Now that were seniors, what do think "Wisdom" is?

[hollydolly]

Holly, I am still a newbie, both to this forum and to posting publicly in general. But what I see, or perhaps perceive is that with forums we only have the written word to communicate. In life, when we make a faux pas, say something out of order or upset someone unintentionally, we apologise with much more than words. It may be a raised hand palm as an acknowledging gesture of apology, sometimes we use a facial expression and on other occasions it might be some other sort of body language or subtle nuance. None of which is helpful when you only have the written word. That's why I suggest ignoring a confrontational style post.

Sorry that you have been on the wrong end of verbal abuse, so glad that you decided to stick around.

HC , thanks for your kind words.

I've been a member here 7 and a half years , I've seen many people come and go, for all sorts of reasons, I've seen friends fall out, I've seen members banned for unwarranted attacks.. I've even known quite a few die ( may they R.I.P).. ..I've been a member of many other forums too and seen many people come and go... and yes the reason I'm still here is because by and large I ignore the trouble caused by those who do it because they can , but more annoying are those people who have been known to cause trouble for people in the past , now bewailing the fact that one of their friends has had the same treatment.. that's hypocrisy at it's best

 

[Gary O']

Beautiful! What mountains do you live in? I'm at southern end of the Rockies in NM, the Jemez Ridge is my eastern horizon.

Our cabin is a few miles east of Crater Lake

The little known Mt Yamsay is what we see from the cabin window;

 

[helenbacque]

Holly, I am still a newbie, both to this forum and to posting publicly in general. But what I see, or perhaps perceive is that with forums we onlyExa have the written word to communicate. In life, when we make a faux pas, say something out of order or upset someone unintentionally, we apologise with much more than words. It may be a raised hand palm as an acknowledging gesture of apology, sometimes we use a facial expression and on other occasions it might be some other sort of body language or subtle nuance. None of which is helpful when you only have the written word. That's why I suggest ignoring a confrontational style post.

Sorry that you have been on the wrong end of verbal abuse, so glad that you decided to stick around.

Exactly. And attempts at humor or jokes or sarcasm are often misinterpreted without the benefit of body language or facial expression. Adding an emoji to convey intention does not work because they are too small for many to see the details.

 

[officerripley]

Ignoring a confrontational post is easier said than done for some of us. If your feelings have been hurt by someone, they've been hurt; when something hurts, it hurts, and all the "oh, just ignore it, don't let it bother you, etc." in the world won't change that. I wish it would change it, but in spite of all the best efforts in the world, it doesn't change it. At. All.

 

[officerripley]

In case nobody tells you, you are awesome for all that you do. Seriously!
This is one of my worries. My daughter has enough to do dealing with juggling everything her busy life gives her.

Thanks, SL!

 

[StarSong]

Ignoring a confrontational post is easier said than done for some of us. If your feelings have been hurt by someone, they've been hurt; when something hurts, it hurts, and all the "oh, just ignore it, don't let it bother you, etc." in the world won't change that. I wish it would change it, but in spite of all the best efforts in the world, it doesn't change it. At. All.

When a moderator is the source of confrontational and insulting posts it doesn't make the forum a welcoming place.

More than one SF member was investigating other forums a month ago.

 

[Irwin]

When a moderator is the source of confrontational and insulting posts it doesn't make the forum a welcoming place.

More than one SF member was investigating other forums a month ago.

It's a damn shame when an a-hole gets into a position of power. I don't know who the moderator is you're talking about, but obviously, if that person is behaving in that manor, he or she shouldn't be a moderator. Or a member of this forum.

I researched senior forums before joining this one, and I joined this one because it's generally civil in here — primarily because political discussions are not allowed and because it's well moderated. There are always people who are going to test the boundaries and whine that their "rights" are being violated if they're not allowed to insult other members. We don't have to deal with them if we don't want to; there's the "ignore" feature that removes their posts from view.

The other senior forum I found that was fairly busy allowed political discussions and as expected, jackasses seemed to dominate the forum. Ten or 15 years ago, I would have joined right in, but one thing I've learned in my senior years is that you can't reason with the unreasonable. That's the wisdom that I've gained over the years and how I conduct my life now.

 

[horseless carriage]

Ignoring a confrontational post is easier said than done for some of us. If your feelings have been hurt by someone, they've been hurt; when something hurts, it hurts, and all the "oh, just ignore it, don't let it bother you, etc." in the world won't change that. I wish it would change it, but in spite of all the best efforts in the world, it doesn't change it. At. All.

The internet is a defining factor of modern society. But despite all the good that the internet has brought to us, there are people who use it with malicious intent. And just as bullying has existed since the dawn of time, virtual bullying has existed since the beginning of the internet.
You are right, ignoring verbal abuse doesn't change it, but the alternative is to engage with the bully, and that is exactly what they want. Therefore, if you ignore their taunts, you are starving them of the pathetic pleasure they get from there cyber bullying.

I would add that this is what I would do, just switch off and let the thread or whatever caused the unpleasantness in the first place, is forgotten. But it's not for me to tell anyone what to do and I sincerely hope that it didn't come across as my intention.

 

[Gary O']

Sadly, Ruthanne, Marci, Asp, and other valued members have already left, either as a result of personal attacks, or the unpleasant atmosphere which permeated the site.

