Is 'ladies first' a polite idea, or is it sexist?

LoveTulips said:
Courtesy is always well received by me, not too much of it exists anymore.
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Men letting you go first or opening the door for you was never a thing in Holland, but now that more nationalities live here it sometimes happens. At the bus stop a man said: You go first. I was baffled, looked at him. Oh. He's Turkish. That explains it. And 2 guys, also not white Dutch, did that when the train didn't drive. That was wow. Then everyone is selfish and runs and pushes themselves into the bus, cause very little go and you have to wait half an hour again and these 2 young guys said: You go first. Are you serious? Wow.
 
spookycat2 said:
I learned at a young age that women can get an attitude about this. When I was 18, I held the door open for a woman easily 10 or so years older... she gave me a crappy look and said "I could have got the dam thing myself"... I was shocked. It was a wake up call for me moving forward.
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No doubt about it. How to treat a woman in some situations can be very ambiguous at best. Sometimes a man risks being chastised. Or made to feel like some bum.

I finally picked up a book on how “nice guys” usually get it wrong when they try too hard to please a woman. So I stopped being a nice guy and just did what I thought best. It worked.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
Is 'ladies first' a polite idea, or is it sexist? Should men do things for women like pull out their chairs at a dinner table or wait for them to go through a door first?

What do you think about it?
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I don't see it as sexist at all. I think it is a very polite and nice gesture. I wish it was more the norm. Now a days you're lucky if a man holds a door for you let alone help you with anything.

We have this young man at work that will hold a door for us. The other night when it was icy he was walking slowly alongside me as if he was ready to grab my arm if I fell. Bless his heart. Don't see that too much.
 
spookycat2 said:
I learned at a young age that women can get an attitude about this. When I was 18, I held the door open for a woman easily 10 or so years older... she gave me a crappy look and said "I could have got the dam thing myself"... I was shocked. It was a wake up call for me moving forward.
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Not all of us are like that. Some women are just b*****s. Some are full of hate and too independent to appreciate respect.
 
January said:
The chair pulling out is a bit naff IMO, don't really see how it helps anyone

Opening doors - I see that as non gender specific - I hold open a door for anyone coming in after me as do most people regardless of gender. and get up t o open a door if anyone else is going to find it difficult due to carrying a baby, pushing a pram, being disabled or frail elderly etc.

Ladies first seems more a tradition or courtesy used when some people have t go first and everyone can't go at once - for example a group at a buffet.
If somebody said "for a change we'll have men go first this time - I wouldn't see that as a problem either.
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Your entire post took the words right out of my mouth keyboard.
 
Some years ago, in some offices, in London, the
"Burn Your Bra", brigade, considered it downright
rude to open a door for a woman, they considered
it was demeaning because, they wanted to prove
that they were equal to any man.

I still opened the door, with a Good Morning to
you too, they had no answer, as I was an engineer,
they couldn't put engineers down.

Mike.
 
January said:
The chair pulling out is a bit naff IMO, dont really see how it helps anyone

Opening doors - I see that as non gender specific - I hold open a door for anyone coming in after me as do most people regardless of gender. and get up t o open a door if anyone else is going to find it difficult due to carrying a baby, pushing a pram, being disabled or frail elderly etc.

Ladies first seems more a tradition or courtesy used when some people have t o go first and everyone can't go at once - for example a group at a buffet.
If somebody said "for a change we'll have men go first this time - I wouldn't see that as a problem either.
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I might have once said I can pull out my own chair. These days with a cane or walker I can really use the help.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
Is 'ladies first' a polite idea, or is it sexist? Should men do things for women like pull out their chairs at a dinner table or wait for them to go through a door first?

What do you think about it?
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It depends on whether it is done without flourish and as a gesture of respect. That is what politeness and good manners look like. A quite "thank you" is required.

If it is done in an exaggerated fashion with a smirk, that is impolite and probably quite sexist. A steely stare is the best response.
 
Some years ago when I was still good on my feet, I was heading for the entrance of Tescos, when ahead of me an elderly lady slipped and fell over. Two young men and a young woman with phones in their hands and laughing at what they were texting just walked past the lady on the ground. In fact, they just walked around her.
I stopped and said to her, "Do you think you have broken anything, or would you like me to help you to your feet?"
She asked me to help her to stand up and I helped her into the store cafeteria and bought us both a coffee.
Sheila (I discovered her name) kept thanking me again and again, and reassurred me that her big b*m had cushioned her fall.
I saw this nice lady a few times when I was at Tescos, but alas, I no longer go there because I have all my stuff delivered. 😊
 
Another situation in which I have no trouble asking for or accepting help is when something I need at the grocery store is on a high shelf, out of my 5’ 4” reach. Granted, I have stood on a low shelf to try to reach it but why risk damage to myself or property when there’s someone capable handy. Most people don’t mind. Like @seadoug, I’m in a polite part of the country
 
I have the same problem with the grocery store shelves. But I don't wait for some kind person to offer help. I usually have to go looking for a tall person to ask for help. I've never had anyone turn me down yet. (They're usually store employees, and helping customers is part of their job, but still.) I don 't think this is an etiquette problem.

Sometimes, I get offers for help from young women. So it isn't a sexist thing either. Nearly everyone holds the door for the next person coming through.
 
These days, my experience is that, men and women are equally likely to offer help to someone they think is in need of assistance, or a seat or an open door. I have helped people and, on occasion, people have helped me. It is always appreciated and, I think, it makes the world a better place when people show kindness to each other.
 
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