Being Raised with "Weird" Childhood Rules

We had to ask "may I be excused" from the dinner table. We also ate stupid early like 4pm because that's what my mother, the ruler, wanted.

We had to "check in" constantly if we were released from the house and yard. Sometimes as often as 10-15 minutes. I know at that time, Santa Cruz, California was like a live slasher movie with all the murders, but WT actual F. And I know now, it wasn't safety, it was control.

People would comment on how polite we were as kids, no adult stranger at the checkout, that was fear.

We were often not released from the yard for weeks with "one week won't hurt you." Repeat next week. Stupid amount of chores. Kids can and should help but an 8 YO scrubbing the floor on their hands and knees and then being told it wasn't good enough and do again is BS.

We couldn't put our feet on the back of the car seat in the back seat. We couldn't wear shoes in the house and always had to wear slippers. I don't wear shoes in the house but I'm always barefoot unless it's cold.
 

One time I've wanted to go back in time and say something to my dad was when he would try to explain why, in spite of the perfectly good job he had, just like the other guys in the neighborhood who had a nice lifestyle and wives that never had to work outside the home, and we were always broke with my poor mom and subsequent stepmothers working their butts off outside the home and cars, etc. being repossessed, hardly any food in the house, no money for new school clothes, etc.; his explanation was that these other guys must be either smuggling cirgarettes from over the border or up to some other financial misbehavior so their "non-working wives could sit home on their lazy butts doing nothing."

What I would say, "No, dad, I think it's a lot more likely they just don't have mistresses (or as many as you do) on the side."

I think I was about 10 and said to my older sister once after being broken-hearted there was no money for me to join Girl Scouts (which I wanted to do to be close to something remotely resembling a mother figure since mine was always either at work or in bed with a migraine), "I don't understand why we're so broke all the time. Doesn't Daddy have a good job?"

And of course, my sister being my sister, says, "Are you really that stupid?! He spends all his money on his girlfriends." I say, "Girlfriends?! But Daddy can't have girlfriends anymore. He's married!" And of course, sister's response was, "Huh. I guess you really are that stupid." (Guess I was.)
 
A bit off topic but i am on another site that tries to help people who have anxiety etc.
I was reading a post that made my think of this thread .....
a young man was angry and so sure his anxiety about speaking in public and not easily making friends was his parents and i quote " Stupid rule of us kids not talking to strangers" ...... i found that very amusing
 

Jeni said:
A bit off topic but i am on another site that tries to help people who have anxiety etc.
I was reading a post that made my think of this thread .....
a young man was angry and so sure his anxiety about speaking in public and not easily making friends was his parents and i quote " Stupid rule of us kids not talking to strangers" ...... i found that very amusing
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When I was a toddler , my parents allowed us to play outside in the road, with no supervision. We were expected to be back home at a certain time.. usually 5pm .. I was too young to tell the time, and I was told by my father i should ask someone, anyone.. the time.. and that's what I did...

Now bear in mind at age 2 I'd been abducted from the streets.. and found drugged at midnight left in the middle of the road, and only found by a sharp eyed bus driver going back to the garage at the end of his shift.. it mattered not to my parents.. they still wanted me when I was 4 and 5 years old, to ask a stranger... the time...

You couldn't make it up could you ?
 
hollydolly said:
When I was a toddler , my parents allowed us to play outside in the road, with no supervision. We were expected to be back home at a certain time.. usually 5pm .. I was too young to tell the time, and I was told by my father i should ask someone, anyone.. the time.. and that's what I did...

Now bear in mind at age 2 I'd been abducted from the streets.. and found drugged at midnight left in the middle of the road, and only found by a sharp eyed bus driver going back to the garage at the end of his shift.. it mattered not to my parents.. they still wanted me when I was 4 and 5 years old, to ask a stranger... the time...

You couldn't make it up could you ?
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It's a wonder you're still sane after all the trauma you have suffered.
 
Lavinia said:
It's a wonder you're still sane after all the trauma you have suffered.
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well...that's detable Lavinia... ..I'm half joking of course...but it's not been easy that's for sure. I still have issues today.. the main one being a horror of being rejected..that affects me a great deal....I should have had some kind of therapy, but I never could afford any..

however if it happened to anyone today.. they would have genuine reason to claim they have ''mental health ''..issues.. which a huge majority seem to claim they have... when so many are just dealing with hiccups in the road of life.........
 
hollydolly said:
We were not allowed to speak at the table ..absolutely not, or we would have a flying oject hit our heads. Our dining table was in the livingroom, my father sat at the head of the table nearest the TV which was on... he could look at the tv while we were eating but god help us if we dared to turn our heads..

We were never allowed to invite anyone to dinner.. no-one..... or he would have demanded we paid for their meal...even my grandmother ( his mother) who visited us every wednesday had to bring her own lunch...
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I wonder how you can ever forget or forgive such behaviour and upbringing. It makes me feel sad to think of it. Not that my family was much different, father was dominant and unpleasant, I think he just didn't like us kids. I was just glad to leave home..
 
