The "Alone" Club

The senior 55 plus communities in SE Texas all seem to be rent only ... and the choices are many around here.
Some allow dogs, some don't.

But like all things, when you lease for a year, you can count on higher monthly payments when you renew those leases.. especially now.
 

RandomName said:
Crow, I sometimes think about getting a cat, a big orange and white one, or even two of them!
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my 19year old feral passed 3yrs ago here in the motorhome with me, her ashes in a small box
right there>>>. she slept in her box next to me until Daisy stepped into my life, then she went in the
basket right there>>.
since i live i a RV with a dog and the door is generally open so dog can come go to her yard, having
a cat wouldnt work for me. i cant know theyd come/go outside and back in.

id have more animals but...where do they go when im gone. i cant live that way very well, not knowing that.
if i Knew someone who would vow to take them...it would be diff.

i knew a lady who moved from one state to another to be near her friend who Would take her two small dogs
when she went, shed had a heart attack in recent time. she was fearful of what would happen to her dogs
so she relocated near her friend.

if i had any friends left...but i dont. i know a few people but i dont...cant...i dont really have enough trust
in them to pretend theyd take care of my animals til their deaths.

my family is gone. thats why i say...ill stay til my dog is gone then im outta here.
 

CrowFlies said:
my 19year old feral passed 3yrs ago here in the motorhome with me, her ashes in a small box
right there>>>. she slept in her box next to me until Daisy stepped into my life, then she went in the
basket right there>>.
since i live i a RV with a dog and the door is generally open so dog can come go to her yard, having
a cat wouldnt work for me. i cant know theyd come/go outside and back in.

I'd have more animals but...where do they go when I'm gone. I cant live that way very well, not knowing that.
if I Knew someone who would vow to take them...it would be diff.

if i had any friends left...but i dont. i know a few people but i dont...cant...i dont really have enough trust
in them to pretend theyd take care of my animals til their deaths.
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I feel the same way. My cat died about a year ago and I would love to get another one but it would worry me to death about where it would go after I'm gone. I can't stand the thoughts of what would happen to it so I enjoy my neighbors pets instead when I can and that helps.
 
AprilSun said:
I feel the same way. My cat died about a year ago and I would love to get another one but it would worry me to death about where it would go after I'm gone. I can't stand the thoughts of what would happen to it so I enjoy my neighbors pets instead when I can and that helps.
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ive lived with lotsa critters of all sizes most of my life...and now, yah, i cant do that and it really frustrates me.
i cant do it alone...is the thing. i mean I can do it but they have no security becuz i dont have companions
any longer.

have you thot about getting a senior animal? there is a Need for seniors to take in senior dogs cats etc.
you know they wont live long but you give them the comforts they need, sorta like hospice for critters..??

i think vets would know about this and how to. fwiw.
glad you have neighbors with some critters. :):)
 
CrowFlies said:
ive lived with lotsa critters of all sizes most of my life...and now, yah, i cant do that and it really frustrates me.
i cant do it alone...is the thing. i mean I can do it but they have no security becuz i dont have companions
any longer.

have you thot about getting a senior animal? there is a Need for seniors to take in senior dogs cats etc.
you know they wont live long but you give them the comforts they need, sorta like hospice for critters..??

i think vets would know about this and how to. fwiw.
glad you have neighbors with some critters. :):)
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I've thought about it but then I think, what if I die before it does. That bothers me also. I just love animals so much. I'll just spoil my neighbors animals instead. But thank you for the suggestion.
 
I wouldn't trust anyone to care for my cats either. People are flakes.

I go everyday to fed the established fixed ferals at my work place. People tell me how good they look, the Maintenace man (who is one of the few people who go to the area where I feed them behind bushes and the storage containers) stated he likes cats, and informed me I'd need a larger water bowl for summer but no one offers to help me feed the cats.

I already knew about the water bowl and keep spares in my car and at home. Luckily I scored a nice green baking dish at PAWS recently which is good for the water.

