It took me years to accept that I could have total control over my emotions. I think it was about the time I understood that is actually the only thing over which we have complete control. I was told on different occasions 'of course you should be upset' and I went along. Now I can't think of any situation in which I could not have psychological/emotional control once the situation is fully accepted and realized.
For me, that level of control would be both unlikely and undesirable. For most of us, part of being human is emotional vulnerability. What that entails differs according to one’s nature and experience. Striving for balance,
emotional well being, evolution of self, all good things. But, life can rip your heart out by the roots and serve it up to you on toast, in an instant. Recovery is possible, avoidance of suffering less so. For example, if my son died a horrible senseless
death I would be devastated. I would always have a hole in my soul from that moment on. I am still processing the suicide of my vet. Very traumatising to witness someone blow their head off. Also, if one is an empathetic sort, one’s emotional radar is very strong, we pick up a lot of information others don’t. We are prone to
burn out, and need time to relax and regenerate. This quality is very useful in the helping professions, but requires discipline and self care. I focus more on controlling my actions, for myself and others. A final thought, the day I cease
being upset at cruelty, racism, war, terrorism, domestic violence, homophobia, misogyny, killing of thousands of indigenous women, child abuse, slavery, etc, on that day I will mourn the loss of my humanity. Shutting down and completely shutting out the pain of others would turn my heart to stone.
