Lonely hearts adverts,........,first drafts!)

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
Wanted: Sexy and loving lady
not woke, (whatever that means?),
not too much fuss with themselves,
probably suit former liberal elite gal,
expect back to nature lifestyle so,
ability to take chicken from farmyard to table,
an advantage but willing to learn will do,
much forgiven for right sort, 60yrs old or so, (+/-7)

What do you reckon, "hit or a miss"?
 

Warrigal said:
Do the words 'barge' and 'pole', used to indicate a negative, make sense to you?
Click to expand...
Less than enamoured I'm guessing, but in fairness it is a first draft, needs tidying up a little and probably shortening a tad(?)

Never an easy task you must admit, some further work required then :( !

(was it the first line, a bit too upfront and bold/brazen, "woke/unwoke" comment, "fussiness" caution, "liberal elite" comment, "chicken business", or just the whole thing too strong for your taste maybe, still strong reaction means "wheat and chaff" issue resolved quickly hey! :) ).

As has been said before, it wouldn't do if everyone in the world were the same, "one mans/woman's meat is another poison"!
 

Last edited:
Not into the chicken business unless you do the catch and kill. Would be able to fry it up but thats it concerning the chicken. I don't know of any women that would reply to your ad.
 
terry123 said:
Not into the chicken business unless you do the catch and kill. Would be able to fry it up but thats it concerning the chicken. I don't know of any women that would reply to your ad.
Click to expand...
Two misses, ah well I am seeking a rare bird indeed, but may take your advice and leave out the ringing a chickens neck and drawing/stuffing/cooking it requirement, (save that revelation for later perhaps? :rolleyes:(n) ).
 
It's, "probably suit former liberal elite gal," that confuses me.

Is this included in the "wanted" qualities? Are you looking for someone who would suit you and saying that you are a "former liberal elite gal" or are you saying you are looking for a gal who was once a liberal elite, but isn't one anymore? If you're looking for someone conservative why would it matter if she had been liberal in the past? Also If she (or you) were elite in the past wouldn't she still be? Once elite (superior to most) always elite I would guess.

Start over Grahamg! I love that you're doing this, but your first draft is just too confusing (and, yes, no woman wants to think about killing chickens on the first date.)

We're here to help.
 
grahamg said:
Wanted: Sexy and loving lady
not woke, (whatever that means?),
not too much fuss with themselves,
probably suit former liberal elite gal,
expect back to nature lifestyle so,
ability to take chicken from farmyard to table,
an advantage but willing to learn will do,
much forgiven for right sort, 60yrs old or so, (+/-7)

What do you reckon, "hit or a miss"?
Click to expand...
Probably be a lot of answers like this...'No way Jose'.
 
Jules said:
I have no experience with these ads but wouldn’t read after the first sentence.
Is this how they generally are written from the perspective of “I want you to be this type of person” not from what you’re like.
Click to expand...
Do bear this in mind:
1). We're having fun here, and I'd be very bashful about mentioning anything about sex in an ad or were I lucky enough to meet someone (at the same time, calling someone "sexy" isn't an insult is it :unsure:!).
2). A good friend of mine who did write a lonely hearts ad for herself talked about being "passionate" as code for what she expected, and she used to laugh when I said I was a bit embarrassed by her using the term.
 
You will enjoy these from yesteryear I hope:

https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/dating/incredibly-blunt-lonely-heart-adverts-21498170

Quote:
"A wife wanted, must understand washing, ironing, baking bread, making coffee, roasting beef, veal, fowl, broiling a fish, making tarts, plum puddings, and desserts of all kinds" (Chester Chronicle August 30th 1816

Quote:
"Tall and graceful in her person, more of the fine woman than the pretty one, good teeth, soft lips, sweet breath, her bosum full, plump, and firm." Gentleman Magazine 1751.

Quote:
"Wanted a wife, beautiful in spirit if not in form, (preferably both), young, affectionate, of literary taste, moderate independent income, to share the joys of a young man who would not hurt a dog." Burnley Express, September 3rd 1910.
 
I accept the fact that men are visual so I asked a man to tell me what a sexy woman looks like to him. This guy is in his mid 50s, he said a petite, height and weight proportionate, oozing with self confidence woman is his definition of sexy. He elaborated that he finds women between 60 to 80 who are "well preserved" very sexy.
 