And frankly feeding those cats makes me feel like more of an anomaly. Everyone runs out to smoke but no one can help with the cats.
 
I can certainly understand how some of you feel about leaving pets behind and who would care for them. I'm in that position too. There is a lady I text once a week to let her know I'm still alive and kicking.

I have written instructions for her if I croak or become incapacitated. I do trust her to find a good person to care for my pets. I'm not going to worry myself sick over it. I'm doing the best I can for them given my circumstances. I've also began to pray more about it. Makes me feel better.
 
CrowFlies said:
thanks, it does seem supportive here. :)

and thanks down the thread for the idealist site.

i think a variety of co-housing situations would benefit a lot of us. some are new to being alone, some know
it well. with age its nice to be around similar others, i think. its safer and its community and has purpose.
we're all taught and told living, being, 'independent' is the only way to go here...meanwhile, thats not accurate
across the board. community is a good thing, imo.

yes this has changed for me the last few years after living alone for so long. i think that comes with age. change.
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a little bit...small amount of socializing normally goes a looooonggg way.....annoyingly usually
 
Teacher Terry said:
In December of 2020 I found out that my third husband was cheating again and we had been together 22 years. It was especially bad because he put me at risk of getting Covid. I divorced him and sold the house. I bought a condo I love and live with my 2 Maltese.

I have lived here for 25 years so still have all my friends and activities. I also made new friends that live in my condo building and I have 3 grown kids. I thought I would be lonely but I am not. I am 67 and will never live with anyone again.
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In November 2021 I found out that my wife was meeting another man at the camp site we were staying at in Spain. We had then been together 39 years. When we came home to the UK that summer I divorced her and live alone in the house. I am 72 and I don't find the alone life lonely at all. I meet my old friends, take care of grand children now and then, meet my daughter and sons, when they pass by. I can meditate and pray whithout ceasing, so I love life. I am not seeking anyone more to live with again, just like you.
 
Georgiagranny said:
I just figured out why I keep flunking retirement! The money is nice and well needed, of course, but I need to be around the lights and the people. I liked being a cleaning fairy except that my clients were rarely home. I liked being a customer service rep except that it required a whole lot of phone time and not a lot of face-to-face time. I liked being the head housekeeper in a hotel because there were lots of people around. See where this is going? LOL

As most of you know, I live in a granny flat attached to my DD/DSIL's house. We're all under the same roof, but my place is separate and self-contained with my own entrance but connected by a back hall to theirs. They live their own lives. I depend on them for transpo and for stuff like, you know, changing light bulbs, And tech help because I'm challenged in that department!

They come and go over here as needed and sometimes just to visit (always knocking before entering) and DD works from home except one morning a week. Her office is on the east end of the house and upstairs; my place is ground level on the west end so mostly we communicate via text rather than hike through the rest of the house and up and down the stairs. (Teehee...just got a text from her!)

So. I'm alone without really being alone. I enjoy having somewhere to go and something to do five days a week. I need to be out and about and interacting/conversing with the rest of my part of the world.

@hollydolly, my wish for you is that you find something interesting to do and somewhere interesting to go a few days a week, with the bonus of being paid for it 💰
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That situation of being alone but not really alone and having family to help sounds ideal. I wish I had that yet things aren't so bad here. I have dear doggie and birdie for constant company. My one neighbor is kinda keeping an eye on me because of my health issues. I check in with her every week at this point. I chat a bit with any neighbor that wants to talk. It's ok here.
 
