75 and in retirement community. Most everyone here looks 85 and on walkers.

Sunny said:
Good luck, Kika. Interesting factoid: I once conducted a poll for our local paper, asking, "What was the primary reason you moved here?" Overwhelmingly, the answer was "To be near my son/daughter/children/grandkids, etc."
Click to expand...
I can certainly believe that. I'm the last member of my family to stay in NY. Now all of my friends have left too (mostly to be near family, but they were all transplants anyway). I'm getting up there and while people say I look and act younger, the fact of my age remains. If I become sick, or need help, it will be easier on the kids, grandkids, if I'm not several hours away. Better now than if/when a crisis hits. And Thank You for your kind wishes.
 
Kika said:
Thank you for this. I will be moving to an Over 55 apartment community at the end of this year.
It is a big step for me, but I need to be closer to my son & his family. I have heard some not so nice stories, but I got a nice vibe visiting the one where I'll be moving to. I hope it is as nice and as friendly as yours.
Click to expand...
Did you move or plan to from where you live now and plan to move to a new area to have family closer?
How did you plan these steps for I too am too alone and far from anyone I gave birth to.
I well, my stupidity made me put all my eggs into my offspring before disaster took over.
Which, leaves me in total isolation, mostly for 8 years hoping one would popup.
Or would call, write, send a card with return address, text, email, or simply ask to see me or invite me to their holidays, as in xmas, bdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, mother's days, or a weekend getaway.
OK, I think I've covered the whole thing
.hope does not hear, neither wishes or letter writing with sincere heart wrenching cries of requests to see them.
Forgive me all, for belly aching, for the people who are living high off the hog too far removed from the levels of ever connecting to the Senior Forum because they are above the fact of being parted by their own losses too well off to care.
 
Oh, Autumn that is so sad. But I have heard the same several times from people who live in my apartment building. I have 3 children. One passed away in recent months and lived on the West Coast. The oldest lives in NYC but I never hear from him. My youngest and his family have been after me to move closer since I retired 3 yrs ago. I just was not ready to leave the city.

He wanted to build a guest house, or a separate extension onto his house for me to live, as I stated I would never live with them, it is just too close. Again, I declined. My daughter-in-law found 3 places, one was a regular apartment complex, and 2 were over 55 communities. We went to see all of them, and my preference was one of the Over55 places. which is about 25 miles from where they live.

My lease here is up in January 2023. I am on a waiting list for the apartment that I want. If it is not yet available by January, everything will go into storage, and I will stay with my son for hopefully a very short while. The other option is that I take a smaller apartment, if it is available around that time, and move into the larger one in the same complex later.

I am not sure what this means: Would you like to elaborate?
I well, my stupidity made me put all my eggs into my offspring before disaster took over.
Which, leaves me in total isolation, mostly for 8 years hoping one would popup.

I hope you have some good friends or neighbors that can help you when needed. Isolation is not good (I had a hard time with that during Covid lockdown) and everyone needs some good human interaction.
 
@Autumn72 You have us! We're invisipeeps, but we're here, and we care.

@Kika After DH died, my kids pressured me/convinced me that moving here was the best thing to do. There were times when I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever did...but 13 years later I'll admit that they were right.

I live in what I call The Hovel, a "granny flat" built behind DD's garage but still attached to their house. The Hovel has a separate entrance, full kitchen, tiny bedroom with a walk-in closet, equally tiny sitting room, full bath, even a small storage room. It's completely self-contained but with a connecting door for access to their back hall leading to a laundry room, then their house. Hey, I even have a teeny, tiny patio outside my door. I joke that The Hovel is so small that I go outside to change my mind. The whole place is just under 300sf. Thank heaven my brother designed it for the maximum efficient use of space!

DD/DSIL/g'kids always knock before coming in.

Now that I'm 13 years older and have given away my car, being here is helpful and convenient. DD takes me to and picks me up from work every day, takes me to medical appointments, bank, wherever I need to go. We do our grocery and other shopping together either on Sunday or Monday, my days off.

What I'm saying is that you might want to reconsider rejecting your son's offer to build a place for you at their house. If you do, just make sure that the ground rules for your living there are firm and understood by all. That is, you'll respect their space and their privacy and they will do the same for you.

