Weird environment: requesting input

JaniceM

JaniceM

Well-known Member
Location
still lost between two shores..
I've lived all over the U.S., never encountered this before. The overall viewpoint is all unattached/unaccompanied 'females' are 'up for grabs.' One older guy summed it up a few years ago: 'When a girl says 'no,' she really means 'yes,' or she at least means 'maybe'.'
Members of the male gender take this to mean they should 'try harder' or be downright obnoxious; telling some jerk to back off is considered 'playing games,' and if you don't cooperate you're deemed 'crazy.'

During the time I've been in this city, 'verbalizings' have often been extreme. When it's physical, though, a person should not need to simply tolerate it. I'd especially like to hear from @Butterfly (legal experience) and @911 (law enforcement experience) on this- what would these actions be called, and would I be reasonable to ask/expect the landlord to evict this jerk?

As I often do, I walked to a local store. As often happens, this resulted in some difficulty breathing due to heart condition. When this occurs, my only concern is to hurry up and get back to my apartment so I can sit down.
However- a guy came out of a nearby apartment and started making inappropriate remarks; the individual who lives in the apartment approached me, grabbed onto and clutched my arm, pressed tightly up against me, and put his face in my hair. As I couldn't breathe, and it was sapping my physical strength, I couldn't pull away.
The additional concern is not knowing if either of these idiots might have covid.

This was not the first incident with this jerk. A couple of times in the past I told him to keep his hands off me, and a friend who was around at the time also told him to leave me alone. So this was not a one-time incident, it's a pattern of behavior. And I don't want to have this kind of experience again.

I thought of calling the police, but awhile back this jerk committed an unprovoked physical attack on a young woman, landed her in the hospital, and despite charges of 'willful injury causing serious bodily injury' the prosecutor 'declined to prosecute' and the charges were dismissed. Made no sense to me at all.
I thought of requesting a restraining order, but after trying for the better part of two days couldn't even find out if the courthouse is open- due to covid, city/county offices are closed.
 

I makes me angry as hell when I hear about men behaving like this.

You have my sympathy, and my apology for his behavior (for what it is worth).
My wife has also had to deal with this kind of crap.

I think it would be entirely reasonable to ask the landlord to evict him, but you must be extra careful after you do. The landlord must realize that he/she has a certain liability here.
 

Where I live, he would be arrested and sent to jail if not prison. I also thought that any type of physical behavior on a person over 65 is a felon, but I could have the age wrong. As for the young woman, unfortunately those cases are harder to prove.

Frequenty, young woman have a harder time proving such behaviors are unprovoked. It becomes a she said/he said situation. I am so sorry this happened to you. I would call the police.

Does your building have cameras, or a neighbors house? If so, then you have proof of his assault. The more you do nothing, the more he will act this way. Your friend can provide witness testimony as well.
 
So, let me get the facts correct. You are being harassed by a male and he has both verbally and physically assaulted you. Am I correct? If yes, then I will proceed using PA law. You should be able to get a PFA order against him, or a restraining order depending on the information that you give to the DA. The DA may require you to swear out an affidavit and sign it. You must be truthful or you could be charged. However, if you have him arrested and he is found guilty (or in some cases, even Not Guilty), the judge will (or should) issue a PFA or a restraining order without you requesting it.

Because this person has already attacked another female, I consider him to be a dangerous person. He evidently has issues. You should proceed very carefully around him. Do you carry pepper spray or some other irritant?

For now, I would have a conversation with the police. Are you able to go to the police department and ask to speak with either the Captain or the Officer in Charge. I think they would give you the best advice. If you lived here in PA, I could do some work for you to maybe help this problem go away, but outside of PA, I really have very few connections.

If you decide to speak with the police at the police department, I would highly recommend going into the police department. Too often I have seen cops not take women seriously if they call and complain over the phone. They (the police) sometimes take it as a women's opportunity of getting back at a male neighbor for any number of reasons. Having a face to face conversation always works best.
 
911 said:
So, let me get the facts correct. You are being harassed by a male and he has both verbally and physically assaulted you. Am I correct? If yes, then I will proceed using PA law. You should be able to get a PFA order against him, or a restraining order depending on the information that you give to the DA. The DA may require you to swear out an affidavit and sign it. You must be truthful or you could be charged. However, if you have him arrested and he is found guilty (or in some cases, even Not Guilty), the judge will (or should) issue a PFA or a restraining order without you requesting it.

