CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
Then fix it and tell me what you meant?
Never mind, I don't want to hijack this thread.
Giving one another permission to pursue a new love after one of you pass?
- Thread starter OregonGuy
- Start date
Never mind, I don't want to hijack this thread.
Thisis a good example of why men and women seldon get along. <<<
>>> My comment is a rational observation.
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Teacher Terry
Well-known Member
I definitely think people should be free to start a new relationship once their spouse dies and it’s kind of the spouse that is dying to mention it. Personally at 70 I’m good with my friends, family and activities, etc. If I met someone compatible that could be fun but I’m done living with anyone except the dogs
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My condolences for your loss, may she rest peacefully.
I would be just satisfied with having friends also. I'm with @IKE , my dear husband passed recently, I'm 71, but the age doesn't really matter. I have zero interest in any future relationships. Our love was strong and our bond was tight, I will live with the wonderful memories he gave me for fifty years.
As far as being reunited again, I don't see that as realistic. IMO, once you're gone, you're gone, no angels on clouds awaiting any of us. I wish you well, and hope you can be around a couple of good friends who care, that means so much. Take care and be well.
Jules
SF VIP
OP, your late wife was telling you how much she cared for you and giving you the freedom to live life however you want. Be happy.
A friend told her husband that if she died, she wanted him to remarry within a year. That would be a way of telling the world that he loved being married to her so much that he couldn’t live without a wife. He did die a decade before she did.
Another friend who dying from cancer strongly encouraged her husband to remarry his first wife. She knew he couldn’t be alone emotionally. They did remarry.
A friend told her husband that if she died, she wanted him to remarry within a year. That would be a way of telling the world that he loved being married to her so much that he couldn’t live without a wife. He did die a decade before she did.
Another friend who dying from cancer strongly encouraged her husband to remarry his first wife. She knew he couldn’t be alone emotionally. They did remarry.
OregonGuy
Senior Member
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. I also offer my condolences and wish you the best.
If you don't mind I have some SF questions....
How did you get my e mail address?
Is it possible for SF folks to communicate strictly through e mail?'
What did this mean?
I also have questions about your reply ...
Does "zero interest ein any future relationships" include having pen pal (e mail) future friends?
IMO i enjoy conversing via e mail.
Does "once you are gone" preclude from entertaining other beliefs such as Buddhism?
I also do not prescribe to Christian dogma (angels on clouds lol) but I am open to scientific (multiverses) and non-scientific (such as Zen) possible explanations.
Warrigal
SF VIP
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
An anecdote about my mother and mother-in-law ...
Hubby and I married young; both only 20 years old.
My dad died suddenly five years later. Hubby's father died 40 years later.
For our 40th wedding anniversary Hubby and I renewed our vows during Sunday service at our local church. The minister asked the congregation questions to find out which couple had been married the shortest time and who had been married the longest.
This didn't quite work out because my mother and my mother in law both considered themselves to be still married. I thought it funny at the time but now I understand. After 61 years together I am now a widow, but my heart is still bound to my husband. I am not lonely because our family is close-knit and I have all the company that I could want.
Hubby and I married young; both only 20 years old.
My dad died suddenly five years later. Hubby's father died 40 years later.
For our 40th wedding anniversary Hubby and I renewed our vows during Sunday service at our local church. The minister asked the congregation questions to find out which couple had been married the shortest time and who had been married the longest.
This didn't quite work out because my mother and my mother in law both considered themselves to be still married. I thought it funny at the time but now I understand. After 61 years together I am now a widow, but my heart is still bound to my husband. I am not lonely because our family is close-knit and I have all the company that I could want.
againstthegrain
Senior Member
- Location
- Sun Valley, ID
Are you trying to make me cry?
Paco Dennis
SF VIP
- Location
- Mid-Missouri
There's no one-size-fits-all approach. The most important aspect is to honor the memory of your loved one while also allowing yourself to find happiness and contentment in whatever form feels right for you. 
Warrigal
SF VIP
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
Don't cry for me, @againstthegrain.
In my family we stick, as my mother indelicately put it, "like sh*t to a blanket".
It must be a genetic trait.
againstthegrain
Senior Member
- Location
- Sun Valley, ID
Not sad tears, but I find it just remarkable the degree of loyalty and longevity. We're about to hit 32 years.....and we're only 1/2 way to 61!!!
I don't know what your email is, or anyone else here, unless they give it to me.
It's possible for those who choose to, but this is a forum and we usually communicate via posts and private messages/conversations at times.
@IKE was just a tag to let him know I was speaking about him in that post.
In my case yes, zero interest means just that.
I have no interest in exploring other religions such as Buddhism at all, just gave my honest opinion in my post, not complicated.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
wot she said ^^^I definitely think people should be free to start a new relationship once their spouse dies and it’s kind of the spouse that is dying to mention it. Personally at 70 I’m good with my friends, family and activities, etc. If I met someone compatible that could be fun but I’m done living with anyone except the dogs
OregonGuy
Senior Member
Wow divorce at 77 is tough. I guess the only thing worse would have been finding out on your death bed. You still have another chapter to wright in your book of life ... may it be a happy one.A difficult situation but I believe such dying wishes are common.
Yes, I think so.
I am 77 and going through a divorce. Well, at my age I am no longer interested in sex so "having friends" (particulalry female ones) is good enough. Anyway, I was the faithful one so I've lost a lot of trust. Friends, yeah are good enough.
OregonGuy
Senior Member
Thank you .
OregonGuy
Senior Member
Good on ya!
Yes, it is. Especially after 20 years of marriage.
Now that you mention it you're probably right.
Getting started is the hard part and I'm not sure I know how to do it. I think it will happen though.
That's very kind. Thank you.
I don't know what @SeaBreeze has in mind but "pen pals (e mail) future friends" is worth a try. Only that you don't exchange e-mail addresses on the first go. Use the pen pal communication facilities for a while before you make your choice(s) and she'll be right.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
I'm 70 in the Spring..currently going through a horrible divorce, never expected it..never dreamed it would happen at this age...
OregonGuy
Senior Member
My heart breaks reading this, I will not engage in negativism (like aint it awful or he is a horrible person) because that saps your mental strength. Instead I suggest you draw on the positive aspects of your life ... family, friends, pets, and things you enjoy (music, movies, serving others, etc). I suspect by bravely making this post you will gain many friends who support you ,,, count me as one!I'm 70 in the Spring..currently going through a horrible divorce, never expected it..never dreamed it would happen at this age...
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
Thank you so much .. that's very kind of you... Unfortunately for the poor people here, they've had to listen to me going on about it for the last year and a half... it's just been a horrendous long drawn out, expensive situation.. but thank you for your kindness..
LoveTulips
Senior Member
- Location
- British Columbia, Canada
I don't think you have to ask for permission, what happens, happens.
I can’t understand why someone would need permission – it sounds rather controlling to me. What if you had “permission” to pursue a new love and that new love turned out to be a nightmare. Would resentment set in? Let life take its course and if you are meant to find another love, you will or they will find you.
OregonGuy
Senior Member
Good point. The dying one could try to exert from beyond the grave.
Conversely, the living one may be trying to gain forgiveness for past/present/future cheating.