I have just decided I am the bees knees, perfectly perfect in every way, and let no one say otherwise!

How perfect am I,............., I even want to help you to try to be as perfect as me, just look at this!!!!!

Everything is perfect, dear friend.


Get some sleep.

Don't give advice.

Take care of your teeth and gums.

Don't be afraid of anything beyond your control. Don't be afraid, for
instance, that the building will collapse as you sleep, or that someone
you love will suddenly drop dead.

Eat an orange every morning.

Be friendly. It will help make you happy.

Raise your pulse rate to 120 beats per minute for 20 straight minutes
four or five times a week doing anything you enjoy.

Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room
before you save the world. Then save the world.

Know that the desire to be perfect is probably the veiled expression
of another desire—to be loved, perhaps, or not to die.

Make eye contact with a tree.

Be skeptical about all opinions, but try to see some value in each of
them.

Dress in a way that pleases both you and those around you.

Do not speak quickly.

Learn something every day. (Dzien dobre!)

Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

Don't stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don't
forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm's length
and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass ball
collection.

Be loyal.

Wear comfortable shoes.

Design your activities so that they show a pleasing balance
and variety.

Be kind to old people, even when they are obnoxious. When you
become old, be kind to young people. Do not throw your cane at
them when they call you Grandpa. They are your grandchildren!

Live with an animal.

Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.

If you need help, ask for it.

Cultivate good posture until it becomes natural.

Plan your day so you never have to rush.

Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if you
have paid them, even if they do favors you don't want.

Do not waste money you could be giving to those who need it.

Expect society to be defective. Then weep when you find that it is far
more defective than you imagined.

When you borrow something, return it in an even better condition.

As much as possible, use wooden objects instead of plastic or metal
ones.

Look at that bird over there.

After dinner, wash the dishes.

Calm down.

Visit foreign countries, except those whose inhabitants have
expressed a desire to kill you.

Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.

Meditate on the spiritual. Then go a little further, if you feel like it.
What is out (in) there?

Sing, every once in a while.

Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy
excuse.

Don't be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.

Don't think that progress exists. It doesn't.

Walk upstairs.

Do not practice cannibalism.

Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don't do
anything to make it impossible.

Take your phone off the hook at least twice a week.

Keep your windows clean.

Extirpate all traces of personal ambitiousness.

Don't use the word extirpate too often.

Forgive your country every once in a while. If that is not possible, go
to another one.

If you feel tired, rest.

Grow something.

Do not wander through train stations muttering, "We're all going to
die!"

Count among your true friends people of various stations of life.

Appreciate simple pleasures, such as the pleasure of chewing, the
pleasure of warm water running down your back, the pleasure of a
cool breeze, the pleasure of falling asleep.

Do not exclaim, "Isn't technology wonderful!"

Learn how to stretch your muscles. Stretch them every day.

Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even
older. Which is depressing.

Do one thing at a time.

If you burn your finger, put it in cold water immediately. If you bang
your finger with a hammer, hold your hand in the air for twenty
minutes. You will be surprised by the curative powers of coldness and
gravity.

Learn how to whistle at earsplitting volume.

Be calm in a crisis. The more critical the situation, the calmer you
should be.

Enjoy sex, but don't become obsessed with it. Except for brief periods
in your adolescence, youth, middle age, and old age.

Contemplate everything's opposite.

If you're struck with the fear that you've swum out too far in the
ocean, turn around and go back to the lifeboat.

Keep your childish self alive.

Answer letters promptly. Use attractive stamps, like the one with a
tornado on it.

Cry every once in a while, but only when alone. Then appreciate
how much better you feel. Don't be embarrassed about feeling better.

Do not inhale smoke.

Take a deep breath.

Do not smart off to a policeman.

Do not step off the curb until you can walk all the way across the
street. From the curb you can study the pedestrians who are trapped
in the middle of the crazed and roaring traffic.

Be good.

Walk down different streets.

Backwards.

Remember beauty, which exists, and truth, which does not. Notice
that the idea of truth is just as powerful as the idea of beauty.

