Is Ridicule Just Another Name For Bullying?

katlupe said:
I have learned from being on forums and social media for many years that being tactful is not common. People feel free to say whatever, even if they know it may hurt someone's feelings. Over the years though, I have learned which topics to stay away from and I do. I wanted to get away from all the political and religious arguments and joined this forum. I really enjoy it and the members here. But I do not go to the topics that may turn political. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on everything. If I want to argue.........I always have fakebook.
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This is also why you mustn't reveal all of your business on an open forum ...much of what you reveal can and will be used as a bat to beat you with when the insecure hiding behind a screen find an Achilles heel...

I've watched, it , read it and even been a victim of it over the years on various forums .Learned my lesson Quicksmart...
 

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One more comment after looking back over the thread to see if anyone said anything interesting that i missed (tho i likely missed more as i typed this, LOL): i don't think either the nature of social media or the stresses of the pandemic make anyone anything. i think both have tended to reveal more of who each of us at our core.

Certainly social media allows people to put up a false persona but just as out in the world over time one sees the cracks in the facades, and how they choose to present themselves can reveal character elements as well. And online we often get to see people in a greater variety of conversations in a shorter period of time.

The lack of body language, tone of voice (tho some people's word choices make their feelings quite clear) can be problematic. But as Malcolm Gladwell has talked about not all people's body language (including facial expressions) 'matches' as in accurately reflecting what they think/feel---because our society--especially in workplace settings and even some families tends to reward people who can mask their real feelings and just 'make nice' with others no matter how unpleasant the others are being. But the nature of social media makes it easier for some to let their real feelings out verbally--the 'anonymity' factor. Tho more than one person has lived to regret posting things on FB that are inconsistent with their employers' values or their family's.

Then there are some of us who are an open book in person not just cause we're honesty prone, but because no matter how much we control what we actually say to someone our face gives away our perception of their ignorance, thoughtlessness or rudeness towards us.

The pandemic also has tended mostly to expose more of who people are at the core rather than 'make' them nastier or kinder. Some of us, knowing everyone is feeling more stressed have actually doubled up on being more courteous, understanding, helpful, kind---especially to all the essential workers. Others have become more demanding as if the shortage of everything from TP to staff is part of some personal vendetta against them.

Anyone who has ever worked with the public extensively knows most humans are more prone to making complaints than giving compliments--even when a worker does more than just basic required by their jobs. i've seen first hand the difference it can make to acknowledge when people are doing things well, because it's also human nature to prefer thanks to complaints and so most people the more their efforts acknowledged the more they work at getting it 'right'.
 
Alligatorob said:
That would be interesting, I have never met someone online and then later in person. There are some I'd like to.
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i have a group of friends from Eons (15+ yrs ago i think maybe closer to 20) and a bunch of us are in a group on FB, which along with my sons being on FB is a reason i haven't quit it entirely. Hoping we'll be able to arrange a meet up post pandemic before too many of us pass from sheer old age.
 
Nathan said:
I recall hearing it said that: Sarcasm is anger's ugly twin...."
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At times, maybe more often with some than others.

i've always been ambivalent about Sarcasm, cringed a little bit reading about studies that found that sarcasm can be a sign of intelligence, and hope people realize it's not the only or best one. But i know i sometimes use it myself. i don't mean to--sometimes it just falls out of my mouth (another reason i like online communications--i can temper my initial reactions).
 
feywon said:
i've always been ambivalent about Sarcasm, cringed a little bit reading about studies that found that sarcasm can be a sign of intelligence,
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A basic definition of sarcasm:
Code: 
sar·casm
/ˈsärˌkazəm/
noun: sarcasm; plural noun: sarcasms
 the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.
  EG: "his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment"
I'm seeing sarcasm as an emotion driven derogatory comment, and not a particularly constructive addition to conversation. I think people resort to sarcasm when they have run out of relevant support for their side of a debate.
 
feywon said:
1) i said nothing about you not answering questions--i said you ask them not really wanting an answer. Very different thing.
2) Why would i want to tie you knots? i was just hoping that you might realize how ridiculous you sometimes sound without using your own word as it's not one i like to apply to people.
3) We all get to decide who and what is worth investing time in and clearly i still give some people too much 'benefit of doubt' too often. Won't trouble you anymore..
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1) i said nothing about you not answering questions--i said you ask them not really wanting an answer. Very different thing. Grahamg wrote: Ahh, got you now!
2) Why would i want to tie you knots? i was just hoping that you might realize how ridiculous you sometimes sound without using your own word as it's not one i like to apply to people. Grahamg wrote: You might just have given me that impression, (if you’ve not been told you tie folks in knots by others, then I must be mistaken)
3) We all get to decide who and what is worth investing time in and clearly i still give some people too much 'benefit of doubt' too often. Won't trouble you anymore.. Grahamg wrote: That’s not the worst shout I’ve heard, in fact it’s a decent one I was considering myself!
 
