The "Alone" Club

hollydolly said:
I don't disbelieve it... but my aloneness came out of the blue when 8 months ago my husband of over 2 decades left... so I didn't choose to be alone..
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You’ve had a cataclysm change in ur life, @hollydolly, rather like a death in the family. You will take the time to grieve and it will not be fun but knowing your resilience, you’ll come out on the other side and be ready for a new adventure 🤗
 

In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.

I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.
 

Teacher Terry said:
In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.

I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.
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there you go Terry...I'll get to that point one day... but I'm not quite there yet, good luck to you and welcome to the forum
 
Teacher Terry said:
In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.

I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.
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You did the right thing IMO as hard as that change must have been.

Living with those fur covered life forms is the only way to go. Also IMO.
 
I feel and understand all the different types of loneliness that many of you have shared in this thread.
We are all different in the ways and reasons for our loneliness, which I appreciate learning from many of you, and how many are treated, coping, with this, and how you’re making things better for yourself.
Had lots of practice being alone in my 2nd marriage, for 28 years.
Apparently for some, conversation, communication, was not anywhere near the top of the list.
Just like having a body around, for meals, our wifely duties etc.
Was not allowed to have my friends, got very jealous, that made life very lonely.
Living with someone is not supposed to be lonely....so the book said....the book was wrong.
Pushed for the divorce......then.....I wasn’t lonely anymore.
Living on my own is not lonely......him......apparently was a different story.
2 months after we lived apart, he landed on my doorstep, 6am, one morning, saying he couldn’t live alone and had no friends......I let him in.....big mistake.....
He was on my doorstep for almost 2 years.......my loneliness came back.....finally, sent him back to his own house.....and said......stay. He didn’t live with me in my house, he might as well have been, but that’s another story.

I’m not sure how to explain the type of loneliness I have now......nothing to do with living alone.....have to think of how I can explain it.
My little fur family are really good company, not sure what I’d do without them......they add so much to my life......as many of you will agree with your best little friends/family.....cures a lot of loneliness.
 
hi. new here. new and old, both here. im struggling with this. i buried my last horse a few years ago
and have not been the same since.
the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone. no dogs cats horses, or, family. just me, alone on the earth.

id say it was the first time but i didnt have much close family growing up either, and it seems the men in my
life orbit were all quite similar from my father to my son. not sure what that was about. i always 'did' things
and they seemed to just watch.

anyhow, after ranching a long time and burying animals and family here i am...alone. and old.
i spent many years alone in the middle of a lot of mountain land, alone with horses dogs cats, wildlife.
alone without other humans i should say. the gate was always locked and i only saw other humans when
i went for mail or groceries.

now being alone doesnt feel so fun.
its nice to see this board and thanks for being here and sharing.
 
hollydolly said:
there you go Terry...I'll get to that point one day... but I'm not quite there yet, good luck to you and welcome to the forum
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Because it sounds like your husband asking for a divorce came out of the blue of course you are in shock and need to grieve. You will definitely get to the other side with time. We never know what life has in store for any of us.
 
Gaer said:
Well, Sure I miss intimacy, laughter, sharing incredible moments with a big, hunky man. But, I look at being alone at this time of my life as a growth period. I have a lot more time for spiritual communication, for creating. I love solitude for writing poetry, articles, stories., books. I enjoy sculpting, painting, and many ideas come forth in one's aloneness.
Time and how it's spent is dictated only by me. I can listen to Roy Orbison at 3:00 A.M., eat beef stroganoff for breakfast, take a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon. I can stick my dog in the car and take off to some mountain stream, or go watch the Sun come up.
I guess solitude has good aspects and bad, but I'm adjusting. I don't really have friends or family here.
Self-indulgence is a strange feeling.
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Roy Orbison♥️. I have all his songs downloaded on my IPhone. I listen to him mostly when I take my long walks every day.
 
CrowFlies said:
hi. new here. new and old, both here. im struggling with this. i buried my last horse a few years ago
and have not been the same since.
the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone. no dogs cats horses, or, family. just me, alone on the earth.

id say it was the first time but i didnt have much close family growing up either, and it seems the men in my
life orbit were all quite similar from my father to my son. not sure what that was about. i always 'did' things
and they seemed to just watch.

anyhow, after ranching a long time and burying animals and family here i am...alone. and old.
i spent many years alone in the middle of a lot of mountain land, alone with horses dogs cats, wildlife.
alone without other humans i should say. the gate was always locked and i only saw other humans when
i went for mail or groceries.

now being alone doesnt feel so fun.
its nice to see this board and thanks for being here and sharing.
Click to expand...
Welcome. It is always so hard to lose our "kids" who happen to be animals. We have put down so many of our precious cats. Please don't give up on life. The members on SF are always so supportive. Don't be shy about sharing your concerns. We are all here for you.
 
boliverchadsworth said:
I have exhausted, several times, my efforts to find something I can do, will do, and like to do that is a 4 or so an hour a day job- mainly covid isolated--seems like I could find something.-I have a loooonnnngggg list of stuff I wont do, don't want to do-namely phones personal contact with public dealing with angry demanding people - and typing---not going to do it.....period..what is left....that pretty much eliminates all c/s and online jobs......