Because this person has already attacked another female, I consider him to be a dangerous person. He evidently has issues. You should proceed very carefully around him. Do you carry pepper spray or some other irritant?

For now, I would have a conversation with the police. Are you able to go to the police department and ask to speak with either the Captain or the Officer in Charge. I think they would give you the best advice. If you lived here in PA, I could do some work for you to maybe help this problem go away, but outside of PA, I really have very few connections.

If you decide to speak with the police at the police department, I would highly recommend going into the police department. Too often I have seen cops not take women seriously if they call and complain over the phone. They (the police) sometimes take it as a women's opportunity of getting back at a male neighbor for any number of reasons. Having a face to face conversation always works best.
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I have found that a restraining order is useless. Pepper spray is illegal in my area. But I agree, she needs to go in, with her friend as a witness, cause guys like this get worst, not better.
 
I had younger lads scare me when walking the dog. I started carrying a piece of iron bar in a sock. You can also carry pepper spray or an electro-shock (non-Taser) weapon or fall to the ground and begin yelling "my knee, my knee". That's what I used to worry about most with these idiots, that they'd accidently twist me so that my knee separated and good by walking for me. Then who cares about police and courts.
 
Judycat said:
I had younger lads scare me when walking the dog. I started carrying a piece of iron bar in a sock. You can also carry pepper spray or an electro-shock (non-Taser) weapon or fall to the ground and begin yelling "my knee, my knee". That's what I used to worry about most with these idiots, that they'd accidently twist me so that my knee separated and good by walking for me. Then who cares about police and courts.
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Well, there is a duty to protect not only yourself but other woman from this guy. Failure to act is what letā€™s them get away with it again and again. In a neighborhood I was in there was a male neighbor who was ā€œvictim groomingā€ young girls with the aid of his wife.

I warned certain neighborā€™s, one, who rented a house next to him, had also noticed certain things. She moved. The next person in the house, same thing, they moved. One neighbor wouldnā€™t believe me and told him what I said. He asked me was this correct, yup.

He said he only let the little girl, a 10 year old sit on his lap, when his wife was present. šŸ¤®. My neighbor was beyond stupid.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I have found that a restraining order is useless. Pepper spray is illegal in my area. But I agree, she needs to go in, with her friend as a witness, cause guys like this get worst, not better.
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It all depends on who we are dealing with. Some people will respect the Order while others just look at it as a piece of paper. But the real deal is that if someone has an Order against them and they violate it, in PA, it automatically becomes a bench warrant and the person goes immediately to jail.

I thought Pepper Spray was legal in all 50 states, but I also know that some areas of the country do restrict their use to professional users only.
Personally, I always recommend that people have a conversation face to face with their local police. Once they develop a relationship with the local cops, that goes a long way as showing respect.
 
911 said:
It all depends on who we are dealing with. Some people will respect the Order while others just look at it as a piece of paper. But the real deal is that if someone has an Order against them and they violate it, in PA, it automatically becomes a bench warrant and the person goes immediately to jail.

I thought Pepper Spray was legal in all 50 states, but I also know that some areas of the country do restrict their use to professional users only.
Personally, I always recommend that people have a conversation face to face with their local police. Once they develop a relationship with the local cops, that goes a long way as showing respect.
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I am sure professionals can use pepper spray here. Decades ago we had a court order against someone who violated it. I told the police if that person came around again I would kill him. (He had threatened to kill one of my disabled children). The officer said I could be arrested for making that threat against him.

I said it wasnā€™t a threat, it was a promise. We moved, sold our house, unlisted our phone number. To this day, we have protections in place for our now adult child. Some people are just plain crazy and you have to act accordingly. (This teenager when in youth services for a time out, set fire to the building. When in custody, he was shackled and moved with two deputies.)
 
JaniceM said:
I've lived all over the U.S., never encountered this before. The overall viewpoint is all unattached/unaccompanied 'females' are 'up for grabs.' One older guy summed it up a few years ago: 'When a girl says 'no,' she really means 'yes,' or she at least means 'maybe'.'
Members of the male gender take this to mean they should 'try harder' or be downright obnoxious; telling some jerk to back off is considered 'playing games,' and if you don't cooperate you're deemed 'crazy.'

During the time I've been in this city, 'verbalizings' have often been extreme.
Click to expand...

