Hello Diary, It has been one year to the day that I started writing here. Of course nothing ever works out just as we think it will. Sometimes I wonder why we put so much stock in making plans. It must be that we need to think we have some control over ourselves, even if it is just a little bit.
As many of you know, I lost Michael last December 30th., and I as so many of us learn, surviving whether we wish to or not happens.
This year I stumbled badly. At first all I could think of was, what do I do without my husband or my two sons? I couldn't find any dirrection. Everytime someone died, I would refocuse on those still living. Eventually all the grandparents, parents, in-laws, husband, and sons were gone, and I had no where to turn. You guys don't know how many times I peeked in just to make sure ya'll were still here.
Way back in 1989, I met a 19 y/o girl, Krystin, with her 7 month old baby walking down the road, and long story short, I took her to our home where she lived with us for two years. After that she would come to see me every few years to let me know she was alright. Somehow she showed up just after Big Michael died, and between her and Happyfowerlady, they pulled me through.
In April, I went to visit HFL, and her open heart helped me. My young friend Krystin then started to drag me out of my cabin wether I wanted to go out or not at least twice a week. Then in September. she and I went on a long trip to Colorado, California, and Nevada. I wanted to thank her with a trip, and I wanted and needed to see my country again. I let her enjoy the cities, and I drank up the healing that comes from a dirrect connection with our earth.
Then in October my older brother needed to have his knee replaced, and I was back at the VA hospital that I had been taking my husband to in '12, '13, and '14. As it turned out they decided to fix my brother's knee the Monday before Thanksgiving. As it was a holiday, the VA was short on staff, and asked that a family member be available to help out. My brother's family lives too far away to help him, so that left me. I walked the VA hallways thinking of all that had happened there. They had cared for my father, husband, son, and now my brother.
So I found my way to the little office governing the volunteers. They explained that I could help with clerical work, help people by giving dorrections, or help to organize events. None of this interested me, so I asked about the permanent residents. I was told that not many thought of them, and many had no families to remember them. I asked what I had to do to be able to work there, and the manager told me that less than half could follow through in their volunteering efforts.
I have been through 10 deaths in my immediate family, and held three of them in my arms as they died. Maybe my Creator was preparing me for this. It gives me some peace to think this.
So if my TB test shows I'm clear, then in January, I'll start my six months of training to be able to work in the unit I want. It is called the NVDA unit. ( No Veteran Dies Alone) I think I can do this.
Yesterday at about 8:10 am., I was headed to the doctor's office to get my TB test, and I smelled something odd, but I just thought it was the smells of Houston traffic. Then a couple of minutes later, I saw smoke around the gear shift between the front seats, (I'm thinking, Ina you haven't smoked in over 33 years). I stopped my 2015 KIA Sportage half on the road and half on the dirt shoulder on the right. I touched the area and my fingers went through the plastic. It had melted on me, so I grabbed the Lysol wet ones I keep in the car, and got the hot plastic off mt fingers. I looked over at the melted place again, and fire was coming straight up the middle console. (My brain is screaming at me to get out of the car and run.) So instead I jump out and into the back where I keep several bottles of water, and then I get back into the driver's seat, wrap my hands in LOTS of wet ones, and I used three bottles of water and my fists to beat the fire out. When it was all over there was a hole that was big enough for large man to stick both of his hand through.
Then I realized I had not turned the car off, so I drove the ten miles to my doctor's office where they put my hands into icewater to get all the plastic off my fingers. They're fine, just some blisters, but they rescheduled my TB test for next Monday.
So I then drove my car 32 miles to the dealership that I bought it from. They immediately call whomever, and it was decided that they needed to investigate the whole issue. Within 30 minutes I drove off the lot with a 2016 KIA Sorento, that had less than ten miles on the odometer. So I guess now I just wait for the outcome.
Today I turned 64.
- Jim