Ruthanne said:
That situation of being alone but not really alone and having family to help sounds ideal. I wish I had that yet things aren't so bad here. I have dear doggie and birdie for constant company. My one neighbor is kinda keeping an eye on me because of my health issues. I check in with her every week at this point. I chat a bit with any neighbor that wants to talk. It's ok here.
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Lavinia said:
Yes, this is also a factor in why some of us are happy to be alone. I enjoyed being a mother and spending time with my children, but apart from them, the people I have had around me have caused a lot of unpleasantness. I'm a quiet, self-contained person and many people don't like that.
Having said that, though, I have always been a loner. Even as a small child, I enjoyed wandering off on my own.....so for me personally, being alone is what suits my nature.
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I can relate to you and the kind of person you are. I'm quiet and self contained too. I enjoy a little time with others but enjoy my alone time quite a bit. Not saying that I don't get lonely at times and long for some company. The last visitor I had was my brother back in July. I also saw him this past April for a pleasant dinner at a nearby restaurant. That made me happy.
 
JustDave said:
Sorry, I lost my connection on the previous post. My puppy yanked out a USB connection, and when I got back to my computer, it was back at the desktop.

I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely. Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it. Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait. I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try. We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.
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I can understand that. I don't get lonely much.
 
Being alone and learning to be content with solitude provides the opportunity for spiritual growth, and it cultivates more discriminating choices in choosing companionship. For most of us, a balance between the time spent alone and the time spent in companionship is desirable. For several years I enjoyed an independent home while maintaining mutually beneficial close relationships outside the home. However, now that I’ve lived to be over 80 years old and have mobility issues and use a walker, outside companionship has diminished and almost disappeared entirely. And I don’t know where to look for it now. I have outlived the family and friends I grew up with and there doesn’t seem to be a suitable source for the elderly to meet and assist each other and enjoy intellectual companionship.
 
Tabby Ann said:
Being alone and learning to be content with solitude provides the opportunity for spiritual growth, and it cultivates more discriminating choices in choosing companionship. For most of us, a balance between the time spent alone and the time spent in companionship is desirable. For several years I enjoyed an independent home while maintaining mutually beneficial close relationships outside the home. However, now that I’ve lived to be over 80 years old and have mobility issues and use a walker, outside companionship has diminished and almost disappeared entirely. And I don’t know where to look for it now. I have outlived the family and friends I grew up with and there doesn’t seem to be a suitable source for the elderly to meet and assist each other and enjoy intellectual companionship.
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a lot of folks would say and maybe think that you are better off-
 
I'm an introvert, but I always wanted to be married or live with someone. Now it seems extremely unlikely to happen again. And as some have mentioned, it can be more trouble than it's worth, especially at this age.

For 12 years I lived in an interesting island community, an experience that can't be duplicated. I was still an introvert, but there was always an interesting conversation or distraction if you wanted it. The rental situation was terrible though.

So I moved to an isolated boom-town-gone-bust where apartments are available and cheap. This was the first time in my life I ever actually FELT lonely. I've fought hard to get over it, but it's kind of a losing battle. I am active online, and I have long-distance friends, but it's not the same as face to face.

One neighbor invites me to senior bus trips and other large gatherings, but I don't want to get Covid. (This town is militantly anti-mask and anti-vax.) Another neighbor wants to be friendly, but her preferred activities are a bit too ambitious for me.

I have made efforts to socialize and be active locally, but it doesn't always work out.

Some here have mentioned pets. I love kitties, but after age 50 I decided not to have any more cats, in case I died before the cat. People try to tell me that someone would look after it, but I've seen times when it doesn't work out that way. I couldn't do that to a beloved pet.

I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world of how my life would be "if only" I had a romantic partner or a friend who lived nearby. Meanwhile it gets harder to feel motivated to do anything, because there seems to be no payoff.

I wasn't meant to be alone, really.
 
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NorthernLight said:
I'm an introvert, but I always wanted to be married or live with someone. Now it seems extremely unlikely to happen again. And as some have mentioned, it can be more trouble than it's worth, especially at this age.

For 12 years I lived in an interesting island community, an experience that can't be duplicated. I was still an introvert, but there was always an interesting conversation or distraction if you wanted it. The rental situation was terrible though.

