Forgiveness!

Keesha

Keesha

🐟
Location
Canada 🇨🇦
The ability to forgive is a character trait I’ve always been most proud of having. Some things I’ve forgiven have been beyond what most could imagine.

I’ve learned that forgiveness is more about setting your own soul free from resentment, bitterness and animosity towards another. It’s a liberating experience for those who have the ability to do it.

Recently I’ve come to a crossroads in my life where I’m having such a difficult time forgiving. In fact, I’m not sure I can and I’m feeling angry and bitter.

Technically I’m still in the early stages of forgiveness and perhaps need to give myself more time.

How important if forgiveness to you and are you able to forgive completely?

Is there anything you’d walk away from?

Is forgiving too easily and too often perceived as being a ‘push over?’
 

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I can and do forgive when the person says they're sorry and doesn't do it again. But, I've had issues with someone when we have discussed our problems over and over and this person goes right back to doing the same thing to me as if I haven't said a word. When they do this, they don't come across as they're really sorry. It's hard to keep forgiving someone for the same thing over and over. When I see I've upset someone for something I've said or done, I make it a point not to do it to them again. But, this person doesn't and because of this, I'm staying away from them and I don't regret it a bit.
 
For me, some things are forgivable & some aren't.
With a couple of friends, I've forgiven some things when I was younger, but when nothing changed after their apologies (which were phony), I wrote them off abruptly. I never forgive someone who says "You're too sensitive" or "Get over it." That indicates they refuse to acknowledge the hurt they caused.
I rarely forgive family for any serious betrayal.
 

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Keesha said:
You make a very valid point.
Acknowledgement and caring needs to come first before an apology is given.


Im looking for points made from others hoping that it might change my viewpoint or perception.

Thanks
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Your viewpoint may be valid. While it may be painful to accept that the hurt done is unforgivable (for whatever reason) it might be the correct point of view. You are the only one who can validate the truth.
 
Keesha said:
Interesting. May I ask why please?
Not meaning specifically.
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Family is supposed to love you & not hurt you. I find it harder to forgive family for serious betrayal than non relatives. Perhaps I'm that way because I've experienced more hurt from family - especially my mother & brother. My mother never said she was sorry for anything, so there was no need for me to ever consider forgiving her. My brother tried to apologize, but I wouldn't accept it because he's a thief & scam artist, so I knew his apology was phony.
 
win231 said:
Family is supposed to love you & not hurt you. I find it harder to forgive family for serious betrayal than non relatives. Perhaps I'm that way because I've experienced more hurt from family - especially my mother & brother. My mother never said she was sorry for anything, so there was no need for me to ever consider forgiving her. My brother tried to apologize, but I wouldn't accept it because he's a thief & scam artist, so I knew his apology was phony.
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Thank you. 🙏
Unfortunately I can relate. 😏
 
You have to care about what someone thinks or does to you before the question of whether or not to forgive even becomes a necessary option. So, first, you yourself has to actually care enough. And then ask yourself why you should. Then you make your choice.
 
I hardly express forgiveness

My heart easily forgives
It's much harder not to

Some don't readily pick up on this
and they ask, sometimes in a pleading voice, for forgiveness

When I tell them they had it at the same time whatever it was occurred, they most times don't know how to handle that
But, their relief is written plainly on their faces
My hope is they pay it forward

Man, folks carry too much stuff around

That baggage ain't light
...and not worth recycling

If I happen to feel the need for forgiveness, I most often ask them to just do it in their heart, no verbalization needed


Keesha said:
Is forgiving too easily and too often perceived as being a ‘push over?’
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hey, push me over

The perception down here is 20/20
 
I've forgiven and let go of some grudges and I've asked for forgiveness and tried to atone for my own wrongdoings to some people.....and then been generously granted their forgiveness and rewarded with their goodwill.

But one person I still have been unable to make peace with is my father. He's been dead for almost 18 years now and I still think about him every day. I was 48 years old when he died and he expressed contempt and dislike for me the whole time, right up to the day before he died. I was stupid, deficient and immature, so he told me......thousands of times. Meanwhile he left my mood disordered, bi-polar mother in my care.
Sigmund F. would have readily identified the dynamics of our family.
Only myself and a brother are left of the original five and he walked away years ago, never looking back. My journey isn't over but I'm still burdened by memories that cling like a shadow dragging behind me.
 
I heard once forgiveness isn't forgetting, it's that you don't want to get even anymore. Apparently there are people who nurse eternal grudges and constantly find ways to make others miserable. I have a sister-in-law like that.
 
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