Stay out of jail.

In later life, become a mystic.

Use Colgate toothpaste in the new Tartar Control formula.

Visit friends and acquaintances in the hospital. When you feel it is
time to leave, do so.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot. It's a waste of time.

Read and reread great books.

Dig a hole with a shovel.

In winter, before you go to bed, humidify your bedroom.

Know that the only perfect things are a 300 game in bowling and a
27-batter, 27-out game in baseball.

Drink plenty of water. When asked what you would like to drink,
say, "Water, please."

Ask "Where is the loo?" but not "Where can I urinate?"

Be kind to physical objects.

Beginning at age forty, get a complete "physical" every few years
from a doctor you trust and feel comfortable with.

Don't read the newspaper more than once a year.

Learn how to say "hello," "thank you," and "chopsticks"
in Mandarin.

Belch and fart, but quietly.

Be especially cordial to foreigners.

See shadow puppet plays and imagine that you are one of the
characters. Or all of them.

Take out the trash.

Love life.

Use exact change.

When there's shooting in the street, don't go near the window.
 

Last edited:
Be pleased that I thought they were your own words.

It is customary to use the quote function to avoid the accusation of plagiarism.
It is a bit of a pain on this forum and it took quite a while for me to work out the least vexing way to do it.
 
Warrigal said:
Be pleased that I thought they were your own words.
It is customary to use the quote function to avoid the accusation of plagiarism.
It is a bit of a pain on this forum and it took quite a while for me to work out the least vexing way to do it.
Click to expand...
I almost gave the link, and thought about cutting down the list, not least because there's plenty of old guff in there, but thought someone might be amazed what had been dreamt up by whoever. :)
 
Some views on perfection from a man respected by many:

"The esteemed Buddhist leader of Tibet drew upon both wit and wisdom to lead those in the temple, as well as the global audience online, though the revered passages, which are dedicated to the development of Bodhicitta (the mind of enlightenment), through the practice of the six perfections.

His Holiness confided: 'You should not be under the sway of a cherishing attitude, rather, cherish others', adding:

'The goal is to attain an omniscient state of mind; to see all things directly and simultaneously. In quantum physics we come to understand that nothing exists objectively. Because of this absoluteness, we become attached to others. We need to establish that there is something beyond this appearance; there is a reality'.

'Therefore we must oppose those distorted ways of existence. Those things that are reality, they have valid knowledge and valid condition. We need to develop wisdom realizing emptiness, to cut through false appearances... We must overcome selfish thoughts.'"
 
Look Graham.

It is late here, I can not read between the lines here, these crazy things you post here. Just give us the Queen's english. I don't know what you want to know. I do think you are the "bees knees", I do think you are perfect just the way are you are. The only thing you need to do is get out there and be "just graham" if others can't see your worth that is their problem. I just don't understand why you can't see the special things you about you. You are handsome, smart, funny, kind, full of love and open to new people, experiences. I know, I said I would not reply but I am tired of you beating yourself down in some crazy way.

Life has so much to offer to a man of your kind. You chose to hide behind pain you were given early on that was not of your making or choice. You beat yourself down everyday when you should be building yourself up. Enough of the jokes, the crap, be the man you are, be majestic, get out there and find your happiness. You are all that but if you hide no on will know it. No need for reply, just know I believe in you, you are all that and a bag of chips!!
 
Reposting list of suggestions to aid anyone seeking to improve themselves up to my standard of perfection, (as plagiarised from wherever - I'll let you know where at the appropriate time). It has been cut by about three quarters to remove the more trivial or silly items, and those that are left I mostly like, and agree with, and have stated where I have my doubts. (Note: I wish all who have such a tendency to think about No.1):


1). Don't give advice. (GG comment: I suppose this means unless asked, and of course the author is giving us his advice in spades isn't he?)

2). Be friendly. It will help make you happy.

3). Hope for everything. Expect nothing. (GG comment: Slightly overstated, but basically sound advice)

4). Know that the desire to be perfect is probably the veiled expression
of another desire—to be loved, perhaps, or not to die.

