JustDave
Well-known Member
This is a big one. Don't confuse being alone with lonely. They are separate things entirely.
The "Alone" Club
- Thread starter Ruthanne
- Start date
Yes, this is also a factor in why some of us are happy to be alone. I enjoyed being a mother and spending time with my children, but apart from them, the people I have had around me have caused a lot of unpleasantness. I'm a quiet, self-contained person and many people don't like that.
Having said that, though, I have always been a loner. Even as a small child, I enjoyed wandering off on my own.....so for me personally, being alone is what suits my nature.
JustDave
Well-known Member
I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely. Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, becauseI don't know why people always feel so proud about saying ''I'm alone but not lonely''... not here on this thread, but everywhere.. it's like they feel that it's shameful to admit they're lonely...
I'm a people person..people energise me... but I'm also someone who values their own space and lone time to do what I please when I please... for the first time in decades.. I'm alone.. and living in a rural area, with no clubs to join etc, and just a few friends who I see occasionally, because they have their own families...so I'm extremely grateful for everyone on this forum, who give me a purpose, and someone to tell my troubles.. and achievements to...
JustDave
Well-known Member
Sorry, I lost my connection on the previous post. My puppy yanked out a USB connection, and when I got back to my computer, it was back at the desktop.
I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely. Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it. Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait. I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try. We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.
I don't feel proud to say I'm not lonely. Being alone is my choice, although I do think that most people believe someone is supposed to feel lonely, because... [insert]... society expects this and even applauds it. Not being lonely is outside the norm and a minority trait. I can't explain why you may believe this is not true, and I won't try. We are all different, even us minorities. I just ask to be understood.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
I don't disbelieve it... but my aloneness came out of the blue when 8 months ago my husband of over 2 decades left... so I didn't choose to be alone..
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Me too.
GoneFishin
Well-known Member
- Location
- Canada 🏠⛺🚤
Alone and lovin it.
Lewkat
Senior Member
- Location
- New Jersey, USA
Being alone gives me time to do what I love most. Read, read and more reading. Plus I take a lot of time to meditate. I seek company when I feel a need to connect with someone. I'm quite comfortable in my own skin. Of course, my dog at my side makes me realize I am never truly alone.
Aunt Bea
SF VIP
- Location
- Near Mount Pilot
I need and enjoy my time alone, but there are times when it would be nice to have a close friend or two.
JustDave
Well-known Member
^this "everyone's situation and past are different."
OK, I will concede on this one a bit. I will admit that going to bed with the woman of my dreams every night would be wonderful. But now that I've typed that, I realize that even this is not as great as it seems in my fantasy. I still desperately need my "me time," and I cherish that time.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
I think if I ever get involved with a man again.. I will urge him to keep his own place... I'm happy to have my own space, but I need the company as well on a part-time basis..
JustDave
Well-known Member
I understand that. You are experiencing being alone and grief at the same time. I would expect you to feel lonely, and I'm pretty sure I would feel the same way.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
yes exactly that..
Pets!! I was happily working on my computer when suddenly everything froze. I looked down and saw that my guinea pig had bitten through the flex on my mouse. Fortunately I had a spare.
Em in Ohio
Senior Member
- Location
- OH HI OH
Have you given any thought to creative writing? You could type it or write it long-hand, your choice. It might lead to other inspirations.
JustDave
Well-known Member
I love the picture, and your comment is of special interest to me because, after making friends during 45 years in Montana, I now find myself in Virginia for the past 10 years, where everyone is new. I now have one set of close friends (husband and wife), who may be the best friends I have ever made. I also have acquaintances, but I'm not counting them. The odd thing about these new friends is that we have so many differences which at one time, I would have thought would make friendship impossible The one thing that we have in common is that we care deeply about each other, are constantly looking out for each other, as well as sharing special occasions. Go figure. Maybe this is the way things happen in our senior years.I need and enjoy my time alone, but there are times when it would be nice to have a close friend or two.
