Anyone joined a dating site what are your experiences?

CallMeKate said:
Well shoot... if you don't give a name or a hint, I'll spend waaaaay too much time trying to figure it out. :oops: I must be the most naive person on the planet to have not realized that stuff is going on here. Well, okay, there was something really weird going on with that Christmas gift thread, but ...
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:ROFLMAO: There is so much "weird" going on in threads that I've posted in that I doubt anyone would find useful clues that way. The instances of "flirting" are common enough with enough different targets that such an effort might turn up 20 or 30 possibilities, if not more. Certainly enough that it triggered suspicions of "cheating."

By now she may have left the site in disgust with me anyway.
 

dilettante said:
:ROFLMAO: There is so much "weird" going on in threads that I've posted in that I doubt anyone would find useful clues that way. The instances of "flirting" are common enough with enough different targets that such an effort might turn up 20 or 30 possibilities, if not more. Certainly enough that it triggered suspicions of "cheating."

By now she may have left the site in disgust with me anyway.
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This is so bizarre to me. You joined the forum 4 MONTHS ago and already hooked up with someone on what's known as a non-dating site who is accusing you of "cheating" after... a few months? Weeks? How would one even "cheat" on a forum with a stranger?

Well, please know that my words are not against you personally in any way... I just don't get it and I'm sorry this happened to you. I've always thought of SF as a "safe place." It's discouraging to find things like this out.
 
dilettante said:
:ROFLMAO: There is so much "weird" going on in threads that I've posted in that I doubt anyone would find useful clues that way. The instances of "flirting" are common enough with enough different targets that such an effort might turn up 20 or 30 possibilities, if not more. Certainly enough that it triggered suspicions of "cheating."

By now she may have left the site in disgust with me anyway.
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Everyone makes mistakes. There's nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting (Assuming it's mutual). It can even give one a little boost, as in a compliment. However, there are lines of discretion one needs to recognize where circumspection is the order of the day. If your intent is to become involved, then it's time to respect privacy and take it offline.

No need to beat yourself up over this, we are all a work in progress, and we learn as we go.
 

bobcat said:
Everyone makes mistakes. There's nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting (Assuming it's mutual). It can even give one a little boost, as in a compliment.
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Isn't it very different online than IRL, though? Online, it often means that the person simply knows the right words to reel someone in, and there's no way to ever tell if the words are sincere or part of their MO. (If they make a habit of doing it with multiple people, that is.) Is a boost really a boost if there's no way to tell if you're being played like a violin?
 
bobcat said:
Everyone makes mistakes. There's nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting (Assuming it's mutual). It can even give one a little boost, as in a compliment. However, there are lines of discretion one needs to recognize where circumspection is the order of the day. If your intent is to become involved, then it's time to respect privacy and take it offline.

No need to beat yourself up over this, we are all a work in progress, and we learn as we go.
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I appreciate the advice, but maybe I'm not reading this part right:
bobcat said:
However, there are lines of discretion one needs to recognize where circumspection is the order of the day. If your intent is to become involved, then it's time to respect privacy and take it offline.
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What privacy was I disrespecting and what do you mean by taking it offline?
 
I do believe this..because I've hears similar stories from several men on here by PM..with regard a few predatory female posters..whose names I know, and I'm not prepared to divulge at this time..
 
hollydolly said:
I do believe this..because I've hears similar stories from several men on here by PM..with regard a few predatory female posters..whose names I know, and I'm not prepared to divulge at this time..
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Yes, I already suspect that a coven has descended upon this thread. Who knows what kind of edited and embellished narratives they spread among themselves.
 
dilettante said:
Yes, I already suspect that a coven has descended upon this thread. Who knows what kind of edited and embellished narratives they spread among themselves.
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well I'm not part of any coven... but during my 10 years of being a member here, I have been told tales from men, who have no reason to lie.. of certain female members here ( and not all are single women).. who are very predatory.... I will say no more than that.
 
