Not that anyone is asking

Alizerine said:
The guy, Brandon, may be discovering that you can't just erase the past and wipe the slate clean. Don't mean to interfere but I have followed your story on and off and I feel for you and the dear child. You have my respect and sympathy.
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Thank you, Alizerine.

I think that's exactly what he and his wife are finding out. The twins weren't abused, but they saw their parents abuse Paxton every day, so all 3 of them are injured, really. And those injuries don't just go away.

Brandon might be feeling a little desperate because even Disneyland didn't cure them.
 
Pinky said:
I hope that Brandon is sincere in saying that you can see Paxton, and that it happens in the very near future.

When I read what you wrote, my eyes filled with tears. I wish with all my heart, that things will right themselves, and be as they should be.
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I made it ok through typing that post until the part about the video.

I have a ton of great images of Paxton in my head, but there's a few heartbreaking ones I don't think I'll ever be able to erase.
 

Murrmurr said:
I haven't slept well at all since Paxton's adopting father-to-be cut off our visits back in August. I worry about him All The Time. I know he's crushed over not seeing me and I'm sure anger and sadness and distrust are growing in his heart.

This is horrible for Paxton, and it's not good for Brandon, either. You know, you read these stories about adopted children murdering their adoptive parents years later, when they hit their teens and their hormones are in high gear but their brains aren't fully developed yet, and their life is suddenly really complicated but no one's taught them healthy ways to cope, and all the anger and sadness they've been suppressing for years suddenly explodes.



Paxton was formally interviewed 5 times by 8 different CPS people before his 4th birthday. In those interviews he has said: my mommy is mean to me; my mom hits my head; mom threw me at my bed; dad pushed me to the wall; I miss Uncle Frank; I want to live with Uncle Frank; Uncle Frank didn't do it; can you take me home to Uncle Frank?

No one listened. No one did anything for nearly a year. Then he got passed around for a while, not because of the abuse, but because his mom failed her monthly drug test for a 3rd time.

Sometimes that $2 bottle of Herba-Clenz DeTox just doesn't do the job.

Anyway. There's an adoption hearing in January. I sent a letter to the judge last week. It was void of any direct criticism or complaints, but at the same time I was very specific about my concerns and how I can be helpful. I gave a bunch of background info and talked about our bond and the changes I see in Paxton that aren't good, and I asked her to consider allowing my relationship with Paxton to get restarted, and continue, and how that would benefit him, help him cope with the changes and regain his confidence and trust and sense of security.

I also sent a text to Brandon, and I got a fairly positive response. It started out : "Thank you for this message. I may agree to visits as we are learning new things about Paxton and the twins every day, and we have questions. Paxton mentions you frequently. The bond between you and him is very apparent...."

Brandon said he'd be in touch, and then he sent me a short video of Paxton holding up a book I gave him, and saying "I love you Unco Fwank!"

Paxton's body language was kind of hard to watch. You could clearly see how hard he worked at containing his emotions. And he kept looking over at Brandon. And I recognized Paxton's smile....I've seen it before; a smile he forces so that he won't cry.

I hope Brandon told him we'll be seeing each other sometime soon.
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Paxton dearly, and so importantly needs to see you and be able to be with you so you two can visit and catch up. That bond you two have should never have been thwarted at all. I will be praying for you two and hope you two get back together and soon!
 
Megan said she's making me a "photo book", just waiting for delivery and then we'll all get together. Hopefully before Christmas, she said. She took Paxton shopping so he could pick out a gift for me.

Meanwhile, she sent pics...

Pax II.jpg
Pax.jpg

Dude's getting big. And a handsome dude, he is.

He lost his first tooth and he's learning to read. And she said he's learning quickly. That's probably because he was already learning when CPS gave him back to his mother in 2021, when he was just 2 1/2.

He could read 14 words then. I kept a list.

His mother didn't bother reading with him, and he was too upset to absorb any learning anyway. I mean, his life was turned upside-down, his mother abused him every single day, and he just wanted to come home.

Anyway, it's awesome he's back at it.
 
Jules said:
Pax looks happy! What a relief.
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He does. The twins do, too. And it's clear Paxton's got a lot of his confidence back. I don't see the sulking face and defensive body language that was so obvious a year ago.

Their future father-in-the-eyes-of-the-law still strikes me as pretty clueless about kids, but I think his wife makes up for that deficit. No new parent is a kid expert, so I suppose Brandon will get educated over time, just like all parents.
(neither of them have raised kids before)

It's evident from the happy smiles he's not hurting them.
 
Got a call from Brandon last night. He's been taking the kids to mental health therapy, and to his credit, he made sure they all have separate sessions with the same therapist.