So I moved to an isolated boom-town-gone-bust where apartments are available and cheap. This was the first time in my life I ever actually FELT lonely. I've fought hard to get over it, but it's kind of a losing battle. I am active online, and I have long-distance friends, but it's not the same as face to face.

One neighbor invites me to senior bus trips and other large gatherings, but I don't want to get Covid. (This town is militantly anti-mask and anti-vax.) Another neighbor wants to be friendly, but her preferred activities are a bit too ambitious for me.

I have made efforts to socialize and be active locally, but it doesn't always work out.

Some here have mentioned pets. I love kitties, but after age 50 I decided not to have any more cats, in case I died before the cat. People try to tell me that someone would look after it, but I've seen times when it doesn't work out that way. I couldn't do that to a beloved pet.

I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world of how my life would be "if only" I had a romantic partner or a friend who lived nearby. Meanwhile it gets harder to feel motivated to do anything, because there seems to be no payoff.

I wasn't meant to be alone, really.
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Sorry you feel so lonely. I mostly got over it. I hope you will motivate yourself anyway. I have a feeling you'll be successful! :)
 
NorthernLight said:
I'm an introvert, but I always wanted to be married or live with someone. Now it seems extremely unlikely to happen again. And as some have mentioned, it can be more trouble than it's worth, especially at this age.

For 12 years I lived in an interesting island community, an experience that can't be duplicated. I was still an introvert, but there was always an interesting conversation or distraction if you wanted it. The rental situation was terrible though.

So I moved to an isolated boom-town-gone-bust where apartments are available and cheap. This was the first time in my life I ever actually FELT lonely. I've fought hard to get over it, but it's kind of a losing battle. I am active online, and I have long-distance friends, but it's not the same as face to face.

One neighbor invites me to senior bus trips and other large gatherings, but I don't want to get Covid. (This town is militantly anti-mask and anti-vax.) Another neighbor wants to be friendly, but her preferred activities are a bit too ambitious for me.

I have made efforts to socialize and be active locally, but it doesn't always work out.

Some here have mentioned pets. I love kitties, but after age 50 I decided not to have any more cats, in case I died before the cat. People try to tell me that someone would look after it, but I've seen times when it doesn't work out that way. I couldn't do that to a beloved pet.

I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world of how my life would be "if only" I had a romantic partner or a friend who lived nearby. Meanwhile it gets harder to feel motivated to do anything, because there seems to be no payoff.

I wasn't meant to be alone, really.
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NorthernLight,

I am sort of in the same boat, but am male. I like cats, too, but I don't want to get another one, since they just die on you, eventually.

My girl friend died 5 years ago, and I am finally getting serious about finding someone new.

It is SO HARD. I meet women and have to decide if they are right for me. If I ask them out and they say yes, there's a good chance I'll just stick with them forever even if I know it's not the perfect match. So it's a big deal deciding whether to ask her out.

Anyway, I met a nice woman at a social event I go to once a week. I asked if she wanted to go out sometime for an ice cream cone or something, and she said yes, but only as friends.

I have seen her a few more times since then and haven't decided if I want to just be friends.

Still looking elsewhere. Pickleball, concerts, walking around the neighborhood.

I have this idea that meeting the right woman will make my life perfect. I know it is nonsense, but I still think that. Well, I know it would make me a lot less lonely, lol.

When I get depressed, I declutter my house, so it can look good whenever I have a woman over.

As a man, I know I'm not supposed to be 'weak', and post this stuff, but I just wanted to share my situation with you, since I think we are a lot alike in some ways.
 
NorthernLight said:
I feel like I'm living in a fantasy world of how my life would be "if only" I had a romantic partner or a friend who lived nearby. Meanwhile it gets harder to feel motivated to do anything, because there seems to be no payoff.
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After working for a lifetime to improve my surroundings, I too have recently felt a lack of motivation to do anything beyond the bare necessities to support my house. I pondered this situation and was looking for some reward that might motivate me and none was found. You verbalized my situation very well when you said it’s hard to feel motivated when there seems to be no payoff.
 

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