I must say, having lived in a rigid strict family myself when growing up,I actually cannot eat if there is any tension going on.
I simply must be relaxed and peaceful before I can enjoy my meals. Sometimes in the past i have had dinner with friends who were having a bad time in their marriage, tensions at the table. I had indigestion afterwards!
 
Rose65 said:
I must say, having lived in a rigid strict family myself when growing up,I actually cannot eat if there is any tension going on.
I simply must be relaxed and peaceful before I can enjoy my meals. Sometimes in the past i have had dinner with friends who were having a bad time in their marriage, tensions at the table. I had indigestion afterwards!
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I completely understand this. Thes stress at the dinner table was such that of course I couldn't eat, and because I didn't eat I would get a hiding.. so I would be stressed because of the atmosphere, and then knowing I was going to get a hiding if I didn't eat, made more stressed, so it was impossible for me to eat much of the time...

To this day, stress goes straight to my stomach...
 
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911 said:
You’re right, but when you’re a kid, even up to being 16, you think of parents as someone who is always expecting better out of you. I remember one time I asked my dad if nothing I do pleased him. That was a very stupid mistake. I had to sit and listen to him for almost 40 minutes tell me about his childhood. It did sink in, but it took a year or so more until I learned he was just wanting me to do better. He realized that I had more potential, even though I didn’t.

My kids always thought I was “on their case” about things. My daughter was almost like my sister. She never took very good care of her bedroom. It was so bad, I kept the door closed so I wouldn’t have to look in and see how messy it was.
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😄 I used to do the same thing with my daughters. Their room was always a disaster!

Then a few years ago, when my older daughter was home for a visit, I peeked in the guest room, and sure enough, it was a mess! I was so thrilled to have her home, though, that I took a picture.
 
hollydolly said:
I completely understand this. Thes stress at the dinner table was such that of course I couldn't eat, and because I didn't eat I would get a hiding.. so I would be stressed ecause of the atmosphere, and then knowing I was going to get a hiding if I didn't eat, made more stressed, so it was impossible for me to eat much of the time...

To this day, stress goes straight to my stomach...
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You are one strong lady, I have such admiration for you, that you went on to make a good life for yourself despite all that you endured.

I also chose to go my own path, I have prevailed except I suffer depression.
 
Rose65 said:
You are one strong lady, I have such admiration for you, that you went on to make a good life for yourself despite all that you endured.

I also chose to go my own path, I have prevailed except I suffer depression.
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Thank you Rose.. but it;s not been easy, it's been extremely hard at times..... however my mantra was to do it to spite them if you see what I mean... to make myself a better person and a have a better life.. despite them....

I'm sorry you suffer from depression... it's a hard road, I watched my mother go through it all of my childhood...

I wish you much better...
 
hollydolly said:
Thank you Rose.. but it;s not been easy, it's been extremely hard at times..... however my mantra was to do it to spite them if you see what I mean... to make myself a better person and a have a better life.. despite them....

I'm sorry you suffer from depression... it's a hard road, I watched my mother go through it all of my childhood...

I wish you much better...
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You have escaped depression? I hope so because it's a black pit. I am far better now with my GPs help.
 
Rose65 said:
You have escaped depression? I hope so because it's a black pit. I am far better now with my GPs help.
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I have..altho' when we sue the tem ''escaped''.. it sound like everything went sailing over my head not to affet me.

I know people who have suffered from the Black dog might believe it's not possible to make yourself avoid it.. but I did. I saw what it did to my mother, and I absolutely reused to allow it to get a hold.. I refused SSRi's when I sought help from the doctor from being unable to sleep because of the horrific nightmares.. too terrified I'd become addicted like my mother. Instead I allowed him to give me a short term of Sleeping pills.. and he agreed that if I could just get sleep, it would be much easier for me to cope on a daily basis with the demons... and that's what I did...
Plus Rose, tbh, I had a baby at this time.. my then husband was at sea for up to 7 months at atie, I was my daughters' only carer, I couldn't possibly allow myself to be depressed while caring for her...
We're all different I am absolutely aware of thta..but thats how I personally dealt with my demons..
 
hollydolly said:
I have..altho' when we sue the tem ''escaped''.. it sound like everything went sailing over my head not to affet me.

I know people who have suffered from the Black dog might believe it's not possible to make yourself avoid it.. but I did. I saw what it did to my mother, and I absolutely reused to allow it to get a hold.. I refused SSRi's when I sought help from the doctor from being unable to sleep because of the horrific nightmares.. too terrified I'd become addicted like my mother. Instead I allowed him to give me a short term of Sleeping pills.. and he agreed that if I could just get sleep, it would be much easier for me to cope on a daily basis with the demons... and that's what I did...
Plus Rose, tbh, I had a baby at this time.. my then husband was at sea for up to 7 months at atie, I was my daughters' only carer, I couldn't possibly allow myself to be depressed while caring for her...
We're all different I am absolutely aware of thta..but thats how I personally dealt with my demons..
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I admire your strength.

