Spanking a child

[SeaBreeze]

I think you've really over-reacted here QS..I certainly didn't imply in any of my posts that YOU or anyone else..abused your children...however calling our parents psychopaths is offensive...
I have never implied you were abusive to your children, or called you or your family members an offensive name ...

I agree with all you've said, and I saw no such implication from you either Holly.

 

[hollydolly]

Thank you SB..

 

[Glinda]

After I posted yesterday, I chose not to access this thread again until now. What Holly, Shali and I suffered brings tears to my eyes. The fact that it is causing this intense anger among friends on this thread just makes it worse. Yes, I agree we should all step back and try to cool off. It's just too sad to go further and serves no useful purpose. I will not access this thread again.

 

[applecruncher]

(shaking my head)

I’ve been avoiding this thread. This morning I finally summoned the courage to read it, and I’m VERY surprised and saddened by some of the posts.

{{{Holly}}} and a few others.

I have my own childhood stories of abuse and neglect I that I either experienced or witnessed. But instead of telling those stories, I’ve decided to pet my kitty, eat some ice cream then go for a long walk……..it’s a lovely day and I want to enjoy it.

 

[AZ Jim]

I too have avoided this until now. I just want to say two things, I can't tell you ladies how sad it makes me to hear of the horrible things you endured as children. There's no making it all go away as it is all fact, though thankfully in the past. I am sorry for it and I hope one day you all are able to step out of the ashes left there by your trials of fire. I also feel so lucky to have had parents who were not only not cruel to my brother and I but on many occasions fiercely defended their not always "good" sons. It is a subject that can bring forth raw feeling and in this case very nice members who like and respect one another inadvertently hit sore spots. I know it didn't affect their friendship however. Misunderstanding come so easy in this kind of topic.

 

[hollydolly]

Bless you AC and jim for being so understanding and so sorry AC that you suffered too ((((hugs)))...it's not something many of us want to tell the world, but we all had to keep silent about it when we were young, so why on earth should we still have to keep quiet about it as adults? That's my opinion anyway, and if it helps other people who suffered then that can only be a good result .

 

[Shalimar]

Thank you AC and Jim. Hugs to you, AC. I agree with you, Holly. We should speak our piece as adults if we so choose, whether for our own healing process, or to educate the public re how widespread these horrors are. Silence only perpetuates the problem, and leaves the innocent victims awash in guilt and shame. We should be proud survivors, not victims.:love_heart:

 

[Debby]

I believe in a "natural" upbringing.

Watch a lion or a bear cuff their kids when they misbehave, without injuring them.

Children are like puppies, they have to be trained, but they are not like horses, they don't need to be broken.

Sorry but horses don't need to be 'broken' either. Quiet patience and take as long as is needed.

 

[SeaBreeze]

I have my own childhood stories of abuse and neglect I that I either experienced or witnessed. But instead of telling those stories, I’ve decided to pet my kitty, eat some ice cream then go for a long walk……..it’s a lovely day and I want to enjoy it.

Sorry Applecruncher. :girl_hug: Hope you had a nice walk, give your kitty a big hug from me.

 

[Davey Jones]

IM a grandfather with 2 kids to take care 17 & 9,the Dad tell me do whatever it need to get there attention.
I use the knuckle of the middle finger on the head to get their attention. ,it seems quite effective as my Dad used it on me.

 

[AZ Jim]

IM a grandfather with 2 kids to take care 17 & 9,the Dad tell me do whatever it need to get there attention.
I use the knuckle of the middle finger on the head to get their attention. ,it seems quite effective as my Dad used it on me.

I knew all along you had brain damage. I do not approve of that particular method btw. I am not really into corporal punishment even though I was swatted on the butt as a kid, it was seldom and always deserved. I loved the swatter and cherish his memory.

 

[Warrigal]

IM a grandfather with 2 kids to take care 17 & 9,the Dad tell me do whatever it need to get there attention.
I use the knuckle of the middle finger on the head to get their attention. ,it seems quite effective as my Dad used it on me.

Davey is making a point here. For the most part we tend to copy practices that our own parents used when we were children unless we were so badly affected that we vowed never to repeat that behaviour. That is why parenting classes are important for new mums and dads. If I was starting over again I would do things differently.

For the members who had the courage to lay bare their souls on this thread I say well done for having the courage to educate the rest of us. I hope that none of my posts have poured salt into your open wounds. If they have, please know that that was not my intention.

 

[Shalimar]

DW thank you so much for your kind and supportive remarks. Nothing you posted caused me any distress. Your ethics are beyond question, as is your compassion.:love_heart:

 

[Warrigal]

:bighug:

 

[Kathy G in MI]

Was and did. I was talking about spankings to someone and one of my grown sons was there and he said he doesn't remember ever being spanked! I had the blood blisters on my hands to prove it back in the day. He was definitely spanked as were his 2 brothers!

 

[SeaBreeze]

I babysat for this woman when I was younger, it was from afternoon, overnight to the next morning when I went home. She had four little kids, all close in age, one infant baby.

The kids were a bit spoiled and on the wild side, and she told me from the getgo that if I needed to spank them because they weren't obeying me, I had her blessing. She said that in front of them. I just said that I thought they would be good for me, and I shouldn't have to do that.

They challenged me at times, but I used some reverse psychology and other types of reasoning with them, and never had to spank at all. So, we all felt good about that. In fact, the mother was really impressed that they were so respectful to me and better behaved than before I watched them. Didn't do that for very long though, very little money and took a lot of my personal time. Good experience overall, they liked me and I liked them too.