I paid to have The Hovel built (at cost by one of my brothers, a residential contractor) so there's no rent, but I do give DD money every month for a share of the utilities, groceries, gas.

When DD and I communicate, it's usually via text because The Hovel is ground level on the west side of their house, and DD works from home...her office is upstairs on the east side. Too darned far to hike through the house and up the stairs to talk!

So...at 81 I don't worry about living alone, about getting sick with no one around to help, and if I feel lonely, there's almost always somebody home "next door".

Best thing? Their home is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac and the back/side yards amount to almost a quarter acre that's mine to do with as I wish. The street side is wooded and left natural, but the rest is a sprawling flower garden that keeps me busy nine months of the year.

Do I wish I could live in a little house by myself? Yes. As my daddy used to say "Wish in one hand, sh!t in the other and see which one gets full first!" Would living alone be practical as I age? No.
 
Last edited:
Georgiagranny said:
@Autumn72 You have us! We're invisipeeps, but we're here, and we care.

@Kika After DH died, my kids pressured me/convinced me that moving here was the best thing to do. There were times when I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever did...but 13 years later I'll admit that they were right.

I live in what I call The Hovel, a "granny flat" built behind DD's garage but still attached to their house. The Hovel has a separate entrance, full kitchen, tiny bedroom with a walk-in closet, equally tiny sitting room, full bath, even a small storage room. It's completely self-contained but with a connecting door for access to their back hall leading to a laundry room, then their house. Hey, I even have a teeny, tiny patio outside my door. I joke that The Hovel is so small that I go outside to change my mind. The whole place is just under 300sf. Thank heaven my brother designed it for the maximum efficient use of space!

DD/DSIL/g'kids always knock before coming in.

Now that I'm 13 years older and have given away my car, being here is helpful and convenient. DD takes me to and picks me up from work every day, takes me to medical appointments, bank, wherever I need to go. We do our grocery and other shopping together either on Sunday or Monday, my days off.

What I'm saying is that you might want to reconsider rejecting your son's offer to build a place for you at their house. If you do, just make sure that the ground rules for your living there are firm and understood by all. That is, you'll respect their space and their privacy and they will do the same for you.

I paid to have The Hovel built (at cost by one of my brothers, a residential contractor) so there's no rent, but I do give DD money every month for a share of the utilities, groceries, gas.

When DD and I communicate, it's usually via text because The Hovel is ground level on the west side of their house, and DD works from home...her office is upstairs on the east side. Too darned far to hike through the house and up the stairs to talk!

So...at 81 I don't worry about living alone, about getting sick with no one around to help, and if I feel lonely, there's almost always somebody home "next door".

Best thing? Their home is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac and the back/side yards amount to almost a quarter acre that's mine to do with as I wish. The street side is wooded and left natural, but the rest is a sprawling flower garden that keeps me busy nine months of the year.

Do I wish I could live in a little house by myself? Yes. As my daddy used to say "Wish in one hand, sh!t in the other and see which one gets full first!" Would living alone be practical as I age? No.
Click to expand...
Wow! That sounds just perfect! Everything has worked out so well for you.

I did consider the possibility of building the addition or guest house on their property. The live in a very rural area. Very isolated. I would be going into a suburban area, and hopefully, in an over55 community, I might have people around with common interests. Such as Scrabble, Wordle, New York Times crossword & Spelling Bee, a book club etc. My son said he would "even" play scrabble with me if I moved with his family.

My daughter-in-law's mother lived with them for probably close to 2 years before she died. She was still in her own house when she got sick and could not be alone. There was no time to think things through. She was only 67.

I sold my house already, It was too big for just the two of us, and I was tired of commuting. I am 75, my husband died 8 years ago but I was still working and retired in early 2019. I traveled a lot and came home from my last trip exactly 5 days before lockdown in 2020.

I will be renting in the over55 community, so things could change. Your arrangement sounds perfect, together but independent. The best of both worlds. I will certainly keep your living arrangements in the back of my mind. I'm so happy it all worked out for you.
 