Em in Ohio
Senior Member
- Location
- OH HI OH
I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind? You are all welcome here.
View attachment 219275
View attachment 219388
Bring whatever you wish to this thread to share for all of us lonesters!
Post-surprise-divorce, it took me a long time to find a sense of self. Once I did, I found that being alone didn't necessarily mean being lonely. There were many perks. During my marriage, my ex kept me away from the few friends that I had. And not being a naturally social person (think "wallflower), new friendships aren't easy to find.I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.
How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind? You are all welcome here.
View attachment 219275
View attachment 219388
Bring whatever you wish to this thread to share for all of us lonesters!
The downside, of course, is when I really needed a significant other to converse with and there was no one available. During these pandemic times, that has been frequent. My poor solution was just to sleep excessively. That led to weight gain and subsequent loss of self-esteem (which wasn't good from the start).
Now that I have a dog again, I don't have the heavy bouts of depression that being alone can bring - but I still get what I call "waves of loneliness and depression." They come on without any apparent cause and disappear the same way. So, I don't really have any solutions other than "get something warm and fuzzy that likes you and speak to this fuzzy-buddy as you would a best friend and confidant."
Georgiagranny
Well-known Member
Absofreakinglutely! They gotta have their own car to drive, their own place to live and their own income.I think if I ever get involved with a man again.. I will urge him to keep his own place... I'm happy to have my own space, but I need the company as well on a part-time basis..
ETA: And live far enough away that they don't visit Every. Darned. Day.
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Reading this thread, I have trouble understanding what is meant by "alone." I'm not being cute here, I really don't know what is meant.
I have been widowed for 11 years now; yet I don't feel "alone." I live by myself in my apartment, but...
I am constantly in touch with other people dear to me, via texting, phone calls, email, etc. And I spend time with other people at least once a day.
My community has constant games, meetings, speakers, performances, study groups, you name it. During the pandemic, there were frequent zoom meetings of my family (once a week) and most of the club activities.
I'm in a hi-rise, after many years of living in a big, stand-alone house with my husband and children. I wondered how I would like it, but gave it a try, and I love having a warm, supportive group of neighbors around me. All I have to do is go down to the lobby to get the mail, or go out for a walk, and there's a friendly neighbor to talk to. The only things I miss are the ability to grill food outdoors, and having a regular garden, though I have enough container gardening on my enclosed porch to keep me busy.
There are also many opportunities to reach out to the larger community. Obviously, none of us are in a jail.
So, I never really think of myself as "alone." Yes, I would have preferred to still have my husband by my side, but since he is gone, I am enjoying "independent living," and hope I can continue living this way indefinitely.
I have been widowed for 11 years now; yet I don't feel "alone." I live by myself in my apartment, but...
I am constantly in touch with other people dear to me, via texting, phone calls, email, etc. And I spend time with other people at least once a day.
My community has constant games, meetings, speakers, performances, study groups, you name it. During the pandemic, there were frequent zoom meetings of my family (once a week) and most of the club activities.
I'm in a hi-rise, after many years of living in a big, stand-alone house with my husband and children. I wondered how I would like it, but gave it a try, and I love having a warm, supportive group of neighbors around me. All I have to do is go down to the lobby to get the mail, or go out for a walk, and there's a friendly neighbor to talk to. The only things I miss are the ability to grill food outdoors, and having a regular garden, though I have enough container gardening on my enclosed porch to keep me busy.
There are also many opportunities to reach out to the larger community. Obviously, none of us are in a jail.
So, I never really think of myself as "alone." Yes, I would have preferred to still have my husband by my side, but since he is gone, I am enjoying "independent living," and hope I can continue living this way indefinitely.
Georgiagranny
Well-known Member
Georgiagranny
Well-known Member
Yup. Human persuasion as opposed to feline or canine or any other animal. I don't think fish count, though
About "choosing to be alone," I guess there are two general types of being alone: Choosing deliberately, or just having it happen to us.
