Sorry,
@Sunkist — I should have said something like "most of the members here," not "you all."
Long story short for you and any other more recent members who may not know: I developed a bad addiction to benzodiazepines after my 2012 divorce. I spiraled downward and downward, and 2018–2019 were particularly bad. I finally hit rock bottom in October of 2019 and getting clean after a week in the hospital. It's not a pretty story.
My youngest child, my son (see my avatar, but he is now 24) has not spoken to me in nearly 7 years. I have made multiple apologies and entreaties to no avail. He has me cut off from virtually every form of communication (blocked my email, phone number, on every form of social media).
I found his address online and sent him a birthday card this past October, simply signed "Love, Mom," and I made a poorly disguised attempt to send him an "anonymous" Christmas gift delivered directly to his work address, using a no-shipping-label option and a shortened form of his first name in an attempt to mask who sent it.
I've cried an ocean of tears over this, and I still do, every day, but I made my bed and now I must lie in it.