Those houses are called mother-in - law cottage
I had mention it to a cousin who lives in Texas, her and her hubby have a house.
And a daughter soon to restart college.
Yet, nit a answer to the idea.
Her mom and dad are in heaven
Why I thought if she might be interested in 5he idea they are in their late 50s
Too much to ask for.
I too would have helped, better than a nursing home.
 
Kika said:
I can certainly believe that. I'm the last member of my family to stay in NY. Now all of my friends have left too (mostly to be near family, but they were all transplants anyway). I'm getting up there and while people say I look and act younger, the fact of my age remains. If I become sick, or need help, it will be easier on the kids, grandkids, if I'm not several hours away. Better now than if/when a crisis hits. And Thank You for your kind wishes.
Click to expand...
DH & I are unlikely to consider moving very far for the same reasons. In a nutshell, our children are all close by and we're not getting any younger.

When our house gets to be too much for us, we'll move to something smaller in the same general area.
 
Georgiagranny said:
@Autumn72 You have us! We're invisipeeps, but we're here, and we care.

@Kika After DH died, my kids pressured me/convinced me that moving here was the best thing to do. There were times when I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever did...but 13 years later I'll admit that they were right.

I live in what I call The Hovel, a "granny flat" built behind DD's garage but still attached to their house. The Hovel has a separate entrance, full kitchen, tiny bedroom with a walk-in closet, equally tiny sitting room, full bath, even a small storage room. It's completely self-contained but with a connecting door for access to their back hall leading to a laundry room, then their house. Hey, I even have a teeny, tiny patio outside my door. I joke that The Hovel is so small that I go outside to change my mind. The whole place is just under 300sf. Thank heaven my brother designed it for the maximum efficient use of space!

DD/DSIL/g'kids always knock before coming in.

Now that I'm 13 years older and have given away my car, being here is helpful and convenient. DD takes me to and picks me up from work every day, takes me to medical appointments, bank, wherever I need to go. We do our grocery and other shopping together either on Sunday or Monday, my days off.

What I'm saying is that you might want to reconsider rejecting your son's offer to build a place for you at their house. If you do, just make sure that the ground rules for your living there are firm and understood by all. That is, you'll respect their space and their privacy and they will do the same for you.

I paid to have The Hovel built (at cost by one of my brothers, a residential contractor) so there's no rent, but I do give DD money every month for a share of the utilities, groceries, gas.

When DD and I communicate, it's usually via text because The Hovel is ground level on the west side of their house, and DD works from home...her office is upstairs on the east side. Too darned far to hike through the house and up the stairs to talk!

So...at 81 I don't worry about living alone, about getting sick with no one around to help, and if I feel lonely, there's almost always somebody home "next door".

Best thing? Their home is on a corner lot of a cul-de-sac and the back/side yards amount to almost a quarter acre that's mine to do with as I wish. The street side is wooded and left natural, but the rest is a sprawling flower garden that keeps me busy nine months of the year.

Do I wish I could live in a little house by myself? Yes. As my daddy used to say "Wish in one hand, sh!t in the other and see which one gets full first!" Would living alone be practical as I age? No.
Click to expand...
It sounds like a great arrangement!
 
My hope and plan is to remain in my home for the rest of my days. I am 72 and continue to be active, drive, prepare meals, do my own shopping, all housekeeping, etc. I do hire someone to mow and take care of the yard. The only negative is I have no family nearby. No children. Only a few friends who are so wrapped up in their own life and needs that we seldom talk anymore. My neighbor has been nice to take me to appointments when it is not prudent to drive myself. If she cannot help there’s always Uber. I just cannot imagine I would be content in assisted living facilities and following their regimented schedules but never say never as one doesn’t know what may be in store in the future.
 
I. Am n. Independent. living. In. A high. Tech. Retirement. Community. I am in a apartment. Complex. This. Place. Has. Cottages. Too. The problem here is. That there is a maid here who. Takes. Things. From. My room. She has taken. 2 folders with important papers. In them. At. Different. Times. Now. She. Has taken my. Wire. Charger. Adapter. For my laptop.
They. Are. Aware. That she has taken. A folder. But. Not the. Other things. I am. Going. To. Call. The office about it.
She is. Just. Mean. And. Spiteful. My. Laptop. Connector. Was on The. Couch.
They. Think. I. Do. Not belong. here because. I am. Youthful looking.
 


Back
Top