Got a Case of the Lonelies, Anyone Else?

It occurs to me that the book’s perspective is perhaps less simplistic than the cure all toxic positivism which seems to be the Holy Grail for so many proponents of a paint by number approach to life. I have never found life to be linear, nor would I want my reality to be an

endless series of self improvement tasks. The constant pressure to get out and do something to fix your own, theoretically self perpetuating loneliness, can produce enough guilt and shame

to choke a horse. How is this helpful? Emotions are not weakness, vulnerability., loneliness, sadness, these are human traits, not character flaws, or some form of dependency. Sensitivity, a need for human interaction, are healthy human attributes, no less so than a person having the capacity to

flourish on their own. I do differentiate between self contained persons, and those whose damaged psyches require that they limit human contact. Although, for some, isolation may be necessary to preserve their equilibrium..What really causes me concern is the alacrity with which some individuals embrace the shame and blame approach. Cruel, insensitive, and so very very toxic.
 

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katlupe said:
The difference I found by researching it is that a forum is normally based on a certain topic (such as Seniors, rabbits, homesteading, etc.). Social Media is based on each profiles of each person. The person who posts their content makes it interesting to others who read it based on their personal connection.

Personally I think social media uses the free content and profiles of the people for profit only. They do not care about us. Which is why I like forums better even though what I saw in researching they say forums are disappearing. I hope not.
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When my daughter and I were coming back from dropping off my great-grandkids, I thought about YOU. We took the scenic route back through Amish country and passed a place with a sign that said "Bunnies for sale." Your image with your bunny immediately popped into my mind! I was momentarily tempted, but my dog would turn a sweet household addition into a tragedy, I'm sure. Still - your presence here has an impact!
 
Shalimar said:
It occurs to me that the book’s perspective is perhaps less simplistic than the cure all toxic positivism which seems to be the Holy Grail for so many proponents of a paint by number approach to life. I have never found life to be linear, nor would I want my reality to be an

endless series of self improvement tasks. The constant pressure to get out and do something to fix your own, theoretically self perpetuating loneliness, can produce enough guilt and shame

to choke a horse. How is this helpful? Emotions are not weakness, vulnerability., loneliness, sadness, these are human traits, not character flaws, or some form of dependency. Sensitivity, a need for human interaction, are healthy human attributes, no less so than a person having the capacity to

flourish on their own. I do differentiate between self contained persons, and those whose damaged psyches require that they limit human contact. Although, for some, isolation may be necessary to preserve their equilibrium..What really causes me concern is the alacrity with which some individuals embrace the shame and blame approach. Cruel, insensitive, and so very very toxic.
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I'm too tired this time of night to say much, but, for me, to get out and do something doesn't help at all with loneliness. That might help with boredom. Only human contact helps with lonely, and an individual need as to who is the best connection. Only the person can figure that out for themselves, I think.
 

officerripley said:
True. And you know what else I've seen recently that was insufferable and arrogant: I've read some books talking about how social connections are harder in this modern world since people no longer live in the small towns or same neighborhoods all their lives except for very few exceptions here in the U.S. and other countries and that it's hard to find and be able to afford (since few jobs) to live in such a place, etc., etc. So if you really want human connection, you'll have to take the initiative and go out and join clubs, etc. And that's true; things really have changed in the way people live, espec. since after World War 2.

But you know what? I've read a couple of these books that came right out and said that if you found going out and "hustling" like that to try to make friends difficult, it wasn't because you're shy or it feels kind of unnatural. Oh no, these authors said it meant you were lazy; that you should get up off your rear end and just do it! Are they kidding me?! Humans spent at least 25,000 years in those hunter/gathering tribes where when not hunting they were gathered around the campfire and around others; if they wanted alone time they had to walk out into the bush or whatever alone. So the default setting for almost all of human history has been your other people to socialize with was close to hand; you didn't have to get out there & hustle for it. So if it feels awkward and unnatural to be out there hustling, it means you're normal, I think; so phooey on that theory of it means you're lazy. An unhelpful, unkind, literally inhuman take on it, I think. Okay, I'm done ranting now. :censored:
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Yes. If something doesn't feel right about advice, listen to yourself.
 
