace of mind if there was a real issue because as a mother we will always have that concern. Good luck my friend I know you can turn things around. At lease she called...is one way of looking at it. My children are so stubborn many years would go by in between situations.
 
Pepper said:
Of course. But you are too old to do anything useful with the knowledge. Really sorry you are sorry they were born.

Of course, IMO, it's a woman's right to choose, but that is before the birth, not after.
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The truth is the truth....regret...
 
Babycakes said:
The truth is the truth....regret...
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I know. I have regrets, so many. I calm myself by thinking all those roads I took led to my son, that I wouldn't have had him any other way except through my "mistakes", and I'm so sorry you can't do the same.

Six kids is a lot of kids to have under any circumstances! What were you thinking?! o_O
 
Pepper said:
I know. I have regrets, so many. I calm myself by thinking all those roads I took led to my son, that I wouldn't have had him any other way except through my "mistakes", and I'm so sorry you can't do the same.

Six kids is a lot of kids to have under any circumstances! What were you thinking?! o_O
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Six kids 4 different fathers. Now I’ve been married 20 years to a man 12 years younger and he isn’t the father of any. He always says he wish he would have met me earlier. He said the other night we would have had as many as the good Lord would have blessed us with. He helped me raise 4 of them. The youngest were 4 and 5. Even thyI have my struggles with them they call him every day and love him dearly. It’s a long story but I am thankful they did not take him for granted because he chose to be in their life. They greatly respect him for that and totally take me for granted. Oh well it is what it is. I suppose things could be worse and he and I could be divorced. We are very happy and he is a dream come true. I have been blessed with our relationship especially with the age difference.
 
Bonnie said:
Most people, when they meet someone for the first time, don't throw their personal problems out there as a "Greeting". .. just sayin'
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This is a forum to express yourself..du??
 

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