Did I mess up by having a brother rather than a sister?

Jackie22 said:
Well, BC, I didn't bring my kids into this world expecting them to care for me.....I think its called "love"....you know care=love??
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My siblings and I ensured our mother had the best of care homes, so in that way we cared for her. But having her in our own homes would have been a step too far, as she would have driven us totally crazy. Even our father checked himself into a care home to get away from her before he died!
 
Ralphy1 said:
Jackie, you are probably the norm. Warri, a gay man and a priest aren't exactly the norm for men, and men will come and visit and entertain but they are not likely to do the feeding, toileting, bathing and dressing, etc....
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I think you missed the point. A commitment to come every day is a sign of a caring heart, of a commitment that goes beyond what most people would judge reasonable. I salute such men and women.

Additionally, before the time when nursing care became essential, the men were tending to their wives in the home, including the feeding, toileting, bathing dressing and the washing and administering of medications just as my mother and auntie did for their older sister. When she finally had to go to the nursing home they travelled to her every day on two buses to feed and care for her. They brought food from home that they knew that she liked to encourage her to eat because she was quite depressed.

My point is that your view of the gender differences is too simplistic. You undervalue the caring efforts of many men.
 

My husband was always useless in the caring stakes! If I am not well he will put his head around my bedroom door and say, "You don't want anything do you?":D He has always made it quite clear that if I ever became disabled he would put me in a home. I look after him now he is disabled, but if he gets any worse I shall certainly put him in a home, whether he likes it or not, as I need a life too.
 
And I stand by you QS, the evidence is overwhelming when it comes to what gender does the vast majority of the care giving, and that emphatically is women, be it at home or in a home...
 
Ralphy1 said:
Laurie, it seems that you have come from an extremely dysfunctional family and I hope that you have adjusted well and found happiness in your own right...
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They'd be surprised, not to say indignant, to hear you say so.

We just don't get on, it's not unusual. It's not compulsory you know!

"My family right or wrong" leads to many disasters.

As I said at our (very well attended) Silver wedding, at your wedding you have family, at your Silver you have friends. The only family member present was our son.
 
Of course there can be issues in families and estrangement. Family Counselors and therapists can help to bring family members back together or at least bring peace and understanding if they can't...
 
Ralphy1 said:
Of course there can be issues in families and estrangement. Family Counselors and therapists can help to bring family members back together or at least bring peace and understanding if they can't...
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But maybe there are good reasons why people don't wish to be brought back together!
 
Well, some issues like physical or sexual abuse, chronic alcoholism or drug abuse may be too hard to overcome, but counseling can bring peace to the victim and perhaps rehabilitation to the perpetrator...
 
Ralphy1 said:
Well, some issues like physical or sexual abuse, chronic alcoholism or drug abuse may be too hard to overcome, but counseling can bring peace to the victim and perhaps rehabilitation to the perpetrator...
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Emotional abuse can be as bad. My evil paternal grandmother got pleasure in describing her version of the tortures of hell to me as a young kid. When the evil b*tch kicked the bucket, after far too long a life, I was thrilled. I had no wish to ever make up with her!
 
My father cared for my step mother for years. Fed her, bathed her, cleaned her. He was old himself, but he did it. One day I walked in their bedroom and he had her arms around his neck as he was trying to move her from the bed into her chair. He was singing to her ' Waltz across Texas with you in my arms'. It was very tender and touching and made me boo hoo.
 
BlunderWoman said:
My father cared for my step mother for years. Fed her, bathed her, cleaned her. He was old himself, but he did it. One day I walked in their bedroom and he had her arms around his neck as he was trying to move her from the bed into her chair. He was singing to her ' Waltz across Texas with you in my arms'. It was very tender and touching and made me boo hoo.
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If it worked for him fine, but it certainly wouldn't work for us all.
 
My birth mother gave birth to 6 kids. She abandoned every one of them. Until I was 3 years old I lived in the back room of a bar on a mattress. My 8 year old sister took care of me and stole food for us to eat. Back then it was very hard to get kids away from the mom. Finally she made the mistake of driving us all the way across the country and dumping us on the side of the road & my dad got us.
She looked me up when I was 13 because she was curious as to what I looked like I guess. I had never gotten a letter or card. Then she vanished again. When I was 37 she looked me up and I forgave her for everything & offered to fly her out to my house. She said she couldn't because she was too 'fat' ( she was a size 10 hardly fat) and didn't want to meet me.
I went to bury her when she died. Her neighbors thought my sister and I were some real bitches. They said " That poor old lady used to cry about how none of her kids would visit her and she was all alone. Did you come to score free stuff out of her apartment?"
Yeah. some people end up all alone for reasons & some just have bad luck.
 
BlunderWoman said:
My birth mother gave birth to 6 kids. She abandoned every one of them. Until I was 3 years old I lived in the back room of a bar on a mattress. My 8 year old sister took care of me and stole food for us to eat. Back then it was very hard to get kids away from the mom. Finally she made the mistake of driving us all the way across the country and dumping us on the side of the road & my dad got us.
She looked me up when I was 13 because she was curious as to what I looked like I guess. I had never gotten a letter or card. Then she vanished again. When I was 37 she looked me up and I forgave her for everything & offered to fly her out to my house. She said she couldn't because she was too 'fat' ( she was a size 10 hardly fat) and didn't want to meet me.
I went to bury her when she died. Her neighbors thought my sister and I were some real bitches. They said " That poor old lady used to cry about how none of her kids would visit her and she was all alone. Did you come to score free stuff out of her apartment?"
Yeah. some people end up all alone for reasons & some just have bad luck.
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How very sad for you and your siblings, :( the woman should have been charged with neglect at the very least!:mad:
 
BlunderWoman my heart goes out to you. Hugs. But in spite of her, and other sufferings, you have harnessed the pain, and used it to give love and compassion to your own children and others. What a victory, and a testament to the strength and beauty of the human spirit. We survivors salute you!
 
Yes, you have done well and are an example of how people can live with and overcome severe adversity...
 
Shalimar said:
BlunderWoman my heart goes out to you. Hugs. But in spite of her, and other sufferings, you have harnessed the pain, and used it to give love and compassion to your own children and others. What a victory, and a testament to the strength and beauty of the human spirit. We survivors salute you!
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Thank you ((hugs)) but my family knows I'm quirky lol. I heard my dad telling my aunt " oh yeah that Sharon she's bright, smart as a whip and very artistic , but she's a little 'squirrely' . Love her to death though" Yep they think I'm 'squirrely' ;)
 
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