That's me SB. I've just had to make that very decision.
Like you, I would prefer to stay put, but:-
Hiring someone trustworthy for home help isn't as easy as it seems. Especially in a smallish town where most fit women work in other towns, or aren't much better off physically than I am, or are transient trailer park types whom I have no means of vetting. A help wanted ad in the PO would be an invitation to 'case the joint' to some.
It's a region with a high density of aging retirees and Government run Community Assistance programs are so overloaded that there's a waiting list to get onto the waiting list.
Geographical location plays a big part in what makes our independence possible.
The kindness of relatives alone has kept me from starving when I was unable to drive to a shop, or even cook a meal for weeks.
The only other option was to call an ambulance and throw myself on the mercy of the already overloaded health system. I preferred starvation to hospital, but that's a reeeally long story.
Had I lived in a town with a taxi to call, or a take-away shop to phone for a delivery, or even with a doctor, or a pharmacy the decision would have been harder to make, but I don't. I'm far too isolated here to justify my 'independence' as being more than a pipe-dream.
The reasons I chose to live here are the nostalgic location and the beach. I'm essentially housebound now and can only look at the beach from the carpark. I may as well look at a photo of it.
My principal reasons for being here aren't accessible to me any longer, so sanity must prevail, and self preservation has kicked in.
Leaving this house, that I partly designed, and have worked towards achieving my entire life, is one of the hardest things I have faced. It is the goal that kept me going when nothing else was worth it, and the sole tangible evidence that I've stamped on the planet to signify that I was ever here at all. It's 'me'. It's the bottom line representation of my life.
But I can't care for it alone any longer. The dream is achieved. It won't matter if I die in it or not, it will still be 'my' house. This particular house will only here because I 'built' it here. That has to be enough.
Just recalled that meme "there are many like it, but this one is mine".
With luck I could last another few years here. Throwing myself on the kindness of relatives for help, and living day to day in the hope that I will still be able to drive the 10 mins to a shop tomorrow, but it would be a very big risk to take. Nor would it be fair on the relatives. They don't owe me anything and it would be more than selfish to expect their support long term.
I've only rattled on because many make snap decisions and stick to them about this question.
Those options of home help etc have to be investigated, they're not always easy to achieve.
It's easy to get to a doctor when you can still drive. Shopping can be done online and delivered. If you live in the right delivery zone. But don't make the decision based on that premise.
Try this practice run for a month or two.
Not walk more than a 10 to 15 yards at a time without a frame and being doped to ears on painkillers.
No driving at all.
Take half the day just to get the washing done in 5 minute bursts of energy, loading said washing one item at a time into the dryer because you can't lift more than that, remember, it's heavier when it's wet.
Spend the other half of the day just getting showered, dressed, and the basics of housework and feeding yourself done.
Approach changing bed linen as you would a trek up Mt Everest.
Have no one available to help lift or shift anything heavier than a coffee pot.
No giving the dog a bath, you can't lift into the tub, or wrestle with it getting it washed.
(That is only done by wheedling someone else to do it for you, and they are not always around and can't be summoned for something like that. Pewww. Only 'sponge' bathing it is an option. Good luck with that!)
No buying anything at all from a shop you can't stagger to. Nothing, not even a loaf of bread.
Live entirely from what's in the pantry and freezer for as long as it lasts, and then sit down and figure out your next move.
Never get a window washed, or lawns cut or carpets vacuumed. Those things are 'specials' done by people with the kindness and time and availability to accomplish, don't rely on that happening.
Don't even think about putting a full garbage bin out, rely on someone taking it with them to dispose of, in small bundles that's if anyone calls at all.
All 'bio' potentially smelly garbage must be stored in the freezer until disposal, never forget that one!
Talk to no one except by phone. (or internet)
Sounds a pretty awful way to live doesn't it? That's what it can come down to. It has for me. Not permanently, I've recovered enough to drive again but Osteoporosis means I can be laid that low again at any time. We don't all go that way, but that can happen and does to many.
Don't make set decisions about stayin' put too soon, things can change really fast.
We have to look a little into the realities of the possible future before we decide these things. We need to remain flexible about it. Things don't remain static, situations and surrounding people and support networks change. We can't rely on what is possible today being achievable in our futures. We need to examine our reasons for staying against our possible limitations in the future and at least make detailed enquiries with those possible future physical limitations well in mind. It's not a good idea to leave the decision until we are actually at the crossroads.
So.... YES, I prefer to stay, but YES I choose to move to a more suitable accommodation for my circumstances while I'm still able to make it for myself, and have some control over where I go. I can have a degree of independence but still have help nearby and more importantly, it's easily accessible. Those places don't come up for sale often, opportunity has knocked in the next best place to here and I'm grabbing it.
There is a beach where I'm going, I can look at that one from the car park, no big deal I guess. It just won't be 'my' beach. siiiiiigh.
We can't have it all.
I'll put some pics of where I'm going in the album, it's not what I want but there are plenty of worse places to end up in.
Oh dear, there's the rest of my daily rambling ration gone.
Errrr, a PS?
Just read the posts from Jilly and Anne. I've had a bit to do with aged care facilities and there's a very big difference between a Nursing home and an assisted living accommodation. Nursing homes are for the largely bedridden total write-offs.
Aged care is a step back from that, own room with TV and whatever sentimental junk you can jam into it until the staff get tired of shifting things to clean it and wash and dress you and get you down to the dining room. Only then will there be tears and a clear out.
Assisted living is a further step back, doing your own thing but with cleaning etc done for you. It also includes meals and a degree of personal care help available if needed.
Independent living in those developments is just that. You own the unit and within neighbourly guidelines can do whatever you want in it. There are no 'lights out' rules, just noise ones. It does though allow access to the same community facilities as the other levels of care. Their own bus, craft groups etc. It is a community of peer retirees and up to the individual how much social interaction they want to take within it.
It also offers the options of meals, cleaners, personal or basic casual nursing care etc on a user pays basis.
It has much lower weekly fees than the other forms of residence because those services are not included in the fees and only come into play in time of need.
As I said many have a jaundiced view of aged care due to what it was like in the past, or from the worst examples of it. They aren't all anything like that bad and there are many different levels of 'care'.
Nursing Home is a bogeyman that most never get to need. It's not a matter of being a home-owning independent individual one day and in a Nursing home the next barring a catastrophic stroke or similar. There are quite a few levels of residential options between the two for most of us.
Honest, they just aren't something to be scared of. By the time you get down to Nursing Home level I can guarantee you won't give a damn where you are.
raying:
