Spanking a child

Q

QuickSilver

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Location
Midwest
How many were, and how many did? Aaaaaaand go!

(saw were the other thread was headed and decided to start a separate one.. )
 

I was spanked but not often. I spanked my kids sometimes but preferred other methods.
 

No one in this world loved their Dad like I did and he spanked sparingly but when I needed it, he did it. He taught me to pay attention to what I was told. No belts just spankings.
 
I believe in a "natural" upbringing.

Watch a lion or a bear cuff their kids when they misbehave, without injuring them.

Children are like puppies, they have to be trained, but they are not like horses, they don't need to be broken.
 
I agree.. I was spanked, and sometimes more than I thought was necessary, but I was not beaten, nor was anything used but a well placed hand. I do remember the times I really needed it.. Like when I saw my parents pulling away from a curb from the corner store and I grabed the car bumper and enjoyed a tow home on a snowy street.. A neighbor ratted on me... and I remember that spanking. Never did it again either..

I spanked my kids less than I was spanked, but I did.. Sometimes reasoning doesn't work, and a smack on the bottom gets their attention like nothing else. When they became bigger and faster than I was, I had to resort to other means. They still talk about the time my oldest got konked on the head with a loaf of frozen garlic bread. Makes for funny dinner conversations now.
 
No ritual punishment in the form of spanking in either my own childhood nor in that of my son. I believe nowadays it is looked upon as child abuse because the kid is small and the parent is big, so it is considered a kind of abuse of power. Some parents will justify it in any way they can, thinking its good for the kid. I did smack my son on the bottom once or twice when he was driving me crazy, but always apologized and felt very guilty afterwards.

My aunt was a big spanker and lost her temper very easily, and her children all ended up all moving far away from her, even to different countries when they grew up so she pretty much spent her last years alone and died alone. Very sad.
 
My father was violently abusive toward myself and my brothers. Spanking was the least of it. These days he would probably be in jail. Three out of four of his children, including myself, chose not to have children.
 
My mother spanked me when I needed it, which wasn't too often as I was pretty well behaved and respectful toward her. Usually if she gave me the 'evil eye', I'd stop whatever I was doing and knew she meant business. The times I got a spanking, I asked for it, and once in a blue moon, she'd use something like a fly swatter.

She was always in control and didn't freak out like some mothers who beat their kids and lose it in the process. I never had marks from the spankings, and I loved my mother dearly, she was a good woman who cared very much for her kids. My father spanked my brother sometimes, but never the girls.

I don't have kids, but I would spank now and then if I thought it was needed. I think me and my siblings turned out fine, and never lost love or feared either of our parents. The parents who go nuts and beat their kids excessively have mental problems and should seek counseling IMO. Then it is no longer what the child did, but an outlet for a troubled parent that is the problem, and the child is the victim. Glinda, very sorry to hear about your experience...hugs.
 
Ameriscot said:
I was spanked but not often. I spanked my kids sometimes but preferred other methods.
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My experience too. If I was hit on the legs by my mum, it was for something serious. If I hit my children it was because a swift, sharp lesson was needed. I received just one cut of the cane at school on my left hand and had no desire for another.
 
http://positiveparenting.com/9-things-to-do-instead-of-spanking/

I think there are alternatives to spanking. It seems to be a method of controlling children's behavior that is now outdated in the western world and many psychologists agree that is not effective. Parents shouldn't have to resort to using physical force or hitting their children in order to get them to behave. Spanking does apparently hurt. There are more positive and effective alternatives.
 
Glinda said:
My father was violently abusive toward myself and my brothers. Spanking was the least of it. These days he would probably be in jail. Three out of four of his children, including myself, chose not to have children.
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Ditto Glinda..ditto... I got the worst of it, my brother got a lot of it..but my 2 younger sisters never did ...I could never understand that , and they grew to be very manipulative and would lie to my father for the fun of watching me getting a beating.

No little smackings...but beaten to a pulp with fist, feet, belt buckles, broom handles.. and more. Humiliation beatings as well ..( I won't go into details) and other stuff .far worse. He broke my coccyx once by kicking me until I could no longer stand and hauling me up to continue kicking and I'd fall down again and he'd hail me up again to continue kicking...

...I could tell you a thousand stories

My mother although ruled by him and in fear of him , was occasionally quite capable of lashing out with her fists or a broom handle. I remember she beat the living daylights out of me simply because I came home from sports day at school and told her I'd manage to jump 13 feet in the long jump..it wasn't possible she said, I was a liar she said....and hit me over and over again with the broom handle, and while I was on the floor knelt on my chest punching me repeatedly in the face ( she ultimately took her own life after suffering from depression and alcoholism)

I could write a book but I think I'd have a breakdown recalling all the bad memories..

Today my father would have gone to jail for a very long time...
 
