Do you feel that people really understand you and your life?

My concern is with immediate family and longtime friends. Not acquaintances or the public or colleagues. I don't expect them to understand me or vice-versa,
Obviously strangers will not understand. My experience is that Therapists who are supposed to understand often do not (and cannot) though they will not admit it.
By "understand", I mean on a deeper level, not superficially. Knowing why you are the way you are and the strong reasons for your decisions and actions. This reaches to your inner core of who you are. Not to be understood can be alienating and lonely. Chit chat is okay but it goes nowhere. My mother did not understand me, as she was so critical. I had a very traumatic childhood that left me with much anxiety and depression. So who will understand that? But if you have lived a normal and typical life,you are more likely to be understood quite clearly by family, friends.
 

Victor said:
My concern is with immediate family and longtime friends. Not acquaintances or the public or colleagues. I don't expect them to understand me or vice-versa,
Obviously strangers will not understand. My experience is that Therapists who are supposed to understand often do not (and cannot) though they will not admit it.
By "understand", I mean on a deeper level, not superficially. Knowing why you are the way you are and the strong reasons for your decisions and actions. This reaches to your inner core of who you are. Not to be understood can be alienating and lonely. Chit chat is okay but it goes nowhere. My mother did not understand me, as she was so critical. I had a very traumatic childhood that left me with much anxiety and depression. So who will understand that? But if you have lived a normal and typical life,you are more likely to be understood quite clearly by family, friends.
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There are so many who have had a lot of trauma in their lives who will understand and not all therapists have had that or they may take an approach that leads you to believe they couldn't understand. My mother went through some of the things I did and still did not understand me either; it was not an important thing to her to understand at the time. In this world is there really a "normal?" Perhaps..perhaps not..who knows anymore...
 
Could it be acceptance, rather than understanding, that you might want? I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing. My close family and friends don't understand me a bit (vice versa as well!), but we accept each other anyhow!
:hair:
 

Victor said:
My concern is with immediate family and longtime friends. Not acquaintances or the public or colleagues. I don't expect them to understand me or vice-versa,
Obviously strangers will not understand. My experience is that Therapists who are supposed to understand often do not (and cannot) though they will not admit it.
By "understand", I mean on a deeper level, not superficially. Knowing why you are the way you are and the strong reasons for your decisions and actions. This reaches to your inner core of who you are. Not to be understood can be alienating and lonely. Chit chat is okay but it goes nowhere. My mother did not understand me, as she was so critical. I had a very traumatic childhood that left me with much anxiety and depression. So who will understand that? But if you have lived a normal and typical life,you are more likely to be understood quite clearly by family, friends.
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If your therapist admits to understanding you that will be the beginning of the end of the therapy and the end of his/her income from you. I've read of celebrities (they can afford the therapists) who claim to have gone for years to their therapists and celebrities are some of the most messed up people. Yet their $300+ an hour therapists never find the solution to help them deal with their problems. Doing that would be against their self-interests.

I am the black sheep of my family and no one understands me. I don't care, I do as I please, and like Sammy Davis Jr sang, "I've gotta be me, who else can I be?" I pay my own way and do it all my way, whether anybody approves of me or not.
 
JFBev said:
Could it be acceptance, rather than understanding, that you might want? I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing. My close family and friends don't understand me a bit (vice versa as well!), but we accept each other anyhow!
:hair:
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High Five Bev!!! I'm a ballroom dancer!!!
 
In my long-ago youth, I jumped to conclusions about people without taking much time to get to know them. I'm the polar opposite now. I'd much rather listen to people, ask them about their lives and let them talk about whatever they'd like than to talk about myself. And it has truly helped me understand people better and perhaps myself, too.
 
What's the expression 'Until you walk a mile in another person's shoes'

With perspective and context of course it's easy to be misunderstood. Throw in people who are trying to push their own narrative being misunderstood or your actions, opinions, plans etc will be misconstrued.

Does it directly affect you, your relationship with others and/or your actual plans, activities, causes, projects, job, career etc. If not don't worry about it. If it does identify the problem and take them or it out(of the picture)
 
Ronni, that’s a good answer. It doesn’t trivialize the question. We are all different and our needs in different relationships can vary.
 
