Job interview w/91 year old fella

D

Denise1952

Well-known Member
I found it yesterday in the paper and it took me a long time to get to talk with Harry. His phone was ringing off the hook and I know he had 3 gals come to meet him already (no call-waiting, busy signals much of the day)

When I got him on the phone, we had a nice visit. He was especially glad to know I was in my 60's because the 3 he had met he said "these girls are like only 30 or so";) He said that his gal had to leave, she was 67, and that she had to move to her sister's to help her. So now, his daughter (whos had a stroke) wants him to do the interviewing, then she will ok it, I guess the best she can. Harry is a Veteran, has a nurse that comes in once a week, and other then that, is caring for himself until he finds someone.

He doesn't get around fast but he still cooks (he says he's sick of microwave as he isn't a good cook) and spends a lot of time in his chair w/tv. I could tell he was very, easy to get along with, easy to please. He said he would love just once to have some meat, potatos, and carrots cooked up and that is one of my specialties, in a crock pot, lol:) Also someone to keep the house neat, and laundry, grocery shopping. He also mentioned he would love someone to weed his little garden (He lives on a small property with several other mobile homes/modulars. It's only 4 miles from me. It can be live-in or live-out but I think he would prefer live-in.

I admit I was nervous after finding out how many health issues he has but he is such a trooper that I want to go interview with him, and just see if it might work out for us. He needs someone so much, and I feel like he is out there with the wolves. He said the last gal even payed his bills, and she went "out" to do that with his checkbook. He trusted her, but in that situation, I would sit with him and fill them out, and let him sign. It just sounded flakey to me. I am probably wrong, but I don't trust easy. Especially when it comes to people I think can be taken advantage of easily.

So yes, I'm nervous, because my heart is telling me this guy needs me, and also, I believe I can do this. They aren't asking for a medically trained person, or even someone with experience. I imagine the pay is low, but I don't need much, so I don't care. He told me he's had surgeries but they won't give him anymore, and I think I heard him say he probably only has a couple of years left to live. Some of his words were muffled, not bad though, and no sign of senility, dementia, altzeimers, he was very "with it".

So I'll go meet him today. He is allowing people to come right to his house, that concerns me too, but he doesn't have much of a choice. I thought being a Veteran the VA would be helping him more but I don't know all the situation. I'll know more after I meet and talk with him.

Any feedback is welcome, I sort of feel as if this is the one, the reason I still haven't been hired elsewhere, someone that really needs me. I know I have the hand and arm issues but Harry is the type I'm sure, that I can go slow at vacuuming etc. Plus, if anything goes wrong for him, I just call 911. Denise
 
Hope it turns out beneficially for you, Denise. But of course, it's always wise to keep both eyes open and be cautious.

He sounds like a fellow genuinely in need of assistance but that alone can attract the wrong types. They smell vulnerabilty like blood.

He'd be lucky to have you come work with him. And as for the medical issues, if it develops that it's more then you can or want to handle, speak up. If you are not signing any sort of contract then you can always exit if need be.
 
It certainly sounds like a good position, even if only to get a future reference and some experience as an aide.

One thing that struck me reading your account, and please don't take this the wrong way, as it's an indication of your caring nature - you seem like you mix emotional and business considerations together.

I realize that caring for someone in a professional capacity requires a certain amount of close-up interaction and a concern for their well-being, but it might not be a good idea to get emotionally involved with a client as far as feeling sorry for them. Empathy, yes - but don't go overboard. Getting too involved can also lead to taking less pay than you're worth, because the sob stories will start and you'll feel sorry for them and you'll say "Just this one time", and then it will happen again and again ...

I guess I'm just saying be careful on this one, and think long and hard before you take a live-in position in a manufactured / mobile home - while I like them for one person or a couple, as a living place for a caregiver I think they're less than ideal because there's really no place you can "turn it off" for a while - you'll be on-duty 24/7.

I wish you good luck, and think before you leap. ;)
 
Hi Gael and Viv,

Thank you both, I will weigh it all out for sure. That was my thought as well, but I think if he becomes anymore sick, he will probably be going into the hospital or Senior Home. The VA has that too I believe?? As long as he can get up out of bed and move around, I don't have to do any lifting. I would like to get him out of the house, some fresh air, we'll see. He told me he hadn't gone anyplace for 5 years. I knew what he meant, he goes to the docs etc. but nothing else. He also has been going to the grocery store on his own. I don't know if he is driving himself. A lot to find out. We have a neat Senior Center here in Roseburg I could take him to if he is up to it. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. He's no weenie, I know that for sure;)
 
SifuPhil said:
It certainly sounds like a good position, even if only to get a future reference and some experience as an aide.

One thing that struck me reading your account, and please don't take this the wrong way, as it's an indication of your caring nature - you seem like you mix emotional and business considerations together.

I realize that caring for someone in a professional capacity requires a certain amount of close-up interaction and a concern for their well-being, but it might not be a good idea to get emotionally involved with a client as far as feeling sorry for them. Empathy, yes - but don't go overboard. Getting too involved can also lead to taking less pay than you're worth, because the sob stories will start and you'll feel sorry for them and you'll say "Just this one time", and then it will happen again and again ...

