Are you who you think you are? Or

hollydolly said:
isn't it odd that almost all of us state that we're definitely not the person other people think we are...?

What is it that we're all doing that allows people to see us as a completely other person to the true us ?.. I'd love to know..
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I grew up in a rural, extremely conservative area. I came from an abusive family situation. I tried to fit in and and accept what others thought I "should" be, but that was never me. Due to family abuse and gaslighting rather than giving up I began thinking for myself as a child be it on religion, social issues, etc. I was normally out of step with the environment in which I lived. Now I am old and just don't care what others think nearly as much as I did when I was younger. People can only see through their own lens, what they have been exposed to and accepted. I have learned to accept that most of the time. I can't change what others think I "should" be, but I can still be me.
 

hollydolly said:
isn't it odd that almost all of us state that we're definitely not the person other people think we are...?

What is it that we're all doing that allows people to see us as a completely other person to the true us ?.. I'd love to know..
Click to expand...
Dang - just accidentally deleted a bunch of thoughts on your question, haha, oh my. Rattle, rattle. It had to do with the expectations of others and our desire, or lack thereof, to meet them.
 
Leann said:
There are three selves....who we are, who we wish to be and the person others see.
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At most basic level this is true but what it says in OP is also true. Everybody holds their own version.of you in their heads. Two people may agree on certain facts and/or even some less verifiable personality traits but interpret that info differently because the values they place will depend on how your resulting behaviors impact them differently.

Example --- some will view a tendency toward honesty and openess as admirable others may view it as annoying and still others as flaw. Some will value compassion and kindness, others will perceive it as a weakness they or others can exploit
 
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hollydolly said:
isn't it odd that almost all of us state that we're definitely not the person other people think we are...?

What is it that we're all doing that allows people to see us as a completely other person to the true us ?.. I'd love to know..
Click to expand...
In many cases it is not what we are doing or saying but rather how what we say or do effects them. Not just if but when our behavior has positive effect they percieve it one way, a negative one (which may be as simple as the feeling they couldn't be as honest, as kind, as productive as you) they perceive you differently.

Consider that the exact same behavior maybe described differently by different observers: Stubborn or persistent; Aggressive or assertive; Confident or arrogant.
 
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This reminded me of my preschool teaching days. When it came time for parent-teacher conferences, one mother came in stating that I did not know her child at all. Her daughter, she said, was mean, demanding, and uncontrollable. I had given the same child rave reviews. In my classroom situation, she was a gem - well behaved, concerned for and kind to others, and asked for nothing other than the respect I showed each child. I boiled it down to differing expectations and 'styles.'

In the same classroom, there was another child with an extremely whiney, demanding voice and demeanor. When her mother came in for the conference, the reason became abundantly clear. The child was emulating her mother, right down to the exact tone on voice.

Bottom line, perhaps both the expectations we have for others and the environments (whether separate or shared) greatly impact our perceptions of people - and (perhaps) just what kind of people they turn out to be.
 
It's quite disconcerting knowing there are a bunch of me out there, and I think they just might be plotting against me.

You seem like a pretty decent sort to me.

Alligatorob said:
I'd be interested to know what others here think of me and who I am. Or do y'all think of me at all? Don't hold back, one thing I do have is a thick skin, my perception anyway... I asked for it.
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Maybe too deep a question for me to answer or I am just not smart enough but I am what I am. I try to please too many others in order for everyone to get along - I just dislike unpleasantness. I try to think the best of everyone and I think most of the people here are good and kind. We are all different and that is good. I am basically a loner and always have been.
 
Bella said:
@Nathan - Are you who you think you are? Or are you who others perceive you to be? If you ask the questions, it's only fair that you answer them. 😉

Bella ✌️
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Well there's the perspective of one's self, included in that package being a liberal dose of ego protecting self-deception. Then there is the perspective of those that know you, along with the somewhat incomplete narrative of an "outsider".
So, maybe the sum total of self images and observations from external sources paints a more complete composite picture, than just one viepoint.
 
What others perceive shouldn't matter as long as we value ourselves. I found this once & thought it to be worth keeping as a reminder.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar
by holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE.
 
hollydolly said:
isn't it odd that almost all of us state that we're definitely not the person other people think we are...?

What is it that we're all doing that allows people to see us as a completely other person to the true us ?.. I'd love to know..
Click to expand...
Perhaps to varying degrees we shield ourselves from painful aspects of the truth. Maybe "denial"...
 
feywon said:
In many cases it is not what we are doing or saying but rather how what we say or do effects them. Not just if but when our behavior has positive effect they put percieve it one way, a negative one (which may be as simple as the feeling they couldn't be as honest, as kind, as productive as you) they perceive you differently.

Consider that the exact same behavior maybe described differently by different observers: Stubborn or persistent; Aggressive or assertive; Confident or arrogant.
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that is absolutely true...at least in my experience
 
Not an issue with this person. Had always been one many strangers made poor first impressions about. Additionally have a natural ability for understanding how people think and took classes in college first year level psychology.

Growing up mostly in California, I went to 11 different schools during K12 so became very used to being the new guy others did not know. To make that worse during an era when suburban California was almost totally Caucasian (who tend to be tall), I was usually the youngest person in each class because my parents had unfortunately put me into kindergarten at age 4 instead of 5 like almost all other kids and was often about the shortest kid in class. Generally in that cultural era, taller people did not like and or made fun of short people with media and businesses continually pushing that perspective. In USAF boot camp our flight's TI on the first day immediately made me a road guard and the 4 tallest guys leaders.

So other kids initially tended to ignore me during early first 3 grades. During sports I was often the last kid picked haha until other kids noticed I was actually exceptionally athletic. That contributed to my becoming self sufficient and an independent thinker. So have never had an issue with how others perceive me as have always been perceived by strangers incorrectly.

As an adult working 4 decades in Silicon Valley at a list of companies as a high level electronic tech mostly in engineering, over my first couple decades had much the same reactions starting new jobs from others as when growing up where all are strangers as others below me tended to be surprised then intimated by my skills while those degreed engineers above me didn't expect a non-degreed person to understand technology at their level so usually took months to prove my abilities.
 
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Just in reply to the title of the thread, "Are you who you think you are?" My answer is probably not. Self understanding is not either/or, but a matter of degree. Some are better at it than others, but ego always plays a role, and we hide much of what we don't like from ourselves. Others sometimes misinterpret us. At other times they sometimes see us more accurately than we do ourselves. I doubt that anyone is perfect.
 
feywon said:
At most basic level this is true but what it says in OP is also true. Everybody holds their own version.of you in their heads. Two people may agree on certain facts and/or even some less verifiable personality traits but interpret that info differently because the values they place will depend on how your resulting behaviors impact them differently.

Example --- some will view a tendency toward honesty and openess as admirable others may view it as annoying and still others as flaw. Some will value compassion and kindness, others will perceive it as a weakness they or others can exploit
Click to expand...
QFT
 

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