 

[Underock1]

I was never spanked or hit in any way. My wife was not spanked or hit in any way. We raised two boys without spanking or hitting, and a minimum of yelling. My son raised our two grandsons in the same way. Never had a problem with any of them.

 

[Debby]

I've been hanging back a bit lately but I was reading through this thread and it did bring back a few 'moments' in my own childhood. But nowhere near as bad as Holly's, Shalimars and Glinda's. Dear ladies, I am so sorry that you went through that, brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it! You're all obviously made of much better stuff than were those people who were supposed to protect and love you!

In my kids case, my oldest daughter got spanked a couple of times but the sound of her crying and terrified screaming brought back vivid recollections of my own terror and we quit doing that. I think she was about five at the time and as stubborn as they come, but I just couldn't do it after those two times. I guess we resorted to it because that is what both my husband I knew from our own childhoods.

Somehow the topic came up of the spankings that I got, just a couple weeks ago when I was talking to my own mom and she seemed to think it was no big deal but I couldn't 'zip it' on this topic as I usually do with difficult issues and had to let her know that I did remember if you know what I mean. Our youngest daughter never got a spanking and my grandchildren have never gotten a spanking either and the oldest is eight and the youngest is four and a half. I think that despite the two that their mom got when a kid, probably the fact that we learned how to talk to her and help her learn why it's better to behave and be nice has led the way for her to learn to be a great mom in the discipline department. Discipline in our/her family is losing privileges, spending time separated from where the fun is, etc.

 

[Underock1]

Way to go Debby. That's the tough part. Breaking the chain. As you heard from your Mom, it was no big deal to her, because everybody did it. The old "spare the rod" BS.

 

[applecruncher]

Something I used to hate when it came to corporal punishment Is when a parent would delay the spanking/beating until later in the evening after supper and usually before the kid went to bed.

I really liked my stepdad; nice guy who was good to my mother. But he wasn’t all that fond of my younger brother (long story behind that). He would warn brother in advance “you’re gonna get it”. So the kid was expected to sit and eat dinner, take a bath, get into PJs, then go to his room…knowing a whipping was coming. Listening to the crying really upset me and I would sometimes go into brother’s room to try to comfort him.

 

[Shalimar]

Thanks so much everyone who responded to our stories with warmth and understanding. Big hugs to all.:love_heart:

 

[Cookie]

I too was very sad to read of the terrible childhood experiences of such sweet and lovely people. You deserve so much better.
I send you love and healing energy.:tranquillity:

 

[Shalimar]

Thank you, Cookie.:love_heart:

 

[merlin]

I too like others have hesitated to read and reply to this thread, I never experienced any violence or spankings in my family, I did get spanked once by the headmaster in my junior school as an example to an unruly class, I feel shame and injustice to this day, as I was not even involved in the disruption.

I don't believe in any violence to children, but as humans we fail of course, so all we can do is be constantly aware of our own emotions when children misbehave and have tantrums, and try to find a better way of dealing with it than violence.

I have great respect for Holly, Shali and Glinda for sharing their pain here, and while I can never enter the emotional world of those examples of extreme violence, I feel that Holly and Shali by choosing not to pass on the violent behaviour pattern to their children was the most important and bravest thing they could have done.
Too many of us unthinkingly inflict our own failings on our children, and as a result we hold back any evolution into becoming a better and more caring human society.

I hear you, Holly. The monsters in my life would be jailed as well. Unfortunately , ritual abuse still continues, and child sex slaves are all too common. Wealthy patrons of exclusive pedophile establishments can have anything they can afford, including snuff films. Welcome to the world of the hundred year old child.:love_heart: The physical and sexual abuse I incurred were nothing in comparison with the emotional horror.

Sadly this is all too true, we in the UK have been going through a whole raft of investigations into abuse dating back to the '60s up to present times as a result of the Jimmy Savile affair, http://is.gd/KS87Rw and much at the very top levels I feel is still being hidden.
Wealth and power it seems can at times bring out the worst aspects of our nature, in the form of terrible abuse of our children.

 

[Kadee]

Ditto Glinda..ditto... I got the worst of it, my brother got a lot of it..but my 2 younger sisters never did ...I could never understand that , and they grew to be very manipulative and would lie to my father for the fun of watching me getting a beating.

No little smackings...but beaten to a pulp with fist, feet, belt buckles, broom handles.. and more. Humiliation beatings as well ..( I won't go into details) and other stuff .far worse. He broke my coccyx once by kicking me until I could no longer stand and hauling me up to continue kicking and I'd fall down again and he'd hail me up again to continue kicking...

...I could tell you a thousand stories

My mother although ruled by him and in fear of him , was occasionally quite capable of lashing out with her fists or a broom handle. I remember she beat the living daylights out of me simply because I came home from sports day at school and told her I'd manage to jump 13 feet in the long jump..it wasn't possible she said, I was a liar she said....and hit me over and over again with the broom handle, and while I was on the floor knelt on my chest punching me repeatedly in the face ( she ultimately took her own life after suffering from depression and alcoholism)

I could write a book but I think I'd have a breakdown recalling all the bad memories..

Today my father would have gone to jail for a very long time...

I fully understand Holly, Many can have empathy for suffering we encountered as innocent children, however it's my belief No One .....unless you have lived in that type of environment can really fully understand .