Ruthanne said:
Ok, even though I prefer right now to live alone with my little pets I get occasions where I feel lonely for some companionship, conversation, interacting. I want to talk to someone. Anyone else here feel that way now? 🐶 🐦 :D✌️🐸🐥🦕🐠🦢🦜🌷🌹🌈☀️🌊
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I'm assuming you are feeling the normal lonely that people experience. I hope so. Recently I went through the intense version, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's not that people weren't around, it's just that I still felt lonely. My daughter had moved, my dad passed away and I was sitting on the couch feeling so blue and decided to go for a drive. I decided I would drive to check on my daughter's empty house, and when I drove down the street I passed where my cousin lived, who passed away, where my brother lived, who passed away, where my parents lived, who passed away, and then where my grandparents lived, who passed away. Awful! The only positive aspect, odd to say, of getting physically sick after that was that the physical pain was so severe that it took my mind off of the emotional aspect for a while. Now that I'm physically better, it's time to finish the process. People help, but nothing replaces family. What a journey. It helps when people share experiences.
 
Bella said:
When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there". As I've said before, the pandemic has put a real hitch in my giddy-up and I'm still not comfortable being around groups of people. Even without the restrictions of COVID, it's difficult to meet people and make friends at this age. Also, when you tell people you're lonely, they think there's something wrong with you, lol, they just don't get it. Since my husband died and many of my family and friends have also passed away, I often find myself lonely.

Last year I had a lot going on with home repairs, including the installation of a new well. I don't want to get into it too much because there's too much to tell. During that time, I reconnected with a very good (platonic) old friend from high school. Between almost daily emails and occasional phone conversations, this man kept me alive through the hell I was living. It was a great feeling and a relief to have someone to "talk" to about what was going on. Sadly, he wasn't in good health and was in and out of the hospital. He contracted mono and then COVID on top of it. Several months ago, he called me from the hospital to let me know he'd be out of touch for a little while, so I wouldn't worry when I didn't hear from him. That was the last conversation we had. He died. I was and still am devastated.

When he died, I felt lost and did a search for senior forums, which is what brought me here. It's not the same as having personal interactions, but it helps a great deal. We're at that age where many of us have lost spouses, family and friends. I also lost my beloved elkhound, my darling furbaby, Shana. SF is a good place to find some comfort with others who know what you're going through.

I really don't want to go through the rest of my life alone and would love to have more friends. It would be so nice to have a companion to spend time with and do things with. Just having a meal together or watching TV would be lovely. I'd like to find someone to love who'd love me back, but I have my doubts about that happening. Like I said, I don't go out as I once did because COVID is still happening and will be for the foreseeable future, and that severely limits the possibilities of meeting someone. I'm not dead yet, so I still have a modicum of hope. In the meantime, I'll do the best I can, and I know the rest of you will too. It's nice to know that we're here for each other.

Well, I've gone on for quite a bit, haven't I? 😊 Hugs to all!

Bella ✌️
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I hear you and agree with all you've said. I don't have close friends offline but a few I run into while going outside with the dog. I have a lady I check in with once a week on my phone -I text her but it's a very short conversation. I wish I had someone to have a long conversation with either through text or in person.

I still have my fur and feather babies who are so special and sweet.

I thank everyone who has come to this thread-you are all special too 🌷
 
Ruthanne said:
I hear you and agree with all you've said. I don't have close friends offline but a few I run into while going outside with the dog. I have a lady I check in with once a week on my phone -I text her but it's a very short conversation. I wish I had someone to have a long conversation with either through text or in person.

I still have my fur and feather babies who are so special and sweet.

I thank everyone who has come to this thread-you are all special too 🌷
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Yes, the forum helps. When new, it is hard to sort the energies for a while.
 