PVC said:
If your therapist admits to understanding you that will be the beginning of the end of the therapy and the end of his/her income from you. I've read of celebrities (they can afford the therapists) who claim to have gone for years to their therapists and celebrities are some of the most messed up people. Yet their $300+ an hour therapists never find the solution to help them deal with their problems. Doing that would be against their self-interests.

I am the black sheep of my family and no one understands me. I don't care, I do as I please, and like Sammy Davis Jr sang, "I've gotta be me, who else can I be?" I pay my own way and do it all my way, whether anybody approves of me or not.
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Not all therapists operate from a mercenary position. Over fifty percent of my clients are pro bono.
 
I don't much feel at all that people understand my life. But, that said, I am a divorcee without children, living in the state of Utah. Number one, very few women here don't have kids. Number two, divorce rate not so high here, either. I am also not a Mormon. So my life, honestly, is something very strange to even contemplate for a lot of people. I don't explain much, and don't feel compelled to. I became single due to a divorce nearly fifteen years ago. I have my moments when living alone is lonely, but I have so many when it is wonderful. I feel 'Ah, I'm HOME,' when I come in the door after work, and that, for me, is the best thing in the world. I've lived with another human being, and not felt that same peace on arrival :)
 
Bridget Truesdale said:
I feel 'Ah, I'm HOME,' when I come in the door after work, and that, for me, is the best thing in the world. I've lived with another human being, and not felt that same peace on arrival :)
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I know EXACTLY how you feel! I've been divorced since 1967 and alone since 1984. My home is truly my castle and my privacy is priceless. I love being master of my life and queen of my house, without having to compromise.

Welcome to our forum, hope you enjoy it as much as most of us do, including me.
 
Victor, my therapist wasn't helpful either. I went for quite a while. Seemed just to talk about my problems rather than have a real dialogue. Finally I quit, it became depressing talking about myself that way. The people around me, the ones I care about most, are wrapped up in their own lives. I am not one to show up without an invite, so that's my problem. I don't want to be a pain. Plus now that I'm older, I don't have the energy to invest in relationships the way I used to. My daughter dying really hollowed me out too. I'm sorry your family alienates you. You aren't alone in that.
 
I'm one of these people who don't really care what people think of me or my life style, If I am happy and healthy, then that's all I worry about... Don't really care what they are saying about me, and if they are talking behind my back, then they are leaving you alone...
 
My family lived with unhappiness, envy, poor self image and unmanaged mood disorder. In the public view, we were I think, fairly unremarkable. But in private we were pretty dysfunctional and two of the sons, my brothers, walked away and never looked back.....understandably in my opinion. I stayed and cared for a marginally psychotic mother, basically since I walked in on a suicide gesture when I was five years old.

Now only myself and one brother are left alive. I live alone in a family house surrounded by memories. So do I feel or think that people really understand me and my life? Actually no, I don't think people understand much about me. I don't lose any sleep over it and I keep most of it to myself but the feeling of "differentness" doesn't enhance my social life.
 
When I was younger I really cared what people thought and in the workplace it was essential to keep your nose clean and keep your private issues to yourself. Now that I’m retired I care less and less what other people think and it has liberated me! My life is so much more carefree. I would strongly suggest caring less about what others think and caring more about what makes you happy! I wish you all good things!
 
JFBev said:
Could it be acceptance, rather than understanding, that you might want? I for one am rather goofy, attracted to science documentaries and ballroom dancing. My close family and friends don't understand me a bit (vice versa as well!), but we accept each other anyhow!
:hair:
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Yes, that's more accurate. I like my own company and am quite content being all alone. Many people think there's something wrong with me. They can't accept that I'm not gregarious like them.
 
Understand? What exactly do YOU mean by that? No one really knows what goes on in someone else's head. Do you understand other people? You can make predictions based on previous behavior, but that's not really "understanding". You may be expecting way too much from others - way beyond human capacity.
As for myself, I lived a very dysfunctional childhood - which resulted in a high degree of neediness for me. As I've aged and (hopefully) matured I have come to realize that no one will ever "understand" me. I am responsible for letting others know of my needs (but that doesn't mean they have to take any responsibility for fulfilling them) rather than expecting them to "guess" them.
It's quite liberating. Not having expectations of having my mind read frees me to full fill my own needs rather that waiting for someone to guess them and hope 1) they are correct and 2) they are willing to accommodate me.
 
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