I too resisted all help and ploughed on with life. Yet in recent times I knew I must do something. All the unhappiness of the years had overwhelmed me at last.
Antidepressants have helped me to relax and cope.
 
hollydolly said:
When I was a toddler , my parents allowed us to play outside in the road, with no supervision. We were expected to be back home at a certain time.. usually 5pm .. I was too young to tell the time, and I was told by my father i should ask someone, anyone.. the time.. and that's what I did...

Now bear in mind at age 2 I'd been abducted from the streets.. and found drugged at midnight left in the middle of the road, and only found by a sharp eyed bus driver going back to the garage at the end of his shift.. it mattered not to my parents.. they still wanted me when I was 4 and 5 years old, to ask a stranger... the time...

You couldn't make it up could you ?
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I knew you had it rough but this is the first time I have heard of the abduction. What a horrible experience! Maybe you should write a book. It could help others.
 
Babs2u said:
I knew you had it rough but this is the first time I have heard of the abduction. What a horrible experience! Maybe you should write a book. It could help others.
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Oh yes , I've written about it here in the past. i tell you something Babs..if someone else was writing all this stuff, I would be thinking...hmmmm... how much of that is true?... and I actually bear this in mind very often, and really don't write even half of what happened to me beccause I know there are going to be people who will be doubting it.. but every word is true.. I wish to God none of it was true. if I could go back and be able change even one thing.. I would.... but it all happened, and there's no going back.. !...:(

The abduction came about when I was 2 years old.. I was out playing ..unsupervised, we always were unsupervised.. it was daylight, a woman on her Bike with a big basket on front stopped. I can see her now the vision has never gone. What I can't see is her face, I never did have a memory of her face. She had a headscarf on and a coat. I don't remember her speaking but she must have said something because she stretched out her arms and I let her lift me up.

That's the very last and only thing I remember about the whole abduction.

The police were called there was a major search... at midnight that night, A Bus driver taking his bus back to the garage after his last shift, stopped at what he thought was a big bundle of rags..or a dead animal in the middle of the dark road... he was horrifiied as you can imagine to find a baby.....me .. asleep... I;d been drugged and placed in the road, obviously in the hope I'd be run over by traffic...

the police never found the person responsible. I have no idea how old this woman was.. whether she was 16 or 60.. so feasibly she might still be alive today. She may have gone on to abduct more children... who knows.. she may have been someone thepolice arrested for other abductions or murder even, but they didn't connect it with mine.. anyones guess now...

..and that's as much of the story as I can tell you.
 
hollydolly said:
Oh yes , I've written about it here in the past. i tell you something Babs..if someone else was writing all this stuff, I would be thinking...hmmmm... how much of that is true?... and I actually bear this in mind very often, and really don't write even half of what happened to me beccause I know there are going to be people who will be doubting it.. but every word is true.. I wish to God none of it was true. if I could go back and be able change even one thing.. I would.... but it all happened, and there's no going back.. !...:(

The abduction came about when I was 2 years old.. I was out playing ..unsupervised, we always were unsupervised.. it was daylight, a woman on her Bike with a big basket on front stopped. I can see her now the vision has never gone. What I can't see is her face, I never did have a memory of her face. She had a headscarf on and a coat. I don't remember her speaking but she must have said something because she stretched out her arms and I let her lift me up.

That's the very last and only thing I remember about the whole abduction.

The police were called there was a major search... at midnight that night, A Bus driver taking his bus back to the garage after his last shift, stopped at what he thought was a big bundle of rags..or a dead animal in the middle of the dark road... he was horrifiied as you can imagine to find a baby.....me .. asleep... I;d been drugged and placed in the road, obviously in the hope I'd be run over by traffic...

the police never found the person responsible. I have no idea how old this woman was.. whether she was 16 or 60.. so feasibly she might still be alive today. She may have gone on to abduct more children... who knows.. she may have been someone thepolice arrested for other abductions or murder even, but they didn't connect it with mine.. anyones guess now...

..and that's as much of the story as I can tell you.
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That bus driver deserves a medal!
 
Babs2u said:
That bus driver deserves a medal!
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yes...it was a very long time ago of course..in the 50's.... my father was a bus conductor at the time, so I don't know if he knew the driver

The problem was, for the most part my whole family..were buttoned up the back, so we werent really told anything, about anything much of any importance , eveything seemed to be a secret...... so there's huge unanswered questions in our family about various things,,that will go on forever unanswered now that all of them have gone..
 
hollydolly said:
yes...it was a very long time ago of course..in the 50's.... my father was a bus conductor at the time, so I don't know if he knew the driver

The problem was, for the most part my whole family..were buttoned up the back, so we werent really told anything, about anything much of any importance , eveything seemed to be a secret...... so there's huge unanswered questions in our family about various things,,that will go on forever unanswered now that all of them have gone..
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Could the story have made the local newspaper? If so, I'm not sure you could ever find it. So sad.
 
Babs2u said:
Could the story have made the local newspaper? If so, I'm not sure you could ever find it. So sad.
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I have searched for that...in the past I even went to the national newspaper Library and pored through hours of newspapers from back then, but I never found it
 

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