Patricia said:
I'm assuming you are feeling the normal lonely that people experience. I hope so. Recently I went through the intense version, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's not that people weren't around, it's just that I still felt lonely. My daughter had moved, my dad passed away and I was sitting on the couch feeling so blue and decided to go for a drive. I decided I would drive to check on my daughter's empty house, and when I drove down the street I passed where my cousin lived, who passed away, where my brother lived, whoo passed away, where my parents lived, who passed away, and then where my grandparents lived, who passed away. Awful! The only positive aspect, odd to say, of getting physically sick after that was that the physical pain was so severe that it took my mind off of the emotional aspect for a while. Now that I'm physically better, it's time to finish the process. People help, but nothing replaces family. What a journey. It helps when people share experiences.
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I think we all experience grief in our own unique ways. Everyone's experiences are valid and real and painful. We all deserve acknowledgement that we are valid and so are our life experiences. I didn't actually get into it what I've been feeling but I have been thinking of all the losses I've had and being without my family members, friends, and pets. There is a void for each I've lost. I haven't fully grieved my losses especially my parents who meant so much to me. I am allowing myself to just think of them and how much I've missed them. I can sort this out ok. I'm a pretty private person these days and deal the best I can.

I'm sorry you've lost so many, too. This makes life which is hard as we age even more difficult.

I try and soothe my soul with music and movies. Coming here helps too.
 
Em in Ohio said:
When my daughter and I were coming back from dropping off my great-grandkids, I thought about YOU. We took the scenic route back through Amish country and passed a place with a sign that said "Bunnies for sale." Your image with your bunny immediately popped into my mind! I was momentarily tempted, but my dog would turn a sweet household addition into a tragedy, I'm sure. Still - your presence here has an impact!
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Thank you SO much!!!! Means a lot to me to hear you say that. 🐇
 
Patricia said:
I'm assuming you are feeling the normal lonely that people experience. I hope so. Recently I went through the intense version, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's not that people weren't around, it's just that I still felt lonely. My daughter had moved, my dad passed away and I was sitting on the couch feeling so blue and decided to go for a drive. I decided I would drive to check on my daughter's empty house, and when I drove down the street I passed where my cousin lived, who passed away, where my brother lived, who passed away, where my parents lived, who passed away, and then where my grandparents lived, who passed away. Awful! The only positive aspect, odd to say, of getting physically sick after that was that the physical pain was so severe that it took my mind off of the emotional aspect for a while. Now that I'm physically better, it's time to finish the process. People help, but nothing replaces family. What a journey. It helps when people share experiences.
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This trip seems like mental torture that I could never endure. It indicates a strength in you that I admire. I still have a difficult time looking at photos of loved family members and pets that have been gone for many decades.
 
Gaer said:
@Ruthanne, I'm not going to tell you to get diversions. Making potholders doesn't take away the hollowness in the heart.
Don't know about you but I'd love the thrill of a kiss from a real man, the intimacy. At my age, I guess "romantic love" is
all over for me and as strong as I try to be, sometimes it gets to me and I succumb to the sadness of being alone.
I try so hard to not ever feel sad , to be so positive but sometimes it just hurts. You just have to FEEL THE HURT.
Get through it. Stand up, shake yourself off and start again. it's hard but you are an extraordinary woman and you can
do this! Remember, any wonderful thing can happen at any moment! A lot of us are going through the same feelings you
are experiencing.

Haha! I've had men come up and flirt with me in the grocery store; ask me out! Stupid me, I just laugh and walk away.
I'm kind of an idiot a lot of the time! I'm my own worst enemy!
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I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc. When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations! There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!
 
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Em in Ohio said:
I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc. When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations! There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!
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Not so much now, but there sure were lots of friendly gentlemen in these places a few years ago.
 
Em in Ohio said:
I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc. When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations! There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!
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Not here..most men my age or older are looking for women much younger...
 
Em in Ohio said:
I think that you inadvertently gave a good clue for those who are seeking a romantic relationship but aren't about to go 'clubbing,' etc. When I did my own grocery shopping, older gentlemen were constantly trying to strike up conversations! There and at the hardware stores - two places to "shop" for romance!
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I got hit on in the grocery store a couple of months ago. :oops: He asked me about jam, lol. We chatted for a few minutes and he seemed nice, as much as you can tell in a very brief conversation, but he was considerably older than me and I didn't find him very attractive. He asked me if I was married, and I said, "Yes." It was the easiest and kindest way to fend him off. I could very likely see him again as I regularly shop at that store, and that put a stop to further advances. Of course, if I do run into him again, I'd be cordial and even chat. Even though he was ancient, it's nice to know that I've still got something, lol.

Bella ✌️
 

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