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It can be that after we feel we have been insulted that we examine why/how we took it personally. For me it usually is related to something in my past that I was comfortable with until someone derides me. Then it kind of shocks me. Taking a good look at what kicked off the bad feelings brings up aspects of my personality that I have been fooling myself about. It seems very hurtful for someone to do that, but it is up to me to either strike back or learn how to navigate through disagreements.
 
mellowyellow said:
I think some people need to grow a thicker skin and are over-sensitive to criticism, the word ‘precious’ comes to mind.
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We can all be guilty of all kinds of faut pas, including reacting to something in a childish way, (or especially that in way!), but obviously it isn't to be encouraged.
Some friends of mine in "real life" maybe haven't grown up as well as they might, hence they can be a bit aggressive, manipulative sometimes, "controlling" definitely, all these kinds of things, oh and "drama queens", all of these traits get shown from time to time, but fortunately they've got good sides to their character too! :)

As to what constitutes " bullying" I would say all kinds of behaviour could be characterised as bullying in some circumstances, but I'd say someone using banter involving scarcasm is one of the least to worry about. When I was a member of an excellent social group in the UK called "Round Table" (after Arthurian legend, but a charitable and social group for men under forty/forty five), those who could stand their legs being pulled were not likely to enjoy themselves too much!
 
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Nathan says: “I recall hearing it said that: Sarcasm is anger's ugly twin...."

Yes, these is much truth in that, now here is a little story: Immediately I arrived on this forum I was greeted with sarcasm by a person. It was not a big deal to me, but still I was very surprised, then I thought, hey, that person must be very insecure and there must be hidden anger. So I said nothing.

After a few weeks of being here and reading many posts, I realised I was right and glad I ignored that sarcasm.
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I have some trouble with the words "constructive criticism" I would personally use "feedback" . CC in my opinion is more suitable in a work environment. I do not like CC from anyone because if I did not ask for it then it is not constructive. Only good friends are allowed to do this.
 
feywon said:
Well it certainly makes it easier to not to take contentious exchanges to serious if one takes your view. And i will not knock it, if it works for you. The taking with a grain of salt (for me that includes compliments as well as put-downs till i've engaged with someone a good bit) is sage advice where/when/however we are dealing with other humans. i try to apply it across the board when folks are being unpleasant with me.

But i do see that differently: Online not only are we able to review our own exchanges with people but we often see how they are with others, usually from day one of being acquainted with them whereas a co-worker or new friend out in the world (the designation IRL, in real life, implies not viewing people you meet online as 'real' people so i rarely use it) you might not get to see how they act towards service people, or patterns in who they are 'nice' to and who they dump on for weeks or months.

i have talked to some of my long time cyberfriends on the phone and met some in person---they were the intelligent, reasonable, kind and compassionate i had taken them to be from what i saw online. So i think i can make reasonable conclusions about the less pleasant folks too. And has been said by others--online it can be easier to 'walk away' and avoid them in future online.
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We appear to be very different in our outlook feywon, that's okay, because different personalities can mix quite well if respect and restraint are involved. For me, this forum represents a fun place where I can stop by for a cafe latte whenever I feel bogged down with my own writing.

So far, I have enjoyed many of the interactions and really not interested in putting anyone or anything to right. But I still say, when the kitchen gets hot, walk out and have a break on another thread :):)
 
Shero said:
what do you mean by "navel gaze" ?
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Do you know you almost caught me out there, because I did just have to check whether I'd chosen a suitable expression, (I meant it in the sense of a collective over focussing on one issue, without considering wider aspects, I think that's what the search came up with as one meaning of the expression).
 
grahamg said:
Do you know you almost caught me out there, because I did just have to check whether I'd chosen a suitable expression, (I meant it in the sense of a collective over focussing on one issue, without considering wider aspects, I think that's what the search came up with as one meaning of the expression).
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Thank you, but that must be a general statement you made? I do not consider myself a navel gazer
 
Remy said:
@Irwin And my comment was so funny why? Perhaps some people are getting right about this forum.
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It was funny because you wrote "As far as covid 19 goes, it hasn't affected my life all that much. Perhaps it has for those who socialize."

As someone not inclined to socialize, I can relate. For me, the pandemic a good excuse for when I'm asked to be sociable, since I do everything I can to avoid people. That may not have been what you meant, but that's how I read it. So I laughed. :)
 
Back to the OP... I don't think ridicule is necessarily the same as bullying.

Ridicule is targeted at a specific action. For example, if someone refuses to wear a facemask in a crowded venue, that person can be ridiculed for his or her behavior. It's often behavior that deviates from the accepted norm of a group or by society. Ridicule can be a way to ostracize someone or an attempt to get that person to change their behavior.

Bullying, on the other hand, is condemning or making fun of someone because of who they are, and usually it's something that they have no control over, such as their appearance or the way they talk, their religion, or something along those lines. It's a way to establish power over and get others to turn on someone. It can also be a method of ostracization but without the opportunity for redemption.

Granted, making fun of someone is a form of ridicule, but bullying is continuous over an extended period of time. The bully uses ridicule to demoralize and demean and destroy the target's self-esteem.
 

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