I suspect that the second is by far the more likely situation for most people. I didn't choose to have my husband grow progressively more ill and die; we had a good life together. Interestingly, I had never lived on my own. I got married right after I graduated from college, so I basically went straight from my parents' home to our home as a married couple. Followed by 3 children, and eventually, 2 of our parents living with us in their old age.
When it was obvious that I would not have DH much longer, I wondered what it would be like living alone. Our children were all grown and out of the house by then. I found that, although I missed him, there were advantages to being on my own. I like the independence, living by my own choices about everything, feeling, maybe for the first time in my life, like a complete grownup. I had to learn to deal with a lot of household stuff that he always did (car maintenance, for instance) and found that, like nearly everyone else, I could learn to do it all. I even went on a cruise by myself, and to my surprise, it worked out fine. (Wouldn't go on a cruise now, but that's another story).
So, although this wasn't my "choice," I've found strengths that I didn't know I had. Holly, you sound like a bright, strong person, and will find your own level of independence. Communicating with other people, such as on this forum and in other venues (online, in person, whatever) is a big help.
I suspect that the second is by far the more likely situation for most people. I didn't choose to have my husband grow progressively more ill and die; we had a good life together. Interestingly, I had never lived on my own. I got married right after I graduated from college, so I basically went straight from my parents' home to our home as a married couple. Followed by 3 children, and eventually, 2 of our parents living with us in their old age.
When it was obvious that I would not have DH much longer, I wondered what it would be like living alone. Our children were all grown and out of the house by then. I found that, although I missed him, there were advantages to being on my own. I like the independence, living by my own choices about everything, feeling, maybe for the first time in my life, like a complete grownup. I had to learn to deal with a lot of household stuff that he always did (car maintenance, for instance) and found that, like nearly everyone else, I could learn to do it all. I even went on a cruise by myself, and to my surprise, it worked out fine. (Wouldn't go on a cruise now, but that's another story).
So, although this wasn't my "choice," I've found strengths that I didn't know I had. Holly, you sound like a bright, strong person, and will find your own level of independence. Communicating with other people, such as on this forum and in other venues (online, in person, whatever) is a big help.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
You're right Sunny, and I've been here on the forum coming up 9 years longer than most, and while I was still living in Spain I believe... It's not that I don't know how to live alone.. I did it after my divorce, when dd was just 8 years old.. then she grew to be a teen and a young adult with a life of her own, and I still managed everything alone.. I've holidayed alone, I've lived in 3 seperate countries alone.. however I was 20 years and more younger then when I got married to my now estranged husband ..( after for many years swearing off any kind of co-habiting relationship)... I did it expecting to go into old age as a couple... not to find myself alone, at 67 years old..with less energy and certain health issues..
I shoulda had more kids.. lol...
..or maybe I should move into some kind of complex where there are more people...
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Leann
Traveler
I didn't think I would do well being on my own/alone. I don't know why I doubted myself but I did. And in the few years after my marriage ended, I had moments of feeling lonely, overwhelmed and confused. As I started to find my way and revel in the peace of my new life, I felt a renewed confidence.
It has been well over a decade (probably closer to 15 years at this point) since I've lived with anyone. So much has happened in the intervening years. I dated here and there and never found someone that I wanted to spend more than a few hours with let alone live with. But for the past year I've been in a relationship with a special guy. We've talked about living together (no marriage for a number of reasons that could be the topic of another thread) but we're going to wait another year before we share an address. We aren't in a rush.
So, I live alone (but not really because I have the cutest dog in the world as my fur baby) now but I don't feel lonely.
It has been well over a decade (probably closer to 15 years at this point) since I've lived with anyone. So much has happened in the intervening years. I dated here and there and never found someone that I wanted to spend more than a few hours with let alone live with. But for the past year I've been in a relationship with a special guy. We've talked about living together (no marriage for a number of reasons that could be the topic of another thread) but we're going to wait another year before we share an address. We aren't in a rush.
So, I live alone (but not really because I have the cutest dog in the world as my fur baby) now but I don't feel lonely.