CallMeKate said:
Isn't it very different online than IRL, though? Online, it often means that the person simply knows the right words to reel someone in, and there's no way to ever tell if the words are sincere or part of their MO. (If they make a habit of doing it with multiple people, that is.) Is a boost really a boost if there's no way to tell if you're being played like a violin?
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What I mean by harmless flirting is just being playful with another, but not coming on to them, even if it's done with multiple people. It's just fun, not serious. I think most would know when it is a little more than that, and it should be explored in private.
 
Holly's words did remind me of a story I heard about a particular female, and coincidentally enough just last night I was wondering where she was.......admit it does fit this story.
 
Well if nothing else this thread is probably "hot" enough by now to sell one hack of a lot of popcorn up there in the peanut gallery. :ROFLMAO:
 
CallMeKate said:
Isn't it very different online than IRL, though? Online, it often means that the person simply knows the right words to reel someone in, and there's no way to ever tell if the words are sincere or part of their MO. (If they make a habit of doing it with multiple people, that is.) Is a boost really a boost if there's no way to tell if you're being played like a violin?
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What I mean by harmless flirting is just being playful with another, but not coming on to them, even if it's done with multiple people. It's just fun, not serious. I think most would know when it is a little more than that, and it should be explored in private.
dilettante said:
I appreciate the advice, but maybe I'm not reading this part right:

What privacy was I disrespecting and what do you mean by taking it offline?
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Well, it's just my view here, but I thought it might have gotten a bit uncomfortable for someone when you were putting a little pressure on that person of mystery.
This was from the virtual Christmas gift thread:

"Oh come on people, surely some of us are as clever as @Beezer and not too put off by my shenanigans?

However in the meantime, somebody had better keep being nice to me or I might have to drag her out on the dance floor in front of everyone."

Again, it's OK if you think you might have taken it a bit too far. Just learn from it and move on. Mistakes happen to everyone.
 
I continue to examine this and I really don't think this case was malicious.

More likely a behavioral pattern brought on by personal trauma and magnified by a well-intentioned but terribly flawed "support" network.
 
bobcat said:
Well, it's just my view here, but I thought it might have gotten a bit uncomfortable for someone when you were putting a little pressure on that person of mystery.
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Thanks for your feedback, Bob.

I'm not sure what bearing that has on the issues which led to a final disastrous explosion though. That was entirely about bizarre inferences that some kind of "online cheating" was going on.

As for the rest of it...

You know, even societies as conservative as Amish communities don't court after Midnight in full ghillie suits out in the back forty of old Jacob Petersheim's abandoned farmstead. Unless perhaps they are actually married or otherwise in a committed relationship already.

If a relationship is honest, legitimate, and sincere the idea that it might go public hardly seems world ending. "Two [user names] sitting in a tree" hardly sounds corrosive or dangerous. It might even put an end to suspicions of "online cheating." Honest people would refrain from infringing.

Impressive research though. I had no idea this could become such a sport here. :ROFLMAO:
 
dilettante said:
I continue to examine this and I really don't think this case was malicious.
More likely a behavioral pattern brought on by personal trauma and magnified by a well-intentioned but terribly flawed "support" network.
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Reeling guys in for sport isn't a "malicious" thing necessarily... just a time passer. As for your diagnosis of behavioral patterns... you couldn't possibly conclude that within a matter of weeks unless you're highly trained. Are you?
 
CallMeKate said:
Reeling guys in for sport isn't a "malicious" thing necessarily... just a time passer. As for your diagnosis of behavioral patterns... you couldn't possibly conclude that within a matter of weeks unless you're highly trained. Are you?
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Nope. I'm just guessing and trying hard to see the positive in the situation.

I'd rather believe people make mistakes more often than intentionally playing games.
 
CallMeKate said:
Let me guess. She's married and you got the "my husband doesn't understand me" line?
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No, nothing like that. :ROFLMAO:

It was as I said:

The "final straw" was a PM I posted that she decided looked like an incompetent idiot talking to other women had posted into the wrong Conversation thread.

Of course it wasn't any such thing at all.
 

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