There might might be something somewhere that would involve mac's and supporting a one or two person shop- as an minimal typing assisting support type-

Someone on here may say the magic word that will tweak an idea that I have not yet researched.....likely it will generate the inevitable opportunity for repeated and unproductive criticism --go for it.I am good with it.....and have a nice day-
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Here's a list of remote jobs from Idealist.

I just mention it, because it might be a place you have not looked.

Idealist is a non-profit job listing...both volunteer and paid work...

https://www.idealist.org/en/remote-jobs
 
JustDave said:
As I write this at my computer, my new puppy, which became part of my home three weeks ago, is under the desk, lying on my feet. It's a wonderful experience, but not less than 10 minutes ago we were having an altercation over him jumping on me scratching and biting with his puppy teeth, and the little bugger had the audacity to argue with me about it. Yes, puppies argue in their own insistent puppy way, and before that, he peed on the floor.

I love the little guy, but having him around can be stressful. Simply stressful is the exact way to describe it. But it's worth it, so I understand why people will deal with the stress caused by the presence of others. Well, I assume they experience such stress. I do enjoy others being around too, but sometimes I need to get away, and not being able to fulfill that need when it comes is worse than being alone (for me).
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re puppies, thought you might like this video...apparently, huskies stay puppies for a long, long, long time...

 
When I first got ill, which was in the early 80s, I experienced profound loneliness. It was not fun. I would often go a few weeks straight without talking to anyone (well, except the cashier at the grocery store or the bank teller).

Real loneliness is pretty destructive.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Because it sounds like your husband asking for a divorce came out of the blue of course you are in shock and need to grieve. You will definitely get to the other side with time. We never know what life has in store for any of us.
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No my husband hasn't asked for a divorce...he left, and that came out of the blue.. it's me in fact who is now the one who will be seeking divorce..
 
I believe living alone happily depends on the person. We are all different and our situations are different. I am happy living alone mainly because I realized after three marriages, my happiest times were the times between relationships. I was tired of taking care of other people's food, laundry, finances and what have you. After not having any friends for almost ten years, living in an apartment building has given me a new understanding of the value of having good friends.
 
I feel alone just reading the comments because my aloneness. Is literally all my life. And as a child especially. But I have learned that it is better to go where you desire alone than to compromise and go with company and not enjoy it. The company is not worth it Male or female family or friends. You will resent it and they will notice. And it can break friendships. Not strengthen them. .
 
MickaC said:
I feel and understand all the different types of loneliness that many of you have shared in this thread.

Living with someone is not supposed to be lonely....so the book said....the book was wrong.
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Spot on Mica. Some of my most lonely experiences long in the past happened in parties surrounded by dozens of people. It takes more than people to fix loneliness. The right person at your side can help, but the real fix is inside of us. I think for some, just being around people is enough. That is not the case for me.
 
CrowFlies said:
hi. new here. new and old, both here. im struggling with this. i buried my last horse a few years ago
and have not been the same since.
the 19yr feral cat then passed and i was....alone. no dogs cats horses, or, family. just me, alone on the earth.

id say it was the first time but i didnt have much close family growing up either, and it seems the men in my
life orbit were all quite similar from my father to my son. not sure what that was about. i always 'did' things
and they seemed to just watch.

anyhow, after ranching a long time and burying animals and family here i am...alone. and old.
i spent many years alone in the middle of a lot of mountain land, alone with horses dogs cats, wildlife.
alone without other humans i should say. the gate was always locked and i only saw other humans when
i went for mail or groceries.

now being alone doesnt feel so fun.
its nice to see this board and thanks for being here and sharing.
Click to expand...
Hello and welcome to SF
 
boliverchadsworth said:
THANK YOU AND THE REASON I POSTED--WE WILL SEE, I WILL RESEARCH IT....
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Hope it helps. About 7 years ago or so..my niece got a volunteer project through Idealist. It was a project helping the Native people in Bolivia.

One day, a tiny monkey came out of the jungle and just sat on her head! No, that is not a bun on her head...look closely, it has eyes! It's a monkey!

SaraMonkey.jpg
 
After my husband died 8 years ago, I had a lot of friends still in the area. While I was grieving, I also had distractions by working and outings with friends. I retired just before the pandemic and could not stand the long, lonely hours.
Now I have realized that I can be happy with just myself. And I am. It did not come easy for me. Every so often I remind myself of a Dear Abby or was it Ann Landers (?) saying: "It is better to be alone than to wish you were."
 
For all those alone and suffering the loss of a partner, my deepest sympathies.

Wishing you all the very best.

My wife's Dad passed about ten years ago. It was one of those love stories for the ages. They met when she was just a teen and he was 21. He was the only man she ever dated.

Utterly in love with each other for over 60 years before he passed.

Just very hard and very sad.

Take care all...
 

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