The therapist talks to Brandon, too, and he's learning a lot, gaining a lot of insight. I'm impressed by how much he's retaining, to be honest; he always seems so distracted, and when you talk to him you have to repeat yourself a lot no matter how significant the topic is.

Anyway, he said he's come to realize the significance of me and Paxton's relationship...specifically, how important it is to Paxton's general well-being. He talked about more frequent contact in the near future, from phone calls and weekly face-time (over the phone), to actual visits. And, down the road, a weekend visit now and then.

He said he'll be more comfortable with dropping Paxton off here after the adoption is final. I talked to him about that, but I'm still not sure what he's afraid of there. But the adoption hearings start in January, so I'll let it be.
 
Yesterday evening my phone's caller ID said "Megan" ...

It was Paxton!

We talked for about 45 minutes. For about half the time, he gave me *instructions* on how to get a face-time app on my phone "so I can see your stoopy face when we talk."

(During the hard times, after spending weekends with me, Paxton would get extremely emotional when he had to go back to his mother's place or to his foster home, and I'd say "Look at my stoopy face when I'm talking to you, boy!" Always made him smile and feel assured that he'd be back)

Megan and I will figure out which app works best for both of us. Brandon said he thinks me and Paxton can probly have one hour of face-time a week; after Paxton's therapy session, while the twins are having theirs.

Paxton calls them Mom and Dad now, which is great. I mean, he's lived with them for several months, and nobody rushed it or pressed him or insisted. Paxton picked the time, and that was about a month ago, Brandon said.

Anyway, Paxton said he'll be inviting me over for his birthdays and Christmases, and he talked about coming to visit me, and me going to visit him, and the two of us going to Chuck E. Cheese and our old fishing spot and the park and the cabin....basically the second half of the conversation was him exploring every possibility for us to spend some time together.

He's totally stoked!
 
Murrmurr said:
Yesterday evening my phone's caller ID said "Megan" ...

It was Paxton!

We talked for about 45 minutes. For about half the time, he gave me *instructions* on how to get a face-time app on my phone "so I can see your stoopy face when we talk."

(During the hard times, after spending weekends with me, Paxton would get extremely emotional when he had to go back to his mother's place or to his foster home, and I'd say "Look at my stoopy face when I'm talking to you, boy!" Always made him smile and feel assured that he'd be back)

Megan and I will figure out which app works best for both of us. Brandon said he thinks me and Paxton can probly have one hour of face-time a week; after Paxton's therapy session, while the twins are having theirs.

Paxton calls them Mom and Dad now, which is great. I mean, he's lived with them for several months, and nobody rushed it or pressed him or insisted. Paxton picked the time, and that was about a month ago, Brandon said.

Anyway, Paxton said he'll be inviting me over for his birthdays and Christmases, and he talked about coming to visit me, and me going to visit him, and the two of us going to Chuck E. Cheese and our old fishing spot and the park and the cabin....basically the second half of the conversation was him exploring every possibility for us to spend some time together.

He's totally stoked!
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great news!! So glad for you and him.
 
Murrmurr said:
Yesterday evening my phone's caller ID said "Megan" ...

It was Paxton!

We talked for about 45 minutes. For about half the time, he gave me *instructions* on how to get a face-time app on my phone "so I can see your stoopy face when we talk."

(During the hard times, after spending weekends with me, Paxton would get extremely emotional when he had to go back to his mother's place or to his foster home, and I'd say "Look at my stoopy face when I'm talking to you, boy!" Always made him smile and feel assured that he'd be back)

Megan and I will figure out which app works best for both of us. Brandon said he thinks me and Paxton can probly have one hour of face-time a week; after Paxton's therapy session, while the twins are having theirs.

Paxton calls them Mom and Dad now, which is great. I mean, he's lived with them for several months, and nobody rushed it or pressed him or insisted. Paxton picked the time, and that was about a month ago, Brandon said.

Anyway, Paxton said he'll be inviting me over for his birthdays and Christmases, and he talked about coming to visit me, and me going to visit him, and the two of us going to Chuck E. Cheese and our old fishing spot and the park and the cabin....basically the second half of the conversation was him exploring every possibility for us to spend some time together.

He's totally stoked!
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whose stoked the most ?:D:love:
 
RadishRose said:
Sounds encouraging!
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I had a really good conversation with Brandon, too, about a week ago. It was the most intelligent conversation we've ever had. Sounds to me like the kids' mental health therapist has been giving him a lot of insight and advice, and he actually absorbed it.

He is now (like, suddenly) convinced that letting Paxton have a relationship with his Uncle Frank will "improve his emotional state, give him confidence, help him stay focused at school, and make him more lovable...more able to connect with people."
Brandon's exact words. (borrowed from the therapist, I suspect)

VERY encouraging.
 
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