5). Be skeptical about all opinions, but try to see some value in each of
them.

6). Dress in a way that pleases both you and those around you.

7). Learn something every day.

8). Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

9). Be loyal.

10). Be kind to old people, even when they are obnoxious. When you
become old, be kind to young people.

11). Live with an animal.

12). If you need help, ask for it.

13). Plan your day so you never have to rush.

14). Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if you
have paid them, even if they do favors you don't want.

15). Do not waste money you could be giving to those who need it.

16). Calm down.

17). Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to. (GG comment: I feel expecting there to be love between yourself and your child and it shouldn't be a one way street, so this one is drawn into question in my view)

18). Don't be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.

19). Do one thing at a time.

20). Be calm in a crisis. The more critical the situation, the calmer you
should be.

21). Enjoy sex, but don't become obsessed with it.

22). Be good.

23). Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

24). Be especially cordial to foreigners.
 
Blessed said:
Look Graham.
It is late here, I can not read between the lines here, these crazy things you post here. Just give us the Queen's english. I don't know what you want to know. I do think you are the "bees knees", I do think you are perfect just the way are you are. The only thing you need to do is get out there and be "just graham" if others can't see your worth that is their problem. I just don't understand why you can't see the special things you about you. You are handsome, smart, funny, kind, full of love and open to new people, experiences. I know, I said I would not reply but I am tired of you beating yourself down in some crazy way.
Life has so much to offer to a man of your kind. You chose to hide behind pain you were given early on that was not of your making or choice. You beat yourself down everyday when you should be building yourself up. Enough of the jokes, the crap, be the man you are, be majestic, get out there and find your happiness. You are all that but if you hide no on will know it. No need for reply, just know I believe in you, you are all that and a bag of chips!!
Click to expand...
I'd guess most of us would have something to say about anyone who suggested they might have a problem of any kind, nd maybe keep saying it even when it became inappropriate, whilst at the same time failing to fully appreciate those having what we thought was the real problem and needed to about it, probably cant.

Anyway, I'm the "bees knees" in every way, including how much I "get out there", so what are you on about? :)
 
grahamg said:
I'd guess most of us would have something to say about anyone who suggested they might have a problem of any kind, nd maybe keep saying it even when it became inappropriate, whilst at the same time failing to fully appreciate those having what we thought was the real problem and needed to about it, probably cant.

Anyway, I'm the "bees knees" in every way, including how much I "get out there", so what are you on about? :)
Click to expand...
Marry me please and we can put the whole thing aside. Just know that you will have to talk to me in plain English!!
 
grahamg said:
How perfect am I,............., I even want to help you to try to be as perfect as me, just look at this!!!!!

Everything is perfect, dear friend.


Get some sleep.

Don't give advice.

Take care of your teeth and gums.

Don't be afraid of anything beyond your control. Don't be afraid, for
instance, that the building will collapse as you sleep, or that someone
you love will suddenly drop dead.

Eat an orange every morning.

Be friendly. It will help make you happy.

Raise your pulse rate to 120 beats per minute for 20 straight minutes
four or five times a week doing anything you enjoy.

Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room
before you save the world. Then save the world.

Know that the desire to be perfect is probably the veiled expression
of another desire—to be loved, perhaps, or not to die.

Make eye contact with a tree.

Be skeptical about all opinions, but try to see some value in each of
them.

Dress in a way that pleases both you and those around you.

Do not speak quickly.

Learn something every day. (Dzien dobre!)

Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

Don't stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don't
forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm's length
and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass ball
collection.

Be loyal.

Wear comfortable shoes.

Design your activities so that they show a pleasing balance
and variety.

Be kind to old people, even when they are obnoxious. When you
become old, be kind to young people. Do not throw your cane at
them when they call you Grandpa. They are your grandchildren!

Live with an animal.

Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.

If you need help, ask for it.

Cultivate good posture until it becomes natural.

Plan your day so you never have to rush.

Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if you
have paid them, even if they do favors you don't want.

