An On Going Journey In Texas

Opps! New keypad remember.

I started my week by taking Mike to the VA on Monday and Wednesday. They have run so many test on him, nand there are more come. So far they have said that Mike has already had a heart attack, and a previous stroke to the October one. I just wonder how he could have had both of those without knowing about it at the time. But I know that he is getting better. Even his COPD seems to be better. I do love that man.

Today was my day of rest, after I cleaned the house, did the laundry, and mopped 2000 sq. feet of hardwood floors. Now my body is telling me off big time. My spine is is on lock down.

I've been doing quite a bit of studying lately about vitamins, word processors, ( They've changed a bit in the last seven years.), and this new iPad. I'm also trying to get Mike interested in a new iPad or like item, instead of another desktop computer.

I put up a small Cristmas tree and decorations to get us into the spirit of the holiday. I also put up all five Cristmas stockings as decoration. They were for my three step daughters, and my two deceased sons, when they were children. They bring good memories for me.

Mike and I've decided that since this this will be our first Christmas by ourselves in 47 years, we will have steak, lobster, my baby sautéed greens for our holiday feast.
 

I wish the best for Mike, he may have had those small TIA strokes that are sometimes hard to notice, my mother in law had several of them. Good that you're studying up on vitamins Ina, I'm a big fan of supplements myself. Nice that you're decorating and have put up a tree too, to make it as nice as possible for the both of you this year. Steak, lobster and sautéed greens sounds wonderful for a holiday meal! :cool:
 
Hi Ina! I enjoy reading your diary entries, and your plans for Christmas dinner sound delicious! Hope you and Mike have a great celebration together! :):)
 
Today is the firat day without my hucband of 47 years. He left me behind yesterday at 5:00pm. I thought I would loose my mind, and this morning I find that I wasn't to be that blessed. I don't know how to contain this pain. I can't seem to stop my tears.

Dear God, how do I go on without the man I so love?
 
Dear Ina, I am sorry to hear of your loss of Mike. We are asking God to give you the strength and comfort you need for each new day. Jim
 
Ina, I can't imagine the heartache you're going through. I'm so sorry that Michael has passed, may he rest peacefully. Thoughts, prayers and love are with you during this time. Hugs. :rose:


 
Ina-please know that there are so many holding you in their hearts right now. Wes and I have also been married for 47 years, and to be where you are right now is the most painful thing I can imagine. Please take care of yourself. You will be in my prayers every day.
 
Ina, no words I have to say will quell your heartache, but, I want you to know, like so many here feel, you are in my heart and thoughts; you seem to me to be such a special sweet soul and I hope you take comfort in knowing you have had the love of a man most could only ever hope to be touched by.

Hugs to you dear sweet lady.
 
I want to thank Pappy/Minion, Drifter/Hawkeye, Meanderer, Sea, Mrs. Robinson, Rkansaw, Holly, Denise, AprilT, and all of my friends at SF. Thank you for the support you have unselfishly given me.

I also wish to thank the person who thought of this diary forum.

Today is my second day by myself in our cabin, and this is by my own choice. If I don't talk to anyone else, I can still pretend he is here for awhile.

I thought that loosing my two sons was the worst pain, but I was wrong. Loosing my Michael is far worse. If I can get to where my tears stop, maybe I can survive. Nothing Will ever hurt me as this does.
 
In case you stop in here again, just want you to know you are in my thoughts and I understand the need for solace, we will be here for you when and if you need to talk. No need to address me or anyone else again till you're at a place you just want to.

Heal as best you are able to sweet lady, take your time, do what you need to do.

Hugs
 
Hold on Ina.

Hold on tight to the love that you have shared with Michael and be very aware that there are others who love you today, some of us from very far away.
In your cabin you are definitely not alone as long as you are upheld by love.

:bighug:
 
Today I must break my silence. I will be leaving our cabin so that I can take care of Michael's funeral arraignments.

I have not talked to anyone since 9:00pm Tuesday. So I guess I must join the living again.

I am so numb, but I guess that is part of of God's grace.
 
Ina, you're in my heart and prayers. I can only say that every day, you will be able to take one more step. Just be good to yourself and let yourself go at your own pace. And, most important, accept the help that people offer to you. It is a blessing to then, too, to have something to take care of. I remember wanting to do everything myself, but once I let go, it was so much easier.
 
Remember you're not alone Ina, many of us are with you in spirit, including your Michael. Glad to hear you're getting out and taking care of things that need your attention. Hope your doggies are doing okay, many times they sense our sadness too, give them a hug for me.
 
Seabreeze is so right about the dogs , Ina. They may not know exactly what happened, but they do know that you are alone, and hurting, and they will want to comfort you.
Especially little Izzy, he is used to being right beside you. a dog is a wonderful comfort to tell all of your sorrow to. I have walked and cried and let my heart and tears just come out when I didn't want a person there (except the one that was gone), and it always helped me to cope.
Besides, they need you right now, too.

Another thing that you won't feel like doing much, but do need to do, is eat something. It is important to keep your body going right now, Ina.
There is even more stress than usual on your body at this time.
Often, our body's defense system will just turn off hunger, so don't wait until you feel hungry. Just eat when you know you should eat, no matter if you want to or not.
 
Well, The Creator decided To give me another day, and the world is still just outside my window. At least the day is rainy, dark, and oh so cold, which is very much the way I feel right now.

I spent much of yesterday at the funeral home getting things in motion for my Michael. He was an organ donor, and he is to be cremated, so there will not be a viewing. But there is to be a memorial service. Michael .was a Marine, and had asked for a military service, but they have cut back on so many veteran services, and that is one of them, unless he was to be buried in military grounds. They do still provide a flag, and I will be purchasing a shadow box for it.

I wonder about the human race's ability to ignore a person while alive, but they still expect a memorial service. It is the last physical thing I can do for my lifelong companion. I do dread the day when there is no more I can do for him. Michael did make my life worth living. Today is the fourth day without him.

On one hand, I wish I could stop thinking about everything, but on the other hand, I dread the day when I don't.
 
My heart bleeds for you Ina......just keep going; it is all you can do..
 

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