I guess I'm just saying be careful on this one, and think long and hard before you take a live-in position in a manufactured / mobile home - while I like them for one person or a couple, as a living place for a caregiver I think they're less than ideal because there's really no place you can "turn it off" for a while - you'll be on-duty 24/7.

I wish you good luck, and think before you leap. ;)
Click to expand...

All good and wise info Phil, I will pay attention to it all. I did call my sis lastnight and told her I felt I didn't want to take the job just because I felt worried or sorry for Harry. On the other hand, what is wrong with that. I'm a bit torn because yes it's a "business" deal, but it also feels like one neighbor helping another. I'm going to be find no matter what, I truly believe that. I'll know much more after I go there;) Denise
 
This sounds like a job you can handle Denise but it is a position that deserves a good wage so don't
get short changed on that.
Here in Canada the VA does help in cases such as this so he may receive money to pay for help.
 
nwlady said:
Hi Gael and Viv,

Thank you both, I will weigh it all out for sure. That was my thought as well, but I think if he becomes anymore sick, he will probably be going into the hospital or Senior Home. The VA has that too I believe?? As long as he can get up out of bed and move around, I don't have to do any lifting. I would like to get him out of the house, some fresh air, we'll see. He told me he hadn't gone anyplace for 5 years. I knew what he meant, he goes to the docs etc. but nothing else. He also has been going to the grocery store on his own. I don't know if he is driving himself. A lot to find out. We have a neat Senior Center here in Roseburg I could take him to if he is up to it. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. He's no weenie, I know that for sure;)
Click to expand...

YW Denise and at this point, I wouldn't be overly concerned and analytical as to what the future holds for him. I would look at it as a possibly short term position and just keep a caring, but professional distance to the whole situation.
 
Raven said:
This sounds like a job you can handle Denise but it is a position that deserves a good wage so don't
get short changed on that.
Here in Canada the VA does help in cases such as this so he may receive money to pay for help.
Click to expand...

Ok Raven, I will be careful, I had a gal-friend that was a Veteran that was given money for her caregiver so this could be the setup. I'll keep you posted;) He was not a whiner at all or trying to make me feel sorry for him, that's why I just was so drawn to him.
 
Gael said:
YW Denise and at this point, I wouldn't be overly concerned and analytical as to what the future holds for him. I would look at it as a possibly short term position and just keep a caring, but professional distance to the whole situation.
Click to expand...

I think that will be the hard part, I think much of my problem with jobs has been I am not "professional" enough. I mean, I do the job, but I think like in an office, I was a bit too bubbly, not loud, just friendly, I don't know. And with a person like Harry, I am sure I would get attached, but I also know I would be able to handle whatever came. I don't fall apart easily in situations. Funny, but a few times I've been tested at this when things go wrong, like a fire once. I was the one that kept my head.
 
also, as my sister reminded me, I can just do it for a few days, driving there and back, before I decide if it will work. That is if I get offered the job;)
 
SifuPhil said:
It certainly sounds like a good position, even if only to get a future reference and some experience as an aide.

One thing that struck me reading your account, and please don't take this the wrong way, as it's an indication of your caring nature - you seem like you mix emotional and business considerations together.

I realize that caring for someone in a professional capacity requires a certain amount of close-up interaction and a concern for their well-being, but it might not be a good idea to get emotionally involved with a client as far as feeling sorry for them. Empathy, yes - but don't go overboard. Getting too involved can also lead to taking less pay than you're worth, because the sob stories will start and you'll feel sorry for them and you'll say "Just this one time", and then it will happen again and again ...

I guess I'm just saying be careful on this one, and think long and hard before you take a live-in position in a manufactured / mobile home - while I like them for one person or a couple, as a living place for a caregiver I think they're less than ideal because there's really no place you can "turn it off" for a while - you'll be on-duty 24/7.

I wish you good luck, and think before you leap. ;)
Click to expand...

Another thing too Phil, I want to be a good match for Harry. Maybe someone more professional, I don't know what's best, so I guess I'll just go visit, find out details. I know that is why I couldn't be a nurse, or a vetrenarian because of the fear of emotional attachment, that was when I was young and trying to figure out what I'd be when I grew up. I'm still trying to figure out what I'll be when I grow up. So far, the only thing I know for sure is that I will be "an older child":lofl:But I am a responsible person, I don't want to put myself down here. I have been in some leadership rolls and done well, I do think I've lost a bit of confidence in myself over this "lack of employment". Thanks again, I appreciate all the feedback, I get something from each of my friends here;)
 
Denise, this sounds an awfully lot like my Dads situation. He can still get around and take of himself up to a certain point. He does need help with his meds and food preparation. Only difference I can see is that Dad is in an assistant living home.

Always pays to be cautious but a face to face interview will no doubt clear up your concerns.
 
Good luck Nwlady, it sounds like a good position for you. This man is very lucky if he gets you to help him out, you're just the type of person I would love to have in my home to care for me when the time comes. Hoping it comes with an appropriate salary, as you will be using your car, etc. to run errands, etc.