Asp left because he was bored with the content... Ruthanne has not left...I just had a Pm from her a couple or 3 days ago...

Things get so exaggerated on this forum.. always from the same people as well....

Funny.....not HA HA funny, but oddly funny, that this is a wisdom thread, yet purported exoduses have occurred due to some troll or mean member's comments...

And, turns out, THAT is even rumor

And all this from seniors?

C'mon, git yer grips back

Y'all haven't led that sheltered of a life.....have ya?

 

[Nathan]

one thing I've learned in my senior years is that you can't reason with the unreasonable.

I've recently come to embrace that view, not worth the aggravation of engaging those who doggedly peddle fallacies.

 

[hollydolly]

Funny.....not HA HA funny, but oddly funny, that this is a wisdom thread, yet purported exoduses have occurred due to some troll or mean member's comments...

And, turns out, THAT is even rumor

And all this from seniors?

C'mon, git yer grips back

Y'all haven't led that sheltered of a life.....have ya?

Exactly

 

[horseless carriage]

Funny.....not HA HA funny, but oddly funny, that this is a wisdom thread, yet purported exoduses have occurred due to some troll or mean member's comments...

And, turns out, THAT is even rumor

And all this from seniors?

C'mon, git yer grips back

Y'all haven't led that sheltered of a life.....have ya?

First time that I heard y'all, I thought that the waitress said yell. Then I went and made a monumental faux pas. Americans like cold beer, so cold that it's almost forming ice crystals. So when the waitress went to chill my glass with ice cubes before tipping the ice away and pouring the beer, I asked her to forget the ice cubes. "You like warm beer!" She said. A kick in my shin told me to shut up and put up.

 

[helenbacque]

Sometimes wisdom is knowing when to speak up and when to shut up.

 

[Warrigal]

Wisdom is the realization that you know more than anyone else and that what they do know is most probably wrong.

Some would call that hubris.

 

[Lewkat]

Wisdom, simply put, is, common sense.

 

[JonDouglas]

I would think there are enough definitions of and incantations on wisdom on this and other forums to keep seniors busy and out of trouble for days on end and to that end I will not add another.

 

[Warrigal]

Ignoring a confrontational post is easier said than done for some of us. If your feelings have been hurt by someone, they've been hurt; when something hurts, it hurts, and all the "oh, just ignore it, don't let it bother you, etc." in the world won't change that. I wish it would change it, but in spite of all the best efforts in the world, it doesn't change it. At. All.

I've found that when something gets under my guard and I am feeling hurt, I take time out to lick my wounds (metaphorically, of course) and after a while I am able to return to society, including a forum.

In the past, when someone has really irritated me I have put them on ignore. I still see that they have posted but not what they posted unless I choose to. After a couple of weeks I remove the ignore status and they never know anything about it. On one or two occasions when I have lost control and posted something bordering on nasty I have banned myself from posting for two weeks to teach myself a lesson.

As someone said earlier, we don't have to engage if we don't want to.
I choose not to engage most of the time.
Is this wisdom?

 

[peramangkelder]

 

[bingo]

i know the difference between a mule's tail
and a pump handle....very important wisdom
laughter is the best medicine

 

[Joe Smith]

Learning to put on my trousers one leg at a time.

 

[Irwin]

I've found that when something gets under my guard and I am feeling hurt, I take time out to lick my wounds (metaphorically, of course) and after a while I am able to return to society, including a forum.

In the past, when someone has really irritated me I have put them on ignore. I still see that they have posted but not what they posted unless I choose to. After a couple of weeks I remove the ignore status and they never know anything about it. On one or two occasions when I have lost control and posted something bordering on nasty I have banned myself from posting for two weeks to teach myself a lesson.

As someone said earlier, we don't have to engage if we don't want to.
I choose not to engage most of the time.
Is this wisdom?

I've learned to put annoying people on ignore before I post a nasty response. I love a good debate, but I'm not into name calling.

 

[Shalimar]

Ruthanne has just sent me a pm. She reiterated the fact she has left SF, and why. She also gave me permission to inform people they may contact her via pm.

 

[Verisure]

Were the attacks all from the same member?

I am led to believe that our Marg felt she was being unfairly treated by 3 or 4 members in particular.

 

[hollydolly]

Got a PM from Ruthanne, she has some health problems, and feels that its not helped by being stressed over some posts on the forum , so she's taking time out to heal which is why she's not posted for 4 weeks ... and may return to post at a later date on threads which are not so stressful to her..

Get well Ruthanne...

 

[JonDouglas]

Perhaps Ruthanne's leaving can serve to illustrate the wisdom of learning to back off from stressful situations. Knowing that stress can affect your immune system, internet forums can sometimes be "rough and tumble" places where ideas, egos and attitudes clash without the benefit of really knowing who's actually talking. If a particular thread is starting to bother you, just back off, cool down and remember that it is just internet blather, not some serious life or death struggle or anything that has to directly affect you.

As sites go, this one is well-mannered overall with only a few individuals who seem to have trouble tolerating those who don't share their views. It is certainly not like a motorcycle forum I left years ago where offering your opinion on some feature or possible improvement could result in threats of bodily harm.