Do not waste money you could be giving to those who need it.

Expect society to be defective. Then weep when you find that it is far
more defective than you imagined.

When you borrow something, return it in an even better condition.

As much as possible, use wooden objects instead of plastic or metal
ones.

Look at that bird over there.

After dinner, wash the dishes.

Calm down.

Visit foreign countries, except those whose inhabitants have
expressed a desire to kill you.

Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.

Meditate on the spiritual. Then go a little further, if you feel like it.
What is out (in) there?

Sing, every once in a while.

Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy
excuse.

Don't be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.

Don't think that progress exists. It doesn't.

Walk upstairs.

Do not practice cannibalism.

Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don't do
anything to make it impossible.

Take your phone off the hook at least twice a week.

Keep your windows clean.

Extirpate all traces of personal ambitiousness.

Don't use the word extirpate too often.

Forgive your country every once in a while. If that is not possible, go
to another one.

If you feel tired, rest.

Grow something.

Do not wander through train stations muttering, "We're all going to
die!"

Count among your true friends people of various stations of life.

Appreciate simple pleasures, such as the pleasure of chewing, the
pleasure of warm water running down your back, the pleasure of a
cool breeze, the pleasure of falling asleep.

Do not exclaim, "Isn't technology wonderful!"

Learn how to stretch your muscles. Stretch them every day.

Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even
older. Which is depressing.

Do one thing at a time.

If you burn your finger, put it in cold water immediately. If you bang
your finger with a hammer, hold your hand in the air for twenty
minutes. You will be surprised by the curative powers of coldness and
gravity.

Learn how to whistle at earsplitting volume.

Be calm in a crisis. The more critical the situation, the calmer you
should be.

Enjoy sex, but don't become obsessed with it. Except for brief periods
in your adolescence, youth, middle age, and old age.

Contemplate everything's opposite.

If you're struck with the fear that you've swum out too far in the
ocean, turn around and go back to the lifeboat.

Keep your childish self alive.

Answer letters promptly. Use attractive stamps, like the one with a
tornado on it.

Cry every once in a while, but only when alone. Then appreciate
how much better you feel. Don't be embarrassed about feeling better.

Do not inhale smoke.

Take a deep breath.

Do not smart off to a policeman.

Do not step off the curb until you can walk all the way across the
street. From the curb you can study the pedestrians who are trapped
in the middle of the crazed and roaring traffic.

Be good.

Walk down different streets.

Backwards.

Remember beauty, which exists, and truth, which does not. Notice
that the idea of truth is just as powerful as the idea of beauty.

Stay out of jail.

In later life, become a mystic.

Use Colgate toothpaste in the new Tartar Control formula.

Visit friends and acquaintances in the hospital. When you feel it is
time to leave, do so.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot. It's a waste of time.

Read and reread great books.

Dig a hole with a shovel.

In winter, before you go to bed, humidify your bedroom.

Know that the only perfect things are a 300 game in bowling and a
27-batter, 27-out game in baseball.

Drink plenty of water. When asked what you would like to drink,
say, "Water, please."

Ask "Where is the loo?" but not "Where can I urinate?"

Be kind to physical objects.

Beginning at age forty, get a complete "physical" every few years
from a doctor you trust and feel comfortable with.

Don't read the newspaper more than once a year.

Learn how to say "hello," "thank you," and "chopsticks"
in Mandarin.

Belch and fart, but quietly.

Be especially cordial to foreigners.

See shadow puppet plays and imagine that you are one of the
characters. Or all of them.

Take out the trash.

Love life.

Use exact change.

When there's shooting in the street, don't go near the window.
Click to expand...
The poem Graham keeps posting is called, "How to be Perfect" and was written by Ron Padgett
 
Here is the poem referred to above, and funnily enough, although it contains many of the items listed in the first version of whatever it is on an earlier page on the thread, (containing about 100 items), it seems to be all the "trivial, or silly" ones I omitted the second time I posted it above.

Never mind, here is the trivial stuff again for anyone interested:

 
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