My sister's husband stayed in their home in hospital bed when he was dying of cancer. He had all the tubes and everything hooked up, and he was able to pass in the comfort of home instead of hospice. My sister said after that, that she had a strong desire to help other older people who are sickly and in need.

I'm very emotional also, and have empathy for others big time, but just like you, I'm responsible and can act in an emergency as leader. Hoping all goes well with your meeting.
 
Pappy said:
Denise, this sounds an awfully lot like my Dads situation. He can still get around and take of himself up to a certain point. He does need help with his meds and food preparation. Only difference I can see is that Dad is in an assistant living home.

Always pays to be cautious but a face to face interview will no doubt clear up your concerns.
Click to expand...

True Pappy, about the face to face. Thank you for telling about your dad. I do feel Harry just needs a little help, someone to do some of that stuff guys aren't usually interested in doing. I shouldn't say usually, don't want to stereotype;) I just talked to him and he has one interview at 9, started now, and he wants me to call at 10, so we'll see when I will be going over;) I just feel I want to get this rollin. Sitting here wondering is hard. I want to get the whole, big picture;) Thanks Pappy, Denise
 
I hope this works out for you, Denise, I would echo Gael, in that the man would be lucky to get you.....good advice from your sister by taking this on as a trial basis...only thing I can think of that hasn't already been said...make a list of your questions and concerns..Good Luck!
 
SeaBreeze said:
Good luck Nwlady, it sounds like a good position for you. This man is very lucky if he gets you to help him out, you're just the type of person I would love to have in my home to care for me when the time comes. Hoping it comes with an appropriate salary, as you will be using your car, etc. to run errands, etc.

My sister's husband stayed in their home in hospital bed when he was dying of cancer. He had all the tubes and everything hooked up, and he was able to pass in the comfort of home instead of hospice. My sister said after that, that she had a strong desire to help other older people who are sickly and in need.

I'm very emotional also, and have empathy for others big time, but just like you, I'm responsible and can act in an emergency as leader. Hoping all goes well with your meeting.
Click to expand...

Thanks for this Seabreeze, I called at 9, he has an appt. there now, but wants me to call at 10 as he has no one else coming. So be going over soon I am pretty sure:) Denise
 
Jackie22 said:
I hope this works out for you, Denise, I would echo Gael, in that the man would be lucky to get you.....good advice from your sister by taking this on as a trial basis...only thing I can think of that hasn't already been said...make a list of your questions and concerns..Good Luck!
Click to expand...

Got it Jackie, thank you so much!! I will get in touch here when I get back;)
 
Heck, Denise, I can understand that...I find it hard not to get attached to my clients, especially the two that I dog sit for because I've been working for them for five years. The others I only see once every two, three or four weeks. Seeing them every day? It would be really hard not to feel like they were my family.

This one sounds good, and it would be nice to have somebody to "do" for...like meal prep...and having somebody to chat with about, say, the news of the day.

You'll have an opportunity to meet his daughter, right?

If he hires you, I think the idea of living out for a few days, or maybe a week, before deciding to live in, is a good one. It'll give you both a chance to see if you can live under the same roof harmoniously.
 
Thanks Georgia, I had a nice visit with Harry. His home has been kept up well, but the other gal didn't give him any notice so he's been alone there for a week. Also, she was not a live-in, and he wants that just to have someone around. It's a big Mod. If I lived in, I would have a lovely master bedroom w/bath.

Anyway, waiting for his daughter to contact me to check on some things with her. Also, he seems in the dark about the VA paying for a full-time caregiver, but it is a possibility. He would be easy to please. He does say he's made his decision, and wants me. I don't know what all hoops I may have to jump through in order to be ok'd with VA, his daughter etc. I'll keep you posted. He does drive himself, nice vehicle, but DMV is pullin his plug on that. He says he would love me to take him some places. He said the other gal was in a hurry to get in and out for her 3 hours a day. I don't have that restriction. His docs have given him a year to two years to live. He is up and around, but he has artery problems and the docs say his heart can't take any more surgeries.

More later, denise

PS he is on blood thinners and I don't know, but could be causing some bruising he is getting on his arms. He said they just showed up this a.m. and it must have happened when he rolled over in bed etc.
 
Good luck Denise. If you get this position, I know you'll do your best and this gentleman will be fortunate to have you.
 
I am glad that it looks so good for you getting this position, Denise ! It sounds like it would work out great for you. I think it is a position that you would enjoy doing, and if it works out for you to live there, that will be a great relief as well. Once you get your SS coming in, then you will be financially better off when the job eventually ends.

About the bruises on the arms; my husband gets those, and the doctor said it is nothing serious, just where little capillaries have broken. I was very upset when he started getting them at first; and they seem to just come and go, and appear overnight sometimes. I was glad when his turned out to not be anything serious; so maybe the ones that Harry has are something similar.
My doctor changed me from Coumadin to Pradaxa, and it is a much better blood thinner; you don't have to get the blood tests all the time like you do with Coumadin, and there are no foods that are restricted.
 
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