Cookie said:
http://positiveparenting.com/9-things-to-do-instead-of-spanking/

I think there are alternatives to spanking. It seems to be a method of controlling children's behavior that is now outdated in the western world and many psychologists agree that is not effective. Parents shouldn't have to resort to using physical force or hitting their children in order to get them to behave. Spanking does apparently hurt. There are more positive and effective alternatives.
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Just how do you get the attention of a child in the middle of a temper tantrum.. or one acting out and refusing to listen? Reasoning with a child in this state is impossible and sometimes a swift sharp butt slap is the only method... THEN you can begin to use the "other methods" you speak of.
 
hollydolly said:
Ditto Glinda..ditto... I got the worst of it, my brother got a lot of it..but my 2 younger sisters never did ...I could never understand that , and they grew to be very manipulative and would lie to my father for the fun of watching me getting a beating.

No little smackings...but beaten to a pulp with fist, feet, belt buckles, broom handles.. and more. Humiliation beatings as well ..( I won't go into details) and other stuff .far worse. He broke my coccyx once by kicking me until I could no longer stand and hauling me up to continue kicking and I'd fall down again and he'd hail me up again to continue kicking...

...I could tell you a thousand stories

My mother although ruled by him and in fear of him , was occasionally quite capable of lashing out with her fists or a broom handle. I remember she beat the living daylights out of me simply because I came home from sports day at school and told her I'd manage to jump 13 feet in the long jump..it wasn't possible she said, I was a liar she said....and hit me over and over again with the broom handle, and while I was on the floor knelt on my chest punching me repeatedly in the face ( she ultimately took her own life after suffering from depression and alcoholism)

I could write a book but I think I'd have a breakdown recalling all the bad memories..

Today my father would have gone to jail for a very long time...
Click to expand...

What you are speaking of is not at all what most of us consider "spanking"... There is a difference... it's apples and oranges.
 
I'm not a child psychologist, but there are professionals who can give us some advice, the article below addresses this issue. Young parents really need to educate themselves on these better ways to deal. I've see mothers smacking kids who are having a tantrum, and all I see is hitting and screaming. This website is pretty thorough if you take the time to read through it.

http://www.webmd.com/children/tc/temper-tantrums-topic-overview
 
I was spanked, I have never forgiven my mother for it. I have never hit my son. He will not spank his children either. The idea of teaching through fear sickens me. The belief among psychologists etc. if your children are fine after being spanked as young people, it is in spite of that action, not because of it.
 
QuickSilver said:
What you are speaking of is not at all what most of us consider "spanking"... There is a difference... it's apples and oranges.
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with all due respect QS...are you seriously trying to tell me and Glinda and other victims of childhood abuse ..that there is a difference between a little occasional smack and out and out physical, mental and sexual Abuse..Don't you think WE know that, don't you think WE are the experts on that?
 
Holly, I suffered extreme physical abuse as well, just not at the hands of family, so did not mention it in my post. The other forms of abuse did not seem pertinent to this thread. I stand with you re we are the experts on this matter, for anyone who did not live in our particular hell, all it can ever be is an intellectual exercise, true understanding is just not possible
 
hollydolly said:
Ditto Glinda..ditto... I got the worst of it, my brother got a lot of it..but my 2 younger sisters never did ...I could never understand that , and they grew to be very manipulative and would lie to my father for the fun of watching me getting a beating.

No little smackings...but beaten to a pulp with fist, feet, belt buckles, broom handles.. and more. Humiliation beatings as well ..( I won't go into details) and other stuff .far worse. He broke my coccyx once by kicking me until I could no longer stand and hauling me up to continue kicking and I'd fall down again and he'd hail me up again to continue kicking...

...I could tell you a thousand stories

My mother although ruled by him and in fear of him , was occasionally quite capable of lashing out with her fists or a broom handle. I remember she beat the living daylights out of me simply because I came home from sports day at school and told her I'd manage to jump 13 feet in the long jump..it wasn't possible she said, I was a liar she said....and hit me over and over again with the broom handle, and while I was on the floor knelt on my chest punching me repeatedly in the face ( she ultimately took her own life after suffering from depression and alcoholism)

I could write a book but I think I'd have a breakdown recalling all the bad memories..

Today my father would have gone to jail for a very long time...
Click to expand...

Very sad to hear all you went through HollyDolly. A spanking many times turns into a beating and worse, so sorry you experienced something like that, my heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine such a horrible childhood experience. :(
 
Precisely Shali !!..and I'm sorry you suffered abuse too

It's not the fault of those who've only ever had an occasional smack as child to be unable to understand our position, how could they..only ever witnessing or being on the receiving end of any kind of situation whether abuse or anything in life... can promote an understanding ..

However some may be surprised that I did smack my child, only very occasionally when she was really being naughty , only on the back of her hand, and just as you did cookie I felt huge guilt afterwards and always apologised.

ETA...thank you SB !!
 

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