And then, the fight started

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he
runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND…”


Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go
into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane
a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy
take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…”


At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story,
suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s
face when you tell it tonight.”


At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods,
the undressing, laying down on the seat, and,
“then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”
And Then The Fight Started !
 
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and ​
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slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van and ​
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proceeded to back out into a torrential ​
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downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, ​
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turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all ​
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day. ​
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I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into ​
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bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, ​
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and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." ​
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My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid ​
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husband is out fishing in that?"

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's Licence to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
 



A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

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In honor of St. Paddy's Day:

A young Irish woman is pregnant with her first child. She comes home from her first OB visit and says, "Paddy, the doctor wants me to bring in a specimen. It was embarrassed I was to admit that I didn't know what a specimen was. Do y'know what that is?"

"Jaysus, Mary & Joseph, woman," cries her husband, "How would I know what that is? It isn't like I've ever been to a doctor meself. Go over and ask old Mrs. Mahoney; hasn't the auld gal had twelve children herself? Maybe she'd know."

The young woman crossed the street and a few minutes later she came back with a hank of hair missing from her head, a very black eye and the clothes half ripped off her body.

"Saints alive! Who did this to ye?" asked her husband.

"Old Mrs. Mahoney did!"

"Mrs. Mahoney? She's 90 years old! How could Mrs. Mahoney do this to ye? Better yet, WHY did Mrs. Mahoney do this to ye?"

"Well, I don't know what's the matter with her! All I asked was 'What is a specimen' and the old besom said 'Piss in a cup'. Then I said, 'Well then, s**t in your hat!" and that's when the fight began."
 
I was surfing the net and I found an interesting picture!


My wife asked, “Why are you staring at the computer screen for so long?”


I said, “Take a look, I’m trying to decide if it’s gold or silver.”




Kim kardashian silver paint-2.jpeg

And that's when the fight started !
 
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