Family Secret

It's interesting finding relatives through DNA testing. I myself have found three relatively close "cousins" through 23andMe and MyHeritage.com. I just met one this week who may be a second cousin. We already know what our connection is, but not sure exactly where it is in our trees.

I have another one I met about a year or more ago who is the daughter of my father's cousin. She had been put up for adoption and my father was unaware of her existence even though he and his cousin had been quite close. Unfortunately that cousin had never met her mother because she had died before she started looking. She had however met her grandparents which was nice because they are great people.

The last one was someone I knew about, a child my grandfather had fathered outside of his marriage, but I didn't know who he was or what his name was. I've exchanged email with him and checked to see if my uncle (who is more like a cousin because we're only six months apart) wanted to communicate with him but he chose not to.

I always enjoy seeing the DNA matches that are found for me. I reach out when they're suspected to be 2nd cousins or very strong 3rd cousins. It's interesting to meet folks that way.
 

I don't know much about the 'ethics', and rules of DNA firms. If I have my DNA tested, how do I know that my "brother" or "sister" won't jump out of the bushes and notify me that we're 'kin'. I hear that the results are confidential, etc. Nobody knows your real name, it's all anonymous. So, how are your cousins finding you? And even if the results are totally confidential, NOW, who is to say that won't change, and that might place my unborn kin in some future peril? I don't want to sound like a paranoid nut. I got leery of DNA when I found out that in some states, it takes only an 80% agreement to constitute a "match".
 
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I don't know much about the 'ethics', and rules of DNA firms. If I have my DNA tested, how do I know that my "brother" or "sister" won't jump out of the bushes and notify me that we're 'kin'. I hear that the results are confidential, etc. Nobody knows your real name, it's all anonymous. So, how are your cousins finding you? And even if the results are totally confidential, NOW, who is to say that won't change, and that might place my unborn kin in some future peril? I don't want to sound like a paranoid nut. I got leery of DNA when I found out that in some states, it takes only an 80% agreement to constitute a "match".

You have to choose to make your DNA available to be compared with other people. Otherwise you can just get it tested to see how your DNA compares to people from different regions to see where your DNA background says you're from.
 

You have to choose to make your DNA available to be compared with other people. Otherwise you can just get it tested to see how your DNA compares to people from different regions to see where your DNA background says you're from.
Right and your DNA data is given to you via their website. You will get link to go to in order to view it. If you have chosen to make it available to others and there is a match then that person contacts you through that website. You then have the choice to respond or not via the website. Your personal e-mail or contact information is not given to anyone. 🌹
 
I really don't have good advice to give you. My heart says to try and help him, but my mind says maybe you shouldn't. I was on a forum before where someone mentioned they found relatives they never knew they had and everything turned out good. Do whatever you feel is right.
 
I know this is going to sound like I'm one of those tin foil hat people, but we don't know what will happen in the future. What we consider "private", may not be at some date. If I allow access to my DNA data, today; how will that affect my descendants ability to maintain privacy in the future? We don't know where DNA technology is going to go in 2050, or 2200. Am I giving up my family's future rights?
 
I know this is going to sound like I'm one of those tin foil hat people, but we don't know what will happen in the future. What we consider "private", may not be at some date. If I allow access to my DNA data, today; how will that affect my descendants ability to maintain privacy in the future? We don't know where DNA technology is going to go in 2050, or 2200. Am I giving up my family's future rights?
I agree with your viewpoint- except the word 'future.'
 
Well, I would bring it up at the reunion...... with a....

"Funny thing happened to me.....

But the funny thing is, I found a half sister when I was in my mid-forties. She knew about me and my siblings because she was older. But, my parents never told us about her. She always felt a rejection because no one ever contacted her to connect. But, in reality, we never knew she existed. Even some of the cousins knew and never said a word. You know, one of those family secrets.

Anyway.... I say put it out there..... you don't catch any fish if you don't throw the line in the water. We all have skeletons in the closet.
 
I believe he's legit, we we're matched through Ancestry DNA. If I don't hear from him by the time of the reunion, I won't pursue it. It's just this reunion won't happen again till next year. I'm not close enough to these relatives that I keep in touch with. It could be his Only shot at finding out what he's looking for. I don't know now if he's serious?
I am quite puzzled over all this as I belong to Ancestry as do my son and sister. We've all had a DNA, but in no way does it reveal who you might be related to. Each of us has a different DNA, more or less. My sister's favors my father's side of the family while mine is from my mother and my son's from his father. Fortunately my family has been here since the 1600's and I am well aware of our history. Also, my father's aunt had her grandmother's side of the family actually traced through a certified company way back in the 1920's. We found out from that, our family originated in Sweden and emigrated to the Netherlands, on that side only. but in no way has anyone attempted to make contact through DNA. We have had many contacts that were legit and we've reunited, but it was ascertained through mutual knowledge of family members and history. I'd never even respond to anyone claiming our DNA matched as cousins, unknown sibs, or otherwise.
 
I am quite puzzled over all this as I belong to Ancestry as do my son and sister. We've all had a DNA, but in no way does it reveal who you might be related to. Each of us has a different DNA, more or less. My sister's favors my father's side of the family while mine is from my mother and my son's from his father.

There are a range of percentages of DNA that can happen for each genetic relationship. One can make a fairly accurate guess of the relationship based on the shared percentage of DNA between two people. I don't have my DNA on Ancestry but do have it on 23 and me (where the test was done) and MyHeritage (where I uploaded the DNA information.) I've reached out to a number of people from 3rd cousins and up (2nd cousin, etc...) and we've always been able to determine how we were related. But you should continue to do what you feel comfortable with regarding DNA matches.

Here's an article with a good chart showing the DNA percentage ranges one can expect for one's for specific relationships. One interesting thing it shows that about 10% of third cousins share 0 DNA. https://thednageek.com/the-limits-of-predicting-relationships-using-dna/
 
There can be exceptions due to circumstances, but in general I agree with the OP's brother.
There are too many people these days screaming about 'their rights' without any concern for how it may affect other people.
 


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