Della said:
It's, "probably suit former liberal elite gal," that confuses me.
Is this included in the "wanted" qualities? Are you looking for someone who would suit you and saying that you are a "former liberal elite gal" or are you saying you are looking for a gal who was once a liberal elite, but isn't one anymore? If you're looking for someone conservative why would it matter if she had been liberal in the past? Also If she (or you) were elite in the past wouldn't she still be? Once elite (superior to most) always elite I would guess.
Start over Grahamg! I love that you're doing this, but your first draft is just too confusing (and, yes, no woman wants to think about killing chickens on the first date.) We're here to help.
Click to expand...
For "former liberal elite gal" read, "of literary taste"!
(I think I stated "former" in the hope or anticipation someone who might consider a back to nature lifestyle could want to get away from a busy elite life (regardless of politics other than maybe liberal views might lead to a desire for an "alternative lifestyle" ;):unsure::whistle:)
 
hellomimi said:
I accept the fact that men are visual so I asked a man to tell me what a sexy woman looks like to him. This guy is in his mid 50s, he said a petite, height and weight proportionate, oozing with self confidence woman is his definition of sexy. He elaborated that he finds women between 60 to 80 who are "well preserved" very sexy.
Click to expand...
Mmmmm, well if your friend said so it must be,.....(?)
I admit I used to like to look at a photo of a girlfriend from time to time, so maybe can understand your "men are visual" comment.
Anyway, given I've not had an overwhelmingly positive reaction to my first draft I'll come back with a couple of alternatives, "a woke one", and a briefer version of the first giving my real quest for a mate, in slightly more tempered language.
In the end I may have to try running all three and hope a girl Friday responds to just one, she'll have to be a good un though. :) !
 
Here's a starter suggestion. You can add more of your qualities and interests, change your age if I got it wrong, but I think you want to "sell yourself" rather than state demands about the woman. Someone might be very sexy but unaware of it. :giggle: Don't say you aren't "woke," I know you just mean you aren't into political correctness, but someone might take that to mean you're a racist:oops: and don't suggest an "alternative' lifestyle unless you're open to all sorts of kinkiness.;)

What you want is to get women interested enough in you to make that first coffee date and then you can decide from there. They'll never call if they think you're looking for a free farm hand with benefits.

"Are you a natural woman?
Then get back to nature with me! I'm a 60 year old, gentle man with a small farm and a love of outdoor life.
I'm easy going and fun, looking for a pleasant companion to share in good food and music."

or

"Are you a little bit country? Well I'm a 60 year old country boy with a farm and a love of anything that can be done outdoors. (and so on)"



Then add your picture, you look handsome, you should do fine!
 
Della said:
Here's a starter suggestion. You can add more of your qualities and interests, change your age if I got it wrong, but I think you want to "sell yourself" rather than state demands about the woman. Someone might be very sexy but unaware of it. :giggle: Don't say you aren't "woke," I know you just mean you aren't into political correctness, but someone might take that to mean you're a racist:oops: and don't suggest an "alternative' lifestyle unless you're open to all sorts of kinkiness.;)
What you want is to get women interested enough in you to make that first coffee date and then you can decide from there. They'll never call if they think you're looking for a free farm hand with benefits.
"Are you a natural woman?
Then get back to nature with me! I'm a 60 year old, gentle man with a small farm and a love of outdoor life.
I'm easy going and fun, looking for a pleasant companion to share in good food and music."
Click to expand...
Della said:
or "Are you a little bit country? Well I'm a 60 year old country boy with a farm and a love of anything that can be done outdoors. (and so on)"
Then add your picture, you look handsome, you should do fine!
Click to expand...
You made me laugh, really I am sorry but whoever might be turned up, or turned on by those adverts won't do for me, I suspect I need a woman of the kind you might find on one of those Ben Fogle trips to meet couples living off grid etc., anyway sell myself, "I'll think about it"! :)
 
personal_ad_in_newspaper.jpg
 
My "Woke" version of the OP:

"Would be very grateful to meet a woman who loves everyone,
Someone who would not say boo to a goose like myself,
(hope that isn't offensive to geese or other fowl?),
Only vegans or piscatareans need apply, as meat is "Mur..."...,
Back to nature lifestyle to save our wonderful planet,
Any age will do, and love you all ever so. :) !"

Howda do, what chance a reply to that beautifully crafted ad?
 
Last edited:
Usually, there is a song in this somewhere...


I had another video posted, but it may have been considered offensive so I removed it,
replacing it with some tasteful music instead...


Tony
 
Last edited:
Second draft of probable lonely hearts club as, with mild alterations to reflect sensitivities expressed above.

"Lonely but loving guy seeks,
Passionate and loving lady,
One not afraid to get her hands dirty,
if required to join him in a "Life in the Wild"
style future, (aka Ben Fogle prog.),
Much forgiven and understood if not
quite ready to avoid 21st century altogether etc.,
(Age 60yrs, plus/minus 7yrs),
Fun and serious responses welcome"! :)

Getting nearer to a hit?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top