beauty, an inside job?

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Denise1952

Well-known Member
I think we get more beautiful with age, contrary to what some "seem" to think. Especially when I see a lot of "posting of young girls" with oo'ing and awing comments. I could say I honestly don't care, but I wouldn't be honest if I did. I suppose I won't make any friends on this post, but I don't see many photos of a woman over let's say 55, posted. I guess that's just the way it is, so if you think a girl or guy your grand-children's age is more beautiful to look at then someone your own age, that's of course your priv.

Seeing the beauty in youth is something I do as well. I think everyone here is grown up enough to know the diff between that and lusting after a younger "mate".

As for me, I think you guys are way more handsome now then when you were young, not flattery, just the way I see people, same with the women, way, more beautiful, because beauty is an inside job, and usually with age, people get wiser (hopefully). I'll bet some of you gals will say "oh that's just men for you", and I'll want to say "yes, you're right, we just blow it off". Others might say "well, they are thinking it, they might as well be honest and post a pic of what they dream about at night". I don't know, I guess this is about not hurting each other's feelings, wishing the world was a little, less cruel about aging.

And just so you know for sure, what you might be thinking, this is just my, own baggage. Most of the men I meet my age want younger women. They conclude that because of my age I am not sexy, fun, or even youthful (young at heart). Well it's their loss, and I dodged a bullet.

Ok, let me have it, I can take a punch:beaten:

PS I've really enjoyed my time here, lots of fun, but I also like to talk about the "real" stuff on occasion, so if I don't get run out on a rail, see you all later, Denise
 
I don't think there is anything more important than being a loving, kind and caring person. That is the inner-beauty I spoke of. How many of us really like a person for their looks? When I was young, I was so shallow, I never looked any deeper then what a guy looked like. It caused a lot of heartache in my life.

I agree that dwelling on beauty is shallow, I've done it. Not now thank goodness. I love this quote by Meryl Streep: "I can't remember the last time I really worried about being appealing,”

and since I brought it up, I also love this one by Marilyn Monroe: “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
 
I have never been interested in looks, my own or that of others, personality is much more important. I rarely dress up, wear makeup, and never dye my hair, what you see is what you get. I am 64 and took this photo of me a couple of minutes ago.
 

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I agree Denise, that beauty is an inside job. We all change as we age, with wrinkles, etc...that's very natural and I wouldn't want to change anything with surgery, botox, etc. I'd rather look like myself, and just an older version, than a surprised duck-billed stranger.

I've been happily married to the same man for nearly forty years, so I don't have much experience with dates, but I do know my mind on situations like these. If a man of my age may be interested in dating me, and he's changed his mind just because someone of a younger age/looks came along, then you know what, he's too shallow for my liking anyway. When I look at people our age, I often see them as they were in their 20s and 30s, unless I'm wearing my reading glasses, that's what I see when I look in the mirror. :playful:

I wouldn't want to date a younger man, I'd say no more than 5 years younger. I don't care what they look like, they wouldn't have the maturity that I would want, and we wouldn't have much in common. I've never been very vain about my looks, never wanted to change my face or body parts, just grateful that I am healthy and don't suffer with the deformities that some others live their lives with. Good topic Denise, you're a wise and beautiful lady. :love_heart:
 
beautiful! And hardly daft by not worrying about how you look, but who you are;) My whole point! I grew up thinking I had to look like the movie stars, instead, I was scrawny, big nose, and painfully insecure. My teachers would usually write something like "Denise doesn't apply herself", they knew I was smart but didn't know how to convey that to me I guess. I learned, and I learned what my belief was to be about the most important things in life;)

Thanks for sharing jm;) Denise, big hugs;)
 
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I have never been beautiful or pretty; I have always been overweight, sometimes slightly, sometimes a lot.

So I have always had to rely on other things.

I now have wrinkles too.....so.... I am smart, intelligent, witty, funny......and clean and tidy!
 
