Fear of Commas!

[SifuPhil]

I recently discovered a fear that I never knew I had.

Commas.

They have suddenly become my enemies, my archvillains, my nightmares. They hound me day and night.

I recently installed a program called Grammarly, which points out spelling and grammar mistakes in your writing, no matter where you are, online or off. It follows you, waiting for you to type something - ANYthing - then pounces on you with its smirky little red underlines, telling you where you misspelled something -

- or used a comma wrong.

This is the report they sent me after only a week of having their sneaky little program peering over my shoulder ...

Your Weekly Writing Report

79,312 words checked (you were more active than 99% of Grammarly users)

431 mistakes made (you were more accurate than 90% of Grammarly users)

6284 unique words (Your vocabulary was more dynamic (unique/total words) than 99% of Grammarly users.)

Top Grammar Mistakes

1. Missing comma in compound sentence 180 mistakes

2. Missing comma after introductory phrase 113 mistakes

3. Missing comma after introductory clause 85 mistakes

Seriously?!?

Every place I had a comma, Grammarly told me it wasn't necessary. Then when I DIDN'T have one, Grammarly told me to stick one in.

COMMAS! THEY'RE AFTER ME !!!!

 

[Wrigley's]

Grammarly, asking for a body-slam. NOW, before it's, too late.

 

[jujube]

 

[Warrigal]

:lofl: @ jujube

 

[Shalimar]

Poor Timmy.

 

[SifuPhil]

Grammarly, asking for a body-slam. NOW, before it's, too late.

I just herd, that Gramerly is sending sum peeple, out to sea yoo ...

 

[Falcon]

I just sprinkle them around whether they're needed, or, not,

 

[fureverywhere]

Plueeeeeze, the only way I passed grammar, after failing it twice, was a cheat sheet on my wrist and both sneakers.

 

[jujube]

Timmy's teacher comes to call on the family. Timmy meets her at the door.

"Is your mother home, Timmy?" asks the teacher.

"Nope, she don't be home."

"Well, is your father home?"

"Nope, he ain't here neither."

"Young man! You know better than to speak like that! Where is your grammar?"

"She be home but she ain't up from her nap yet."

 

[SeaBreeze]

So funny Jujube about Timmy!

 

[SeaBreeze]

 

[Guitarist]

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"Well, I'm a panda," he says. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."


​

From Eats Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, by Lynne Truss.

The punctuation mark I have the most problems with is the apostrophe. I have no problem USING it; I have major problems when, like a hyperactive comma, it pops up in places where it doesn't belong, especially in plurals.

Doormats and mailboxes are the weirdest. "The Smith's." I always picture a forge, and wonder, "The smith's what? Anvil?" lol

 

[tnthomas]

Fear of Commas!

hahahaha, when I first saw the title I thought it said:

Fear of Commies!

:shrug:

 

[Shalimar]

Tn, HaHaHaHaHaHa.

 

[SifuPhil]

From Eats Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, by Lynne Truss.

The punctuation mark I have the most problems with is the apostrophe. I have no problem USING it; I have major problems when, like a hyperactive comma, it pops up in places where it doesn't belong, especially in plurals.

Doormats and mailboxes are the weirdest. "The Smith's." I always picture a forge, and wonder, "The smith's what? Anvil?" lol

LMAO - yes!

hahahaha, when I first saw the title I thought it said:

Fear of Commies!

OMG that is hilarious - thank you!

 

[Shalimar]

Hey, I wanna hat. I belong to the Socialist Party. We pinkos wear pink hats!

 

[SifuPhil]

"Pinko Commies" - a phrase I heard so many times growing up.

I really thought that all Communists dressed in pink.

 

[Butterfly]

Shali -- you are a sort of socialist, not a Commie. Sorry, but you don't qualify for a pink hat.

Phil, I also heard "Pinko Commies" a lot growing up. Where'd they all go, anyway?

 

[Cookie]

Commies? Very passe now, popular in the 50s and early 60s. Not much fun for them having to wear all those drab clothes and not allowed to have nice things. I think a pinko is a person who is not a card carrying commie, but just a sympathizer. Most die hard commies in the west are very very old now or even dead as are most pinkos, although today many many live in Russia.

 

[Susie]

Just love your brilliant take on commas, SifuPhil, wish I'd had it while still in the classroom, would have been both entertaining and educational! :goodone:

 

[tnthomas]

***apologies-in-advance, a little off topic*** NOT MEANT TO BE TERRIBLY POLITICAL

Hey, I wanna hat. I belong to the Socialist Party. We pinkos wear pink hats!

One of the radio stations I listen to on my commute home is KPFK; they have many programs(such as Democracy Now! and Free Speech Radio News), presenting various perspectives of the politically left. I hear statements like "conquering" and "overthrowing" capitalism. I hear much about being progressive, so I'm thinking that is what socialism is now, at least in the U.S.

As for Communists, I think that true idealistic communism is dead, and is morphing into something very much like....capitalism. :shrug:

As for hats of that hue, the red fedora is not only fashionable, but is the logo for a great north American open source software company called

Redhat.

 

[Guitarist]

OK, it's late and I'm really sleepy but when I saw this thread title just now (even though I've seen it before) I thought it said "Fear of Comcast"! lol

 

[SifuPhil]

Just love your brilliant take on commas, SifuPhil, wish I'd had it while still in the classroom, would have been both entertaining and educational! :goodone:

Thank you Susie - I also have podcasts on semi-colons and exclamation points.

OK, it's late and I'm really sleepy but when I saw this thread title just now (even though I've seen it before) I thought it said "Fear of Comcast"! lol

LOL!

"Nooooo - not the cable guy!!!"

 

[Shalimar]

Tn, funnily enough, I have a red fedora. Lol.

 

[ancient mariner]

The Red Hat Society has become the international society dedicated to reshaping the way women are viewed in today's culture RHS supports and encourages women to pursue fun, friendship, freedom, fulfillment of lifelong dreams and fitness. It serves as the center point for all communications and opportunities for its members offering tools, tips, discounts, services and events specifically with Red Hatters in mind. The Red Hat Society has spent over a decade developing a strong online communication tool for Members assisting them in gaining new and exciting ways to enjoy life, sharing their unique and motivating stories and helping Members find local hatters and activities they can participate in. Women over age 50 are known as "Red Hatters," while those under 50 are lovingly referred to as "Pink Hatters."