What's holding you in such a misogynistic city?
 
jujube said:
Next time he approaches you, start screaming. Scream until he backs off and goes away. If you need to explain your screaming to anyone, just say "I felt threatened." This approach works 95% of the time. This man is a bully and a cowardly aggressor and this type does not like public attention drawn to his actions.
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Good ideal šŸ˜€ you could also get a small air horn to carry and use.
 
@JaniceM I'm so sorry and horrified you're having to deal with a matter of this nature.
What is wrong with some of the opposite sex.
There is absolutely nothing that warrants this behavior.
I would be so scared, as i'm sure you are.

Lots of good advice given.
Hope you're able to find some protection and resolution.

PLEASE KEEP SAFE
Keep in contact with someone daily.
 
Keesha said:
Iā€™d knee this guy in the balls so hard he wouldnā€™t know what hit him & and Iā€™d make the biggest racket ever. Hair sticks in the eyeballs work good too.
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A lot of these suggestions (knee in the balls, stick in the eyeballs, drop to the ground, etc.) sound good, but they require a certain amount of physical strength, the ability to get back up, and the dexterity to do any of these things quickly and decisively. It might not be so easy for an elderly person, especially if she has heart issues.

The pepper spray or air horn ideas sound the most feasible to me. But even with that she should practice a lot first with those items, so that she feels confident when the time comes to use them. And she would have to be strong enough so that he couldn't just snatch them away from her.

Probably contacting the police right now would be the best option.
 
I think, Janice, that if you physically touch this guy, or pepper spray him in the eyes, whatever, he's going to punch you hard on the top of your head. You're not a fighter, and most women can't beat up most men, even the scrawny ones. That's why I like 911's ideas & jujube's screaming advice. I've been in situations like this, not for many, many, years of course, but don't try to fight physically, or attack a man, especially a screwy one like this, EVER. He could seriously hurt you and feel justified in hurting you more than you can believe.

Also, how can a city be misogynistic?
 
Sunny said:
A lot of these suggestions (knee in the balls, stick in the eyeballs, drop to the ground, etc.) sound good, but they require a certain amount of physical strength, the ability to get back up, and the dexterity to do any of these things quickly and decisively. It might not be so easy for an elderly person, especially if she has heart issues.

The pepper spray or air horn ideas sound the most feasible to me. But even with that she should practice a lot first with those items, so that she feels confident when the time comes to use them. And she would have to be strong enough so that he couldn't just snatch them away from her.

Probably contacting the police right now would be the best option.
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Agreed. Iā€™m saying what I would have done and my answer remains the same.

I realize that she was looking for legal advice and since Iā€™m not qualified to give that, I didnā€™t.
 
Pepper said:
I think, Janice, that if you physically touch this guy, or pepper spray him in the eyes, whatever, he's going to punch you hard on the top of your head. You're not a fighter, and most women can't beat up most men, even the scrawny ones. That's why I like 911's ideas & jujube's screaming advice. I've been in situations like this, not for many, many, years of course, but don't try to fight physically, or attack a man, especially a screwy one like this, EVER. He could seriously hurt you and feel justified in hurting you more than you can believe.

Also, how can a city be misogynistic?
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You are absolutely right.

When I was 18 and stationed in San Francisco I was a member of a Judo club and spent a fair amount of time helping train women who wanted to learn self-defense. My predominate role was to stand there and let them throw me so that they could get a sense of how to execute hip throws and foot sweeps. (They had a lot more fun in these drills than I did.) I worried that they might become overconfident at the wrong time. A few acquired enough skill to engage in actual bouts, but most of the ones who took a certain delight in throwing me when I didn't resist or counter would have to capitalize on the "element of surprise" to truly execute an effective defense. ... and then they should run like the devil.

I did see a couple of women from other clubs who were pretty good, but I never had a bout with them. I think they could have been effective in a real self defense situation, but they had devoted years to getting that level of skill and even then they could not move like you see on TV. (I could not move like that either.)
 
probably a minority view: small .22 pistol-if your not comfortable in laying Romeo down-buy some rat shot, but that round in last so it will be the first to shot, then regular ammo.
No permit to carry, a minimal oversight in this situation

(old folk idiom, 'once told, twice shot)
 
MarciKS said:
What i want to know is if the cops know about this why isn't this guy in jail?
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She didnā€™t report them to the cops and we donā€™t know all the facts of the complaint of the other woman
 

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