I think if we could all just realize that beauty isn't an "outside" job. Not in people. I mean I need to remember this as well, that's why I usually talk about things like this. I think that caring about ourselves is so important. I would never put a "friend down" as I put myself down at times. I have never met you Viv but I am telling you, you are a beautiful person, and we (you and I don't have to look like the what we always get bombarded with, models, movie star beauty etc etc etc.) It isn't reality but many of us have grown up thinking it was. We are older now, lets take in some of that wisdom.
 
yes, she's lovely, another "beauty", but at least a bit older. I wonder if her insides match the outsides?
 
Look at Dudi Dench..she has never been described as beautiful.

Joanna Lumley is wearing well, and she is not stupid either...
 
Looks are important in our younger years because they serve as mating attractants. Once we reach the non-child-bearing years we suddenly have this epiphany that looks don't matter.

The fact is, if you aren't interested in increasing the world's population looks don't mean a blessed thing. But you're going to be hard pressed to overcome that instinctive urge to seek out beauty, even though intellectually you know better.

Instincts trump intelligence 9 times out of 10.
 
I was only interested in my husband's intellectual ability, which was great before his illness, not his looks, however he wasn't too frightening in that department. Men other women seemed to find attractive didn't strike me that way at all.
 
I guess I'm typically male and extremely visual. So, a woman whose physical attributes meet my specific likes is gonna be viewed as desirable. But, there are many, MANY good looking women who become very unattractive to me as their ugly personality, or lack thereof, surfaces. Now, if pretty to my tastes with preferable personality to match . . . I'm am helplessly smitten . . .
 
I agree Phil, chemistry (as I call it) is not absent from most people I have met. I think it is normal. In the old times people were put in arranged marriages, for example, chemistry or no chemistry. I've heard people say they were married to someone they couldn't stand, but it was best for whatever reason. Some even said they would not change it if they could it turned out so well.

I think my biggest problem is expecting life to be one thing, and it turned out to be something totally different. Most of the time I'm ok with it, today is not one of my up days. I'm working on that now:)
 
Just out of the bath where I spent some time contemplating this issue.

When I was young, like most young girls, I was attractive simply because I was young and healthy and full of energy, but thanks to the beauty industry I was totally unsure of myself.
Too short? Big thighs? Imperfect skin? Fingernails wouldn't grow long and strong?

Did my husband care about any of these imperfections? Not a bit.
Did my children worry about them? Never.

I don't worry about them either anymore but of course time doesn't stand still.
I'm no longer young and healthy and full of energy.
I'm still short, who'd have thought that was a permanent feature?
The rest of my body has thickened to match the thighs, my skin is clear at last
but is now sporting many lines and a few scars and my fingernails are still mostly kept short.

But I am still attractive to the husband of my youth.
Although he probably doesn't remember this song, he has lived out the lyrics.

Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms

Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,
Which I gaze on so fondly to-day,
Were to change by to-morrow, and fade in my arms,
Like fairy-gifts fading away,
Thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art,
Let thy loveliness fade as it will,
And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself verdantly still.

It is not while beauty and youth are thine own,
And thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear,
That the fervor and faith of a soul may be known,
To which time will but make thee more dear!
No, the heart that has truly loved never forgets,
But as truly loves on to the close,
As the sunflower turns on her god when he sets
The same look which she turned when he rose!

Thomas Moore
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We should take more time examining the inner qualities that make a person attractive to others.
Visual beauty without warmth is not going to sustain any relationship whether it be sexual, familial or simply a friendship.

I like this photo of myself.
I'm wearing no makeup, my hair is it's natural grey and worn short and straight, I'm fat and I wear spectacles
but you can see that I'm cheery and perfectly happy waiting to offer hospitality in the form of a cup of coffee.
A pox on the beauty industry that tries to undermine our confidence to sell more totally unnecessary product.

Maureen at Advent.jpg
 
I think you're quite beautiful just the way you are.

WORLD EXCLUSIVE! REAL PICTURES!

This was me back when I was about 40 or so, still married at the time ...

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My martial arts days around the same age ...

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And my pirate days, 45 or so in these pics ...

PyratePhil_1.jpg PyratePhil_2.jpg

Basically that's me.
 

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